The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 7

"Sibling Quibbling Down-Fling"

By BobCat

Disclaimer: Kurai and Gauntlet are mine, the overall plot points of the fic have their basis in my own continuity.  Everything else is the property of DC comics.

Note: It is very hard to rhyme things ending in "ling" without mentioning "bling bling."

'Nother note: Spot the Dilbert reference.  

*********************

            Excerpt from the Diary of Robert Candide…

            Dear Diary,

            I fear that I shall soon be discovered.  Since recovering from my wounds, the evil people about me have wanted me to work far harder than I ever wanted to.  Now I hide in the floor boards, living off of the naiveté of Starfire and the general lack of security about this place.  Soon, I shall be forced to leave my place of hiding to find food again, and I am afraid that this time I shall be found out.  Yet, I know that despite everything that has happened, that people are basically good.

            Noel slammed Robert's door.  "When Robin said we started work at 7 AM, he didn't mean 7:30!  Now MOVE!"

            Robert replied, "You may take my life, good sir, but you'll see!  My writings will live on!" 

            Savior groaned.  "Not the Anne Frank bit again.  It was almost clever the first day, but after that, things went downhill…" 

            Robert shrugged.  "You know and I know that all this training means nothing, really.  This isn't Dragon Ball or something.  Humans just don't get significantly stronger that fast." 

            Savior followed him as he left the room.  "I'll grant you that, but that isn't the point.  We need to learn to operate as a unit." 

            "But we have one day left, and success has been… elusive." 

            *****************

            The day before…

            The ragtag group of Titans, save for Robin, was in a gigantic heap, covered in cuts and bruises from their repeated crashes. 

            Robin, wearing a grey sweatsuit and a baseball hat (but he still had his mask on) blew into a whistle.  "Thunder, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times!  When we go through maneuver nine beta, you go to MY left, not YOUR left!"

            Raven managed to squeeze her way out of the dogpile.  "I thought that was maneuver two alpha…" 

            Beast Boy wheezed, "I heard twenty gamma… or was that delta?"

            Robin suddenly wished he was old enough to have a drinking problem. 

            *****************

            "And let's not forget those trust builders…"   Robert commented.

            *****************

            "Savior, for the last time, you're supposed to CATCH Robert.  NOT shove him over that cliff." 

            Noel retorted, "What, it's only ten feet!"

            At the bottom of the cliff, a decidedly beaten Robert moaned, "But Skipper, I don't wanna feed the chainsaw weasel prunes…"

            *****************

            Savior nodded, chuckling at the memory.  "Yes, which is why Robin and Green Arrow decided to try something new."

            It was Robert's turn to groan.  "And this new thing would be?" 

            "We get the day off." 

            Robert nodded.  "Oh yeah, like Sun Tzu said… WHAT!?" 

            "Like I said.  We get the day off.  We got paired off at random and we have to spend the day with our partner.  Robin and I figured that if we couldn't get official maneuvers down, it never hurts to get to know your allies.  We drew names out of a hat."  As Savior explained the situation, his expression grew darker and darker. 

            Robert's perked up as the idea became clear to him.  "Cool!  So, we get to goof off?  Nothing better when going into a life and death situation!  So, who'd I get assigned to?" 

            Savior sighed the deepest, most forlorn sigh that Robert had heard in his short life.  The hero known as Gauntlet figured it out immediately.  "Aw crap." 

            Savior smirked.  "Man, you're easy to manipulate.  No, you got Starfire."

            Robert pumped his arm excitedly.  "YES!"  ANYONE would have been better than Captain Wet Blanket.  Someone as fun as Starfire is ever better!  But I wonder… "So, who'd you get?"

            "Green Arrow.  He's no Batman, but he's still someone I can admire.  I look forward to getting to know him."  Robert chuckled.  Savior fixed him with a glare and queried, "What's so funny?"

            "Oh, nothing.  Nothing."  Just that he's a skirt chasing liberal and you're a straight lace conservative.  I smell sitcom!  Too bad I can't watch.  "So, what plans to you guys have set up?"

            "Oh, when he found out I was eighteen, he said that he'd take me to a club.  I assume he means some country club he belongs to.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have places to be."  He went for the main elevator quickly, wishing to make his encounter with Robert as short as possible.

            Noel didn't hear Robert's helpless laughter the moment the elevator's doors closed. 

            "What is so amusing, Robert?"  Starfire was dressed the same as usual, but there was something different about her…

Robert finally realized what the difference was: she looked human.  She was wearing one of the holopins that S.T.A.R labs had developed for just such an occasion.  Her skin was no longer its orange tone, instead mimicking most of the Caucasian Titans. 

Robert gulped slightly as his tongue swelled.  He was man enough to admit that he liked Starfire, but he respected Robin too much to try to break up that pairing.

He briefly wondered why he couldn't have had an infatuation with Raven instead.  He would have enjoyed the prospect of wooing away Savior's girlfriend, but there was nothing when he looked at her.  Ah well.  I guess the fact that I keep dealphabetizing his CD collection is revenge enough for now.

Back to the subject of his current discomfort; he could normally summon the "Robin's my friend" argument as defense against his urges.  When that failed, he could pull up the second line of defense, "she's an alien."  Although he didn't look down on her in any way, that seemed to put a damper on his hormones.

Now, however… both defenses failed him, since his Id refused to acknowledge that this desirable young thing before him was the alien who was his friend's girlfriend. 

Starfire cocked her head to the side.  "Is there a problem?" 

Robert managed, "I see you're going human today."

"Tim said that the purpose of the exercise was to get to know each other better.  If we wish to go in public, we do not want people thinking we are anything more than ordinary people."

"That makes sense, I guess." 

Starfire perked up.  "So, how do you want to get to know each other?"

Robert's mind reeled.  Movie?  Date.  Go to park?  Date.  Watch TV at the Tower?  Kinda a date.  Museum?  Nerdy, but still a date.  Damn this culture that can't imagine inter-gender platonic relationships!  In the end, the only proper response was, "Er…"  He began to pray fervently, albeit silently.  Oh Lord, thy humble servant begs of thee: send unto me an interruption.  I do not wish to face the temptation of my friend's luscious girlfriend.  Any interruption at all would suffice, oh glorious one. 

Nothing came. 

Oh sure, when you WANT a minute off, oh, look, it's an alien invasion.  But when you NEED an awkward moment interrupted, I guess I'm on my own.  Lousy God and his sense of humor…

Starfire piped up.  "Robert, you have been very quiet.  Why do you act so strangely?"  She had a pretty good idea, but figured that it would be better if he admitted it to himself.

            Robert blushed so hard that he felt like his face was about to combust.  "So… urm… I... think we need to talk." 

            "Agreed.  Would you be more comfortable if I assumed my natural form?"

            For the first time all morning, Robert knew exactly what to say.  "YES."

            ****************

            Ah, psychology.  Simultaneously a noble pursuit and a waste of time, it seeks to uniformly categorize the vastly different psyches of the human race.

            Most of the time, at least. 

            In this instance, Doctor Henry Schwartzman had analyzed a very unique subject.  He was a man of forty who could have passed for thirty had his hair not gone snow white.  Of middling height, middling weight and in just about every way average, he found that patients tended to forget he was there.  This was ideal, as the focus of the interview was supposed to be on the patient.  In one of the more surprising breakthroughs in metahuman psychology, he had managed to coax a few sentences out of the hit man Onomatopoeia beyond simple sound effects.  (Of course, that had been to tell the good doctor to fornicate himself, but still.)  And that was why he had been selected for this assignment; never before had any serious attempt been made to rehabilitate an alien being, so they needed a miracle worker.

His patient had been brought in a few weeks before the Final Night.  Komand'r of Tamaran, better known as Blackfire, had been the subject of his study once she had recovered from the injuries inflicted by Asphyxiation.

On an unrelated tangent, Asphyxiation, aka Jack Djinn, had also been offered psychological counseling while staying at Arkham.  Since his powers had disappeared after losing his hands, it had been deemed unnecessary to house him at a more advanced facility.  During his first session, he had snapped at the mention of his mother and killed the psychologist.  A pair of guards were finally able to restrain him, but one guard's finger was still unaccounted for.  Schwartzman still shuddered at the thought.  He was DAMNED lucky that Blackfire had started out civilized before her fall.

He tried to remain focused on the main objective, helping her through the myriad of issues that plagued her.  It was interesting to note the basic differences between human and Tamaranian psychology.  According to what Robin had told him before his first session, Tamaranians tended to be more open with emotions, regardless of their nature and the consequences. 

Yet, for various reasons, Blackfire had managed to become "human," in a sense.  Emotions were repressed, lies told and her actions were far more devious than was the norm for her race.  She still fumbled with certain aspects of secrecy, as little in her upbringing prepared her for such actions.  She had evidently learned these behaviors while traveling the cosmos in search of fun. 

So, secrecy and repression had been grafted onto her personality, bringing about certain mental instabilities in and of itself.  These were compounded by her experiences in the hellhole of a prison known as Fythrog Thgrogdar.  She had revealed to him that the name was roughly equivalent to "the place where demons pray for the death that will not come."  From her descriptions, the name fit.

Henry had been more than a little disappointed when he learned that high technology did not mean evolved justice systems.  Apparently, despite the minor nature of her crimes, they had expended enough energy in their chase across the Milky Way to want her to suffer for it. 

All of this meant that his usual methods were somewhat incompatible with Blackfire.  When working with a human, one usually had to guide the patient into retrieving repressed emotions, let them release this built up pressure and then help them integrate it into their personalities. 

In Blackfire's case, she was already wearing her innermost feelings on her sleeve but trying not to.  He knew that he had to force her to make peace with what had happened, get her to acknowledge that the Titans were at no particular fault in the matter and help her realize that her own recklessness brought the bad results, deserved or otherwise.  In a case as severe as hers, he probably would have prescribed some anti-depressants, but he didn't dare until and unless he learned how Tamaranian brain chemistry worked. 

Henry wondered if this was how Sigmund Freud had felt when he had started the field of modern psychology.  It was horribly overwhelming to work without any previous knowledge to guide him. 

Thus, he opted to listen.  He was unsure how to guide the sessions, so that was the best course of action.  He became a sympathetic ear for an hour every day, doing little more than take notes, offer empathy and a bit of positive reinforcement.  Great progress had been made, as near as he could measure and he deemed her ready to be released. 

It had taken a week for the paperwork to clear for her return to society.  There had been much debate as to whether or not she could be trusted, but Doctor Schwartzman had argued her case eloquently and persevered in the end.

And now, free at last, Blackfire stood at the base of the Tower itself.  She held a black package the size of a shoebox under her arm.  She patted the box affectionately, chuckling.  Boy, will Kori be surprised.  She laughed harder, knowing that the Doctor would never approve her plan.  I recall his last words to me.  "Get closure.  Confront your sister and settle your differences."  I'm going to get closure, all right.  But definitely not the way he intended.  A wicked grin split her face as she went up the elevator. 

********************

"Hey, was that ominous thunder on a clear day?"

"Quit trying to dodge the subject, Robert."  The two were sitting across from each other in the living room.  Although the talk had been his idea, he was reluctant to speak up.  "I need to know now.  How do you feel?" 

Robert replied, "Man, what is it about this room and negative conversations?  It seems like every time I'm here, something like this is going on." 

Starfire slammed her fist into the table.  "Robert!  The question!" 

He sighed deeply.  Gotta put this right.  "Starfire… Kori… you are a very attractive person in many ways.  You're fun and pretty, and Robin is very lucky."

Kori was silent for several moments.  "But how do you feel?  I need to know.  Why did you kiss me when we fought?  Why are you so uncomfortable around me?  I do not want unsaid feelings to hurt the team." 

"Oh, this is too rich.  You try to kill me over that scrawny little Robin, and here you are having an affair off to the side." 

The two of them started at the voice.  Robert was merely surprised by the strangeness of the voice, while Starfire openly bristled.  Starfire floated up quickly, green energy crackling about her.  "YOU!  What are you doing here?!"

Placing her package on the ground, Blackfire walked over, grabbing Robert under the chin, oblivious the danger she was in.  "Not bad looking, but definitely a lower caliber than Tim." 

Robert blinked.  "Hey!" 

Starfire snapped, "I am getting tired of you all ignoring my questions!" 

Blackfire released an indignant Robert.  Her arrogant manner faded away as she bent over and picked up the box.  She handed it to her sister.  "I was out today, so I thought I'd surprise you with a visit." 

Robert had no idea what was going on, but shifted his Gauntlet to battle mode just to be on the safe side.  I'm seeing double, to use that cliché.  Better not make a move until I know the situation, just to be safe. 

"You are supposed to be getting help!  You should not be here!"  Starfire accepted the box, but eyed it with some suspicion. 

"I got help.  They let me out for good.  Doctor Schwartzman said that if I'm ever going to move on, I need to confront you.  So, I'm invoking the rite of Turallum Nepton Somperam."

Starfire inhaled sharply.  She opened the box and pulled out a strange, blue catlike bean-filled animal.  "What is this?" 

"There are hardly any Hramtl on Earth, so I found the closest equivalent." 

Robert's confusion grew and grew.  "So… Turallum… is that Latin or something?" 

Starfire ignored Robert for a moment.  "I… was not expecting this.  Can I trust you to hold true to your word?" 

Blackfire looked a little uncomfortable.  After a long moment of avoiding her sister's eyes, she said, "Yes.  Yes I can.  I am angry.  I cannot deny that.  But even at my worst, I would not invoke this rite as trickery."

"Very well.  As the challenged, I have the right to choose where and when the ritual shall take place.  We shall meet at the site of our last battle in an hour.  I also select Robert as my witness, as nobody else is about."  Even after the Final Night and the massive bout of reconstruction throughout the city, the apartment complex in which the sisters had fought was still unoccupied, if somewhat more level. 

Robert piped up again.  "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" 

Blackfire turned about, ignoring Robert's consternation.  "Agreed.  I hope you have the Psangan na Turallum memorized." 

Starfire nodded grimly.  "Of course.  Almandeh."

"Almandeh, Kori."  With that, Blackfire left.  The doors were closed only a moment before they were opened again.  "Oh, not to ruin the formality of the situation, but you might want to look into upgrading your security.  It lets in anyone with a handprint."  With that, Blackfire left… again. 

Robert was swiftly developing a headache.  At least that's ONE question answered.  "Uh, Kori… what just happened?" 

Kori held the beany in her hand.  "Turallum Nepton Somperam is an ancient ritual of my homeworld."

"I had gathered that much."  Robert stood up, inspecting the box for any surprises.  None were to be found.  "The box isn't booby trapped.  I think she's on the level, whoever she is." 

Kori paused.  Where to begin?  "It is long and complicated.  I asked for an hour so I could explain the nature of your duties.  But first, that is my sister, Komand'r.  She is, as you humans would say, the black cow of the family." 

Robert stifled his snicker at the misanthrope, opting to remain serious. 

She continued.  "Before I tell you what Turallum Nepton Somperam is, I'll tell you of the Titans' history with Komand'r."  And thus she did.  However, as you, the kind and gentle reader, are already aware of these encounters, you shall be spared repetition.  Instead, let us see what Beast Boy is up to.

*******************

In an arcade downtown, Beast Boy plunked two more quarters into DC vrs. Capcom.  "I still don't see how Superman keeps losing.  He should be MORE than able to beat Ryu's ass!"

Victor replied, "It's all the skill, bro."  He selected himself as a character, wondering what the whole "DC" thing meant.  "I still can't believe we got assigned to each other.  I mean, I already know you as well as I'm going to.  No offense."

"None taken.  I'm more surprised we drew each other twice." 

"I guess we're just stuck together."  Noticing what was happening on screen, Victor snapped, "Hey, no button mashing!"

"I'm not mashing, I'm just that fast."

"Whatever, Gar!"

*******************

"Yeesh, she tried to kill Robin?  I don't see how you two can be sisters!"

Starfire sighed.  "It is my fault and not my fault.  My parents decided to make me the crown princess of Tamaran, even though she is older.  They thought her too cruel and irresponsible for the position.  She has always been jealous, but her experiences in the Fythrog Thgrogdar made jealousy into rage."

Robert shuddered.  "We're so alike, but we ended up in such different situations… 'there but for the grace of God go I,' as we humans say.  So, what's Trollop Neptune Saturnalia?" 

"It is pronounced Turallum Nepton Somperam," she corrected.  "It is ancient Tamaranian, meaning 'forgiveness through battle.'  Tamaranians have always lived in clans, or houses.  In that kind of system it's impossible to avoid blood feuds.  Thousands died to appease the honor of warriors and houses.  Then we were attacked from another planet in our star system, and my ancestor, Poand'r organized the clans to fight them, becoming the giver of law and the first king of Tamaran.  We had numbers and warrior skill, they had technology.  We had to work together to win."

Robert nodded.  "Sounds like Scotland on Earth.  Makes sense.  So, what's with Tro… tru… this ritual?" 

"Tamaranians are very open about their emotions.  If we love, we love with all our hearts.  The same goes for hate.  They knew the dangers all around them, but they could not stop fighting to save themselves.  So, Poand'r established ritualized combat.  First the challenger gives the challenged a Hramtl, a tasty kind of game animal that is hard to catch, to show their good intentions.  Then they fight until one or the other is knocked out, instead of to the death.  The warriors agree to fight only once to regain their honor, with the winner being acknowledged as the superior warrior.  Due to this ritual, the clans were able to band together and kick the aliens from our planet.  Since those days, blood feuds have become less common, so Turallum Nepton Somperam is rarely invoked.  What Blackfire and I have is most definitely a blood feud, as much as it pains me."

"And that… Psangan na Turallum, was it?"  Robert was glad that he finally understood.  He was also glad that he had been spared having to talk about his feelings, but he wasn't about to get into that.

"It's a ritualized speech given by both fighters before the battle.  All children are taught it.  Part of the ritual requires that there be one witness, to be selected by the challenged.  That is you, if you will agree to it."

"Sure, no problem.  Glad to help."  Something occurred to him.  "What do I do?"

"You watch the fight so that someone impartial can relate the result if asked.  Let us go."  She floated up and grabbed Robert by the arms and flew through an open window.

            After a few moments of flight she said, "And now that I have you captive, how do you feel about me, really?  Remember that I can drop you any time."

            Robert tried to turn around and fix her with a glare.  "That was a dirty trick!" 

            "I take after my sister more than I realize.  Your answer?"

            Robert sighed.  "Okay, fine, I like you.  Happy?"

            "And you didn't want to say anything because you were afraid Robin would be mad?"

            Robert nodded enthusiastically.  "Exactly!" 

            Starfire burst into laughter.  "That is all I wanted to hear.  I like you too, Robert, but a different way.  Can we be friends still?"

            "Yes, fine, we already were I thought."  Robert muttered, "And I thought Earth females were hard to understand."

End Part 7

Misdirection is fun, isn't it?  I bet you all expected it to be a Savior/Gauntlet moment that would repair their relationship.

Hah!

Their bickering is going to provide me with material for a good while yet. 

As to allegations that I'm making Savior look like an asshole: I'm sorry, people, but he kinda is.  In Black and White, he was interacting mainly with people that he had reason to be nice to.  Gauntlet does not go under that heading.