OK, a short header this time! (I bet you're all asleep by now out of boredom…) -- I'm sorry I'm such a terrible writer! I truly am! I do not even own Rurouni Kenshin, or the nicknaming of Shishio-sama as "The BurntUpOldSausage." (This by Pu-chan.) or as " Bandage Man." (This by Kitten Kisses.) BOY, do I lack creativity… --

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Chapter 4 finds Shishio-Sama in a state of inconsolable depression. "I wish I could sing as well as Battousai-san…" Bandage Man thought out loud. "I want long hair, too… I wish I could draw as good as Kamatari-san and Battousai-san… I wish I could be good at just one thing," He half-sobbed, wallowing in self-pity. Yumi attempted to comfort the good ol' Crispadora. "But Mako-chan, you CAN draw, and sing, and if it weren't for those damned Meiji officials, your hair would be even longer than mine," She reasoned. "Besides, I bet you only feel like this because we're keeping you on decaf for a week." This was evidently the wrong thing to say. Shishio catapulted himself from his soft squishy purple armchair (He was in Yumi's half of the room.) (They shared a room, but it was divided in half, with each half like a separate room.) (Before you ask, YES, there WERE screens!) and flew toward the door in Homura Dama speed lunges. "COFFEE!! CAPPUCCINO!! EXPRESSO!!!" He shrieked, his bloodshot, sleep-deprived eyes flashing with the very thought of caffeination, after a shocking 2 hours of being deprived. It was a record.

Yumi ran after him, but even Yumi couldn't restrain a Burnt Up Old Sausage with a lust for Coffee and all things included. Luckily, Houji and Sojiro (who was perfectly content with keeping all the coffee to himself!) had thought to set up an elaborate course of booby traps all the way to the kitchen. The only problem, of course—"Kamatari!!" shouted Yumi. "What did you do?!"

Believe it or not, Kamatari had finally wreaked her horrible vengeance on Chou—now He was stuck doing laundry for a week, and he wasn't happy. (Although he did believe it was better than being decapitated on the spot, but just barely—Imagine having to wash out ALL the laundry produced by 12 people… and that's everything… from T-shirts, to obi, to training socks, to undergarments, EVERYTHING. Not a pretty sight.) While in the process of doing so, however, Kamatari had set off many, if not all, of the traps. From snake pits (all the snakes were found decapitated and tied together as a rope) to a virtually indestructible radio that played "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt" incessantly. (This was hidden under Usui's bed, set to go off at 3:47 AM.)

Kamatari hollered right back at Yumi, angrily. "You goggle-eyed chimp! Just 'cause you got a room with Shishio-sama, you feel all high and mighty! I'm still gonna beat you, though, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!!" Just then, Kamatari was practically mowed over by a very distraught and caffeine-deprived Shishio-sama himself. "See, Yumi??" Kamatari laughed. "It's obvious that he likes me!!"

Sojiro was in the kitchen, involved in the lengthy process of tapping Shishio's instant cappuccino supply, intent on smuggling as much into his room as possible before Shishio finally snapped and returned for more coffee. Unbeknownst to him, however, that time was coming far sooner than he and his three wheelbarrows-full were ready.

He remembered the first time he had discovered Shishio-sama's instant cappuccino vault. He had been very young—only ten years old, at that—when he had discovered the irreplaceable joy of coffee. Shishio-sama was taking a lazy day and told Houji to watch Sojiro to make sure he didn't get into any trouble. Sojiro had been exploring the kitchen of the Back-Then-It-Had-Been-The-Shrine-Of-Only-Four-Arches, (Houji had promptly fallen asleep on the job.) when he saw a tiny crack in the wall. He tried to look in, but could see nothing, yet a powerful, enticingly pungent scent flowed and washed over him, as if he were falling through a cloud of wonder and curiousity. (Here I go with the weirded out figurative language again!) He had cautiously picked at the crack with the side of the blade of his old wakizashi, and the chunk of wood came off in his fingers, revealing a small crawlspace, the source of the scent issuing forth around him. After a quick look around to see Houji wasn't watching, he squeezed himself through the space and tried to replace the wood slab behind him. There was no light, anyway.

He crawled further, always feeling ahead with one hand, the scent always eluding him, driving him ahead. Suddenly, he fell! He had remembered too late to check the ground in front of him. He was falling….falling… There was no use in screaming—he could not have been heard. There was no use in regretting the inevitable. The poor terrified Tenken braced himself for the impact, his slender frame trembling slightly, when he received a surprise. A very pleasant surprise. A very tasty, pleasant surprise. He had landed in a pile of something soft, and powdery, like dust, and a cloud of it had forced its way into his open mouth. He liked the taste. It was an enormous room—he could see it well now, as there were lights illuminating the walls of the circular room at regular intervals. He was not too good at assuming measure, but it would have been safe to call it about 20 meters in diameter. And it was all full of coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. As Sojiro had grown, he had cut the crawlspace bigger and bigger, until he found the door Shishio-sama used—Using it was risky, as it led directly to Shishio's room, but it had a ladder, a diving board, and even that WATER SLIDE that always seems to appear in demented stories such as this.

That was where Sojiro was now, smuggling coffee and fully intent on keeping up the 'cute and innocent' appearance he was so good at it he was caught. Sojiro was just about to Shukuchi off to his room again when the door to the kitchen BURST open, and a glowing purple-eyed, psychotic Bandage Man ran inside, and quite literally stuffed his face into one of the instant cappuccino wheelbarrows, and started chugging mouthful after mouthful of instant cappuccino that was still in its powder form. Sojiro got an "Oro" expression on his face, and slowly backed away, before quickly running from the kitchen with his two remaining wheelbarrows, severely scared by the state of Shishio's coffee dependence.

Meanwhile, in the next room, Henya was at last awakening, ready to start up his wig business, as usual. The seriously weirded out psychocity yawned, and took the poison tips from his plasticy, fake-o wings and began making a new, neon purple wig from his pile of hair that he had stolen from Houji at one point. He was now going to sell Houji's own hair back to him, dyed neon purple, for one low, low installment of $32.50. Such is the life of psychotic wig-makers, Henya thought. Now I just have to finish that red-haired one for Saizuchi…

A few hours later, Shishio was chained to his bed, with a steady supply of anti-caffeine tablets that Yumi and Kamatari were giving to him anytime that he got that psychotic, coffee-deprived look in his eyes. (In other words, several times a minute.) Houji now strutted past with his new, 100 stolen hair ™ neon purple wig. He looked inside the open (Or maybe it would be safer to say, "Smashed to little tiny pieces with a Shishio-shaped hole in the middle from the last time he had escaped") door, and walked slightly faster. He didn't see Usui coming up right in front of him, and Usui didn't see him. (WOW.) Crash. Houji's curly haired purple wig flew across the room, and landed on a hotel lobby plant that had mysteriously located itself in the Shrine-of-now-because-Saito-is-dead-and-Aoshi-and-Sano-are-both-drunk-all-construction-has-been-stopped-and-it-is-now-still-6-and-almost-being-completed-arches. (Whew, that was the longest one so far!) Its leaves bore an uncanny resemblance to Shishio-sama's hairstyle, except that they, too, much like Houji's wig itself, were dyed purple. (It is Shishio-sama's favorite color, after all!)

Houji picked up his wig, and put it back on. Backwards. He then fled the scene before he was employed in the lengthy task of helping the Blindsword to stand upright. So, Usui just lay there, waiting to be helped and/or at least noticed, after awhile falling asleep and dreaming of beautiful pink ponies and hardware merchants, the usual. Meanwhile, Saizuchi was coming along…

TO BE CONTINUED……

Still with me here? is amazed Anyways, Crispy is always happy with reviews, and would love it if you could please leave one. Kudasai?

Shishio: You know, you sound really pathetic, whimpering around like that. The strong will live, the weak will die. It is the raw truth of life, and I am the strongest.

Crispy: throws a burning pastry at him MWA-Hahahaha…

Shishio: FIRE!! FIRE!!! starts burning

Crispy: Oh, "sorry…" (in actuality, feels huge remorse, though shows it not.)

Crispy dumps pudding on Shishio-san, fire goes out, Bandage Man is covered in Tapioca.

Shishio: WHAT THE SPLEEEEEEEP DID YOU DO THAT FOR, YOU LITTLE SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP (glowing red eyes)

Crispy: ….....

Shishio is bored, walks off to remove large globs of pudding that drip off of him with every step.

Crispy: (fighting with her conscience) That WAS really mean, Crispy… (I actually DO talk to myself sometimes- scary, huh?? ) It was worth it, though… looks at snapshots of Shishio covered in pudding Hehehe……….

-Crispy, (a.k.a. BurntUpOldSausage