Thank you to darkmoon204 for the review, much obliged.

Chapter 7: The Spider Queen

Koboi Labs

Mulch trotted happily around a corner, laden with stolen hard drives and dragging a plasma screen, and ran into a fire fight.

He was very shocked when he saw the fighters: three of them looked like nothing more than mutated overgrown cruet sets but it was the other two that really surprised him. Artemis Fowl, crouching on the floor and trying to make himself as small as possible and an elf that for a moment made Mulch think Holly had been messing around with anti-aging drugs until the fairy spoke.

'Flippin' heck!' the elf shouted. 'You don't give up, do you?'

'Exterminate!' one of the salt-shaker things retorted.

The elf raised her gun and hit the robot with some sort of green goo. Mulch recognised the gun as a Bug Blatter: hardly lethal.

Then one of the robots hit the elf in the leg.

'Berry!' Artemis shouted as the girl fell to the floor. The Irish boy finally stood up and raised his fists at the robots. 'Fight me, then!' he cried.

Mulch realised instantly that the boy was being rather idiotic. Mulch may not have been the most intelligent of creatures but even he realised that a skinny human could not hope to take down three robots on his own. So Mulch did something that was totally against his character.

He helped.

He dropped all the stolen computer equipment, turned around, and let loose all the air he'd acquired through digging up the foundation rod. Needless to say, it was quite enough to send the robots flying into the wall.

Artemis smiled faintly when the whole thing had calmed down. 'Mulch,' he said pleasantly. 'Nice to see you again.'

There came some coughing from the elf on the floor. She raised herself up onto her elbow and glared at Mulch.

'It would have been far more pleasant,' she gagged, 'if I could have seen you before I smelt you. My mouth was open.'

Mulch shrugged. 'I could hardly warn you, could I?'

Artemis knelt next to the elf. 'Berry?' He sounded as though he was having trouble believing what he was seeing.

'Told you they couldn't kill you,' Berry said. She tried to stand up and collapsed again, Artemis only managing to catch her at the last minute.

'Are you sure you're all right?' the boy's voice was full of concern.

Aaah, Mulch thought. Sweet.

'Fine,' Berry grunted. 'My leg's gone numb, though. It doesn't hurt,' she added quickly, 'I just can't feel it. Hey, that reminds me of a joke!'

'It wouldn't happen to be: a man has been in a terrible accident. He says to the doctor, "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor says, "Of course you can't, I chopped your arms off"?'

Berry looked at the dwarf. 'Have you been reading my e-mails?' she asked suspiciously.

'Nope,' the dwarf replied. 'I just remember hearing someone say that joke once when I was in a police van.'

Berry grinned. 'You didn't happen to have been arrested for selling stolen Lord of the Rings DVDs, would you?'

Mulch feigned surprise. 'Now why would I do such a thing?' he said innocently.

Artemis smiled at the dwarf. 'Don't play innocent, Mulch,' he said. 'Berry pulls it off much better than you do.'

Berry's grin turned into a childlike expression of curiosity. '"Pulls it off?"' she asked in a politely puzzled voice. 'I don't pull anything off, Artemis.' She then giggled. 'That sounds dodgy.'

'It does, rather, doesn't it?'

Mulch looked from the human to that fairy. 'Question,' he said. 'Where's Holly and Butler?'

Berry's face fell. It was Artemis who answered and he did so very quietly. 'They stayed behind,' he said. 'To make sure we could get out.'

Mulch sighed. 'That sentence does not sound good,' he said eventually. 'Will one of you please tell me what's going on?'

Berry tried to step forward and fell over again, leaning against the wall for support. 'We'll tell you as we walk,' she said.

In the end Mulch and Artemis walked while the latter carried Berry. The fairy couldn't move more than a centimetre without falling over because of her numb leg, so Artemis just picked her up. He was surprised at how light she was.

Berry giggled when he did that. 'I thought I was supposed to be the one rescuing you,' she said teasingly. 'What would Holly say?'

'Am I right in thinking that you're very close to Holly?' Mulch asked. He'd been wondering about it since the look of hopelessness on the young elf's face when he mentioned Holly.

Berry nodded. 'She's my sister,' she said, 'as well as being my colleague. I'm with the LEP too, you know. Patrol.'

'I don't have much quarrel with Patrol,' Mulch said. 'It's Recon that you have to watch out for.'

'I agree,' Berry said mock-seriously. 'They're all terrible in Recon. Untrained louts, the lot of them.'

'If Holly every finds out what you said,' Artemis put in, 'she'll punch you even harder than she hits me.'

Berry smiled and her voice was sugary sweet when she replied. 'You wouldn't tell her though, would you, Arty?'

'I will if you call me Arty.'

'Sorry. Is Art okay?'

'It'll do.'

Mulch looked impatiently from human to fairy. 'Are either of you going to tell me what's going on?' he asked. 'Or are you too busy flirting?'

Berry sighed and looked at the dwarf. 'We were not flirting, Mulch,' she said evenly, 'and I would be happy to explain everything that has led up to this moment in time right here, right now.'

She told him about the mysterious e-mail that Foaly had picked up on, the visit to Fowl manor, the attack, waking up in Koboi Labs, Artemis's wiping ('You have no idea,' Artemis said, 'how it feels to have less intelligence than you woke up with.'), and finally Holly and Butler's fight against the daleks.

'Their famous last stand,' Berry said bitterly.

'Holly asked you to send a message to Koboi Labs, right?' Mulch said thoughtfully. Berry and Artemis nodded.

'So why aren't you?'

Berry shrugged and rested her head on Artemis's shoulder for a moment. 'Because,' she said, 'I am not a very brave person but there is only so much I will take lying down.'

Mulch thought for a moment. Finally he said, 'I think I know how you can complete Holly's orders and refuse to take it lying down.'

'Oh?' Both Berry and Artemis were interested now. 'How so?'

Mulch held up a finger. 'Firstly I want you to promise that you won't breathe a word about me to Commander Root.'

'No problemo,' Berry answered, a little quicker than would be expected. 'I can say that it was just some random dwarf who dashed at the first hint of police activity.'

Mulch nodded. 'Thank you. That might be the case, anyway. I dig down the foundation rods to the shuttle, send a message to Police Plaza, while you two continue on your quest to arrest Topaz Koboi.'

Berry looked startled. 'That's our quest?'

Artemis shrugged. 'It might as well be.'

'Okey-dokey. We have a quest. What are we going to do about it?'

Mulch smiled, revealing his tombstone teeth. 'I am going to have a quick snack,' he said.

He said that at the exact same moment half dozen daleks cornered the group, each one shouting 'Exterminate!'

The three of them froze. Berry suddenly felt a bit of an idiot, allowing Artemis to carry her around. Her leg had stopped being numb a few minutes ago; she hadn't said anything because it felt nice, having someone's arms around her (she was a romantic at heart). Except now she had a rather forceful image of a foolish princess in a human fairytale, being carried around by the handsome prince because she kept falling over and breaking her ankle.

Artemis as a handsome prince… now there's an interesting image…

Artemis felt Berry tense in his arms. 'Please,' he said, 'please don't start laughing.'

Berry smiled apologetically. 'Sorry,' she whispered. 'I think you should probably put me down now.'

Artemis did so, placing her gently on the floor. Berry staggered for a moment before finding her balance. When she did so she drew her Bug Blatter and whispered to Mulch.

'I don't suppose you have any more secret weapons hidden about your person?' she hissed half-hopefully.

Mulch raised his eyebrows at her. 'You thought I'd use all my ammunition on you two? Of course I've still got a few vestiges of gas somewhere!'

Berry smiled grimly. 'Good. You take the four on the left and I'll blast the other two.'

Mulch rolled his eyes. 'Great,' he said. 'How come I always get the multiple targets?'

'Because you,' Berry replied, 'are the one who can shoot multiple targets all at once.'

'Lucky me,' Mulch said dryly.

Berry drew her Bug Blatter and took careful aim at the base of one of the daleks. 'Lucky you.'

She fired.

Her shot hit true: the dalek was immediately anchored to the spot, waving the gun barrel uselessly.

'Why don't they shoot?' Artemis whispered.

'Don't question it,' Berry grunted, 'just thank whatever force is stopping my leg from going numb again.'

Unfortunately, it was at that moment that the dalek heads opened up and several pixie guards popped out, each wielding a Neutrino.

'Oh, D'Arvit,' Berry said faintly.

When she came around she was in a very large room that smelt faintly of cats. Maybe she was in some batty old human woman's house? Her hands were tied behind her back and she could feel someone next to her that turned out to be Artemis. Maybe a psychotic batty old human woman that was good with knots?

There were people talking not that far away. Berry focused on their voices with some difficulty; the after effects of laser weapons tended to hit her quite hard.

'– to keep them together,' a voice said. Female. Speaking Gnommish. That ruled out the batty old woman theory.

'I agree, Miss Koboi.' Male, spoke with a stutter. Ah, Donoka. Frightened pixie dude. So that made the girl…

Opal? Good gods, please not Opal. Topaz was bad enough and she wasn't even evil.

Ah-ha. Berry grinned in the same manner as she did now when she won at Cluedo. Topaz Koboi. Topaz Koboi in Koboi Labs with the dalek. The world made sense again.

'This is what you shall do,' Topaz said. 'Take the boy to the wiping room. Take the dwarf too; his knowledge of underworld connection might come in useful. As for the elf girl… take her to the spider pit.'

Well, that didn't bother Berry. She liked spiders. It was Holly who screamed when she found any arachnid in the bathtub.

Uh-oh. Maybe she should be worried by the way that Donoka had gasped. Even Topaz's dwarf – Granite, or something – sounded a bit worried. His grunt had been higher pitched than usual.

Berry shook her head to try and clear it of any lingering drowsiness and looked up. 'Spider pit, d'you say?' she said cheerfully. 'Jolly good. I like spiders. Especially tarantulas. They're so fluffy.'

'Fond of spiders you may be,' Topaz said coldly, 'but even the most enthusiastic arachnid lover tends to steer clear of Tunnel Blues.'

Berry paled. Tunnel Blues. The little silver spider that she had only heard about. Even Holly, who had faced down a troll with only a little terror, paled at the thought of a Tunnel Blue. Course, that could have had something to do with the fact that Holly didn't like spiders and she had almost seen Trouble killed by a Tunnel Blue.

'It was so horrible,' Holly said whenever she relieved the experience. 'It didn't help that it was my initiation test, so I was more than a little green. Turnball Root – you know, my boss's brother? The psycho one that tried to drown half of Haven? No, Berry, stop giggling; Commander Root didn't try to drown Haven. Anyway, Turnball said that I had to lure Root to him and if I warned Julius Turnball would make Trouble swallow the spider – oh, stop giggling, Berry, I'm not going to tell you the story if you just giggle.'

There was nothing funny about Tunnel Blues. They were silver little things with extremely sharp front legs that it used as teeth, grinding down flesh into pulp before it swallowed between fleshy gums. Berry could giggle about daleks but no one could make a joke out of a Tunnel Blue.

'How?' Berry joked.

'Oh, it's quite simple to steer clear of Tunnel Blues. They like dark, secluded areas –'

'That's my point,' Berry said. 'You couldn't let a Tunnel Blue loose in a building; it doesn't need a spider of the opposite gender to breed. Before you know it there's an infestation of the little bugge – bugs.'

Topaz held up a finger. 'Tunnel Blues aren't bugs, they're arachnids, but I understand that you were just trying to stop yourself from swearing. Very commendable. Clean mouthed to the end.'

You've never heard me in a bad mood, pixie girl.

'As for your question, there is a section here that my dear sister,' Topaz spat the

words with as much venom as a very poisonous thing (Berry did not specialize in poisonous creatures), 'built for her precious goblins to play soldiers. In other words, a soundproof room for target practice. It's only accessible by stairs and I've let the Tunnel Blues have full reign there. You could call me the Spider Queen,' Topaz laughed softly. It wasn't very evil or vindictive, probably because it tried too hard. 'You will notice,' the pixie continued, 'that your gun has been removed, along with anything else that could be used as a weapon.'

Berry noticed that they had. Not only had they done that but they'd take her Moonbelt, hair bobbles, and badge. Berry felt at a bit of a loss without her badge. With her badge, she was a copper; without it, she was just a rather foolish young elf.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…

Two burly pixie guards picked her up. These ones seemed smarter than Topaz's other guards because of the fact they were too stupid to be tricked. They merely stared ahead and dragged Berry along the corridor.

'You won't succeed, Topaz!' Berry shouted. She knew it was hopeless and, frankly, rather pathetic, but she felt the need to shout something. 'Even if I die I will haunt you forever!'

'I don't believe in ghosts,' Topaz said breezily.

'Maybe not!' Berry retorted. 'But ghosts believe in you!'

Then the door closed and Berry gave in to the sobs.

She was still sobbing when the two pixie guards threw her through a door. She was aware of quite a long drop and then there was a thud as she hit the floor. A few of her bones had broken. She watched as the magic fixed them.

'How long will your magic save you, Berry?' she said bitterly. 'How long will spells keep you alive? Clapping your hands won't save you now.'

She pushed herself upright. She swayed for a moment and leant against the wall, then jumped away as something scuttled over her hand.

Spiders. Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods. Berry felt the seeds of arachnophobia starting to grow inside her.

Stop it, she commanded. When it didn't work inside her head she said it out loud.

'Stop it!' she shouted. 'You are not scared of spiders! You are slightly claustrophobic and terrified of bombs but you are not, you are not frightened of a few measly arachnids!'

Tunnel Blues aren't measly though, are they?

What little light there was in the room glinted off silver bodies. They were crawling over the walls, swarming around the fresh meat that had arrived in their midst.

Berry whimpered and looked up at the door. It was far too high up for her to be able to jump to and no way was she tall enough to reach it. If she had wings or something along those lines then there would be no problem, but one little elf all on her own could do hardly anything.

Out of impatience Berry started tapping her foot. It was a habit that thoroughly annoyed Holly.

She looked down at her boots.

A memory surfaced.

Sometimes all it takes is one tiny pebble to start an avalanche…

She grinned

Topaz Koboi may be the Spider Queen, Berry thought triumphantly as she hovered, but I am the messenger of the gods. Let's see who wins.