Chapter 9

Raphaella awakened to silence. She bolted up, running to Baram's room to check on her son. Quietly opening the door, she crept into his room and over to his crib to find him still sleeping. She reached over gingerly to touch his face. His forehead was warm, but not feverish to the touch.

He's so beautiful. I still can't believe he's mine.

She walked back to her room, leaving Baram's door open, and into the bathroom to shower and dress.

Twenty minutes later, refreshed, Raphaella checked on the baby again, found him sitting up and babbling away to his Teddy bear. He seemed to believe the bear was answering because he'd cock his head as if listening and then babble some more, an occasional word clearly understandable.

Daniel gave him that bear when we first came to Earth. Oh, Daniel, what is wrong with you? Maybe I should ignore my rules and just dig into your mind anyway.

Baram noticed his mom at the door and squealed a welcome, holding out his arms to be picked up.

"Time to start the day, young man. Would you like to go to the park after breakfast? Maybe we can get Aunt Sam over to give Mommy another driving lesson this afternoon. Let's go eat."

Later that morning, after an exhausting trip to the park – well, Raphaella was exhausted, Baram was just sandy – she was puttering around the apartment, cleaning, when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Raphaella, It's me, Jack."

"Hello, Jack, what can I do for you?"

"It's Daniel. I brought him home last night after I picked him up at your place and there is something seriously wrong with that man. He keeps muttering something about not being complete – that he's missing a part of himself. Could this have anything to with the mel'c? That's about the time this whole thing with him started." Jack glanced over at the couch where Daniel was sleeping again, forehead drawn into a seemingly permanent frown.

"It is possible that I may not have been able to retrieve his entire soul. The only way I can know is to mind-link with him again and I really do not think he will permit that. He does not want to be around me at all." Raphaella's voice faded as she finished the last sentence.

"Is there any way you can come over here? I'll come get you."

"Sam is coming over in a few minutes to give me another driving lesson. I can come after dinner tonight, if I can bring Baram."

"Good. I'll keep Danny-boy here 'til then. After last night, he's not feeling like going anywhere."

"OK. I'll be there about seven tonight. Good bye."

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Precisely at 7pm, Raphaella knocked on O'Neill's door after Sam had dropped her off. Jack opened the door wearing a grim expression and no shoes. He waved her in, pointed her in the direction of the living room, then took Baram with his stuff off toward the back of the house.

Raphaella approached the room with trepidation, knowing that seeing Daniel would set her pulse racing, but anticipating yet another rebuff from him. Peering around the corner into the room she saw him still sleeping on the couch.

He'll never sleep tonight. He's going to be dead on his feet for the mission tomorrow.

Relieved that he was unaware of her presence, she knelt on the floor beside his head. He was lying on his back with one arm across his stomach and the other flung above his head, his breathing steady and quiet. He had his head turned slightly toward her so that she could clearly see his face. Even in his sleep he wore that perpetual frown, as if he had the weight of the world upon his shoulders – sometimes he did.

Raphaella simply sat and watched for several minutes, internalizing the moment, afraid to move and destroy the peace between them. Finally, the itch to touch became too much and she lifted her hand lay on his arm. She opened her mind just slightly to receive his feelings.

Hurt. Anger. Loneliness. Fear.

Afraid to probe too much for fear of waking him, she shut herself off from his feelings and sat to watch him again.

Hurt - she understood that. He'd been hurt so many times by life. Anger - at who or what? Loneliness - he didn't need to feel that. He had good friends, who would kill for him, had killed for him, who accepted him as he was, even when he was behaving obnoxiously. Why couldn't he accept their love? What was holding him back? Fear – of what? That was the strongest emotion and if he knew what frightened him then he might be able to deal with the other problems. She knew that if she continued to touch him while he slept she would be able to understand him better. There'd be no attempt to block her, but she knew he was already weary of her intentions. No, she wouldn't do that without his consent. She'd already intruded too much.

His breathing changed slightly as he began to awaken. He became aware of another person nearby and his training kicked in. He jumped off the couch and was across the room before Raphaella could react. He stared blindly around the room tying to get his bearings before he noticed her on the floor. He stood from his crouching position and glared at her, accusing her with his gaze.

"Where's Jack? What're you doing here?"

"Jack is in another room with Baram. He asked me to come to see you tonight."

"Well, you've seen me. Now go."

"Daniel, your friends are concerned about you. They think that maybe I can help you understand what is happening to you."

"I know what's happening to me. You. You invaded my mind, my soul. I was fine until you touched me. I can't let you near me. Don't…" Daniel was barely keeping it together. He was clearly on the edge of panic and was searching the room, looking for the quickest way out without going past Raphaella.

Jack had been listening from the open door of his study. Baram was sitting in Jack's lap, quietly playing with some wadded paper; scrunching and smoothing it repeatedly. Jack ran his fingers through his hair tying to decide if he should interfere. There was something clearly going on with Daniel, but Jack just wasn't sure how to help his friend.

Raphaella decided that she should leave before Daniel lost it completely. She headed down the hall to find Baram and ask Jack to take them home. When she saw Jack waiting in the doorway, she shook her head at him and shrugged her shoulders, admitting defeat. Jack nodded in acknowledgment, moving aside so she could enter the room.

"I'll drive you home. Let me talk to Daniel first."

Jack found Daniel hunched behind a chair, crying. Jack walked over, knelt next to his friend, and pulled him into a hug. Daniel sobbed into Jack's neck, crying so hard that he almost couldn't breathe. Jack just held him until he quieted down. Daniel hadn't behaved like this since he'd been addicted to the sarcophagus several years ago and Jack was troubled.

"Daniel, I don't think you're in any shape to go off world tomorrow. Maybe we ought to postpone this until you're better."

"Jack, I'll be OK. Have I ever let you down on a mission yet? I can handle being near her when we're working because I know she won't try to do anything to me then. Trust me. Please. I'll be fine."

Jack debated between wanting to trust his friend and needing to protect his team. Sighing, Jack made his decision.

"OK. Tomorrow's a go. But, if I see any sign of a problem we're heading home. Got it?"

"Yes, Jack. I've got it."

"Good. I'm going to take Raphaella home now. You want me to take you home or you want to stay here tonight?"

"Maybe I'd better stay here. I really don't want to be alone at my place."

"OK. I'll be back in about 30 minutes."