Chapter 15
Janet released Raphaella the next morning, but wanted her to stay on base for a couple of days. Cassie brought Baram along for a morning's visit. Janet wanted Raphaella to rest and, as she pointed out, taking care of a one-year-old is not resting. Baram was excited to be with his mom again and the two had a fun-filled reunion.
Raphaella visited the injured woman several times, continued to accelerate her healing, and Janet was now confident that she would make a full recovery. It was arranged for her to gate to P3X-797, the Land of Light, whose people frequently took in homeless stragglers from SGC.
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Daniel couldn't concentrate. He could always concentrate on his artifacts and translations. He knew he was going to have to seek Raphaella's help. He was terrified. He could face Anubus, hordes of angry Jaffa, and even Jack, but not one tiny, gentle woman. Might as well do it now.
Hugging himself protectively, head down, brow furrowed, Daniel's feet reluctantly carried him toward Raphaella's room. He rounded the corner in time to see Cassie leaving with Baram tottering beside her, clutching her finger with his fist, off on some great adventure. Raphaella stepped out to watch her son, turned and caught Daniel's eye. They both froze, but couldn't look away from each other.
Daniel finally blinked and took a step toward her. She waited. He came to a stop just in front of her, his eyes holding a question. She stepped back into her room and turned to watch him follow. She had known that eventually his need for wholeness would overcome his fear of her.
He entered, locking the door behind him. He didn't want anyone seeing this. He was still anxious about having Raphaella digging in his mind – too reminiscent of the replicators.
"I need your help." Daniel faced her openly, arms now hanging at his sides, head up, eyes pleading.
Raphaella nodded, understanding how hard it had been for him come to her when his very being was screaming for him to run.
She took him by the hand, leading him to the center of the room. Dropping to the floor, she pulled him down with her. Daniel sat cross-legged on the floor. Raphaella placed his hands on his knees, open, facing upward. She removed his glasses and moved behind him, taking his head in her hands. She cleared her mind, then began probing gently into Daniel's.
Loneliness. Hurt. Anger. Fear. These were the same emotions she'd found in him at Jack's. She needed to go deeper to the source of the feelings.
She took a cleansing breath and moved deeper, past his mind into his soul. She saw then events of his life that had made him who he was. His parent's deep love for him and how his life had shattered when they died. The loneliness he'd suffered throughout his childhood and early adult life until he'd met Sha're. How her love for him had healed him – until she had been taken and finally killed to save his life. Anger! Such anger at himself for allowing her death. He had forgiven Teal'c, but not himself. Fear. Fear of allowing happiness back into his soul. Fear of shriveling to nothing if left alone again. Fear of trusting another with his soul.
Raphaella broke contact with Daniel and moved around to face him.
"Daniel, I can help you, but you need to trust me. I cannot help if you do not trust."
His eyes met hers and he reached forward to caress her face with his fingertips. He nodded.
Still facing him, she took his hands and placed them on either side of her face while she mirrored his position. She brought their heads together until their foreheads were touching.
She reached into his soul as far as she could. She experienced his sweetness, his caring for people until it broke him. She knew him. Probing past the surface she swam to the center of his being and found him. Waiting. Waiting for someone to love him. Someone to share with him. Someone who would trust him. Someone he could trust. She opened herself completely to him. Allowed him the same freedom to know her as she knew him. Trust. He had lost trust in himself. He had lost trust in life. Now, finally, he let go of fear and trusted Raphaella.
Breathing heavily, he opened his eyes to find hers on him. She licked her lips. His eyes drifted down to her lips, then back to her eyes for permission. His grip on her face changed to a caress as he pulled her up, pulled her forward until their bodies met. His lips met hers – gently, barely there at all. She kept the mind-link open and he experienced her first kiss.
His lips left hers and traveled down her face to explore her neck. He gathered her into his arms and held on as if his life depended upon her. He knew it did.
"Raphaella, god, I'm so sorry. You've lost much more than I ever did and I couldn't get past my own selfishness and fear to reach for you."
"Daniel, we are both people who have experienced love and loss. It is a part of life. I cannot promise that you will never again be hurt, but I can promise you I will not be the one to hurt you."
Daniel pulled away from her so he could see her face. She reached up to remove his jacket. His breath stopped. "Are you sure?"
"Of us? Yes."