Note: Hi, I enjoy this kind of thing. The title sucks but it's getting better. This will be an on-going project, so be on the look-out. And I understand this first installation isn't great, but they get better as we talk about more interesting things. HEY! THERE'S A REFERENCE TO ANOTHER STORY IN HERE! CAN YOU FIND IT? There I'm done with my shameless self-promotion. I love Snape. He's a pet of mine, so I'm not bashing. Thanks.
"My name is Severus Snape. I am a professor at Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry, so I expect to be addressed as such . . . Who am I kidding, anyway? Yeah, I'm Severus Snape. Most people despise me and I don't really blame them, but I'm not here to earn anyone's approval."
"Go on."
"Well, I guess I'll start with pet peeves. I have a lot of them. Harry Potter, for one. See? I'm getting angry just thinking about him. Thinks he's so great. Bugger that! He's about as mediocre as my mum's rice pudding! But seriously, he has this hero's complex and he feels it's his duty to take care of the whole damn school. Hello! We have a headmaster for that!"
"I'd appreciate it if you calmed down just a little bit, Mr. Snape."
"Sorry. He just really gets my goat. I guess part of that comes from the fact that I was never really popular. Maybe some misplaced jealousy. I dunno. Can we move on?"
The older man just nodded and continued to jot things down in this notebook.
"What else do I hate? Cats. I never was a very big fan of cats. They're furry. Come to think of it, I don't really like furry animals at all. Give me a nice reptile and I'll be fine. But the furry ones require too much maintenance.
I also strongly dislike eggs. Can't stand the things. So. . . mushy and . . . eggy. Yuck! And they don't taste remotely like chicken. But that's beside the point. We were talking about pet peeves. Girls who giggle too much annoy me to death. If they'd just shut up they would be cute, but they have to giggle: "Oh look, Jenny! I just got this wicked little miniskirt! I hope James notices me!" "Oh of course James'll notice you dearie, you look absolutely skanky! Totally skankier than that Lilly he's with. I wish I were as skanky as you." Oh, god, I can't stand it. Twitter twitter! That's all they ever do. Someone just needs to give them a good ravishing and be done with it."
"Echm. Well, Severus, I think we have made a very good start here. But, as you can see, the hour you paid for is up. Now if you'll just see Ms. Jenson at the window, she'll schedule your next appointment. I'm interested in seeing you more often. It seems you have a lot to say."
And with that, Severus Snape had taken the first steps into the world of psychology. This will certainly be an adventure into something great. Hopefully.