Warning: This is slash. SLASH! Remus/Sirius pairing. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters/names/places/events/etc. belong to JKR and Warner Bros. I'm just a poor little fangirl that likes to borrow them.
Remus managed to make it up the stairs and inside the dormitory without any mishaps. But no sooner had he closed the door behind him that his body lost the battle of dominance to his emotions. His flesh froze icy and numb and he trembled uncontrollably. Remus walked unsteadily to the closest bed—he didn't care whose—and collapsed into the welcoming sheets, covering himself with the blanket in a feeble attempt to stop the shivers wracking his body.
His heart was thudding in his throat, and his stomach felt like he had swallowed a bucket of worms. He felt filthy and weak. The realization that he had gambled his life at Hogwarts and the acceptance of his peers for an unrequited attraction toward his best friend—gambled and lost—chilled him to the marrow.
And Fabian…
If there was ever a chance that his feelings toward Sirius might have been even a little less than unreturned, he had completely and successfully ruined it.
Remus couldn't stop the hot tears that leaked from his eyes, and he made no pretense to try. Pulling the blanket over his head, he wept into the soft fabric, doing his best to stifle the sound of his wrangled sobs.
x-x-x-x-x
Remus hadn't realized he had dozed off until he was shaken awake by a rough but comforting hand.
He blinked sleepily, wincing at the pain in his swollen eyes. "James?"
The image of his best friend smiled down on him, and Remus sat up slowly, putting a hand to his throbbing head.
"May I?" asked James, gesturing toward the bed.
"Oh, uh…sure." Remus scooted to make room for James, who sank down cross-legged onto the bed beside him, looking concerned.
"Is everything all right, Remus?" James began. "You've been a bit off color lately. And, well…considering what happened today…" he trailed off, looking away apologetically.
"It's—nothing."
"You're not as great a liar as you'd like to think, Remus. Though I must admit, you're better than Sirius. It's quite pathetic, really, for a Marauder to not be able to lie effectively."
Remus grinned reluctantly. "Okay, you got me. I've been worried about…about…"
"About?" James prompted, showing infinitely more patience than Remus would have dreamed possible from him.
"About…you know…being attracted to men. I hated keeping it to myself. It's like the secret was gnawing at me from the inside, tearing me up. I wanted so badly to tell you, Sirius, Peter, anyone." Remus ended in a whisper. As much as he had told Sirius he had come to accept his sexuality, he was scared to death of the reactions he expected.
"But you thought we'd reject you?" James patted Remus's shoulder reassuringly. "We accepted the fact that you turn into a werewolf, so why wouldn't we accept the fact that you like blokes?" He beamed, eliciting a weak smile from Remus.
"Thanks, James."
"That's not it, though, is it?" James took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for the worst. "What was the thing you pulled with Prewett?"
Remus couldn't help it. He flinched, and James pulled back his hand, though his worried expression never wavered.
"I don't know, James. I just—I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking at all. Something just—took over. And before I knew it, I was trying to choke Fabian with my tongue. I—when I saw Sirius, I just—" Remus suddenly clapped a hand to his mouth, realizing what he had just said.
"Sirius? I had a hunch this had something to do with dear old Padfoot.—What, Moony? You think I wouldn't notice? Honestly, you two are completely obvious…and impossibly dense for the brightest students in our year."
"That's you, James. Not me."
"Remus," said James, fixing him with a piercing look. "Don't underestimate yourself. You are one of the smartest students at Hogwarts. And don't you forget it. Besides, you're changing the subject. As I was saying, you and Padfoot are obvious. I mean, how could anyone miss the way you two grab nearly any and every chance to touch each other."
"What?" Remus asked, startled. He knew he certainly did just what James had claimed, but Sirius? Impossible. "Sirius doesn't—I know he's gay, but he doesn't fancy me, if that's what you're suggesting, James."
"Why not?"
Remus lifted a sardonic eyebrow at his friend.
"Come on, Remus. Why wouldn't he like you? I mean, you're smart, you're funny, you're a Marauder, you're—"
"—A coward, a werewolf—"
"—The kindest person I've ever met," James plowed on, pretending he hadn't heard the comment. "You're talented and handsome to boot."
Remus snorted derisively, earning a sharp glare from James.
"You are, Remus. You're very handsome."
"Oh, really? Says who?"
"Says me. And"—James gritted his teeth a little—"Lily. And a lot of other girls, in fact. And Sirius. And Prewett, if his reaction to your little kiss was any indicator. You have quite a little fanclub, actually. If you just open your eyes a little, you'd see that you're just as popular among the girls as Sirius or me. And probably among the closeted guys, as well. At least you will be once the word gets out about where your preferences lie."
"Hey, wait a minute! As much as I appreciate your words of comfort, it's your bloody fault that this whole thing blew up in my face."
"What?" James asked with an expression of mock-surprise, his mouth twitching.
"Yes, you pompous git," growled Remus, though his anger had quite dissipated by this time. "It was your stupid game that caused all this."
"But wasn't that a perfect excuse to come out?"
"I suppose so…I do feel better now that it's out in the open. I can deal with keeping my lycanthropy a secret. I mean, I only have to face it once a month. But this—this is so much a part of who I am that it was hurting me not to let it out."
"See? Every line has a silver trim."
"I think it's 'every cloud has a silver lining.'"
"Whatever. Stupid Muggle proverbs."
Remus chuckled.
"By the way, Sirius wants to talk to you, Rem."
"Wha—what?" Remus asked, his voice strangling on his sudden panic.
"Sirius. He wants to talk to you."
"About what?"
"Beats me. He wanted to be the one to wake you, but I had a hunch his presence wouldn't have quite achieved the goal of comforting you. Are you ready to talk to him?"
Remus shook his head, his heart sinking into his stomach. He didn't think he could face Sirius after what he had done—after how Sirius had reacted.
James slid off the bed and bent down so that he was at Remus's eye level. "He's waiting outside the door. Should I tell him to come back later?"
"N—no. I'll talk to him."
"Good. And…uh…"—James shuffled his feet uncomfortably—"I was wondering if—if—a hug would make you feel better."
"A hug?" Remus asked blankly. James nodded, his cheeks reddening a little. Remus couldn't help the laugh that forced its way through his lips. The sight of his friend—the aloof and arrogant James Potter—offering a hug and blushing like a five year old made him want to roll around the floor in mirth.
"Sure, James," he said when he regained control of himself. "A hug would be—nice."
James grinned and kneeled on the bed, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Remus's shoulders. The embrace, which Remus gratefully returned, was rather forceful but comforting. Remus smiled as they pulled apart.
"Thanks, James. I really needed that."
"Don't mention it, Moony."
"I'm just surprised you don't feel uncomfortable touching me."
"Why would I feel uncomfortable?" James stared at him perplexedly before his eyes widened in comprehension. "Oh! But I told you. Your being gay doesn't bother me in the least. Sirius told me a while ago, and I haven't acted any differently around him."
"You knew about Sirius?"
"Yep. Stupid prick's too bloody conceited to keep it to himself. Don't worry, Remus. There's a reason why he didn't tell you, and once you hear it, I'm sure you'll understand. But I'll let him give you that reason himself."
James leaned over the bed and swept Remus into another quick embrace before walking over to the door and pulling it open.
TBC…
DEMONSBLADE: Aww, James! You're such a good friend.
JAMES: Why, thank you.
SIRIUS: But poor, poor Moony. He's suffering and I can't suck his problems away.
JAMES: Eww. I know I said I support you guys, Sirius, but I really don't need to hear of your little sexual exploits.
SIRIUS: Get your head out of the gutter. I'm just saying that Moony's troubled and I wish I could help. And besides, you know you get off just thinking about us together.
JAMES: You wish, you arrogant berk.
DEMONSBLADE: As I was saying, it's time to answer some reviews.
JAMES: Here's one from gil de hu, who wants to know how many chapters this story is going to be.
DEMONSBLADE: You know, I'm not quite sure. This story was originally meant to be a one-shot, but somehow got dragged out to this. So…no less than four chapters, no more than ten. And I promise to all of you that I'll make it up to you for having Remus do what he did to Fabian. Lots of Siri/Rem slashy fluff will come before the end.
SIRIUS: Yay! You know, you should consider making this a smut fic.
DEMONSBLADE: Hmmm…that's actually not a bad idea. I'd like to keep the rating at T (PG13), though. I don't think I'm ready to write an M (R) fic.
SIRIUS: gods sent angel wrote that she'd like to see some bum ravishing. See, you stupid git of an author? I told you.
DEMONSBLADE: Hey! I never said there wasn't going to be any bum ravishing. You just have to wait for it.
JAMES: Oooookay. Moving on…
DEMONSBLADE: The review from woelfin-akhuna made me very happy. Thanks!
JAMES: There have been a lot of threats to cry if you don't update soon.
DEMONSBLADE: It was truly evil of me to stop after that last chapter, so I'm doing you guys a favor and updating early. Usually I update only once a week, but I've decided to be a bit faster on this story since I've been getting a lot of positive feedback.
JAMES: You should thank me, you know. Everyone is taken with the game because, naturally, it's brilliant.
SIRIUS: So bow before the superior intelligence that is Sirius Black and James Potter.
JAMES: That's right, you fools!
DEMONSBLADE: Oh, dear. I'm surprised your heads haven't exploded from all the arrogance.
SIRIUS: I resent that!
DEMONSBLADE: Well, thanks for the reviews and keep 'em coming! Next chapter will follow very very soon. I know this chapter was a little boring.
JAMES: Hey!
SIRIUS: Sorry, James. But everyone wants to see me, not you.
DEMONSBLADE: I promise the next chapter will be very fluffy and angsty and exciting.
SIRIUS: Do you actually plan to hold to that promise or is this just another way of attracting more reviewers?
DEMONSBLADE: Heh…later, gaters!