Secret Snog

Warning: This is slash. SLASH! Remus/Sirius pairing. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters/names/places/events/etc. belong to JKR and Warner Bros. I'm just a poor little fangirl that likes to borrow them.

Remus couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Sirius pick a blue parchment from the hat. He thought he must be hallucinating.

Sirius Black, the Hogwarts heartthrob, is GAY

He felt dazed by the enormity of the revelation—and a little put out that his friend hadn't told him before. But then again, Remus hadn't told anyone either. Maybe it was easier for Sirius to tell strangers before he told his friends.

As Remus watched Sirius waver to a chair in the corner, his heart filled with hope once again. Maybe he had a chance…if he picked a blue parchment.

Come on, Remus! You can do this.

Before he could lose his courage, Remus pushed his way urgently to where James was standing with the top hat.

James raised an eyebrow as Remus politely shoved a fourth year girl out of the way to get in front of the line.

"Sorry, James," he apologized quickly. "I have to do this before I lose my nerve."

James simply nodded and held out the hat. Remus inhaled deeply and plunged in, searching for a blue slip. When he finally pulled one out, he heard the surprised gasps and gapes of the students who had gathered around to watch. James was looking from Remus to the parchment with wide eyes.

Remus smiled apologetically. "I know I didn't tell you…but…"

"Don't worry about it." James smiled reassuringly. "I'm bloody proud of you."

"Thanks, James. It means a lot to me."

The open-mouthed, gawking crowd parted as Remus turned to leave. The whispers followed him like a swarm of angry bees. Come dinnertime, Remus was sure the entire school would know about his preferences. He sighed and made his way over to where Sirius was sitting by the window, blithely oblivious to the limelight Remus had attracted. Just before he reached the armchair in which his friend was seated, Remus stopped to open the parchment with trembling hands.

Fabian Prewett. Fourth Year.

Remus didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he felt it leave him in a low hiss. He felt thoroughly deflated. He hadn't gotten Sirius's name. And what was worse—now he had to snog Prewett or face three months with purple pimples.

"Hey, Padfoot," he said somewhat dejectedly as he flopped into an armchair facing his friend.

Sirius looked up, startled. "Oh—hi, Remus. Did you pick a name?"

Remus held up the parchment and saw Sirius' face change—from surprise to shock to disbelief—and then, to joy.

"You—you're—I never thought—I thought you were—You're gay?"

"Are you?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly and held up his blue parchment.

"Then so am I," said Remus, lowering himself into the chair opposite the boy. That was when something in his mind clicked—something that had been nagging him for a long time. "How long have you known? I mean—is this why you were never serious about any of your relationships so far?"

Sirius sighed. Remus thought vaguely how strange it was to see such a solemn expression on his face. "I've known for about…since fourth year, I guess. Looking back, I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. There were so many clues."

Remus nodded. That was something he was trying to come to grips with, as well. Everything looked so clear in retrospect.

"And for a while I thought that if I just kept dating girls, I'd—I don't know"—Sirius's voice dropped to an ashamed whisper—"cure myself."

"It's not a disease, Sirius."

"I know that now…I was just so scared back then. I didn't know anyone who was like me."

"You knew me," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, but I didn't know you were—you know. Did you even know?"

"I've known since third year. It must have been easier for me to admit it to myself. This was just one more thing that made me an outcast."

Remus felt a hand on his cheek and looked up into Sirius's pale blue eyes and set expression.

"You're not an outcast, Rem. You're a Marauder. And that places you at the top of the heap. Stop doubting yourself." Sirius lowered his voice, checking around for any unwelcome eavesdroppers. "Your lycanthropy shouldn't get in the way of your life. Neither should your homosexuality."

That was Sirius. Always the optimist.

"Thanks, Sirius," Remus said instead, offering the boy a smile of gratitude.

"No problem." Sirius leaned back in his chair. "So, whose name did you get?"

"You tell me yours first."

"Point taken. We'll tell each other after the snog, okay?"

"Uh…Sirius? What if the person I got isn't gay?"

"That's something dear Prongsy forgot to think of. But still, it's just a kiss, Rem."

"To you, maybe," Remus snapped. "I'm not used to having a different snogging partner every week,"

"Hey! I haven't dated anyone for nearly a year and a half now."

"Okay, okay. Sorry."

"It doesn't matter. Don't apologize," Sirius said quickly. He raised an eyebrow smugly. "I don't know why everyone seems to think I'm promiscuous. Just because I'm devastatingly handsome—" Sirius was cut off by a pillow hitting him squarely in the face.

x-x-x-x-x

Sirius's mind reeled as he made his way to the Great Hall for lunch. Remus liked men…Remus liked men…Remus—Merlin! He liked men! But—did that mean Remus thought of Sirius as more than a friend? Just because he liked men didn't mean he liked all men. And we've been friends since first year…

By the time Sirius settled himself at the long Griffindor table, he had lost his appetite. A cold lump of doubt had permanently taken up residence in his stomach, displacing the butterflies of hope that had previously fluttered there. He ended up not eating more than a few bites and was officially an emotional wreck when he stumbled through the portrait hole of the Griffindor Common Room. He was even beginning to think that three months of purple pimples wouldn't be so bad.

Sirius's thoughts were so focused on Remus that he didn't notice when a sixth year girl made a beeline for him as soon as he clambered through the entrance.

Before he knew what was happening, the pretty blonde had cornered him and accosted his lips.

x-x-x-x-x

Remus climbed carefully through the portrait hole after James and Peter. They had all been laughing at a joke James had made, but the scene that met them made them stop dead in their tracks, all laughter forgotten.

Sirius was pressed up against the wall, cramming his tongue down a sixth year girl's throat. Remus could hardly breathe. He stood frozen in place by his leaden legs, gaping; he didn't notice James and Peter's anxious glances in his direction.

Something rose inside him—something raw, wild. Remus didn't know why he felt as if the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. He didn't know why he suddenly found himself striding in Fabian Prewett's direction, or why he pulled the boy up by the collar and jerked him forwards. Remus vaguely registered the shocked look on Fabian's face before their mouths met.

The kiss was clumsy, with Remus doing most of the work. Fabian was so stunned that he was mostly unresponsive at first. But then the boy—for some reason—leaned into the kiss and wound his hands tentatively around Remus's waist, pulling him closer.

Remus's mind was nonexistent; he ran his tongue along Fabian's lips, which parted and let him enter. It wasn't the taste he wanted, needed, craved. The mouth pressed into his own didn't taste like Sirius, but Remus's unrelenting frenzy kept him going, like a furious conflagration raging inside him.

When Remus finally wrenched himself off the boy, he felt shaky, winded—and more than just a little nauseous. Fabian was staring at him with wide eyes, chest heaving.

All the logic that had so far deserted him sped back with a force that nearly knocked him flat.

"I—I—I didn't mean—I'm so sorry," Remus stammered, feeling the blood race to his cheeks in mortification. Everyone in the room was staring at them. The silence was unnerving.

I'm dead…Please just let me die now.

"No, it's okay. I had a feeling something like this was going to happen when I signed up for this game." Fabian smirked. "That was some kiss."

Remus flushed and looked away.

"Don't fret, Remus. I'm not going to freak out and avoid you for the rest of my life. If you like boys—that's okay with me. Besides, I'd rather kiss you than, say, Betsy Carmonger any day. At least you don't smell like old socks." Fabian made a face.

Remus felt a rush of gratitude toward the boy and managed to smile through his embarrassment. "Thanks, Prewett."

"Oh, surely after a kiss like that we can use first names, Remus?"

"Sure, Fabian. Thanks."

Remus's mind was spinning in a whirl of dumbfounded bewilderment. He made his way back to where James and Peter were ogling him with obvious astonishment etched in their faces. He grinned awkwardly, not meeting their eyes.

"Remus…"

The sound of Sirius's trembling voice made Remus whip around to face his friend. Sirius was standing less than two feet away from him, gawking openly.

Remus suddenly felt sick to his stomach. "Sirius, I…"

Sirius shook his head, silencing him. He smiled—or rather, tried to smile and ended up grimacing—his eyes so full of pain that Remus thought his heart had stopped.

"I—I never knew you had it in you, Rem." The false cheer in Sirius's voice made Remus wince. "That was—very—er—aggressive."

Time to escape! screamed a voice in Remus's mind.

"Right…erm…I have to finish Charms homework. Later." And with that, Remus left his friends standing there, gaping after him as he ascended the staircase to their dormitory.

All the while, Remus silently vowed to make James pay for inventing such a stupid, screwed up game. He was lucky that Fabian had reacted the way he did. Otherwise, Remus didn't know what he would have done. Probably died from embarrassment is what I would have done. James, you'll be worse than dead when I'm through with you.

TBC…

DEMONSBLADE: I saw this method of closing chapters on the story "Secrets of the Forbidden Bloomcloset" by Anthea Rose. I hope you don't mind if I steal an idea.

SIRIUS: Isn't that illegal?

DEMONSBLADE: Shut it, you.

SIRIUS: You dare tell the great and most noble Sirius Black to—

DEMONSBLADE: Anyway, thanks for all those reviews. I've never gotten so many reviews for a single chapter.

SIRIUS: Hey, look. I think you may have gotten a flame—"This is an okay story, but extremely gross."

DEMONSBLADE: Uh…does that qualify as a flame? I've never been flamed before.

SIRIUS: How does it feel, you little pervert?

DEMONSBLADE: It feels pretty good!

SIRIUS: Good? Good?

DEMONSBLADE: Maybe I have thick skin…

SIRIUS: Or a thick skull.

DEMONSBLADE: Don't disrespect the author. I can make you do things—terrible things.

SIRIUS: Like what, oh magnificent author?

DEMONSBLADE: Like extending Secret Snog to include all of Hogwarts and having you get Snivelly's name.

SIRIUS: Evil. EVIL!

DEMONSBLADE: Anyways, thanks so much for all the reviews, everyone. And don't be put off by Remus's kiss with Fabian, okay?

SIRIUS: Put off? I'm furious! How dare you make MY Remus kiss that—that—toad? That stupid do-good prick.

DEMONSBLADE: Hey! He's really nice.

SIRIUS: Oh, yes. How I'd like to stick his wand up his own—

DEMONSBLADE: Okay! As I was saying…There'll be some Siri/Remmy action soon, I promise.

SIRIUS: Does it involve a bathtub and lots of chocolate sauce?

DEMONSBLADE: We'll see. Oh, and don't forget that James has his snog, too. Peter seems to be completely absent from this story…but maybe it's for the better.

SIRIUS: That traitor doesn't deserve to be in the same country as Rem and me. Much less the same story.

DEMONSBLADE: Right…I realize some of you are confused by the rules of the game. I shall try to explain.

SIRIUS: I'll explain, if you don't mind. I'm the one that thought it up.

DEMONSBLADE: Explain away.

SIRIUS: Everyone writes their name on a slip of paper/parchment (pink for girls, blue for boys) and puts it in a hat. Then everyone picks a name out from said hat (a pink slip if you like girls, blue if you like boys). You must snog the person whose name you pick before the day is over, or else you break out in purple pimples for three months.

DEMONSBLADE: So basically, everyone ends up snogging two different people—the one whose name you pick and the one who picks your name. I hope that eliminates any confusion. Please keep the reviews coming. The reason I posted a chapter so fast is because I received so many reviews that it put me on hyperdrive. So please review!

SIRIUS: Yeah, review and tell this stupid—I mean, wonderful author—please put the club down—that she must let me and Moony—

DEMONSBLADE: Moony and I.

SIRIUS: Moony and I romp and ravish each other's rumps—hey, what is that gag for?

DEMONSBLADE: Hehe. That's all for now. 'Till next time, peeps!

SIRIUS: Mmfngh!