AN Hello, hello, hello!
Hey Sike! Dumbledore, how old is he? Meh he came with the school!
Disclaimer: Disclaimers are so stupid… I mean, everybody knows I own no rights to Harry Potter or the books, or the movies, so why bother writing this? It's quite funny that you need one every chapter, as if I may have experienced metamorphosis and made myself into JK Rowling in a week or something….the utter lunacy of it all!
Sirius is an intolerant prat in this chapter, this does NOT reflect my view, I feel bad writing it, but the plot bunny runs in ways only it knows. I would send my cat after it, but he's sleeping right now…
…and into the fire
Remus cursed himself mentally and called himself seven kinds of idiot. He had royally screwed up everything. He did not stand a chance with Serious, and there was only one person he wanted…
"…James…" Remus whispered as he began to cry, "I need you". He needed his friend because he always felt safe with him. "James may be able to help me with Sirius" Remus hoped aloud. "…Fix this mess…" Suddenly the door to the dormitory swung open again to reveal Sirius standing in the doorway, staring at the floor. Remus' heart was in his throat, he did not know what to think.
"Remus" Sirius began quietly, "…I…didn't mean to run away…it was just…such a shock" he said, twining his hands in front of him. "You know we'll be friends no matter what". Sirius smiled at Remus, who managed a faint smile in return. Sirius stepped forward to hug Remus, but Remus flinched away and said,
"I'm going to bed, thanks for being my friend Sirius.
"Sure" Sirius said, looking puzzled. "You know Remus, you can still hug me even though you're…you know". Remus frowned slightly,
"Goodnight Sirius".
A few days later, Remus, James and Lily were all studying together when Sirius came to join them looking pleased with himself.
"What's with you?" asked James
"You look too happy for me" Lily added, "what is it you've done now?"
"You'll never guess" Sirius began dramatically "Who I caught snogging in a broom closet! Not only that, but I set Filch on them!". Lily rolled her eyes and James sighed.
"Fredrik MacNair and Cecil Brandreath!" Sirius let out a huge guffaw, "the two bum-boys buggering in a…Remus, where are you going?" Lily got up and slapped Sirius across the face and left without a word. James looked disappointedly at Sirius
"You could afford to be more open-minded and watch what you say" he said, following Lily out.
"It was only a joke" Sirius said to no one.
Remus was running as fast as he could. He reached his bed and flung himself down onto his covers. He did not cry. He was too angry to cry. How dare Sirius be so intolerant! …Making fun of them for snogging maybe, but not just because they were both guys. Come to think of it, Sirius could be pretty intolerant of others… but I do like him, don't I? Of course, I've liked him since sixth year; he's funny, and….
The next morning, Remus awoke to the sun blaring through his closed eyelids. When he opened his eyes, he saw a figure standing at the end of his bed holding open the curtain.
"Morning Remus" James said. Remus shielded his eyes and replied,
"Morning James. What can I do for you?"
"You can come down to breakfast with me" he said.
"I'm not dressed yet" Remus pointed out, James smiled
"All right, meet me in the great hall then!" he waved and disappeared through the door. Remus got dressed. He heard the door close and jumped; he had thought he was the last one to leave. He opened his curtains and saw Sirius standing before him.
"Remus" Sirius said, "I'm…sorry for what I said yesterday. It was…rude of me"
"I'm sorry I got so angry" Remus said, "I know you were only joking"
"Then why'd you get so mad?" demanded Sirius, Remus shrank back, "Oh, don't worry, you didn't do that much" Sirius smiled. "I think the reason I got so flustered about you being gay is because…..Remus I think I like you". Remus was in shock, he felt as though all his dreams had come true.
"Sirius…I…like you too" Remus whispered. Sirius' eyes widened. He crossed the room and took Remus by the shoulders. Remus flinched.
"Remus" Sirius said "Will you be my boyfriend?"
"Of course" Remus said, breathing hard. Sirius' hold was making very nervous. Sirius leaned forward. He kissed Remus lightly on the lips. Remus' world went black. Bad things…he remembered….make it stop……oh help me someone Ja….pain….I can't….don't make me…please…..blackness…. Remus was struggling against his mind's black grip. Sirius pinned him and kept kissing him. He finally freed Remus, who was now pale and shaking.
"Remus" Sirius said, "I'm glad I affect you so!" he said with a wink. "You know, your kissing needs improvement, you can be playful, but really, you were really moving! I'm going to tell James we're together, you coming?" Remus fought to calm himself.
"Yeah" he said.
"Great!" Sirius said, "I promise we won't take this too fast, if that's what's worrying you…" Remus smiled faintly.
"Okay, yeah, I'm glad Sirius!" he grabbed Sirius' hand, ignoring the anxiety that built in him at the contact.
James was ecstatic that his friends had found happiness with each other. He still worried about Remus, he had never gotten the chance to talk to him again. Remus seemed happy to be with Sirius, but James noted his discomfort at any contact. Sirius seemed to take this as playfulness and often pinned Remus, but James was not so sure that was the case.
Sirius and Remus were a couple, and they did most things together. Remus told himself he was happy. And he was, when he was with Sirius, he had what he had secretly wanted for a long time, but at night it was different…it was still there, even though he loved Sirius, he had thought his love would make it go away. Sirius had yet to say he loved Remus back, but Remus knew he did
Remus woke up from his dream and willed himself not to scream. He was sweating with fear. He hated this. Why did this happen? It was all so dark and terrible. He wished….Sirius thought Remus was just being overly timid, but he wasn't….oh how those sessions hurt….Sirius was vigorous when it came to kissing…..it hurt, but Remus knew that one had to make sacrifices for a relationship to work, right? Remus liked quiet talks about nothing, and Sirius liked, well…..not that they had gone past kissing. Remus hated the contact. It burned the terror in his eyes, but he would never tell. Sirius was forever urging him to be braver. Maybe now he could be, now that he had his boyfriend. But why wasn't Sirius more open to his needs? Remus resolved to talk to Sirius about it.
Remus found Sirius out on the Quidditch pitch, practising flying. Sirius spotted Remus heading out onto the pitch and landed.
"One day, I'll get you up there with me" Sirius announced with a grin. Remus shuddered.
"Not today, Sirius, I wanted to talk to you about something" Remus said, and Sirius frowned.
"What is it?" he asked. Remus took a deep breath,
"There are some things about our relationship that I think we need to talk about." He said. Sirius' eyebrows lifted.
"There are? What things, besides the great times?" he asked.
" Well" Remus began, "I like it when we study, or play games together, and take walks and stuff, but you should listen to me more when we talk, it's like you don't care, you blow me off, you need to be more attentive to what I feel, I love you…but you scare me when. . .you touch me" Remus finished. "Sirius I want you to listen…"
"No you listen!" Sirius cried, "All I hear is you saying that you would rather read than kiss me. You say you love me, I don't think you do. What kind of boyfriend are you if you are afraid to let me touch you! You need to think about how I feel. Everyone sees it! We're dating, but Ican't touch you! I want touch; I want more than struggling kisses Remus! I think it's you who is the selfish one!" Sirius kicked off from the ground and flew into the night, leaving Remus alone on the Quidditch pitch.
"I'm…."Remus whispered, "I am such an awful, terrible, bad….he's right. It's all my fault!"
AN I am a co-dependant, egotistical maniac. I make this notice to you now. Chapter 6 is complete and already written; however, no reviews no chapter!
Oh, and thank you to my 3 lovely reviewers WhiteWolfCub (now you know why he ran…or do you?), Sike & chaeli.meep. You made me very happy.