The Epic of Gauntlet

Chapter 11

"The Return of the Knave"

By BobCat

Notes: For my absence, I can offer nothing but a lame apology. I hope to get back into writing as a habit, but it won't be easy.

Also, I'm sorry, but there is one tiny little fourth-wall joke. But it's not OOC and nobody mentions the author by name. I'm making progress, thanks to the Fourth-Patch; it releases small doses of suspension of disbelief and respect for the audience!

Slade is, was, and will always be the greatest enemy that the Teen Titans have ever had. No matter what the circumstances, he was always in control. Minor setbacks, or even major setbacks, never really bothered him; for every plan they thwarted, they overlooked a dozen others. Slade was cold and logical, but this alone was not the source of his calm; indeed, the cold and logical tend to be the first to crack under pressure. No, it wasn't because of who he was, but because of what he had been through.

As part of his military training, he had been instructed in various meditation arts, as they seemed to help soldiers keep calm under fire. The instructor had told them to be as the lotus blossom; the rain falls upon the lotus, but because it is waterproof, the rain slides off. So was he taught to be in regards to the dangers and problems of the world. He had been the best student, which did not surprise him; he was always best at whatever he did. Where others had imagined a lotus, he had been the lotus.

This eternal calm had been utterly shattered as a platoon of Sladebots were destroyed by a magical error that turned reality into one of those damnable Mentos© commercials from a few years ago. While reality was as it should be again, Slade was not taking it well.

Slade stood atop a grassy knoll, giving the assembled Titans and allies his most baleful glare. "TITANS! I will see you and everything you care about burn! And then I will burn what I burned, then vaporize it, and then burn it again! I will kill you so slowly that oblivion will be a surprise! I will rape your mothers and destroy your homes!"

Fact: Despite what you see in movies, somebody who is really mad is very rarely capable of coming up with original insults and/or threats.

Lighting ventured, "I believe that he is mad with us."

Gauntlet said, "Oh wait, you mean that he ISN'T cursing the ancestors of the Greek Gods?" This earned him some odd looks from his companions. "What, I've only been a Titan about a month. I'm used to being called 'Hey You' or 'Vandal' or 'the world's greatest lover' or something."

Slade expected the worst and prepared for it. He knew that the Titans were lucky enough to thwart his efforts much of the time, but he had expected the Sladebots to last another ten minutes, and possibly overrun them. He had manipulated events so perfectly… and then some surprise non-sequiter of a defeat had robbed him of millions of dollars of equipment and hours of work.

Some part of Slade's mind that wasn't devoted to rage was desperately thinking, "Be the lotus. Be the lotus." Unfortunately for this part of his mind, he wasn't capable of being anything more than a berserker. He charged the Titans head on…

Only to be stopped by a bandaged hand. Slade whirled around and snarled at Kurai, "If you know what is good for you, you will let me go!" Slade followed up his threat with a hard blow to a pressure point just above Kurai's solar plexus. Kurai grunted, but held his ground.

Kurai smirked, glorifying in his advantage over Slade, however temporary it was. "It might be good for me, but it would not be good for you. Calm down, Slade-san."

For an instant, Slade was ready to smash Kurai's head open as a warm-up for dealing with the waiting Titans. Then, he was again the lotus, and saw that he had almost destroyed decades of work for a moment of fury. He gave Kurai a knowing look as his respect for the teen increased tenfold.

Slade straightened up to his full height and looked down upon the Titans. Everybody except for Gauntlet noticed that his eye had narrowed to its normal squint. Gauntlet, not having encountered Slade before, assumed that he had something in his eye and was ready for any sudden movement.

Giving them another minute to stew, Slade smirked as he could feel his control of the situation return to him. Finally, he said, "You may wonder why I've asked you all here."

Gauntlet put on a pair of reading glasses and a notebook. "According to the minutes of the last meeting, you kidnapped Thunder and Lightning's deadbeat dad and asked us to come here for unexplained purposes."

Raven said, "Now is not the time, Robert."

Slade gestured towards a pair of the remaining Sladebots. The two bowed slightly and went into a nearby stand of trees. A moment later, they came back with a bound and gagged man. "You are correct, jester. Thunder, Lighting, it is time to meet your father." Slade pulled out his own sheet of paper. "Walter Williams, formerly a Lieutenant of the United States Army. He served in Okinawa between 1984 and 1987. In '87, he was given a dishonorable discharge when it was revealed that he was regularly helping the Yakuza smuggle cocaine to the United States. He returned to the United States, served his prison time, gained a hundred pounds and now, when he bothers to work, it tends to involve the phrase 'would you like fries with that.'" Slade lifted up Williams' chin and sniffed deeply. "And he appears to have issues with controlling his bladder. And this is the waste of flesh that you have come here to save."

Cyborg raised his sonic cannon and snarled, "Let go of him, Slade. He isn't involved in this. You brought us here to fight, so let's fight!"

Slade did something unusual for him; he began laughing. Even this "outburst" sounded cold and calculated. "Oh, Cyborg, you misunderstand me completely. And unless you want mister Williams here to die of something other than a heart attack, I'd suggest you put away your gun." Cyborg's look of surprise mimicked the rest of the group's. The Terminator continued, "Don't look so surprised. If I had only wanted to fight you, I would have let Kurai finish the job when he smashed you last week."

Thunder pointed at Slade and demanded, "Then stop wasting our time so that we can be done with this game!"

Slade casually folded William's service record and intentionally took as long as possible to put it back in his pocket. "You see, Titans, beneath our feet is something very special. The remnants of a lost race far more advanced than anything humanity has encountered. Within this bunker could be an unlimited source of energy, or perhaps a cure for cancer. I don't care about either. Within this base, there will be a helmet. You will get it for me, and then I will release Williams."

Electricity arched around Lightning, filling the air with the stench of ozone. "Why can you not use your new lapdog to get this helmet, if it is so important?"

Slade said matter-of-factly, "Because Kurai is too powerful to safely breach the bases' defenses. In fact, none of my minions have the delicate touch needed to get what I seek. So, I thought to myself, 'where can I find somebody weak enough to achieve this task?' And I immediately thought of you children."

Raven whispered to Cyborg, "Defenses that gave Slade trouble? This just officially became a trap."

Cyborg nodded. "I know, Rae, but there isn't another way that I can see. Slade's got us outgunned and outmaneuvered. All we can really hope is that Robin and the others mop up Kurgal soon enough to get here and give us some backup." Cyborg shot a glare at Kurai, who responded in kind. "Even if they do show up, it might still not be enough to beat that juggernaut."

Lightning said, "But by the same token, we can't trust Slade enough not to kill Father and ambush us when we come back with his trinket."

"Slade has an incredible ability to outthink us," grumbled Thunder. The giant pensively scanned the area, and noticed something missing. "Hey, where did that short blond guy go?"

Rob had wandered off from the group into the bare patch left by Fire. He was waving the Gauntlet back and forth like it was a metal detector. He finally came to the entryway of the bunker, which popped open when he waved his hand over it. Gauntlet was grinning ear to ear. He hollered, "Hey guys! I just figured out which 'lost race more advanced than anything humanity has encountered' built this thing!"

For the second time that day, Slade was taken completely off guard. I should learn to expect this kind of thing, I suppose. "Oh really, child?"

Gauntlet nodded. "Yup. This doohickey on my arm is an Old One artifact too. Looks like it's willing to let me in."

Slade pondered this new development. The Titans have access to Old One tech? This shouldn't be possible! And what's worse, he found an entrance I didn't. That means he has a high ranking device. Slade cocked his head to the side slightly, sizing Gauntlet up. Considering how easily Kurai beat him, he obviously has not realized it yet. This changes everything. Completing my plans quickly just became even more important. If that brain-addled fool ever realizes what he has in his possession… For an instant, Slade knew worry. Be the lotus, Slade, and convince them that it means nothing. "Good. You can get what I seek all the faster."

Gauntlet made a "come here" motion to the Titans and assembled allies. He pointed to the hole, and mimed jumping in. Cyborg shook his head furiously and pointed at the ground in front of him. Rob gave him a confused look. Cyborg repeated the motion, this time adding a walking motion with his fingers. Rob shot Cyborg a hurt look and retaliated for what he thought was a rude gesture by flipping the field leader the bird. Cyborg was confused for a moment, and then shook his head furiously and pointed to the ground, doing his best to show that he wanted Rob to return to the group. Rob again mistook it, and gave him the "salute" from Spaceballs.

Raven was massaging her temples, failing to stop an oncoming headache. "Use your words, Victor."

Cyborg muttered, "It's bad enough that Slade can watch me make a secret plan, but I don't want to have to shout it."

Thunder, who had been giving his father a disgusted look, said, "What was that, Cyborg?"

Cyborg yelled, "I SAID, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT SLADE CAN WATCH ME MAKE A SECRET PLAN, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SHOUT IT!"

Kurai, who had been stifling laughter during the entire exchange, could finally take no more and mirth exploded from him. For an instant Slade considered rebuking his appren… assistant, but decided that against it. His dignity had already suffered enough blows that day with adding hypocrisy to the mix. "Well, Cyborg, considering that I already know, perhaps I should be allowed into the negotiations? And may I remind you that my patience has its limits?"

Cyborg smirked. "Yeah, we saw that a few minutes ago."

Slade's eye narrowed. Then, he calmly snapped his fingers. One of the Sladebots punched Williams in the gut as hard as he could, causing the bound man to double over in pain. "Patience. Limits. Mine has them. You should pay better attention."

Cyborg wilted slightly under the gaze of two elementals. "Sorry, guys; forgot who we were dealing with for a second there. But I'm starting to think our three heavy hitters shouldn't go in, which is what I wanted to talk about."

Gauntlet, who had finally caught on, commented, "But I'm the one with the key to that place."

"You are not one of our heavy hitters, Rob."

Gauntlet snorted. "I seem to recall beating everyone's ass in chapter 1."

Cyborg said in a very calm voice, "Rob, those were a special, unlikely to be duplicated series of circumstances, and everybody should just shut up about it. And if you personally don't shut up for three freakin' seconds right now, you are going to find out just how much of a heavy hitter I am." For once, Rob decided that silence was the better part of valor. Or at least, the better part of not getting a sonic cannon shoved somewhere painful. "Now guys, I think that Thunder, Lightning and me should stay topside. We have powers that are just about as likely to collapse something as Kurai's, if Slade's being honest about the situation. So, Gauntlet and Raven should head down there and get Slade's stupid helmet, and the rest of us are here as insurance."

Raven wore an expression of worry. While for most it would be a rather half-assed facial expression, it was the best she could muster after years of not practicing. "Do you three really think that you can hold Kurai off if Slade tries anything?"

Lightning smirked. "I have taken his measure, and without the cover of smoke and surprise, he will not find us such easy prey. Besides, from what I understand, the rest of us would probably get in the way."

Cyborg smirked slightly. "So, are we agreed?"

Slade, who was standing behind Cyborg, said, "It is acceptable."

Cyborg started. "How the hell did you… we had someone looking right at… there was no cover…"

Slade gave another cold laugh. "Would you really expect less of the world's best mercenary?"

Gauntlet was back at the opening of the bunker. "Right right, you're all that, you're cool, you have elite ninja hacking skills, etc. etc. Can we PLEASE get going? I have TV to watch."

Meanwhile, at the Hall of the Justice League…

Black Vulcan yawned yet again, giving the Presidential Hotline another forlorn look. "Apache Chief?"

The walking stereotype walked in from the kitchen. In a voice slower than some glaciers, he said, "Yes, Black Vulcan? What is it?"

"Do you ever get the feeling that the Superfriends aren't coming back?"

Apache Chief laughed like a record played at 15 RPM. "Ha ha, don't be silly, Black Vulcan. Why would they tell us to watch the hall until they came back if they were not coming back?"

Black Vulcan said, "Well, I'm watching TV and they have a satellite now! And now they're using this place as a tax shelter. I think we're only here so that the IRS doesn't come down on their ass." He thought about it for a moment. "Which would be… in their pants." Man, I hope that doesn't wind up being my catchphrase… that would just be embarrassing.

Apache Chief thought for a moment. "Friend Black Vulcan, this reminds me of an ancient legend of the Great Buffalo Spirit and the impatient Great Eagle Spirit…"

And thus did Black Vulcan weep.

Lesson learned: All heroes need good agents.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of the Mayor…

"So Gar, you seem to be able to turn into everything in the animal kingdom, and a few mythical creatures, right?"

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah, that's about the size of it, Savior."

The white-haired Titan continued. "So, you have just about endless tactical options. When we saw the giant self replicating army that Kurgal made, you could have become a Utahraptor, or an elephant, or even a wolf, if you wanted to be ordinary."

"What's your point?" Beast Boy said.

"I'm getting there. So, you decided to become a giant slime mold, which isn't technically an animal anyway."

Gar finally figured out where this was going. "Dude, do you really have to say this? It won't make things any better."

Noel nodded. "Just humor me. Anyway, of all of your choices, you became a giant slime mold. And then you decided not to tell me that your were underfoot. So now, you are a giant slime mold that my feet are stuck in. I can't get out of unless I rip out most of your back, and you can't change back without my feet getting stuck in you. At what point did that seem like a good idea?"

Gar grumbled. "Just shut up and knock 'em out with your Shimmer. I'm busy moving organs so that you don't rip me apart."

The mutuated nervous tissue whipped around them like an angry cobra, lashing out and biting deep into each of the duplicates. "I thought you'd never ask."

After a minute, Savior finally managed to work his way out of Beast Boy. "Ugh. That was unpleasant."

Beast Boy snapped, "It wasn't good on my end either." The elevator dinged on the other side of the office space, and another dozen Kurgals poured out. "Aw man, just how many of these guys are there?"

"Just be glad they aren't armed like the first group we fought." Noel ran through a dozen different plans, and finally picked one that he liked. "Hey, remember that maneuver we worked on?"

Gar groaned. "Not the Tex-Mex Fastball Special…"

"Yes, the Tex-Mex Fastball Special. Now hurry up and transform before they get here."

An instant later, a green armadillo muttered as Noel's Shimmer wrapped around it. "Ready Beast Boy?" He took the cessation of muttering as a "yes." The Shimmer whipped out, tossing Gar at the charging group of clones. Gar bounced from Kurgal to Kurgal pinball style, skillfully maneuvering himself to catch each of them in a vital location. As Gar hit the ground and rolled back to Noel, the final Kurgal dropped to his kness, clutching his family jewels. Gar sprawled out at Noel's feet and transformed back into his human form.

Noel's eyebrow arched. "Where did you learn to move like that? I thought I was going to have to throw you a few times to do that."

Still slightly loopy from the numerous impacts, Gar took a moment to recover. After a moment of silence, he said, "A couple weeks back, Gauntlet and Cyborg got the idea to use me in a huge pinball machine they built. Never mind that the thing wasn't thermodynamically sound…" He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs from his mind. "Hey, where's Robin?"

The Teen Wonder had managed to get himself herded into a corner by a half dozen of the Kurgals. He made a stabbing thrust with his bo staff and quickly found himself playing tug of war with three of the duplicates. He was in danger of getting flanked by the other three, and abandoned his stick. The lead Kurgal, handling the staff with all the grace of a drunken lemur, made a motion with his right hand. A staccato series of pops filled the air, and suddenly he was the only one left. "The strength of six men armed against one boy unarmed? Who's going to win this one?" The duplicate, enhanced by the energies of his fallen brethren, lashed out with the staff repeatedly, making numerous holes in the wall around Robin. Robin smirked. "Well Kurgal, you're a lot more impressive than you were last time. But there's still one thing; you look like an army, and you sound like an army and you even move like an army. Unfortunately for you…" Seeing an opening, Robin leap-frogged over Kurgal's head and landed behind him. One good strike to the back of the stronger man's knee and he went down. Judging by the large dent he put in the floor, the strength of six men came with the weight of six men. Robin caught his staff in midair even as the duplicate popped out of existence. "You fight like a janitor."

The trio regrouped, each looking the worse for wear. Robin said, "Alright, so far so good. Now, what floor are we on?"

Gar looked at a nearby sign. "Twenty-third."

"And how many floors does this building have?"

Noel said ruefully, "More than a hundred. I don't know why city hall is that huge, but it is."

"Oh, that's simple. Lexcorp owns it and rents part of it to the mayor and city council, since their old building was destroyed during the Final Night. They started work on a more permanent city hall, but it got destroyed two months ago during one of Johnny Rancid's attacks. So, they're stuck here until they can get some more money."

Noel's eyebrow arched again. "Wait, this is Lex Luthor's building?" Robin nodded. Noel's Shimmer grabbed an expensive photocopier and threw it through one of the windows. "Wish I'd know that earlier; I wouldn't have been as gentle on floors one through twenty-two."

Meanwhile, at the Bunker of Mystery…

"And thus did Gauntlet and Raven, the magically gifted Titans, enter the bunker of mystery. And long and arduous would their journey be, for within the bunker would be many unknown perils. But all was well, for the fair Raven had as her protector none other than that most noble of heroes, idol of millions, Robert Candide. Who personally mocked his enemies and then was thrashed. He who…"

Raven shot him a glare. "Please stop narrating. We haven't even reached the bottom of this ladder yet."

Rob responded, "But if I don't chronicle my exploits, then who will?"

"What exploits?"

Rob thought about it for a second. "I managed to become a super hero without losing my parent or parents first."

Raven conceded, "Okay, I'll admit that's rare. But we still have other things to worry about."

After a minute of climbing, they reached the bottom of the twenty foot shaft. Raven glanced around the corridor. She immediately noticed two things. For one, the sterile gray metal that made up all of the surfaces had no visible seams or breaks, as one would expect from a manufactured surface. Walls, floors and ceiling were square, yet they appeared to be one continuous item. The second… "This doesn't make sense. If Slade and Kurai had a big fight down here, where's the evidence? There should at least be scratches on the wall."

Rob shrugged. "If the base had active defenses, maybe other stuff was active. I don't know much about the Old Ones, but self-repair units don't seem to be out of line with what I do know."

Raven ran her hand across the wall. Smooth… unnaturally smooth.Her eyes flashed with ebony energy for an instant. No imperfections on the molecular level either… "What exactly do you know about them?"

"They were big players about 50,000 years ago, they died out, but they left some cool toys." Gauntlet paused for a second. "Wait a minute. You're a mage. Shouldn't you have a book about them? I've seen that library in your room."

"I hardly have every book of magicks ever published. Occasionally, someone will make a reference to some older source that nobody knows about, but nobody in Azarath ever thought it was older than the techno-mages of Atlantis." Raven was about to continue, but paused. She shot Rob a glare as something clicked. "When have you ever been in my room?"

"Uh… plead the Fifth?" He withered under her continued glare. "Oh all right, I'll put Glaznar of Ephrata's Guide to High Level Summoning Magicks backwhen we get home."

As he Rob confessed, Raven created a basic lighting spell, creating a small sphere of radiant energy. The two walked down the hall a ways, triggering none of the defenses that Slade had mentioned. With every footstep, Raven grew more and more nervous. Every shadow cast by the flickering ball was a potential enemy, the blackness beyond its radiance held untold horrors and she found herself checking over her shoulder every few feet. As the stress built, she could almost feel the madness of panic descend upon her.

Gauntlet whistled the theme from The Loveboat.

She was sweating from every pore, as she began to see more than the hints of a threat. She swore that she saw glinting eyes and ravenous jaws in the darkness. Raven lowered her hood in a vain attempt cool off. She caught herself trembling, something she did not do often. Not since the Final Night… this should be nothing. There is nothing. Rob sees nothing. So there must be nothing. I see something, but it's nothing. I see nothing. She caught sight of a metallic glint in the darkness. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" She pumped the light sphere with enough energy to destroy a city block, creating a blinding light. She toned it down slightly, and saw nothing save for the sterile passageway.

"Gah! What is wrong with you, Raven?" Gauntlet cursed the transparent nature of his energy as he vainly tried to shield his eyes with "sunglasses."

Taking several deep breaths, she said, "I… I thought I saw something in the dark… But I was wrong…"

Gauntlet stumbled about, blinking furiously. "Dammit, you're getting my next optometrist bill…"

Raven grabbed her trembling right arm with her left, forcing the nervous movement to stop. "Rob, something is not right about this place. Every instinct in me is telling me to get the hell out. I just feel like I'm going to get attacked at any second…" They finally made it to a door. Whereas the hall had been about seven feet tall, the area around the door was twenty feet tall at least. The sterile look of the hallway was also a thing of the past, as the new surroundings were ornate, almost grandiose.

Rob gave the door a once-over. "I don't see a knob or a key hole."

Raven felt elated, as she grasped at any excuse to leave this cursed place. "I better knock, I suppose." She softly rapped the door three times, and before the soft echoes faded away, she concluded, "There doesn't seem to be anybody here. We should go back and…"

"Tee chuta hhat yudd!" From a seamless panel beside the door, a small robotic "eye" extended from the wall. The metallic "limb" it was attached to telescoped outward, allowing the eye to circle the teens fully before it retracted to its original position.

Raven was startled by the sudden appearance of the eye, and she backpedaled several feet. "Ah!"

Rob was still oblivious to his teammate's terror, partially because he wasn't expecting it from her, and partially because he was preoccupied with the cool robot thing. He poked the thing twice, commenting, "Hey, you're a funny little fella!" He ignored both the whoosh of air from behind him and Raven's surprised shriek as she fell down a trap door.

The eye withdrew slightly at the touch. "Neina toka mia. Chuba ama tuta kato?"

"I like gibberish languages too." He turned around. "Hey Raven, check this guy…" She was gone. "Raven?" He grabbed the robot eye by its "neck." "All right you motherless son of Lucasfilm, where's Raven?"

The machine paused for a second. In shaky English, it said, "Pl-plaise defein 'Rah-ven.'"

It took Gauntlet a moment to decipher the question. "Raven, the girl I came in with."

There was another pause. "Nu-Noted. Prisonair designait Rah- Raven."

"You didn't answer my question." Rob paused. "Wait, did you just say 'Prisoner?'"

"Affirmative." It was no longer stumbling over its words. "Prisoner #00004295, designate Raven, has been put into stasis cell #4 and will be treated in accordance with the First Standard Automated Defense Protocol."

"Oh, okay." Gauntlet released the eye. Great. I don't know what that means, but I do know that whatever it is, Noel's going to blame this on me.

End Part 11