AN well even though I posted the last chapter like, 5 minutes ago… I still want to write, and therefore, I do! Please review! Chapter four is done too, but I REFUSE to post it without reviews.

WARNING this chapter contains some self-harm. Not graphic…chill out, it's not that bad…as those things go….let's all be mature people…

By the by, James is EXTREMELY OOC! He is, in the real books, a sadistic ass-hole who deserves to be treated like the proud scum-bag he was! I HATE that James, but I wanted to change things because I didn't want to use a new character.

Sirius' answer

James' jaw dropped and Sirius nodded. "I know" he said, "It was hard to believe, but I think he's hurting that he hasn't got a girl like us… I mean you have Lily, and I have…"

"Had every other girl in the school?" asked James. Sirius threw something at him.

"You're not going to start on that too, are you?" Sirius asked. James shrugged,

"No" he said, "but I don't know if Remus…"

"We've got to set him up on a date!" Sirius said, "Then he'll be happy again!" James wasn't so sure. Sirius, however, was ecstatic about the thought. "Let's think up some girls for Remus!" he said.

"Maybe another time" James said, "I think he's tired right now"

"Oh, yeah" Sirius said, looking put-out. "Another time..."

Remus recovered slowly, and in 4 days he was allowed to return to class. He wished people would leave him alone. Concerned remarks from everyone around were the worst…

Sirius, James and Remus were sitting on a staircase engaging in Sirius' second favourite sport: pelting Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans at passing Slytherins. They were having a great time, and when a professor passed by, they fled back to the courtyard to enjoy a laugh.

"Wow" said Sirius, "...sooooooo much fun! Bet she regretted that time last month… I thought I would die when that one I licked stuck to Narcissa's hat! "Sirius said. James grinned.

"Well, yeah" he said. People around them were laughing and adding in comments. James glanced at Remus who wasn't laughing with them and wiped the grin off his face. He tried to get Remus to look at him, but could not do so. Come to think of it, James thought, Remus never looks anyone in the eye. Sirius was still laughing, oblivious with all the others.

"Let's head up to the library" James said to Remus, who started and nodded. The two headed away from the laughing gang and into the deserted library. Remus plopped down into a chair and put his head on his arms.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"Nothing to be sorry about" James said, "I know how you don't like too many people to be around". Remus nodded,

"Too many people" he whispered. James stood concerned.

"Have you thought about what we talked about before?" he asked Remus.

"…sort of…" Remus said, "I've been busy with assignments and stuff, you know"

"Too right I do" James said with feeling, "4 rolls of parchment! That's cruel and unusual punishment!" Remus grinned. James smiled; it was nice to see Remus smile.

"Well" Remus said, "We'd better get started"

James was sitting up in his bed with the curtains drawn. He was puzzled. He knew he wanted to help Remus; he also knew that Remus thought he was burdening him. Nonsense, James wanted to help. He didn't want to meddle in Remus' private life, but he didn't like to see his friend so down. He wanted Remus to tell him, but knew he couldn't pressure him. It all comes down to trust, James thought. I hope things will work out.

Sirius came to breakfast with a large smile on his face. "Hogsmead weekend tomorrow" he said smiling at Remus and James. James winked at Lily, who promptly blushed. Remus looked up from his book,

"Yeah, I saw the notice. I need some supplies" he said.

"Hey Remus, meet me in the Great Hall at 10?" asked Sirius, "I have a surprise for you!"

"Okay" said Remus, looking excited. James was pleased to note this change.

The next day dawned bright and clear, and Remus arrived in the Great Hall at 9:45. He waited for Sirius, excited. He spotted Sirius and began to smile, and then his stomach fell into ice. Sirius was leading a brunette girl towards him, his latest conquest perhaps. Remus fought to remain calm.

"Remus!" Sirius called, "I can't come, but why don't you come meet Cora? I've told her all about you, and she's excited that you're taking her into Hogsmead" Sirius winked at Remus. Remus meanwhile felt oceans rushing through his head; he was plunged into a new low. Sirius pushed Cora towards him, and then rushed off.

How could he do this to me? Remus thought frantically. I can't…strangers…stop….get out, now!...ow….stop….no…bad…can't….stop….just let me be alone…..quiet!

Remus ran out of the Great Hall, leaving a stunned girl standing alone.

Remus stopped running when he reached the stands of the Quidditch Pitch. While they were booming with noise during games, now there was no game or practise and they were eerily silent. This did not bother Remus. He needed it, the silence. He was breathing very fast, and when he caught his breath, he began to cry. He felt betrayed, and angry. How could Sirius do this to him? He hated him, more than he had hated anything ever before, even the summer. He hated Sirius for causing the noise, causing the pain to return. Hate…I hate him.

He returned to the common room around 11pm. He was exhausted. He just couldn't bear this anymore. He wanted to go to bed, but he was afraid Sirius was there. He hastened into his bed and closed the hangings. James and Sirius are asleep, he thought, that's good.

Remus was roused by the sun piercing through his eyelids at what he was certain was an ungodly hour in the morning. "Remus!" Sirius was saying, "Where have you been? You scared the crap out of Cora! She was upset! You shouldn't scare people like that, she was cute. You were blind if you couldn't see she liked you!" Remus felt anguish, hate, sadness, depression and anxiety flush over him all at once. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think….he was too angry.

"Scared her? She was upset? Couldn't see she liked me!" Remus screamed. "I hate you! Go away, leave me alone!...I…..can't….stop……stop…..no….can't….please…..no…….make it stop……I…..please…..help….don't…..bad….stop…..no!" Remus ran and ran and ran. He ran from everything. He ran away from the one he hated, he couldn't bring himself to…..no…..he couldn't face that. He would never think about that again, he couldn't.

"I just can't" Remus said, "I'm done"

Sirius stood in shock where Remus had left. He had no idea what had happened. Remus had screamed! Remus never even raised his voice anymore. Maybe I was wrong, he thought. I have no clue what is bothering him, but I made it worse with that date….I need to find James.

Sirius ran into the courtyard where James and Lily were.

"James!" he yelled. James and Lily were sitting on a blanket, playing wizard's chess, both looked annoyed. "James, I did something to Remus….he screamed…please…. I don't know what's up, but I need help!" Sirius finished.

"I'll find him!" James said, as he jumped up.

"I'm coming with you!" said both Sirius and Lily. James shook his head.

"I was talking with Remus before… something's up, I don't know what, but he said he'd tell me later. Let me go" Sirius hesitated, then nodded.

James ran out to the Quidditch Pitch after having searched the Towers, library and courtyards where Remus liked to read. He didn't see anyone, but he looked around. He saw a glint of something and went to investigate. He gasped in horror at what he saw. Remus was lying unconscious on the ground with a knife in his right hand. The works stop and quiet were etched into his left arm and were framed by dried blood. There wasn't much blood, but he had done it all the same. Worse James saw the white and pink lines of old scars that had healed.

"Remus…no….no!" James said, his voice breaking. He kneeled beside his friend and said, "Ennervate!" Remus stirred and James took a step back. Remus opened his eyes. He saw James, and he turned abruptly away.

"Oh Remus" James said, "Please let me help you" Remus heard this, and he sighed. He wanted so much to have James' help, but he was afraid. All of the bad, the evil, he couldn't, but he did.

"James" Remus whispered. He looked into James' eyes and saw concern beyond anything. Remus began to cry and reached out to his friend. James clasped Remus to him as gently as if he were a child and held him as he cried. He whispered to him and tried to comfort him. Remus sobbed and finally rested against James' strong shoulder. James, whose eyes were also wet with tears for his friend, looked down at Remus, wishing he could bear this burden and pain instead of Remus. Remus stopped crying, and James loosened his grip on his friend. The two sat in calm silence for a long while. James knew that Remus would speak if he was ready. Remus broke the silence,

"I want to tell you" Remus said, "I have always wanted to tell you". James nodded. Remus met his eyes.

"I don't know how much I can say at once, but I'll try to get this out" he said.

AN Well, that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed it!

Oh, and REVIEW !