The New Enemy
Disclaimer: Star Fox, its trademarks, characters, etc. are owned by Nintendo. I do own, however, this story, and other characters that don't exist in the game. Star Ocean is a trademark of Tri-Ace and Square-Enix.
All right, more humor today!
Note: I have nothing against gaming consoles! Anything you read here are all for fun!
Episode 8: All Things Happy and Cursed
"Ah… There's nothing like a good shower!"
Falco proclaimed as he exited the shower room. Donning his usual indoors outfit, which consisted of a shirt with a design and shorts, he thought of taking a break inside the lounge area. It was a complete plan for his relaxation therapy he had been doing since the time he and a certain person stopped seeing for a while. Waking up early, he got that. Having a relaxing bath, he did that. Yeah, it was all going great…
"Take this, Cliff! Eat this! Sphere of Might cancelled to Triple Kick!"
"I don't think so! Eat this move, Aerial Assault!"
The silence of the avian was shattered. A wolf and a coyote were playing a video game. It was an RPG game featuring a simple versus mode for the characters in it. Its title is Star Ocean: Till the End of Time. The reason why the falcon got mad wasn't just because of his ruined therapy, it's also because…
"What are you two doing? You're awake already?" Falco shouted at them, with his eyes turning red. "How come you have a PlayStation 2, anyway? We don't have one in the lounge!"
Jake paused the game and looked at him. "Sir Falco Lombardi, I thought this ship is great. It was lucky Shade here brought his PS2. All we see is Gamecube and its stuff. I know there are good stuffs in that console, but we want to play PS2 games!" Shade nodded with glee.
"…which is wrong!" the avian added with a furious tone. "This is a Star Fox fanfiction. Nintendo owns Star Fox. Now tell me, why would we have Sony stuff, or even Microsoft stuff, here?"
The black wolf youth pointed Falco's shirt. It contained a marking: I love Halo. It's the design referred earlier, if you hadn't noticed yet. The bird became speechless.
"Umm… Do you want me to point out more stuff?" Shade asked him. The bird smiled grimly, a sign of no. "Well, I think you should play this game. It's fun! I'll let Jake fend you off, and I'll tell him to go easy on you."
Although Falco knew a bit about the battle system, he hated being pitted to a person going easy on him. "Eh, I'll show you!" he snarled as he took Shade's controller. "Hmm… let me see… Okay, I'll choose that big muscled geezer with a katana! Adray? Heh, and hmm… I'll choose his Charging Style!"
"Okay, Shade, I promise I'll go easy on him!" Jake smiled as he winked at him. "Oh, and Falco, Adray's a mage, just in case you thought of him as a swordsman. I'll go for Sophia, a mage, using her Short-Ranged Type set-up!"
The bird felt like he had no idea about what he was about to do… but to keep his face up, he thought, "Eh? A Short-ranged Type mage? He must be kidding!"
Jake, on the other hand, had his thoughts straight. "Normal attack cancelled to Charge, cancelled to Efreet! Die, Adray!"
A few minutes later, Falco entered the bridge. Peppy called him.
"Why the sad face?" Peppy asked him as he took a cup of coffee. "You look so gloomy…"
"Peppy, can I ask you something?" he replied with a sign of harassment. "What will you feel if you're in, say, a contest, and a kid beat you, and I mean, not giving you a chance to move?" The hare laughed from his context. "What?"
"Falco, it's just a video game! I know you're a Halo player, but that doesn't mean you're immediately a god of all video games!" he chuckled as he sipped another dose of caffeine. "Yes, I've been watching you with the hidden cameras."
"Sca-ree!" Falco sighed in an annoyed tone. "Anyway, what's with the call?"
"Are you sure it's all right with you? You feel kind of gloomy…"
"WELL, YOU JUST CALLED ME AND I'M HERE, ANYWAY!"
"What's the matter, bird-boy? Don't you want to see me?"
Suddenly, Falco's feathers stood up after hearing that voice. "K-k-katt, is that you?" he whimpered in a shaking manner. "Peppy…"
"Well, she sent a distress signal, and thankfully, I'm already awake, so I took the liberty of docking her ship. She also told me that she needs to see you," Peppy explained as he adjusted his glasses.
"Damn Zoness! The forest is practically junk, and to think that that place would recover after the brain ape's last breath," she complained as she dropped her belongings. "That place must burn in hell! It ruined my newly bought jacket and my boots, not to mention my hairstyle!"
"Umm, Katt," Falco groaned as he covered his nostrils, "did you took a bath? You smell!" Yes, her scent was spreading all around.
The atmosphere surrounding the pink feline suddenly turned hostile. She punched the bird to his cheek, and what a powerful punch that was! It knocked him down the ground, with his nose bleeding and his beak drooling with blood. His face even swelled!
"THAT'S WHY I'M EXPLAINING MY SITUATION, YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, PATHETIC, INSOLENT, ABNORMAL, OVER-CONFIDENT, ANNOYING, BIRD-BRAINED JACKASS!"
Peppy attempted to turn her back to her cool state. "Ahem, uh, Katt," he asked with caution, "why were you in Zoness, by the way?"
The infernal feline returned to the angelic one, as if there's two Katts living inside a Katt body. She replied sweetly, "I'll tell it to you later, old-timer! I have to take a bath! Where're the showers?"
"Take the left door. It should lead you there."
The pink cat followed. She carried her things and moved away. When she was gone, Peppy attended to Falco. Yes, all was going to ruin his therapy…
"Hmm… Wait, I forgot to tell Katt that there's only one shower room working, and the locks are being reconfigured… but I guess nothing could go wrong…"
"Finally, the shower room is empty and I'm the only person to be in it! Yeah, I guess I should follow Falco's therapy…"
Fox declared in a joyful manner as he entered the fourth shower room. He was in his bathrobe, and he was ready to take the bath. As he entered the showers, he was suddenly surprised…
"WOLF, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
"Remember, I'm the one who is going to tan your hide, Fox!" Wolf jeered out with annoyance. "Of course I'm going to take a bath, you pitiful little pup! Oh, and I was motivated by your dad's suit, so I have to change my theme of colors to wear… today's white! My new uniform is white, the design of my room is white, even my underclothing is white!" He pointed his white underwear, making the vulpine hit his head to the wall.
"At least you should've closed the door! Man, I was hoping to follow Falco's relaxation therapy!" he shouted as he covered himself back with bathrobe.
"You were asleep when the frog croaked about shower rooms 1, 2, and 3 being repaired, and the locks of the showers being modified, right?" the lupine noted him, making him stop and walk backwards. "Oh, and should I tell you that the therapy Falco's doing is cursed with bad luck?" Fox slapped himself silly.
Meanwhile, Katt was looking for an available shower room to use. She was knocking down on door of the first three rooms, and she got a reply of Slippy's annoying voice 8 years ago, telling her to use another room. She ended up at Shower Room No. 4.
"I guess this one's available," she thought in a smart-like manner, as the last door had no activated lock. She pushed a button, making the door open. As she entered the place, she heard water falling. "Yep, this is working!" She then closed the door and attempted to lock it, but it failed. "Might as well put this luggage on…" She placed her stuff to the door. At least that would denote that someone's using the showers.
As he was about to put Mr. Tooth's Shampoo on his head, Fox's ears received something. "Wolf, did you hear something, like the door just opened?"
"Huh?" Wolf replied with ambiguousness. "I'm busy, pup. Talk to me later." He was on the other side, brushing his back as fur conditioner lathered around his body.
"I guess it was an imagination…"
"Now it's time for me to take a bath!" Katt implied as she stepped inside the room in her robe. However, her excitement was suddenly halted when he saw two men in their underwear inside the showers.
Fox was also stunned. It wasn't long before…
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The two shouted in deep surprise. Wolf, after rinsing himself, looked at his back. He saw Katt and Fox all fuzzed up. "Great… Next time, Fox, try to put a notice on the door," he griped as if nothing happened. However…
Hostility filled the air. The demonic Katt was about to unleash her fury. "You… you just say it like that, as if you have no concern for ladies… you… you…"
Fox hid behind Wolf and whispered to his ear, "Wolf, she's pretty scary when she's mad…"
"Really?"
"I know how to deal with boys like you," she growled as she was about to move her left leg. "TAKE THIS, YOU BIG BAD WOLF!"
Wolf saw that coming and evaded. However, Fox was behind him, and well, he got the kick, and he was hit to the target. The blow was painful… so painful!
"Pup, you okay?" Wolf asked with aghast, and with humor inside of him. Fox replied with a painful smile as he knelt down in pain. He had no choice but to carry his rival. The evil cat was very dangerous!
"YOU WILL PAY DEARLY! BOYS LIKE YOU MUST SUFFER A PAINFUL SUFFERING! I SHALL OPPRESS PEOPLE LIKE YOU!"
Wolf hopped to the luggage, but he slipped down. He stood up, and so did Fox.
"I can walk now, I think," Fox sighed, and thanks to the miracles of PG-rated humor, he's now fine. "Let's run before she gets near us."
"Falco, your discovered therapy, the Big J Relaxation, is cursed!"
Stanice warned him as she showed him her book. "That J stands for Jinx, and well, that's the Big Jinx Relaxation!"
"Great, and I thought the therapy Katt taught me when she left me was because she cared for me," Falco grumbled with pain, as his face was cluttered with bandage.
"Speaking of Katt," Leon told him as he pointed two almost-naked canines being chased by a pink feral cat.
"OOHH HOT MAMA!" Panther suddenly jerked out, but when Krystal noticed his reaction, he quickly cleared himself up. "Err, I mean, she's beautiful, but nothing can compare to you, my dear Krystal!" The vixen smiled, thinking it as a complement, and nothing else. She was oblivious to the fact that the panther just made a flirt's gush.
"I'LL GET YOU, YOU BASTARDS!" Katt shouted as she chased them all around the bridge.
Krystal saw Fox in his buff, so she spoke before fainting, "So, he actually became like that because he was jealous of Wolf?" She was caught by Panther, fortunately, or unfortunately.
This inspired Mr. Romeo Caroso. "If Krystal likes men in buff," he thought with aspiration, "then I will impress her! I must seclude myself with gym training, and when the time comes, I shall show my rippling body to her!"
Lucas whined, "So this is Star Fox?" Peppy heard him and nodded.
"IMPUDENT FOOLS!"
Katt suddenly grabbed Slippy, and with strength of fury, she was able to raise him. She then threw the crying toad towards Fox and Wolf.
"Evade, EVADE!" Wolf yelled as he and Fox rolled away to safety. However, behind them was Falco, and well… let's just say that wasn't a welcome sight.
"I told you the therapy was cursed," Stanice concluded.