The Epic of Gauntlet

Part 10

"On the eve of battle, I am reminded of a quote from Napoleon...  'Shit!'"

By BobCat

Disclaimer: There is a problem with the script… there shall be borrowing of characters from DC Comics and Warner Brothers Animation and the lawyers cannot abide that… I suppose they shall have to be written out… 

No, wait!  I have a device to make all well.  I shall write a prologue, clearly stating that I, BobCat, am indeed NOT the inventor of these characters owned by DC, and further clarify that all characters NOT of that origin are mine! 

***************

            "Yea, and with much pomp and circumstance do we,

            The Knights of the Tower of T,

            Having mightily paid the Bill of the Hospital,

            And wrestled intensely with the protests of the nurses,

            Who believeth not in fair Raven's healing power. 

            And now, having returneth… ed,

            We find that our stalwart ally, the Green Arrow,

            Hath been forced to return to his own land,

            The City of the Stars,

            In order to avenge the wounding of his son, the Green Arrow! 

            To worsen a situation that hath little to recommend it,

            Impulse, the fetcher of Alien Princesses,

            Hath departed to assist his own team.

            Now, our numbers diminished by the defeat of the Princess of Tamaran,

            By that other Princess of Tamaran,

            We, with allies Thunder and Lightning of the Land of the Rising Sun and Sushi,

            Do now go into battle with out greatest foe,

            Ah, what a glorious and great conflict is this!"

            As the speech came to an end, Robin commented, "Nice recap."

            As he quickly hid his notes behind his back, Gauntlet replied, "Thanks!  I thought it up right on the spot."  Heh heh.  Suckers. 

            The Titans, minus Starfire, plus Thunder and Lightning, plus AND minus Green Arrow, carry the three, apply the hypotenuse of the quadrangle, at a parallel perpendicular, solve for X… man, this team roster is more bloated and convoluted than the Uncanny X-Men…

            Okay, let's try to be simpler…

            A group of people what were not grown up were gearing up, performing whatever little rituals they preferred before combat.  Gauntlet cracked wise, Cyborg and Beast Boy were playing a video game, Lightning was bragging to anyone who would listen, mainly his brother, Raven was floating in mid air in meditation, and Savior and Robin were going over some last minute plans. 

            And then, a red phone rang.  Robin picked it up, wondering what the Mayor was calling them on the hotline for.  "Hello?"

            "Robin!  Downtown!  Help!  Emergency!  No, get away, GET AWAY!  ARGH!"  At that point the line went dead.

            Robin set down the phone with a calm he did not feel.  What the hell was THAT about? 

            An instant later, the Titan's monitor sounded its alarm.  Several security feeds from City Hall showed up on the screen, giving them a glimpse into a scene of pure pandemonium. 

            Several dozen men dressed in identical black and white costumes were guarding hostages, firing pistols at the ceiling to convince other people to surrender, rifling through files and safes, and various other activities generally associated with a hostage situation. 

            Suddenly, every camera went dead except for one.  The screen switched from multiple images to a single enlarged image.  The masked man's identity was hidden to Robin.  "Who are you!?"

            "Surely you recall the man who you convinced to take a shot at a child.  Rather irresponsible of you, Robin." 

            Robin gasped.  "Gemini!?" 

Indeed, it was Joshua Kurgal, the failed bank robber from two weeks prior.  He had traded out his patchwork costume in favor of a far more professionally tailored suit.  As was the wont of metahumans, he went with a skintight costume, this base of which was a put black.  Goggles covered his eyes, while the rest of his head was covered by a black, skin tight material.  His short cropped brown hair was visible, and an abbreviated poncho covered the top half of his torso.  It was emblazoned with a yin yang symbol, the only nod to his previous attire.  He laughed.  "How nice of you to recall my former name.  How foolish I was so long ago… these days, though, I go by Kurgal, the One Man Army, or just Kurgal for short.  A bit long winded, but descriptive, I should say." 

Beast Boy interrupted.  "Um, dude, two weeks isn't a long time ago." 

Kurgal snorted derisively.  "As far as I'm concerned, it was a lifetime ago.  Now for the inevitable question." 

Gauntlet beat Robin to the punch.  "How did you do this!?  I mean, last time, you could only split into two guys, not a small army!" 

"An excellent question, my friend.  The short of it is that a mutual acquaintance of ours arranged to have me freed and for my powers to be enhanced."

Robin snarled, "Slade."

"Give the man a kewpie doll.  Now, my benefactor has asked me to deliver a message.  He still expects you to meet him at the time he designated previously, but it is up to you whether or not you want to stop me!  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to ravage!"  The monitor suddenly cut out. 

Robin punched the computer station, snarling.  "Dammit!  Just when I think we're ready, Slade pulls this!  Why the hell is he always five steps ahead of us!?"  He leaned forward, resting his head and fists on the screen. 

Robert started, "Well, as heroes, we're a reactionary force, and…"

Robin snapped, "That was rhetorical.  Shut up, I'm thinking." 

After an incredibly uncomfortable silence, Robin straightened up again.  "All right, crew, listen up.  Fighting Kurai, we need as close to full strength as possible.  But, we need enough of us on Kurgal to bring HIM down.  He's a small army, like his name says.  So, we're going to have to split up.  We don't have time for any objections, so once I finish, just move out.  Got that?"  The others all nodded.  "Good.  The first group will meet Slade and Kurai.  That will be Gauntlet, Thunder, Lightning, Raven and Cyborg.  Vic, you're in charge.  Savior, Beast Boy and I will take on Kurgal.  If either team finishes, they will proceed IMMEDIATELY to reinforce the others.  Now Titans, GO!" 

Raven and Savior exchanged a meaningful glance, knowing full well that it could be the last time that they saw each other.  Then, they were off. 

*****************

Gauntlet laughed, seemingly oblivious to the imminent peril that he was in.  "Air Titans!  The only way to fly!" 

Cyborg, the pilot of the jetplane, allowed his passenger a quick grin.  "Glad you like it.  I put a lot of effort into this one; I've been working on this thing longer than the T-Car.  Of course, I got a LITTLE help from the guys at Waynetech, but hey, I can't know everything about machines.  I call it…"

Raven interrupted.  "No, don't tell me, the T-Plane."

Cyborg responded, "Yeah, like I'd let myself get caught in THAT rut.  I'm calling it the Falconer.  No real reason, just seemed like a good name." 

Thunder looked a little green.  "I do not like air travel…"

Lightning moaned.  "Oh, not THIS again.  The first time we came to America, he got so nauseous he caused a tsunami.  Try to keep control of your gullet this time, okay?"

Thunder immediately broke his brother's orders, vomiting his lunch into a handily placed barf bag."

Raven rubbed her temples and sighed. 

Cyborg interpreted her sorrow immediately.  "You're bummed 'cause you aren't with Noel, aren't you?"

Raven nodded.  "I know we can't be together on everything, but it still feels like something's missing."

Gauntlet shrugged.  "Well, the teams make sense.  Robin knew that he himself couldn't do much against Kurai, and he teamed himself up with the most flexible guys on the team, since he doesn't know exactly what Kurgal is up to.  We're all here because we can take a hit from Kurai and keep on going."

Cyborg began to bank the Falconer to the right, bleeding off momentum.  "He's got a point.  You two got your force fields, and Thunder, Lightning and me are just that tough!" 

Lightning slapped his brother on the back.  "I hear that!  Is that not right brother?"

Thunder, who had been winning his battle with his airsickness, was thrown off balance, losing control of his gag reflex once again. 

Gauntlet continued, "Plus, we've all got weird enough powers that odds are something we can do will be effective." 

Raven waved off further explanation.  "I know, I know, but my heart doesn't know that.  It's been a long time since I've had to fight without him there.  Don't worry about it; we'll be just fine." 

As the Harrier style engines lowered the Falconer down for a perfect landing, Thunder commented, "Doesn't it seem kind of odd that Slade didn't try to shoot us down?"

Lightning added, "Yes, such honorable behavior seems wholly out of character for that jackal." 

Raven said, "Slade only cheats when he's worried about the outcome.  He's just that confident that Kurai can beat us at any strength, especially half strength." 

Cyborg cut the engines and stood up.  "Well, I guess we'll just have to prove him wrong." 

As the Titans exited the plane, they immediately noticed a figure standing in the middle of the field wearing a trench coat of the kind favored by Kurai. 

Gauntlet stretched and then summoned his weapon to its active mode.  "Alright, let's do this thing!"  The others went through similar, if not as visible, preparations. 

When the Titans closed to fifty feet away, Kurai's voice boomed across the field.  "Greetings, Titans.  I am surprised that you had the courage to show yourselves after your first mortifying defeat.  Congratulations on your foolhardiness.  Now, knowing what little chance you have to defeat me, I shall be courteous and allow you the first shot!  Use it well." 

Lightning's aura blazed a bright yellow.  "That pompous ass!  He shall suffer the full fury of the elements!"  He raised his arms up, ready to unleash thousands of volts of electricity into the Japanese youth.  Suddenly, black energy surrounded his hands, pointing them away from Kurai.  "What sorcery is this!?"

Raven said dryly, "Mine."  Something didn't sit quite right about this situation, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.  It's not just being away from Noel; something is seriously wrong here. 

Cyborg shifted his arms to their sonic cannon configurations and opened the hatches for his missile launchers.  "Hold up, sparky.  We're doing this right this time, and that means working together.  Everyone but Rob, get ready to give him your best shot.  Rob, when we shoot, you run at him as fast as you can and get ready for some hand to hand, got it?  We'll follow up after that.  On my mark."  Cyborg waited until everyone was in position.  "Mark."

A wave of four energy types filled the air as all four unleashed their fury upon the stationary Kurai.  It hit him like a freight train, sending him flying into the air.  When the missiles flew in an instant later, they exploded, ripping him to shreds. 

Cyborg went pale.  "Oh dear God… we killed him…" 

Gauntlet had started running the second the hellish barrage had begun, and even the shock of seeing Kurai incinerated before him couldn't halt him at that point.  He tripped over a hunk of the teen's flesh and hit the ground, skidding several feet.  He sat there for several moments in stunned amazement.  Then he one of Kurai's fingers off to the side… with wires jutting from it.  "A robot?"

Suddenly, from hiding spots among the taller grass surround them, a seemingly endless horde of Slade's robots leapt into view.  Catching the Titans totally by surprise, they unleashed a barrage of energy bolts.  Force fields and armor were strained under the hair of destruction. 

Raven cursed as her black force field shrunk beneath the blasts.  "Kurai wasn't alive!  That's what was wrong earlier!  We walked straight into a trap."

Cyborg, crouching next to her in the shrinking sphere, quipped, "Yeah, ya wanna send me a letter thirty seconds ago!?" 

Gauntlet found himself surrounded in his own smaller circle.  He was completely cut off from the others.  He called out, "Now, these are robots too, right?" 

Thunder punched one of them, knocking its head into the distance.  "It would seem that way!" 

Gauntlet formed his force field into a large blade and swung around in a circle.  Most of the robots leapt out of the way, but several were bisected by his indiscriminate attack.  His objective of opening a gap between himself and his teammates was met.  "Just checking!"  Before he could get back with the others, more robots replaced the fallen, punching, kicking and blasting him.  He crouched down, his force field shrinking by the moment.  Finally, he saw an opening.  He leapt forward, grabbing a Sladebot (for lack of a better term).  He twisted around, putting the robot between him and the rest of the horde.  A rain of energy blasts flew at him, but the captured Sladebot took most of the barrage.  Robert flung the robot into the advancing mass, knocking several down, and leapt back, landing next to Raven.  He fell to his knees panting hard.  "I can't believe that worked…" 

Cyborg sent a pair of missiles into Robert's "dancing partners."  The resulting explosion sent them flying in all directions.  "I can't either, man.  You're one lucky son of a bitch." 

Raven interjected, "You can pat each other on the back later.  More incoming.  Azurath, Metrion ZINTHOS!!!"  Black energy surrounded a pile of debris from the Sladebots, and these were sent shooting into the new wave of enemies.  Metal and plastics were shredded, sending more robots to the proverbial scrapheap, but more kept coming. 

Thunder was swarmed by several dozen, more than even his superhuman strength could support.  He was forced his knees by the onslaught. 

Cyborg tried to move help Thunder, but Lightning cut him off.  "What's wrong with you man!?  He's your bro, and he needs help!"

"Look again, Cyborg.  He's pretending to be weakened to draw more of them to him.  Enjoy the breather and observe the power of the storm." 

Thunder, almost invisible under the mass of punching and kicking Sladebots, finally could stand no more.  "ENOUGH!"  He slammed his right fist into the ground, causing a massive thunderclap that knocked sent the robots flying like ping pong balls in a tornado.  He rose to his feet, with a pose that almost begged more of the mechanical minions to try again.

Robert whistled his appreciation.  "Now that's enough to give Kurai some serious Ki envy." 

Raven's energy dissipated.  "I hope that's the last of MMPH!"  She was halted in mid sentence by Robert's hand.  "Hmm?"

Robert screamed, "Don't say it!  You'll doom us all!" 

Raven forcibly removed his hand.  "Don't be ridiculous.  Saying that I hope more of them won't come out won't cause them to YIPE!"  She hastily erected an energy barrier, stopping a blast from the new wave of Sladebots from frying her face. 

Gauntlet's energy field snapped back up.  "Remember, Raven, the cliché police are always watching.  Gauntlet away!"  He leapt into the fray… and was immediately swarmed.  "Ack!  This looks like a job for Superman!"  He was knocked silly by a blow to the back of the head. 

Raven started her familiar spell, but was also knocked loopy by a lucky punch from her blindspot.  However, she was not knocked unconscious.  She did misspeak her spell, though.  "Agrabah, Metric System, Mentos…" 

Everyone, Sladebots included, paused as reality suddenly shifted, and a song began…

Do Do Do Do Do, Do Waaaaaaah…

Cyborg clutched his ears.  "Oh my God!  I thought the hell on earth had finally ended!"

The Sladebots glanced around nervously, unwilling or unable to comprehend what was happening to them.

It doesn't matter what comes,

Fresh goes better in life,

And Mentos is fresh and full of life.

Lightning commented, "These guys have even less grasp of the English language than Kurai…"

Gauntlet stumbled to his feet, and began walking slowly over to the assembled horde. 

Nothing gets to you,

Staying fresh staying cool,

With Mentos fresh and full of life!

Gauntlet held up a roll of Mentos, handing it to the first robot he got to. 

Fresh goes better,

Mentos freshness! 

Exited by the new breath freshener, the main robot began sharing them with the rest of the group.  They greedily crammed them into openings roughly equivalent with their mouths…

Fresh goes better with Mentos,

Totally forgetting that they had no stomachs.  The mints rolled down into their torso, getting in the way of gears, chips and their other mechanical

Fresh and full of life!

As the song drew to an end, the Sladebots simultaneously exploded. 

Cyborg gaped.  "What the HELL did you do?"

Raven responded, "I don't know, but I wish I did; being able to disable all opponents with mints seems like a big advantage."

Gauntlet popped a mint into his mouth.  In his deepest voice, he said, "Mentos, the Plot Device… I mean, Fresh Maker."

End Part 10

            I would now like to thank the academy for giving me the award for most random ending ever. 

            Worry not, some sense of plot structure will return soon… this gag occurred to me, and it just seemed too perfect not to use.

            To steal an idea from Stan Lee, the No Prize! 

            Whoever can identify the character that said the lines I based the disclaimer on gets the No-Prize!  Include an e-mail address, so I can send it to you.  It shall be in the form of… a custom made sprite comic!!!

            Hint: The Bard of Avon.