AN

This fic was written with me listening to one of my favourite songs; Learn to be Lonely, from Phantom of the Opera 2004. It is not inspired by it, per say, but I did listen to it a lot because it inspires the mood. subliminal message - watch Phantom!

The sixth book was great ! It does not apply to this fic, and no, I will not spoil it for all of you SLOW readers. But I am using people from it who apply to the past in the book, ie present in this fic

Disclaimer: do not own, wish I did…not really, I not being known, anonymity is fun.

Chapter 6 – I Think We'll do Things my Way

Remus believed that, like Sirius had said, it was all his fault; but he could not ring himself to apologize. He was afraid of Sirius these days, who shot him evil glares whenever he caught Remus looking his way.

James was very worried about his two friends. Remus was very sad, and Sirius was being a total prick. Sirius was even borderline...well; James only hoped things were resolved soon. He hated to see his friends at odds with each other. Try as he might, James could not get either of them to talk to one another.

Remus was not doing very well these days. He was pale and tired. He barely had enough energy to make it through his class work. He had no idea how Sirius and James managed to play Quidditch through it all. He was exhausted. Worst of all, there was the burning guilt of Sirius' words that charred his insides. How could I have treated Sirius so badly? Thought Remus. He was all I had ever wanted, even with the pain.

One day a few weeks later, Remus and James returned from their late night astronomy class to the tower.

"It's been great being out of trouble, for once" James said. Remus grinned, and James' smile widened.

"Maybe the only plus out of this whole…mess" James said. Remus sobered and said,

"I'm going to apologize to Sirius tonight". James looked at him with an odd look in his eyes. "I think I owe it to him, and I feel truly awful about it". James nodded.

"I'll be downstairs then" he said. Emus continued alone up to their dorm.

"Sirius" Remus called as he entered the room. "Can I talk to you?"

"You have just proven that you can talk to me, so I guess I can't stop you" Sirius' voice said. Remus retreated immediately to the wall, afraid.

"What do you want?" Sirius asked, stepping out from behind his curtains. Remus gulped, he took a steadying breath.

"Sirius, I wanted to apologize" Remus began, flinching as Sirius' expression did not change. "I am sorry that I was so…self-absorbed. I do love you, and I want to make you happy". Sirius lifted an eyebrow.

"You do?" he asked, "because all you've done so far is refuse to touch me, and be all emotional and needy. You need a spine Remus. But I will take you back, because you're cute. But we'll be doing things my way this time. You're too much of a nancy. My way…I think you'll grow out of this shy thing pretty quick!" Sirius was smiling a smile that made Remus very nervous.

Sirius wants me back, he thought joyfully. He wants everything done his way…that's really scary, but like he said, not everything can be about me. I have to get used to the dark and pain, Sirius won't like me if I don't. Like he said, I need to do what he wants. I am so grateful he wants me!

"Thank you Sirius" Remus said in tremulous tones. Sirius merely sighed and said,

"Yes well, I only hope you've learned what a selfish person you are. You'll grow out of it one day. Goodnight Remus".

Remus was glad to be back with Sirius…for the first while. Sirius was very forceful in the relationship nowadays. Remus knew that he was lucky to have Sirius. But sometimes he thought the pain would take over. Sirius was very vigorous when it came to physical displays of affection. Displays that made Remus cower in pain later, at night, when he was alone. He only hoped things stayed that way. Sirius had been hinting…Remus could not bear to think of that. His dreams haunted him as it was. He did not sleep. The bad thoughts of the day, so clear alone at night. Remus had been evasive of taking their relationship to the next level. He couldn't, his insides froze at the very thought. He didn't want to, but Sirius did. That was all that would matter. He knew he was selfish, and he knew that he had to be more accommodating to Sirius' needs.

Remus and James were packing up their potions kits, after their afternoon class with professor Slughorn. Their potion had turned out perfectly, partially due to the fact that Sirius hadn't been there to add hastily prepared ingredients. He had told them he was goig to be sick for that period at lunch, much to Remus' dismay.

"Well, shall we go up to the tower to begin all this homework?" asked Remus. James sighed,

"Yeah, I guess…I hate all of this extra work" he muttered. The entered the tower and a cacophonous buzz of noises met their ears.

"Bloody hell!" James cried, "Keep it down to a dull roar people!". Remus shook his head in disgust. It seemed that classes had been cancelled for the afternoon because of a tour of ministry officials, which meant that studying in the common room was out of the question. They headed up to the dorm and heard odd noises. Moaning and whimpering was coming from Sirius' bed. "MacNair must have gotten back at him and locked him up!" Remus cried and ran towards Sirius' four poster bed.

"Remus wait!" James called. Remus wrenched back the curtains and felt as though his heart had been dropped in a vat of liquid nitrogen. Sirius' very naked body was moving on top of Patricia Parkinson's equally naked body. Remus turned and threw back the curtains.

"Remus!" Sirius yelled; he emerged from his bed wearing a sheet. "Look… you're great, but I need women! You knew we could never get married, that's wrong! This is just your raging male hormones! It was fun, but you have to face reality!" Patricia ran past and out the door.

"I loved you" Remus said quietly, staring at the ground, "I have since third year, and you…I thought you…"

"What? Loved you? You're a guy; I only did it because we're friends! Get a grip Remus" Sirius strode past Remus and out the door.

Remus couldn't believe it. He had been played. He began to sob, and he would have fallen had James, who had not left, caught him. Remus sobbed uncontrollably in James' arms. James looked at his friend's quivering form. Something surged in him,

"Remus" James said, "Sirius…is too immature to understand what he says"

"I hate him" Remus sobbed, "He used me, all that time I thought he loved me, I went through so much just to hold his hand…" Remus broke down completely. James rubbed his back and tried to soothe him.

"Remus…shhhhhh…please let me help you…why are you so afraid?" James begged, unable to disguise the pain in his voice. Remus shook his head.

"…I can't…Sirius…" he sobbed. James held him tighter and whispered,

"It's okay, don't worry. We won't talk about that now". Remus felt safe enveloped in his friend's tight hold. James did not loosen his hold. He sat for an hour, simply holding Remus while his friend's sobs subsided. Remus sighed and closed his eyes. James realized he was sleeping. He placed his friend in his bed before getting into his own bed. James felt such pain knowing Remus was hurt, but his face had looked so peaceful as James had placed him into bed.

AN well, there it is… I hope you enjoy it.

And now some reviewers who deserve to be acknowledged…

Chaeli.meep – thanks a lot, you're one of my favourite reviewers!

Shimmer of an angel – yes, I know that feeling…

Sike – whip eh? Thanks for the disclaimer, it is my word!

WhiteWolfCub – glad you like the tension…

Lampshadesrgreat – glad you lik my writing, I hesitate to say that I have a style, but thanks! I also wanted to say that I love your name

Indy – yeah, well my stories tend to come to a standstill, so I guess I am countering that by making this one move quickly

Thnaks for the reviews Sunflower seeds, mars explorer, Lykaios Nyx, Loreley19, lilvior and anyone I forgot.