Author's Notes: My first ever Inuyasha one-shot. Just to let you know, the word "Hanyou" is used more than normal in this fic. You've been warned!
Disclaimer: Me no own Inuyasha and company. If a genie or fairy of some sort happens to be reading this, contact me so you can grant me the wish of making me Rumiko Takahashi.
A Half Is Better Than A Whole
Worthless. Disgusting. Ugly.
"Hanyou." Such a word is said with so much venom and dislike, it used to make me tremble when I was a pup.
And such a word is directed at me. Because that is what I am - not a human and certainly not a demon. I am in between, but for that, I am shunned by two worlds.
My first memorable encounter with such treatment was during the time when mother was still alive, and when I was only as tall as her waist. Full of naivety and curiosity, I spotted my mother's subjects in the middle of a round of kemari (AN: the sport where people stand in a circle and try to keep a ball in the air with their feet in the third movie) and it snagged my interest immediately. Being the cheerful little boy I was, I ran to join them.
They ended the game the moment they say me coming.
I remember their eyes, all so cold and disapproving, glaring at me as if I was an unforgivable criminal. An especially scary man tossed the ball purposely, signalling me to go and get it.
Or perhaps he meant "go fetch" it. Nevertheless, I retrieved the ball with enthusiasm, thinking it was their way of accepting me into the game.
Hell, they'll be damned if they accepted me.
I was baffled as to why the crowd earlier had gone already and stood there alone, with a frown, until mother called and I ran into her arms.
I could almost feel the sadness emitting out from her very being and hugged her tighter, my way of comforting her.That was the first time I saw her tears.
But it was the last hug she had ever given me.
Without the protection of my mother, her oh-so-loyal subjects wasted no time to kick me out, hoping to never lay eyes on me again.
I didn't understand it then. I didn't understand why they despised me, demons and humans alike. Besides, what did I ever do to them?
Days after days of fighting, running and getting insulted made me look at them as enemies. By now I slowly began to understand what being a hanyou meant. I stopped crying, because I realized mother wasn't coming back…and to survive, I would need to kick their asses.
I was no longer the happy-go-lucky boy who once had a mother. I was the lonely, hated, hanyou who used his claws more often than his mouth. I used anger and violence to mask the insecurity I felt. A wall of ice was around my heart.
My life stayed like that for a while. Until my bastard of a half brother came along. Mother only mentioned him once, so it took me a while to recognize him. I recalled the joy I felt when I noticed his silver hair was the same as mine. I thought my miserable life would take a turn for the better.
Fuck that.
"Hanyou." He sneered. I recognized the look in his eyes. The look which meant he looked down on me like everyone else. He lunged at me. I had the faint hope that he was joking.
Keh. Sesshomaru never jokes.
His aim was true - intending to kill me with one blow. I dodged, while all the joy I felt caught in my throat. I knew if I stayed any longer, he would end my life without hesitation.
My own half brother thought I was scum. That was a big blow to my self esteem. But you'd be stupid if you think I'm going to let him know that.
Anyway, my life stayed the same ever since. Everyday it was just eating, drinking, sleeping…the basics. Occasionally I was attacked by some dumb demons who thought they could have me for dinner just 'cause I was smaller. Keh! As if! I had changed. No longer was I the naïve scared little boy. No longer did I run. I fought instead.
At some point, I grew restless and tired of the same routine everyday; it has gotten to the point where I could almost predict the day's events. That came to an end when I met Kikyou, and she entered into my life along with the Shikon no Tama. Being aware of the jewel's powers, I decided to use it to become a full youkai. The idea seemed brilliant; never again will I be called a hanyou.
Upon our first conversation, "hanyou" was how she referred to me. But this time it was different; there was no hint of loathing- she just stated it matter-of-factly. I covered my surprise by demanding the wanted jewel from her in my usual manner. The miko answered me with another question: "Do you desire your place in the world that badly, hanyou?"
She understood me, was the first thought that crossed my mind. After that encounter, I couldn't keep away.
'Because she has the jewel,' I told myself. But a part of me wanted to investigate this strange miko- who had the chance to kill me but didn't. She admitted that was because herself and myself are alike; as human as she was, she was forbidden to act like it for the fear of losing her life.
For a period of time I watched her, awed by her beauty, yet aware of the sadness she possessed no matter how she smiled. I felt a strange connection to the guardian of the Shikon jewel.
The ice began to melt and my concealed heart began to thaw. It wasn't long before I threw away my youkai dream to become all human instead. So that the jewel can be purified. So that Kikyou can become a woman.
But the Gods would have none of that.
With one final release of her bow in hopes of sealing me forever on Goshinboku, the second person who ever accepted me exited from my life…
…And that's when Kagome made her entrance.
Different was the first word I used to describe her. One look at my ears sends humans scurrying in the opposite direction screaming "DEMON!" on the top of their bloody lungs…But Kagome- she thought the very same ears are adorable (cough and I don't like it when she rubs them, mind you).
There was something strange yet familiar about the girl… Being the reincarnation of Kikyou, the two girls are resemble each other in so many ways, but at the same time they are night and day, for Kagome is Kagome, no one can compare to her.
Kikyou pitied me. I didn't realize it then, but I know that now. Being with her always calmed me, but the air around us always carried a sense of melancholy.
Kagome…hell, she's another story.
I'm grateful for the silly arguments we have. I'm grateful for the way she worries about me. I'm grateful for the way she treats my wounds. The list goes on…
But I'm most grateful because she thinks of me as an equal.
I thought the day would never come when someone would see me as Inuyasha and not "the hanyou, half-breed". I thought the day would never come for someone to care, never mind care enough to shed tears for me. I thought I'd never live the day when I'd be able to really trust someone.
Kagome proved me wrong. And that's why I'd do anything to keep her safe, to protect her, even it means my life. Because somewhere along the way, she'd become the most important person in my life.
She makes me happy.
"I like the way you are now," she had told me, an air of innocence and honesty around her. I'd never thought I'd ever hear someone speak those words to me.
But after the goddamn Kaguya, I really began to question myself. Was becoming full youkai really the best? Would it make my life any better?
After defeating that bastard Takemaru along with the cursed Souunga, doubt was evident in my mind. What if I had been human? One blow of Souunga and I'd be dead. What if I had been a full fledged demon? Takemaru would've killed me in the end.
"I'm a Hanyou." I said it so myself. When I was pushing the Takemaru asshole back, I felt an odd sense of pride because I knew I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was a youkai.
Did that make me stronger than my full demon form? Bullshit, of course not! But I asked Kagome anyway. She looked thoughtful for a moment.
"I think that…being a hanyou does make you stronger than either a human or a demon. Because you inherited traits from both sides…your youkai blood makes you stronger physically, but your human blood, it gives you a strong spiritual sense." She smiled, "but to me, you'll always be Inuyasha, the big puppy who tries to act tough, but who we all know is a big softie!"
She was teasing but I didn't bother arguing back. I just stared at her. What she said made perfect sense…yet I didn't understand it until Kagome voiced it. It was like being trapped in a dark tunnel, and suddenly a light shines through and I'm finally able to escape.
"Inuyasha?" Warm, chocolate brown eyes were filled with concern. I still couldn't believe what I did next…it was that damn voice in my head! But when Kagome returned the kiss… cough Well, let's just say I'm never going to leave Kagome's side again.
"Hanyou." That insult will never work on me again - because they are too full of shit to realize… that a half is better than a whole.
End
AN: Well, there you go. Tried my best to impersonate Inuyasha…but he somehow turned out to be much tamer than the real him. Now for a mini tongue twister…
"You must know what I must know that you must know to leave nice review!"
Please…? C'mon, it doesn't even have to be nice! Uh…hope I'm not giving you ideas…