OK, I posted a new chapter in honor of Alatril Carnesr, who I have forgotten to mention as a reviewer in my chapters. CRISPY IS SO SORRY!! I was just using the 'reviews for all chapters' button, blissfully unaware... A big thank you also to Anime-Freak713, who is also faithfully reviewing! I'm so happy someone actually has confidence in this blissfully bad writer... Anyways, now for the promised longer chapter, and time to confuse you with all of my friends, and made-up characters! (actually only 1 of those, but...) GWAHAHAHA!
Beth: one of my best friends. A Kenshin fan.
Daniel: one of my friends. An Usui fan. Likes cows.
Don: (Chou-Don) A boy who does not want to be take anypart in anything anime related, and won't even join our anime club! ..BUT,we still signed him up as an 'honorary member,' since he resembles Chou so much that it's scary. (One eye always closed, spiky blonde hair, etc.) Go figure... o.0 Called Chou-Don because there is another Don, whom we call Yahiko-Don.
Don: (Yahiko-Don) Speaking of which... . Likes chickens. Like, to shoot chickens. ((o.0))
Maragaret: A Megumi fan.
Crispy: (ME! GWA-HA-HA-HA!) A Shishio fan. (Because there is another main Sojiro fan, but they do not appear in this chapter.)
Connie: A Kamatari fan.
Jerry: Beth's older brother. An Aoshi fan.
Marty: Beth's cousin. (Same age as Jerry.) A Sanosuke (Sano) fan.
Made-up Characters:
Mako-chan: Basically my image of Shishio as a 6-year-old child... so kawaii...o.0email me and I will send you pictures lol! n.n
Norbert Shishio: Described in chapter, basically Shishio's cousin. n.n
Ned Himura: Also described in chapter, Norbert's adversary.
NOW THAT I HAVE SUFFICIENTLY CONFUSED ALL WHO DARE TO READ THIS, BRING ON THE CHAPTER!! (talking to myself again...) -.- Ooh! The disclaimer: I own nothing. done. (Except the made-up characters above...)
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Chou laid a stack of repulsive smelling miniskirts on Houji's bedside table. He had to try to find room for it among all of the YM magazines, hair-care coupons, and posters of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. Chou was not very good at doing the laundry, and Houji wasn't the greatest at keeping his room orderly. "Houji!! Get your ass over here!" yelled Chou, more than fairly miffed at the contents of Houji's wardrobe. The seriously wigged-out (haha) Bagel man approached, wearing a way-too-short, way-too-tight hot pink miniskirt, the kind that would be worn by today's pop singers. He was wearing a tank top that had kittens on it. Chou set down (more like threw in Houji's face) the laundry, and walked off to Sojiro's room, muttering darkly about how it was hard to tell who was acted more gay—Kamatari or Houji. It was a disquieting thought.
He opened the door to the Tenken's room, to be greeted by a HUGE smile. Uh oh. Thought Chou. He had seen a trail of instant cappuccino mix leading up to where the Boy Assasin sat, and the demented look in his eyes; the traces of foam around his mouth. Sojiro turned slowly, twitching like he had been scarfing down several 3 pound bags of sugar since this morning. (Which was highly possibly the case.) "HI, Chou-this-is-so-cool-heeheeheee-yesterday-I-raided-Mister-Shishio's-instant-cappuccino-stash-this-is-so-cool-hee-HEEHEEhee,-but-don't-tell-anyone-HAAHHAAAA…hwa…HAHAHAHAA!!" The severely overcaffeinated Tenken was now rolling on the Tatami mats on the floor, laughing his head off, incapable of stopping, the first time tears had stained his face in over ten years, but they were tears of laughter, pure uncontrollable laughter, and Chou just left the laundry outside the door. He didn't want to provoke a twitching, caffeinated Sojiro… so he just left, with the firm resolution to move in with all of his Norwegian cousins, or somewhere else, far, far, away before this poorly written chapter is over. All the better for us, right?
Anyway, Kamatari, Yumi, and Iwanbo were all trying to help their boss, the almighty SHISHIO-SAMA, recover. After having endured the attempted "cures" of Yumi, (band-aids everywhere, including on top of his bandages,) Iwanbo claimed that it was his turn. Meanwhile, Kamatari was eating bananas. Thus begun Iwanbo's cure—he stood directly by Shishio-sama's bedside, (He was no longer chained down, though.) Leaped 30 feet in the air, and yelled, "CPR!!!" Yumi looked desperately up at the 800 pound, aptly named, "Round Demon" that was hurtling ever nearer to her beloved Shishio-sama, who, all band-aided up, could not even move. It was time for the thing Yumi is perhaps most famous for among all of her fans—the self sacrifice. Yumi leaped forward with a heart rending scream, and pushed Shishio's bed against the far end of the wall, in the corner. Meanwhile, though, Iwanbo fell, and would have crushed Yumi's slender form if it had not been for an oddly placed… banana peel?? Yumi looked at Kamatari in amazement. "Did you just… save my life?!?" Kamatari looked, if possible, more dumbfounded than even Yumi at the course of events. You see, Kamatari had placed the banana peel intending for Yumi to slip and perhaps even get some terrible injury… instead, however, that oddly placed banana peel had just saved Yumi's life. Finding her question unanswered by Kamatari's death glare, Yumi turned her attention to the Round Demon; or rather, where he would have been, if he had not bounced off immediately after he had noticed the course of events. Probably the smartest thing he's ever done, thought Shishio, no stranger to the awesome force of Yumi's wrath. Meanwhile, Yumi's thoughts turned back to her favorite burnt up old sausage. She arrived at his bedside (He was really almost dead by this time, it had been an impossible 6 hours since his last caffeination. He could hardly breathe, and his heart beat only weakly.) Yumi noticed these things, and gleefully announced that she would have to go into artificial respiration. As soon as she said this, however, Shishio's eyes snapped open, tearing the band-aids around his eyes in half. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" He shrieked, with the same tone as if it had been doomsday. "JUST----BRING---ME----COFFEE!!!!!!!" He sobbed, I JUST CAN'T TAKEIT ANYMORE!! Thought Shishio. He knew he would die here, at the hands of a goggle-eyed slutmonkey, a stupid transvestite, and an 800 lbs. bowling ball. (Poor Shishio!! sob) "Why, of course, Mako-chan, you silly!" Said Yumi as if she had no idea this was coming, smiling sweetly. "If you wanted coffee, why in the world didn't you say anything?" Even with all the band-aids, Shishio managed to slap his forehead.
About a half–hour later, Shishio walked out of the kitchen, good as old, burnt up and sausage-like, suffering from what was perhaps the only thing more dangerous than Shishio under-caffeinage—Shishio over-caffeinage. Basically, he was walking around with Happy Sojiro Eyes™, giving everybody hugs. -.-;;(sweatdrop) Needless to say, Kamatari was very happy, except for the fact that he now walked everywhere clinging to Yumi as if she were some kind of flotation device. This hugging habit was mainly scaring the rest of the Juppongatana however. Chou received yet another reason to want to leave, and Usui could smell the scent of barbeque, but not much else. Houji, however, thought to himself that it meant that Shishio loved his new outfit—basically something that could have been used as an Ivy ™ costume in Soul Calibur II. (If you don't know, you don't want to know…) He would now wear it to the next meeting, to try to impress Kamatari. (Recently, Houji had fallen in love with Kamatari's "feminine grace." Needless to say, the feeling was not mutual. Kamatari took any opportunity to insult Houji, hit him with a rake, etc. Besides—Houji didn't even know that Kamatari wasn't a girl.((O.O))
Just then, the doors of the shrine SLAMMED open, and a solitary figure stood there, framed by the landscape surrounding Mt. Hiei—it was a man, with a cross-shaped scar on his left... elbow. "Ned Himura!" Cried Norbert Shishio, randomly appearing out of nowhere. (Ned is Kenshin's long-lost cousin, and Norbert is Shishio's cousin, whom he consults for financial advice, as well as borrowing money to build certain steel-clad battleships…) The two walked outside, and pained screams, as well as ice-cream truck music could be heard. "Well," said Houji. "That was random. HEY, YOU up there!! Author of this utterly pointless jumble of words! Actually try to have a plot going through here, for once! I'm tired of how you only talk about Shishio and Sojiro in these stories, too! I'm a nice guy! Try to work me into some more of your dumb little escapades, why don't you!! BLADDY-BLADDY-BLAH,BLAH…" Suddenly, I am in the story. POOF! Authoress powers. like usual, I start overreacting. "WOW!! It's like, the Juppongatana!!" ("Wow." muttered Houji. "You're fired." Said Shishio.) I start running around, acting like Sojiro on caffeine, with Happy Sojiro Eyes™, giving everyone hugs. "…HEY!!!" Shouted Shishio. "That's my description!!"
"Oh well." I said, with that evil touch I always put into my conversations. (From now on, I will call myself Crispy, for lack of a better pseudonym.) "I'm the one who gave it to you, plus, I have authoress powers, and You don't." Shishio got a pouty expression. "Fine." He complained. "That's still plagiarism, though… somehow… Sojiro, back me up, here!" "Shishio-san is right, de gozaru ka!" chirped the ever-happy Tenken. Anji rolled his eyes. "So now you're talking like the Battousai?? that's just plain weird…"Yumi was about to start yelling at me for being mean to Shishio-sama, when I had a startling revelation—"…Hey! I just noticed something! There are four "Shishios" at this scene! There's me… There's the Bandage Man himself…" Shishio nodded. "Little Mako-chan over there…" Mako-chan stuck his head out of a closet, from which loud pop music was coming from, and it sounded like there were a lot of voices, like some kind of huge party. Mako-chan winked and struck a cute pose. "Come on, Mako-chan!" said the voices of two people—girl voices, and they stepped out to pull him back into all the action—it was a high school prom, and Mako-chan, at age 6,was the Prom King. The two people were two blonde girls who looked about 18 or 19, with dresses even more revealing than Yumi's. They took Mako-chan's hands and led him back to the action. As Mako-chan went back to the party that was being thrown for and about him, Shishio-sama stared at where the two blonde girls had come from with a 'What the crap?!' expression on his face. "And then there's Norbert." Loud laughter, ice-cream truck noises, and screaming punctuated the syllables of his name.
Usui was drawing a chart that looked like a bunch of illiterate scribble. (The guy is blind, y'know…) "So, if I kill THAT Shishio first, then THAT one will be all-too-vulnerable to my wrath…" Shishio cleared his throat. "A-hem." "Uh, sorry!" said the hapless Blindsword. "Carry on, Shishio, my good chum!"
"Um, Usui-san?" asked Daniel, who, like quite a few of the other KFC members, (The KFC is my friends' anime club-- Kenshin Fanclub! n.n)had appeared as a result of my authoress powers. "Can I have your autograph?" "Uh, sure…kid." Muttered Usui. He scribbled all over a piece of paper, then, after he was satisfied that it looked something like, "Ounoma Usui," handed it back to Daniel. It looked like a badly done dot-to-dot puzzle. Usui saw (haha) his crestfallen face, and was about to say something incredibly sarcastic, when Daniel grabbed Usui's eyepatch, and ran away. "Mooooooo…"
Meanwhile, Beth rurouni'ed around the shrine, looking for Gramma Damma's Donuts. After finding the secret portal to Clyde's Super Caffeine-Integrated Pastry Shop™ in Sojiro's room, the Kenshin fan was confident that there HAD to be a portal, somewhere… Meanwhile, Don#1 (Chou-Don, not Yahiko-Don.) was sitting around, muttering what a pointlessly psychotic (And also very long) chapter this was. He did not want to be any part of either the KFC, or anything that had to do with it, including this fanfiction. ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, THIS IS YOUR CUE—LAUGH AT HIM, AND MAYBE HE'LL WANT TO JOIN, OTHERWISE I WILL MOCK HIM IN EVERY CHAPTER HENCEFORTH. Mwahahaha. Shishio's evil lessons were really paying off. Chou was even flaunting his evil side, forcing Don#1 to do the laundry. Connie's eyes were huge and super-shiny as she regarded with awe the giant, 8-foot long chain scythe that Kamatari used. She picked it up cautiously, swinging the chain around in circles. "Now," Lectured Kamatari. "Chain Scythe Lesson #1: How to track down and decapitate a Broomhead."
I looked at my brand new, spiffy mugenjin with awe. Shishio-sama could be a really cool Bandage Man, if you were evil enough. Hehe. I now proceeded to chug cup after cup of instant cappuccino. Shishio watched proudly, though I was nowhere near reaching his record of 49 mugs-full in a minute. I could always dream, couldn't I? I watched flames burn along the edge of the sword. "OOOooooooooh…….." I said, mesmerized. "Fiiiiiiiiirreeeee…."
Meanwhile, at the Kamiya Dojo… Kaoru was a bit flustered. Kenshin still hadn't gotten home from his donut-shop job, and it was almost 4 chapters since he had appeared in this fanfiction. That, and she had dropped her favorite indigo ribbon in a puddle of water after last night's storm. How… dramatic. Meanwhile, Sano and Aoshi staggered back, drunk beyond a humanly possible amount. Beth suddenly popped up, having found the secret portal from the Shrine-of-the-six-and-not-quite-seven-yet-because-all-of-the-construction-workers-are-either-dead-or-drunk. Seeing Aoshi and Sano, she went ballistic. "LOOK YOU TWO!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!?! NEITHER OF YOU TWO ARE EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK, TO BEGIN WITH!!! JERRY! MARTY! I REALLY EXPECTED BETTER OF YOU TWO!!" (Jerry is Beth's older brother, and Marty is Beth's cousin—both of them are in college, but not old enough to drink yet.) They just stared blankly as the very worked-up Beth dragged them back to the Shrine-of-the-bladdy-blah, OK-we-get-the-picture. Kaoru saw Beth walk through the portal and thought to herself what it could be… Anyway, Yahiko, Megumi, Don#2 (Yahiko-Don) and Margaret all stepped through the portal, along with Kaoru, but nothing could have prepared them for what they saw next… They were in Chou's personal bathroom, filled wall-to-wall with jars, cans, and canisters of Sparky McBobington's Super-Acorn-Scented Hair Mousse™!! (DUN DUN DUUUN….) Kaoru screamed in horror. Yahiko fell to the floor in a coma. Don#2 pulled out his chicken-gun 5000. Margaret snatched a bottle and stuffed it into a pocket of her sweater. Black Market, here I come! She thought. Megumi walked back. "I'm out of this moron-nest." She muttered to herself. Meanwhilst… Usui was playing hangsausage. Every time he started a new game, he drew (or pretended to scribble) bandages and a purple bathrobe along with the person. (Or sausage.) It was not Kamatari's lucky day at guessing, either. "Um… A?" guessed the transvestite. "NO!" Said Usui gleefully. He tore the arm off of the Shishio plushie that he held. Kamatari sobbed with grief and remorse. "Sh-Sh- SHISHIO-SAMAAAAA!!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!" "Shut up, Kamatari!" snapped an irritated Yumi. "Lord Shishio's taking a nap, he's getting some beauty rest." ("Not like he needs any…" She muttered with a smile.) It was also Mako-chan's naptime. He was sleeping in the next room, peacefully as an angel… (Except for when he talked in his sleep…) He lay on his purple, squishy bed, and dreamed of water-slides, (haha) unicorns, dragons, knights, princesses… he dreamed that he was in that fantasy world, burning them all. "Ha, ha…heeeeeeee…" He mumbled sleepily with a smile. "Mwa…ha…ha…" His dream changed, and he was walking through Kyoto. He had no desire to burn it, not just yet, and just lay back in the soft green clover and felt the golden rays of the sun wash over his face. A gentle breeze stirred the tranquil scene. He stood up, but suddenly felt somebody push him down again! A mean face appeared over poor little Mako-chan. It was Saito. Angry, Mako-chan saw himself set Saito on fire… again, and again… and again… A smile spread across the young boy's sleeping face—he was savoring the moment. Suddenly, something woke him from his happy reverie. The growling of his stomach. Boy, was he hungry! He stepped out of his soft, squishy bed and pulled on his bathrobe/kimono/thingy…whatever. He tiptoed to the kitchen. There it was, huge, golden, and full of sugary things. The COOKIE JAR. He crept up, and snatched all the cookies away, making sure to leave a trail of cookie crumbs leading up to where Houji was sleeping on the job. He practiced his evil laugh as he stuffed 8 cookies in his mouth at once. (He is Shishio, after all!) "MWA-hmm-hmm-hmm!" He tried to laugh, spraying cookie pieces all over Houji. My work here is done, he thought evilly. Meanwhile…
To Be Continued… (great place to leave off, huh?)
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Crispy: Lol, sorry for being psychotic, Crispy will eliminate all non-real characters (except for maybe Mako-chan and Norbert and Ned, lol!) n.n in the next chapter. See you then...and stuff.
Kenshin: I can't believe you- BAGEL!! BAGEL!!- took my quote! (twitch)
Shishio: AAK! It's the Battousai! HAHAHAHA!
Shishio sprays Kenshin with my pudding launcher. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Crispy: As seen in chapter 4.... or whatever it was! lol
Kenshin is bombarded with pudding. He is flung from the room from sheer force of dairy products.
Curly's Dairy random advertising guy: Now that's three servings per day!
(He dies...somehow.)
Crispy:...
Shishio: Hey, free coffee!
(runs to advertising guy, steals Starbucks coupons.)
Shishio:GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...............
(Crispy replaces Starbucks coupons with coupons for Victoria's Secret... apparently that advertising guy is a cross dresser! ((O.O))
(Shishio runs off, laughing manaically, and everyone stares at the coupons.)
Kamatari: I KNEW it!! HE loves me!!
Yumi: (scared look) Sh-Sh-Shi..shio...sama.....
Crispy: (With Starbucks coupons) Hahahahahaha....(evil grin as shares 'winnings' with Sojiro.)
-Crispy (A.K.A. Burntupoldsausage) n.n OH! By the way, review, please? (flaunts brand new mugenjin menacingly... toward a pastry. n.n)