The Gift
Chapter 7
"Do you think he is Angel now?" Cordelia asked as she wiped the tears from her face.
"It's not Angel yet Cordelia, it's Liam. Lets pull him over so that we can each lay on either side of him. I don't think that it would be possible for us to get him to get on the bed."
"Why do you want us to lay down beside him?" Cordelia asked as she took one of Angels legs and helped Dr. Martin to pull him to the center of the room. "Cordelia think about it. What happens with children that are left alone." Cordelia was winded after they pulled Angel over. The carpet didn't exactly make it easy. She sat down for a minute to get her breath back and after a few seconds came up with the answer to her own question. "They get up and walk off when you least expect it." "Exactly." Dr. Martin said as she sat down herself.
Angel never stopped sucking on his thumb. Even as Dr. Martin and Cordelia removed his clothes for the night he just fussed a little like a little baby would do when you disturb them. They took one of the quilts and laid it on the floor then rolled him on top of it. They then covered him with two more. Cordelia gave Dr. Martin something to wear for the night and she put a night gown on also. They put some pillows down on the floor and laid down on either side of Angel. Angel put his head on Dr. Martins chest and went to sleep. After awhile Dr. Martin and Cordelia did the same. They were exhausted from all that they had been through. It was an emotional as well as physical drain.
During the night Liam advanced in age by several months. He had awakened and was hungry. Since his head was still on Dr. Martins chest he did like many baby's do. His mouth searched out the nearest breast. At first he grabbed onto her breast through the material of her nightgown. In his frustration at being unable to obtain nourishment he pulled at the material and gained access to her nipple. He then bit down hard and started to suck on her breast as the cuts in her skin began to give him all that he wanted. The punctures were not deep but just deep enough to give him a steady flow of blood. Dr. Martin woke up when he first bit down on her skin. She saw what he was doing and let him continue. She put her arms around his head and let him continue for awhile. When she started to feel light headed she pushed him away. He didn't like it but he didn't try to continue either. He just stuck his thumb in his mouth and contentedly went back to sleep.
Dr. Martin didn't notice it but Cordelia had been watching her and Angel. When Dr. Martin pushed Angel away and he went back to sleep she spoke to her 'Why did you let him do that?'"
"I did it for me and not for him. I did it so that we would be joined as Mother and son not only in words but in fact. I have now given him my blood so that he could obtain nourishment. Just as your body and blood nourishes your daughter that is growing inside of you I have now given Angel my blood. We are now truly Mother and son."
Dr. Martin put her hand to her nipple to check to see if it was still bleeding. Her hand came away free of blood. Apparently as he was sucking on her breast his saliva was healing her. She had felt him biting down several times and that was apparently because the wounds had started to heal and were closing off his supply of blood.
Dr. Martin reached up and ran her hand over Angels head. "My son, I loved you from almost the beginning. As we went through the many layers of your mind I grew to love you more and more. I saw the suffering that Angelus put you through and my heart broke for you. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to keep from crying in front of everyone. What you did tonight was wrong. Because of your choosing to go it alone Angelus came through. Apparently you are still full of pride in your own abilities. We will work on this though my son. We will work on this." She gave her son a kiss on his forehead then once again rested her head on her pillow.
"I know your still awake Cordelia. If Angel should roll over in his sleep and try to suckle at your breast don't let him. I don't think he will but he might. With you having just had a problem with having contractions you are to vulnerable. When someone suckles at a woman's breast, whether it is a baby or a man, it makes her uterus contract. So just say no and push him away. Whether he continues to do this or not all depends on how long his mother nursed him."
The next morning Dr. Martin and Cordelia were awakened by a knock on the door. "Grandma, are you ever going to come out of there? I'm bored and hungry. I want my partner in crime to come out and order me some food." Cordelia answered Connor. "Grandma will be out in a minute Connor." Angel woke up at all of the noise. He smiled at Dr. Martin and gave her a kiss on her nose. Apparently he had aged 4 or 5 years during the night.
"What was that for?" Dr. Martin asked. Angels head was still on her arm and he had his arm around her waist. "Because I love you and it makes me happy when I have you all to myself and Da is gone." "What are you going to do Liam if Mamma should have another baby?" Liam sat up in bed. He had an angry look on his face. "You can't have anymore baby's because then I would have to share you and I don't want that ever to happen." Liam said as he got off of the bed and went to the corner and pouted. "Liam how old are you now?" Dr. Martin tried the easiest way to find out what age he was at now. "I am 6 years old now." "Don't you think you're a little old to be acting like a baby?"
"I'm not a baby. Da is always taking you away from me. He makes me sleep by myself and he won't even let me have a puppy so that I can have a friend. I hate him and I wish he would go away." Angel continued to sit in the corner. He hid his face so that no one could see his tears.
Dr. Martin got up from the floor. She went into the bathroom to relieve herself. Angel followed her and pounded on the door. "Momma what are you doing?" "I'll be out in a minute Liam. Are you hungry?" "Yeah." "What do you want for breakfast?" "I want pancakes and lots of syrup and butter." Cordelia was watching him from the chair by the door. Angel giggled when he said he wanted pancakes with lots of syrup and butter. He liked it when his mother catered to his every want and wish. Angel finally acknowledged Cordelia's existence. When Dr. Martin came out of the bathroom he asked her "Who is that woman Momma?" "She's a very good friend of mine that is visiting with us. She is going to have a baby so don't play rough with her. I want you to be on your very best behavior, do you understand?" "Yes Momma. How do you know she is going to have a baby?" "Because she said so and you can see how round her tummy is and if you put your ear to her tummy you can hear the baby's heart beat." "May I listen lady?" "Yes you may Liam." Cordelia said with a smile. Angel got on his knees and put his ear to Cordelia's stomach and listened for awhile. He slowly grew a smile across his face.
"Why don't you turn the television on and see if you can find us cartoons." "What's a television?" Dr. Martin put her hand to head. She had forgotten what year Angel was living in right now. She thought quickly as to how to cover her tracks. "It's a new toy that Da bought you." She took him over to the TV and showed him how to operate it. Then she came back to Cordelia and pulled her into the bathroom. "Cordelia would you go out please and order what Angel wants and I'll take a Bagel with strawberry cream cheese and two eggs over easy. When you get through calling in the order I want you to go next door and take Connor with you. Tell them what has happened and explain to them that they are going to come over and have breakfast with us. While we are having breakfast I am going to try to get Angels attention and hypnotize him so that we can get to the bottom of his problem." "Okay Mom." Cordelia said. She then walked out of the door and made sure that she closed it behind her. Dr. Martin went over to Liam and sat next to him. "This is the best present I ever got Momma." "Make sure that you thank your Da the next time you see him." For the next 45 minutes they sat watching cartoons.
Cordelia in the mean time had gone with Connor next door to explain to everyone what had happened. To her surprise Giles had arrived last night. Since the suites had 3 rooms he had stayed with Wesley, Fred, Buffy and Spike. As she explained what happened last night she could sense Wesley and Giles anger. Before we go over their Dr. Martin wants you to understand that you are to play along with whatever happens. Also you are going to see that Dr. Martin has black and blue marks on her face and that she is rather pale. Try not to react to these things. Above everything else though we do not want any action to be taken against Angel. The food should be coming soon. Let's go. Cordelia got up and led everyone over to her suite.
Everyone filed in and chose their seats and sat quietly. In another 15 minutes the waiter knocked at the door. They pulled the cart into the suite and Cordelia signed for the food and the waiter left. The others had ordered food also so they all sat down to eat breakfast. Cordelia went into the bedroom to let Dr. Martin know that the food was here.
Liam jumped up and pulled Dr. Martin with him. "I'm hungry Momma, lets go." Dr. Martin had dressed him already in black pants and a white shirt and a dark navy blue pull over sweater.
She took his hand and he pulled her through the door but then stopped and stepped behind her as soon as he saw everyone. The men stood up as Dr. Martin came in. They saw the black and blue marks on each side of her face. The bruises stuck out more prominently because of the paleness of her skin. "Good morning Miss Martin." Wesley said. He gave her a big smile.
"Come and sit down Liam. Liam sat down between Giles and Dr. Martin. He was still holding onto her hand. Dr. Martin put his pancakes in front of him. "Here are your pancakes just like you wanted, and look, Cordelia gave you extra butter and warmed up your syrup. Wasn't that nice of her." Angel had such a truly innocent smile on his face that they all responded. "Thank you Cordy." Dr. Martin and Cordelia looked at each other. "Why did you call her Cordy?" "I don't know. I must of heard it from someone else."
"Liam do you know anyone else at the table?" Dr. Martin asked. Angel carefully looked at everyone at the table. The women smiled back at him but the men were not smiling at all. Angel took Dr. Martins hand and held onto it. "No I don't think I've ever met any of them. I only know Da, and Miss. Chase." Angel had pointed to Giles when he said Da. This surprised all of them. "Momma can I go back to my room?" Dr. Martin saw tears starting to collect at the corners of Angels eyes. "Why are you crying Liam?" "I'm afraid of those men. They are looking at me like they hate me." "That is silly Liam, why would they hate you. You said that you've never met any of them. Now sit up straight and let go of your Mothers hand and let her have her breakfast and you eat yours. The syrup that Miss Chase warmed up for you is getting cold." Giles said. He liked playing his role. In fact he was really getting into his part. Dr. Martin asked Cordelia if she had seen any candles around here and if she did would she light one and put it in the middle of the table and turn the lights out.
Cordelia did as she asked. Angel didn't say anything about the candle because during his childhood it was common to light the room with candles. He did as Giles had told him and started to eat his pancakes. When everyone was done eating Cordelia lit the candle.
Everyone had stopped talking. Dr. Martin was trying to get Angels attention on the candle. They all put their utensils down and you could hear a pin drop.
"What's the matter, how come everyone is so quiet?" Liam asked. He had finished his pancakes and had picked up the plate and was licking the last of the syrup off of it. "Liam if you are still hungry you can have my toast, but we do not lick our plates." Since Angel recognized him as his father Giles decided to correct him. "I'm sorry Da, I apologize everyone for my behavior. Me Da says that I am not a baby anymore so I must act like a little gentleman. Please forgive me." Angel wiped his hands then folded the napkin and put his hands in his lap.
Fred felt sorry for Liam so she tried to get his attention to go to the candle. "Isn't that a pretty candle Liam." "Yes Mam it is. My Mother makes them herself." "I think that this is the one that I made just for you Liam. Remember that I said I was going to make it so that the flame danced. Look at the flame Liam. See how it dances over the wick. If you look very closely you can see how the flame dances around and around the wick. Listen to my voice only Liam. See how the flame dances to my words. It dances around and around the wick. Your getting sleepy now Liam. See how the flame goes around and around the wick. Your eyelids are getting so heavy that you can hardly keep them open. Go to sleep now Liam."
Fred noticed Spikes eyes closing, so she poked him in the ribs. Buffy did the same to Connor. " It's time for your nap now Liam I want you to go to the bedroom and lay down on the bed on the side close to the window. Momma will be in to tuck you in, in a few minutes." Angel looked at Giles. "May I be excused Da." "Yes Liam you may be excused."
Angel went into the bedroom and took his clothes off and crawled into bed. Everyone followed Dr. Martin in, in a few minutes. They each took a seat around the room. Dr. Martin told Angel to sit up so she could put some pillows behind him. Cordelia and Dr. Martin put enough pillows behind him so that he was almost sitting up.
Dr. Martin pulled up a chair next to the bed. "Liam, where is Angel?"
"Angel is in the back room. He said he was going to look for something that he hid a long time ago."
"What is he looking for?" "He doesn't know for sure but he said he will know it when he sees it."
"Let's go for a walk Liam. I want you to close your eyes again. We are going to go forward three years Liam. How old are you now Liam?" Angels eyes opened. He had a smile on his face.
"I am 9 years old and Da is taking Momma and me to the beach to have a picnic. And the best thing is, is that Da is going to leave us and go back into town. I am going to have Momma all to myself today and no one will take her away from me. Not Da, not the farm work and not the kitchen work." "Your happy that you have your Momma all to yourself?" "Yes." Angel had a big grin on his face.
"What does your Momma look like Liam. Can you tell me how her hair is? Is it short or is it long, and what color is it? Is it like yours or is it red?" "Momma is tall like Da. She has long red hair. When she is at the beach she lets it down and she gives me her brush so that I can brush it."
"You like brushing your Mommas hair?" "Yes it makes me feel good and Momma sometimes falls asleep when I'm brushing it. She is laying down now. You know, Momma usually has a flat tummy but lately she has been getting a bigger tummy. When she woke up from her nap I asked her about it." Angels face took on an angry look.
"Why are you so angry Liam?" "Mommy said that she is going to have another baby pretty soon and then I'll have a little baby brother or sister." "Aren't you happy to have a little baby sister or brother?" "No, I don't want to share her. She is mine. As soon as I see that baby I am going to take it away and give it to someone that wants it. Because I don't. I don't want to share Mommy with anyone else anymore."
"Okay Liam I want to go for a walk again. We are going to take a walk 4 more months ahead. How old are you now Liam?" "I am 10 years old."
"Where is your Mommy?" Angel started to cry when she asked about his mother. "Why are you crying?" "My Mommy is in her bedroom. She is screaming. There are two women with her. Da and I are sitting downstairs in the kitchen. He and I are crying because Mommy is screaming so much. I think those women are hurting her. I tried to go upstairs to stop them but me Da stopped me. I asked him why Mommy was screaming. He said she was bringing a baby into the world and I was to stay out of the room. We waited for a while longer then me Da and I went outside to feed the animals. I could hear Mommy screaming even from the barn. When we were closing the barn door we heard a baby cry. We ran into the house and up the stairs. One of the women came out. She had rags that had blood all over them. We went into the room and the other woman came to me Da and gave him something. They said it was a Girl. I went to Mommy and tried to hug her but Da pulled me away. I hated that Girl because she caused my Mommy to scream and she hurt her. But I hated her even more because I didn't have Mommy all to myself anymore. I had to share her now."
"Where is Angel now Liam?" "He is standing beside me now. He said he found what he was looking for and he needs to go home now."
"Okay Liam it was nice having you visit with us. You are a very good and polite young man. I am sure that your mother loved you very much. Good bye Liam. When I count to 3 you will awaken Angel. Liam will go back where he belongs in your past. ONE, you will be very hungry for a glass of blood when you wake up, TWO, after you drink your glass of blood you will want to go to sleep. But first you will make sure that Angelus is locked away behind his steel cage again. You will give the key to the lock on that door to St. Michael so that Angelus can never get out again. Come back to us now Angel. THREE." Before Angel could open his eyes Dr. Martin left the room, she didn't want him to see the black and blue marks all over her face yet.
Angel opened his eyes. Cordelia handed him a glass of blood. "How did you know I wanted that?" "You haven't had any since yesterday so I was pretty sure that you would be hungry for it." Angel took the glass from Cordelia and drank it all. He gave her back the glass. "Thank you. For some reason I am real tired. I think I'll sleep for a little while." Cordelia pulled some of the pillows from his back so that he could lay down flat. He closed his eyes then and went to sleep. Everyone filed out of the room.
Dr. Martin was sitting at the table having some more coffee. The rest sat down also. Spike was the first one to speak up. "Why didn't he acknowledge the fact that we were all in there?"
"Until he fulfills all that I told him to do he is still in a semi hypnotic state." Dr. Martin said. She took her bagel and warmed it up in the microwave. When it was done she came back to the table and sat down. The all noticed how she was walking slowly and carefully. She felt like she barely had the strength to put the cream cheese on the bagel. They waited for her to eat some of it. She looked so pale that thought she needed it.
"What happened last night Dr. Martin. Cordelia didn't tell us to much. She said that you would tell us if you wanted us to know." Giles leaned back in his chair and waited for her to answer.
"Angel was looking for an answer. He had a question and he couldn't come up with the answer. He knew from his dream that he had at the cemetery that he was the one and not Angelus that was holding onto the guilt that he felt for killing his sister. Remember Spike when he was talking out loud during his dream and he said 'I won't let me go'?" "Yes, I thought that, that was a rather odd way of putting it. I thought he was talking about Angelus because they share the same face." Spike said. "No, when he said that I knew that he was the one that was holding onto his guilt. He thinks that he wanted to kill his sister and that's why he didn't stop Angelus."
"You still haven't told us what happened last night. How did you get those black and blue marks all over your face? Your left eye looks like it was swollen real bad last night." Giles pursued his previous question.
"When Cordelia and I went into the bedroom last night and took the drinks in along with the bottle of Southern Comfort we found Angel on the balcony. We set everything down on the table then grabbed a couple of blankets so that we could sit outside with him. When we sat down. Angel poured some of the liqueur into Cordelia's and my tea. He poured a lot into his glass of blood. We sat for a few minutes slowly drinking our drinks. Angel finished his drink first. He put his finger around the inside of the glass and licked it. As he was doing this he looked over at Cordelia. Cordelia knew right away that Angelus was the one that was sitting on the balcony and not Angel. He walked over to Cordelia and put his hand around her neck. At first I thought he was just starting to play with her but then I heard her start to cry out as he forced her to stand by pulling on her neck. He started to fondle her roughly. I tried to make an exit as though I thought he was starting to make love to her. But he told me to sit down or he would break her neck. He picked her up and threw her on the bed. I guess he thought twice about it because he said that he didn't think that Angel would like it if he caused Cordelia to lose his baby so he came over to me. He put his arm around my waist and started kissing me. He forced me to the floor. It was clear to me that he had every intention of raping me. He tore my blouse off then he slowly undid my bra and took that off. After he was kissing me a few more times and fondling my breasts he pulled the rest of my clothes off. When he was on top of me and had his hand up between my legs I lost control of myself for a second and I tried to scream but he put his hand on my mouth to prevent the rest from hearing me. Cordelia tried for the door but he stopped her and threw her back on the bed again. This time he told her that he would kill me if she tried it again.
When he came back to me he unzipped his pants." Dr. Martin stopped for a moment. Silent tears were coming down her face. She wiped them away and blew her nose.
"When he got on his knees so that he could take me I started calling out to Angel. I asked him to help me. I knew that it wasn't his fault. I knew that he didn't know that Angelus would come through when he decided to take this journey. I called out to St. Michael to help Angel control Angelus. That's when Angelus started to beat me in order to make me shut up. But just as he was about to enter me again he started to lose control of Angels body. Angelus forced my legs apart then lifted me up so that he could reach me more easily. Within the next second he collapsed on top of me." Dr. Martin started to cry when she was done telling them what had happened.
Spike went over to her and picked her up and put her in his lap as he sat down again. Dr. Martin was about the same size as Buffy as far as height went. He had no problem handling her with his Vampiric strength. He hugged her and she put her arms around his neck as he rocked her back and forth as she cried her eyes out.
"Spike I have never been so scared before." She said in between sobs. She was crying so hard that her whole body shook.
"I was so scared that all of my years of experience and training went out the door. I was doing okay up until he started to push himself inside of me. That's when I started calling Angel to help me. Spike I am so ashamed that I lost control like that. As a psychiatrist I know better than to lose control when confronted by a patient. But I was so afraid."
Everyone else was crying also. They had all been hurt by Angelus and they knew how bad he could get. As far as they were concerned Angelus was the personification of evil.
Spike picked her up and started to take her into her bedroom but she stopped him. "Put me down please Spike." Spike put her down carefully. She continued to hold onto his arm but she turned around to everyone. "I don't want anyone to talk to Angel about what I just told you. No one is to take any action against him. As my patient I will have to handle the ramifications of what Angelus did. It is going to hit him hard and I don't want anyone making it worse. Cordelia would you go and check on Angel. Wesley go with her to make sure everything is okay. If he is still sleeping then let him sleep. Buffy would you come with us please." "Yes Dr. Martin." Buffy quickly got up to follow them into the bedroom.
When they got to her bedroom Dr. Martin carefully sat down on the bed. "Buffy get me my medical bag please." Buffy went to the dresser and retrieved the bag for her.
"Spike, remember when you practiced performing a procedure on Buffy?" "Yes." "Well I want you to do the same thing to me. I didn't tell everyone that Angelus did take me, he just wasn't able to do it for long because Angel was fighting him for control. I feel like my insides are torn. I want you to check my vagina out and the area around the outside as well. Angelus knows exactly how to hurt a woman Spike. Do you think you could do this for me?" "Yes. If you tell me exactly what I am looking for I can do it." "Okay then I have faith in you Spike. I am going to fill out some prescriptions first and I need Buffy to go with Wesley to pick these up. I would send Connor but the pharmacist will take it better from an older man. I am going to give you a list of other things that you will need that I want Buffy to pick up. Give him my business card and tell him that it is for me. If he wants to verify my medical ID he can call my hospital and charge me for the call. Don't tell Wesley why I need all of these things Buffy." Dr. Martin gave her a list of the supplies and the prescription, credit card and Business card. Buffy left then to get Wesley and they left right away.
When she left Dr. Martin laid down. "Spike, if we darken the room as much as possible and I let Angel come and see me will he be able to see the bruises on my face and the paleness of my skin?" "We can make out shapes and we can figure out who or what something is by their scent but we can't see things such as a blemish on your skin." Spike said as he got up to close the drapes and make the room as dark as possible. Fortunately the windows were framed so when the drapes were closed their was almost no light at all. "Try to get some rest Dr. Martin." "I think I will Spike. Wake me when Buffy gets back."
Dr. Martin had only slept for 15 minutes when Cordelia knocked at the door softly. Spike quickly got up and answered the door. "Spike Angel wants to see Dr. Martin." "She's sleeping right now she is having a bad migraine headache. We should let her sleep." When he said that Angel pulled Cordelia to the side and pushed his way in. "It's okay Spike let him in." Dr. Martin said from the bed. Angel came over to the bed. He noticed how it was so dark. "Why is the room so dark?" Angel asked Spike. "I don't want you to see me just yet Angel." Dr. Martin said. "Why?" Angel was starting to get agitated. Spike stepped between Angel and Dr. Martin. "Angel she does not want to see anyone right now." Angel knew by the tone of Spikes voice that he was serious and that he wouldn't be able to stay and talk to Dr. Martin without fighting Spike. For now Spike was Dr. Martins champion instead of him and that hurt him. "Angel I promise that I will see you in a few hours. Right now I need to rest. Give me a kiss now and go to your room."
Angel hesitated for a minute then he came over to her and bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately it was where the worst bruise was and she sucked in her breath when he kissed it.
Angel reached for the light and switched it on. He stared at her. After a few minutes he asked the inevitable. "What happened to you?" Angel sat on the side of the bed and put his arm on the other side of her and leaned in where he could examine the bruises. He put his hand up close to the bruises. Angel got up from the bed when he realized that his hands matched the shape of the bruises on her face. He got up and backed up and away from her. "I did that didn't I?" "No Angel you didn't do it. Angelus did." Buffy came in at that time and Dr. Martin asked Angel to come to her and sit on the bed by her. She put her hands on his arms and said with tears in her eyes. "Angel please don't ask me anymore questions and do as I ask and go to your room. I promise I will come and talk to you after I have had some rest. I'm having a few medical problems and Spike is going to help me. Please Angel go back to your room and let me rest for awhile." Angel hesitated at first then he got up and left.
Buffy came back in the room as Angel left and went to his room. Dr. Martin and Spike opened the packages and Spike read the labels on each. Buffy helped Dr. Martin to get undressed and put a couple of towels under her. Spike was putting the batteries in the large flash light and then he went to wash his hands and then put the latex gloves on. He had filled up a container with warm water and brought some soap and a wash rag over to the bed. Buffy let Dr. Martin hold onto her hands.
"Okay here we go Dr. Martin are you ready?" "Yes go ahead." Spike found dry blood on her so he cleaned her up first then proceeded to examine her. It was so painful for her that she dug her nails into Buffy's hands and was crying quietly.
Thirty minutes later he was done. He cleaned everything up and Buffy helped Dr. Martin to put a nightgown on and helped her to get under the covers. When Spike was through cleaning up he came back to her and pulled a chair over to the side of the bed. He pulled out some regular buffered aspirin and gave it to her along with a glass of water. "How are you feeling now?" Spike asked her. "Better, I am real sore but I am pretty sure that I'll live." She gave him a slight smile. "
Well I found a lot of tearing. Nothing real bad but it's going to take awhile to heal. Like you said Angelus knows how to hurt a woman. It looks like he grabbed you hard enough to dig his nails in to your flesh. His nail marks are on the inside of your thighs as well as the flesh between your legs. Like I said he wanted to hurt you not kill you. Not that way anyway. I noticed though that your right breast is all black and blue also what happened there?" Dr. Martin was hesitant to answer. "Liam woke up in the middle of the night and he still had the mind of a baby. He was hungry. My breast was the closest one available since he fell asleep with his head on my chest. He was able to open my nightgown and started sucking on my breast. But the odd thing about it Spike was that he remembered that he needed blood so he bit down around my nipple and sucked on the blood coming out. I let him do it until I got light headed. I didn't see any harm in it since it would have been rather odd to send Connor out for a baby bottle in the middle of the night. Anyway Liam had to bite down several times in order to keep the blood flowing. His saliva kept on making the cuts heal." Dr. Martin was very tired now. She could barely keep her eyes open.
"Let me take a closer look at it?" Spike said. Dr. Martin unbuttoned the top of her nightgown and pulled it down so that he could see her breast. "Buffy could you hold the light right on it please." Buffy did as he asked and Spike checked the bite marks. He pressed down lightly around her nipple. He could see that their was blood trapped under the skin and he told her this. He took another syringe out of her medical bag and put some topical anesthetic onto a piece of gauze and placed it around her nipple. After a minute he pierced the skin just below the upper layer of skin and carefully pulled on the syringe. He pulled out about 1/4 of a cc of blood then pulled the needle out. He showed her how much he got then put the cover back onto the needle and put it back into the bag. He put a bandage on the puncture wound and buttoned her blouse up again. They left her alone to sleep for awhile then. Spike brought a chair over to her door and sat down in it and wouldn't let anyone go in to disturb her.
In the mean time the rest could hear Angel walking back and forth in his bedroom. Cordelia was lying on the couch and was getting some sleep also. It was 5:30 p.m. by the time Dr. Martin woke up. She carefully swung her legs to the floor and took several minutes to stand and walk to the bathroom. When she was done relieving herself she removed her clothes and got into the shower. It took her longer than usual to bath since she was so sore. When she got out she brushed her hair until it was dry. Before dressing she put some more antibiotic cream between her legs since she had washed away what Spike had applied. She chose her long black skirt to put on and a long sleeved blouse. Before leaving her room she checked herself out in the bathroom mirror. Her bruises were still prominent against her pale skin. Their was nothing she could do about it because the colors were to deep. She checked her hair that she had put into a bun to make sure that there were no strands hanging down. Taking a deep breath she said a short prayer asking for help in guiding Angel. Then she opened the door. She found Spike sitting and guarding her door.
Spike got up and put the chair to the side. "How are you feeling now?" "Sore but better. Thank you Spike for everything. When you were an evil soulless Vampire I bet you never thought you would be put in such a situation?" Dr. Martin put her arm around Spikes waist and hugged him. "Never in a million years." Spike said as he helped her over to the living room.
"Where do you want to go?" Spike asked Dr. Martin. She looked around the room and saw a soft chair that was in the corner and out of direct light. "I want to sit in the chair that is in the corner." Spike helped her to the chair and supported her as she carefully sat down. He pulled an Ottoman over to the chair and carefully raised her legs and put the Ottoman under them. "Spike would you get the syringe and bottle that is in the bag that's on my night stand. I need for you to give me a shot of the contents.
When Spike left Dr. Martin saw Connor standing in front of her chair. She saw the tears slowly coming down his face. She held out her arms to him and he went to her side. "He did this to you didn't he?" Connor said this in almost a whisper. "Yes and no. It was Angelus using Angels body." Connors grandmother told him as she wiped his tears away with a kleenex. "Connor, Angel did something in his mind and he didn't know what the consequences would be. Remember how in Los Angeles when we were having sessions with everyone?" "Yes." "Remember how Angel was able to put himself in a trance so that he would be better able to control Angelus?" "Yes." "Well Angel did something like that but something happened that he didn't think could possibly happen." As Dr. Martin was explaining to Connor what happened to her everyone else came over and took seats close by so that they could hear what happened.
No one but Dr. Martin and Cordelia noticed that Angel had come out of his room and had taken a seat in the chair closest to his bedroom door. Cordelia was still on the couch and through the link that they shared she let Angel know that Dr. Martin was in the living room.
Dr. Martin continued to explain to Connor what happened. "While Angel started his journey in his mind to find out why he couldn't let go of the guilt that he felt for Angelus killing his sister Angelus used a split second opening to escape his cage. Cordelia and I went into the bedroom to sit and have tea with Angel and so that I could talk to him about his dream. We didn't realize that we were sitting next to Angelus instead of Angel. Without going into to much detail what happened is that Angelus raped me. He has a lot of hatred for me because of what I have done to help Angel and that I was instrumental in making it possible for Cordelia and Angel to be together without Angelus taking over. Angelus used this opportunity to get back at me. First he went for Cordelia then for some reason he stopped and said 'Since Angel won't be to happy if I
was to cause Cordy to lose his sweet Mary Kathleen I think I'll go and play with you.' Of course he was talking to me and that's when Angelus had his revenge and he started to rape me. When he pushed himself inside of me I was so scared and in so much pain that I called out to your father and begged him to help me. I told him that it wasn't his fault and I didn't blame him but that I needed him to stop Angelus. I called on St. Michael to help him. That's when Angelus started to hit me to make me shut up. But within a few seconds he was unable to control Angels body and he collapsed on top of me." Dr. Martin leaned back in the chair then and rested for a second. Then she leaned forward again and pulled Connors chin up and forced him to look at her.
"Connor I want you to go and sit down next to Cordelia. I want you to promise me that you won't say or do anything while I am talking to Angel." Connor hesitated. When Dr. Martin didn't get a reply she repeated herself. "Connor, promise me that you won't do or say anything." Connor finally promised then got up and went to sit next to Cordelia.
Spike had been waiting to give Dr. Martin the shot that she had requested. The needle was full of vitamin B12 and other vitamins that would help her to rebuild her blood supply. Spike also gave her a large glass of water so that she could rebuild her fluids. When they were done Spike went back to one of the chairs at the kitchen table and sat down.
Dr. Martin started her session with Angel.
"Angel would you bring your chair over to the middle of the room please." Angel hesitated at first as he looked around at everyone. Then he put the chair in the middle of the room.
"Angel why did you decide to do what you did and how you did it?" Dr. Martin asked. She took a long drink from her glass. Her body was trying to bring up the supply of blood in her body and it needed liquids to do that so it was making her feel very thirsty.
Every time Angel looked at the bruises on Dr. Martins face it encouraged him to do exactly as she said. "When I went to the monastery in Tibet to get over the grief that I felt over Buffy's death they taught me how to go on a journey inside of my own mind so that I could learn why I was feeling as I did and they also taught me how to deal with it. I used those techniques last night. But without their constant guidance my journey resulted in behavior that I didn't expect. I didn't expect Angelus to take over my body. Fortunately my journey hadn't gotten very far and I heard you calling out to me for help. That was when I realized that Angelus was controlling my body. With St. Michael's help I was able to take back control and put it in the hands of my younger self. I screwed up their also though when I went back to far in my past and my mind became that of a baby."
Angel looked Dr. Martin in the face and said. "Dr. Martin please believe me when I say that I could not control what my body was doing. My mind was on a journey and I was nothing but an observer. Liam was in control all of the way." Angel leaned back in his chair and covered his eyes in embarrassment.
Dr. Martin decided to tell everyone what happened next. She decided that it was important to Angels lesson.
"Once Angel and St. Michael put Angelus back in his cage what was left was Liam. The Liam that was left was about 2 to 3 months old. I am pretty sure that was his age because when Cordelia and I checked on him he was sucking his thumb. Newborns don't suck their thumb. At that point they don't even know they have hands and what they're for. Because Angel had the mind of a little baby I decided that Cordelia and I would sleep on either side of him during the night. I didn't know how long it would take Angel to go through his past so I decided to treat him as the baby that I guessed him to be at that point. I slept on Angels left and Cordelia was on his right. With his thumb in his mouth Angel placed his head on my chest and fell asleep. After what we had gone through we were both emotionally and physically exhausted. Sometime during the night Liam woke up and was hungry. I am sure that many of you have seen how a small baby will go for any breast that is near their mouth when they are hungry. Humans are not like animals where they sense their mothers smell first. They just go after whatever is sticking out their way and that's what Liam did. He went for my breast. When he realized that he wasn't getting what he wanted he bit down hard and drew blood. He then contentedly continued to suck on my breast but instead of milk he was getting blood. I woke up when I felt him bite down on me. Some how Angel's need for blood for nourishment came thru to Liam. He had to do this several times because of his saliva making the cuts stop bleeding. I let him continue to do this until I became light headed. Then I just pushed him away. I thought he might fight me so that he could continue drinking my blood but to my surprise he just stuck his thumb in his mouth and went back to sleep. So now you know why I am in the condition that I am in. We were very fortunate Angel that Angelus left Cordelia alone."
Dr. Martin stopped for awhile to see how everyone was taking this. After a few minutes she continued. "Do you understand now Angel why your inner self won't let go of the guilt you feel over your sisters death?" "I think I do. I believe that I was very possessive of my mother and I didn't want to share her with anyone. When my sister was born I believed that she was the cause of my mothers screams. In my young mind I hated her even before I saw her. When my mother died two years later I transferred that all consuming love from my mother to my sister. In my dream I saw myself trying to kill Kathleen. I think that I believed in the deep corners of my mind that I purposely did not stop Angelus from killing Kathleen because I hated her for taking my mother away from me."
"Of course you know how ridiculous that is now don't you?" "Yes, I understand now." "Do you think that you will have anymore problems with this anymore?" "No." Angel had his head down. He didn't want to look at anyone or see the look on their faces.
"Okay Angel now that we have that out of the way lets concentrate on your other problem. Do you know what that problem is?"
Angel was wringing his hands over and over. He knew what he did was wrong. Unfortunately he realized this after the harm had already been done, as was usually the case.
"Once again I let my own pride and lack of humility tell me to rely solely on my own abilities. And as usual I screwed up. This time though it almost resulted in the death of those that I hold most dear to me."
"Why do you continue to do this Angel. I know that you understood the lesson that I put together for you before I left. Why do you continue to rely solely on yourself." Dr. Martin said. She was very tired now but she wanted to continue. As the saying goes. Strike while the irons hot.
"Why do you think you continue to rely solely on yourself Angel. Doesn't the thought of you screwing up ever enter your mind to remind you of how badly you do when you let your pride guide you. How many people have been hurt by your pride Angel or have you lost count."
"I don't know why I can't control it. I know that I have to learn to listen to others and I do my best to follow everything that you have taught me. But this is the hardest thing for me to control and I try, I really do try but I continually fail."
Dr. Martin started to get up. Spike immediately went to her side to assist her. "Can someone get a chair and put it in front of Angel please." Buffy brought one of the kitchen chairs over in front of Angel and Spike stood by Dr. Martins side as she carefully sat down in front of Angel.
"If you agree to follow whatever I want you to do Angel we will attempt to help you to get over this pride of yours again." "Yes, I'll do anything just tell me what to do." "It's going to be very hard on you Angel and it's going to last until Mary Kathleen makes her first appearance in this world."
"I don't want anyone here to ever be in danger again because of me. I'll do whatever you say."
Cordelia stood up and came to stand in front of Angel and beside Dr. Martin. "Angel when you brought me over here from the hospital you said that you were sorry for being so selfish and putting yourself before me. You said, and I quote, "I promise to love you more than I love myself Cordy." Do you realize what you did to Mom and I. You say you love us but you keep on doing things like this that puts us in danger and it's all because of your own stubborn pride in your ability to handle anything. Angel don't you realize that Angelus did the same thing to Mom that those young Vampires did to me on the beach. You men don't realize how painful it is when a Virgin has sex for the first time. Mom hasn't had sex since her husband died. So she was just as small as a virgin and you're a big man Angel. I haven't slept around but I would guess that if you were to have a contest among all of you men as to who has the biggest erection that you would win."
"Buffy, you are the only woman here that I know of that has had more than 2 sex partners. How does Angel compare to other men that you have been with." Buffy turned bright red when Cordelia put the spotlight on her. "Uh I don't remember to much about that night but I would say that the only one that came even close in size was Reilly."
"I know that you men have a lot of pride in your own attributes, you men just don't understand how painful it is to take a man like Angel. Or any of you for that matter. Tell them Spike how much damage Angelus did." Cordelia was hot tonight.
Spike was hesitant to say anything because of patient Doctor confidentiality. He looked at Dr. Martin for permission to answer Cordelia's question. She nodded at him with an okay.
"She is pretty bad. Dr. Martin had a lot of vaginal tearing. Angelus knows exactly how to hurt a woman. The added fact that Angel has a large erection made things worse. If Angel hadn't been able to stop Angelus when he did I would say that Dr. Martin would of had to be taken to the hospital. That was not the only thing he did to her though. Angelus knows a woman's external makeup as well as her internal. I can tell you that Angelus is very handy with his hands when it comes to torturing a woman."
Every ones eyes where on Angel now. He was sweating blood and his hands were shaking. His love for Cordelia and the people around him was the only thing that was keeping him here instead of leaving so that he could never hurt anyone that he loves again.
"Angel this is what I want you to do from now and until the day or night that Cordelia goes into labor to deliver Mary Kathleen you are not to talk to anyone but Cordelia and I. You are to place yourself under Wesley's command. From now and until Mary Kathleen is born you will give up your seat at the head of the dining room table to Wesley. You will give up your office to Wesley. You will in fact not have a desk. You will speak only when spoken to if Wesley wants your input. I want you to keep a little black book where everyday, twice each day you will examine your conscience to see if your pride took over your thoughts. When I get home I will send a list of rules that you will judge your daily actions against. I want everyone else to also keep a book of how they think Angel is doing. You are not allowed to sequester your self for more than 2 hours a day. You are to take part in any fun activities that you are invited to take part in and you are to do it with a smile. All of this will be turned over to me every week until the day after Mary Kathleen is born. As Cordelia enters her ninth month you and I will talk again about this problem. Do you agree to all of this Angel?" "Yes, I do." "This type of training Angel has been used in convents and monasteries since the beginning of the Catholic Church. When a person that wants to become a religious and they are full of pride then these methods are used to breakdown that wall of pride. Pride puts a wall up between God and us Angel. I don't want that wall to prevent you from knowing God. But above all Angel I don't want to ever see Angelus again unless he is rendered impotent, and I don't mean that in a sexual way. On top of all of this Angel you are to pray the rosary a second time each day. I want you to ask St. Michael to help you to conquer your sin of pride."
Dr. Martin stood up and looked at everyone. "I know that these rules that I have given Angel seem harsh and extraordinary. But we have to keep in mind that the demon that Angel let out because of his pride could have killed Cordelia and her baby and came very close to killing me.
Wesley do you have anything to add or want to change?"
Wesley came over to Dr. Martin. "May I take the judges chair?" Dr. Martin sat again in the chair she had previously occupied. Wesley sat in the chair in front of Angel.
"I don't think that what Dr. Martin has given you is enough Angel. Some of orders that she has given you were already tried by me. If you remember we had pretty much the same setup when you came back to us and asked me if you could work for me. Since that didn't teach you anything Angel I am going to add something that is really going to humiliate you. In fact I think that you are going to be so humiliated that you will get yourself that proverbial coffin. Buffy do you know if Xander is working on a contract right now?"
"No, in fact I believe he just completed one and he is waiting for the contractor that he is associated with to make some bids on some big projects. I believe he will be free for the next 3 or 4 months." Buffy answered with a smile. She knew how Xander loved to tease Angel and how much Xander irritated Angel.
"I am going to ask Xander to come and work on the Hyperion. It still has a lot of things that need to be changed or repaired. I know that Cordelia and you need some changes made to your suite so that it can accommodate your daughter. The whole hotel needs to be made child proof. I know that Fred and I need more room now and I sure do envy you that whirlpool. So I think we have more than enough to keep Xander busy for the next 3 or 4 months. Also we are not only going to pay him for his time but we are going to give him an assistant." Angel started to protest. "I didn't ask for your input Angel." Angel looked pleadingly at Dr. Martin. Then he looked at Wesley and just nodded.
"That sounds good Wesley. I'll leave this in your hands now. I want everyone to know that I will be leaving the convent and I will be coming back to Los Angeles within about a month. Cordelia and Angel already know about this. Cordelia and Spike would you come with me please. Spike came to Dr. Martins side. When he put his arm around her waist he found that she was shaking. They only took a few steps when Dr. Martin collapsed. Spike quickly lifted her in his arms and took her into her bedroom. Cordelia and Spike were with her for only a few minutes. When they came out Spike reported to everyone that she was okay and that she was only weak from the loss of blood but she didn't want to go to the hospital for a transfusion. Cordelia is going to order some food for her and then she will probably sleep until tomorrow."
Cordelia asked everyone if they wanted to have dinner in or if they were going out for dinner. "I think I would like to go to dinner. Anyone else want to go with us? I think we've been in this place long enough." The rest wanted to go out also. Cordelia ordered for just herself, Connor, Dr. Martin and Angel. She was tired also and they had only one more day before they went home and she had to rest the rest of the night and tomorrow.
When everyone left Angel went to Cordelia. "Do you think that she would see me?" "Yes Angel she will. She has never stopped loving you Angel. When she let Liam take blood from her I asked her why she let him do that after she had pushed him away and he went back to sleep. She said 'I did it for me and not for him. I did it so that we would be joined as Mother and son not only in words but in fact. I have now given him my blood so that he could obtain nourishment. Just as your body and blood nourishes your daughter that is growing inside of you I have now given Angel my blood. We are now truly Mother and son.'"
Angel had his head down. "I'm afraid Cordy that if I go in to see her she may pull away from me out of fear. I don't think I could bear that."
"She won't Angel she won't. Haven't you noticed how I can clearly see when Angelus is in control. When Angelus looked at me out of your eyes I saw pure evil in them. Somehow Mom can do the same thing. And Angel we never get the two mixed up." "Would you come with me?" Angel asked Cordy. He still had his head down and was playing with her left hand and the ring that he had placed on her finger. "I think you should go in with Connor Angel. He needs to see how things are with you and his Grandmother." Angel stood up then and walked out into the living room where Connor was still sitting. Cordelia followed him out to the living room. Since Angel wasn't allowed to talk to him she had to tell Connor what Angel wanted.
"Go with your father Connor. He wants to see Dr. Martin and he needs you to be with him. In truth though he had asked me to go with him but I told him to take you so that you could see how things were between your Grandmother and Father." Connor got up and walked over to Dr. Martins door. He knocked on the door softly. "Grandma, are you awake." "Yes Connor come in."
"Angel wants to come in and see you, is that okay with you?" "Yes Connor let him in." Connor moved to the side and let Angel in. Angel came over and stood at the end of the bed. He had his hands in his pockets and wouldn't look her in the face. He shuffled from one foot to the other. After 5 minutes of this he finally stopped and raised his head and looked straight into her eyes. "Mom." She saw the blood red tears coming down his face. "Yes Angel." "I know that I don't have the right but I am asking you, can you possibly find it in your heart to forgive me?" Dr. Martin sat up in bed and stretched out her arms to him. "You don't even have to ask Angel. I could never hate you. How can a mother ever hate her own son." Angel went to the side of the bed and fell to his knees. He hugged her and cried on her shoulder. I'm sorry Momma I am so sorry. I try to follow everything that you taught me but my pride is so much a part of me that I am afraid it will take a long time for me to learn humility." "I have all of the faith in the world in you Angel. It will be very hard on you but nothing worth having is easy. I know that you will succeed."
Connor stood quietly in the corner and watched them. Each time that he saw his father in a vulnerable position and yet came out of it in one piece and stronger he always came away having a new and higher respect for him.
TBC............................................
D