Author: Phoebe
Title: Part one: Betrayal, Chapter One
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following characters, but any plotline that I used them in or any liberties I took with their personalities are mine... Mine! They're all MINE!! *Clears throat* I'm sorry about that... Oh, and the title is from Romeo and Juliet.
Author's notes: How long have I been working on this? Let's see I believe this was my first attempt at fanfiction.. over a year ago.... Wow I haven't written very many fics... It must be the fact that I'm a muse, but it seems like I've worked on so much more... Anyway maybe posting this one will help me to finish it.
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The dream was silent, fog surrounding me with peace. I simply stood alone on a starlit balcony and stared out over the sleeping Moon Kingdom. My face was wet with tears of loss, but I was no longer crying. Happy and serene, I turned to face the chamber behind me to head for the soft welcome of my bed. As I neared it, I saw the rose upon the pillow. I smiled sadly as I brushed the petals across my cheek.
It was strange how real it all felt. I gave a mental sigh as I cast my thoughts aside and snuggled closer to the warm body next to mine...
My eyes shot open as I leaned on my right arm and found myself looking down on a peacefully sleeping Mamoru, my other arm still wrapped around his neck. My fingers tangled in his dark hair. Feelings I had never had before held my mind, the softness of his hair at he nape of his neck, the way his eyes looked so peaceful, the feel of his skin against mine. As I pondered the last, I realized the arms that tightened around my body brushed bare skin. As he pulled me closer, the fact that we both lacked clothing, seemed both startling and common. For a time I was caught between what seemed like two different worlds, one where everything about this moment was right and safe, and another where it was frighteningly wrong.
"Mamoru-san...?" I whispered. Shock kept my voice low, but it was loud enough to wake him. The confused expression on his face must have mirrored my own.
"Mako-chan...?"
In that moment the building could have collapsed around us and we would not have noticed. Disbelief held us in place. I doubt either one of us could have moved if our lives depended upon it. We lay there staring at each other. I could not remember what had happened, but my body seemed to. That certainty I felt, the memory of passion, even if held in the heat of my body and not my mind, was enough to make me sure. I wondered if he remembered any more than I did. We heard a voice from the front of his apartment, and I suddenly felt like ice.
"Mamo-chan," Usagi's voice called from the front hall, still the surreal shock of the situation held us in place. I felt more frightened than I ever had before. Panic, I had never known what it was. "My mom made muffins so I brought some over! Your door was open so I-" She stopped dead as she entered his bedroom. When she saw us in his bed, our arms around each other, the sheets just below my bare shoulders, the plate fell from her hand. "Mamo-chan? Mako-chan?" Her pain showed plainly in her eyes. Usagi's voice trembled. "Why...?" She asked as tears fell from her eyes.
Mamoru and I looked at each other our eyes locked, there was nothing that we could say. We did not have an answer or an explanation.
"Usa-ko," Mamoru started, but when she looked at us with her big innocent eyes he stopped. She looked away from us more tears gathering in her eyes.
"Goodbye,"she whispered and then ran out of his apartment.
"Usa-ko!" Mamoru yelled after a moment. His voice was forced. What would he have said had she stayed to listen? He started to get up to go after her. Half-way to his feet he seemed to remember that he was naked. He stopped and looked back at me as though he were about to say something, then blushed. His movement had pulled the blanket away from me. I grabbed the sheets and wrapped them around my body in an attempt to cover myself, to hide. Wishing I could die at that moment, I leaned against the headboard of Mamoru-san's bed, hugged my knees, and began to cry.
I had betrayed Usagi, one of my best friends. I had hurt her more than anyone else ever had. That had been plain as Usagi's eyes had washed over us. I didn't even know what I had done. I saw Mamoru out of the corner of my eye and corrected myself. I knew what I had done, that feeling of certainty haunting me, I just couldn't remember it.
*******
"What happened...?" Mamoru asked after about ten minutes of near silence. My crying had been the only sound. He had dressed in a pair of pants from his night-stand drawer. Staring at the opposite wall, he avoided looking at me.
"I know what happened, but I don't remember....." I answered.
"Are you....sure..I feel like we-?" he asked as he turned back to look at me, sounding more uncertain than I had ever heard him.
"Yes...." I hardly whispered before a fresh fit of tears brought me back down into quiet sobbing. He felt the same certainty. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't think. I could hardly even speak.
"I'm sure it will all be alright Mako-chan. I'm sure it will be fine when we figure all this out" he didn't sound sure. The lie stood out plain on his voice, making me cry harder. Figuring it out wouldn't change the fact that it had happened. "Mako-chan....please don't cry anymore...." he said. He sounded . . . concerned. He moved closer and put his arm around my shoulders trying to comfort me. It worked. The warmth of his body felt. . .familiar and right. But only for a moment. He wiped the tears away from my eyes and kept whispering that it would be okay. I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes praying that it was true. I didn't ever want to leave, I felt safe. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so safe, so warm. Then I thought of Usagi. I asked myself why I feel this way with him? I would never do this to her. I looked up at Mamoru and gently pushed him away. I had, I had betrayed Usagi. Worse, was the fact that I knew I had wanted to. At that moment I looked straight into his eyes. He looked so confused, but he was concerned for me. I could have believed that he loved me. I could have, if I were a blind idiot. I knew that he loved Usagi, more than anything else. Could it be possible that I had broken apart something like what they had, without meaning to, without remembering how. I would never have done that, I would rather have been alone for the rest of my life. What had happened?
"I feel sort of responsible for this....I don't know why I can't remember anything..." Mamoru said pulling me away from my thoughts. He was almost pleading with me, hoping I would blame him instead of myself.
"No...this was not your fault." I told him truthfully. I didn't doubt him, not for a second, but I had no Idea what had happened. "Do you remember anything?" he shook his head.
He leaned back against the headboard next to me and stared at the ceiling.
"Do you think Usa-ko will ever speak to either of us again?" he asked.
"I don't know." I said my tears came silently now one by one "I should go home." I added. Suddenly needing either to be in his arms again or as far as I could get from him. I roughly wiped the tears away from my eyes, pulled the sheets tighter around myself, and started to get up and look around the room.
"What are you looking for?" Mamoru asked after a moment.
"My clothes..." I said in a puzzled voice. Mamoru got up and started to search his apartment for my clothes.
*****
"You didn't find them did you?" I asked as Mamoru-san walked back into the room from the kitchen.
"No" he answered.
"Are you sure we looked everywhere?" I asked rhetorically. We had practically torn apart his whole apartment. In any other circumstances I would have laughed out loud. Though, I couldn't think of any other circumstances in which I would not be able to find my clothes because I couldn't remember where I had taken them off. He smiled, as if seeing the humor. My heart melted when his eyes met mine. I was shocked by the wave of warmth that rushed over me. It was a sweetness that I could only describe as love. I couldn't seem to control my jumbled thoughts and feelings.
"How did I get here without any clothes?" I said finally more to myself than anyone else "And more importantly how am I going to leave?"
"You could take some of my clothes..." Mamoru offered.
A few minutes later I was wearing a pair of his pants and a button down shirt. The pants were to tight in the hips and too loose in the waist but one of his belts helped a little with that. When I came out of the bathroom wearing Mamoru's clothes he smiled at me, a kind of sad uncomfortable smile.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked me.
"Yes.." I lied through my teeth. I hoped that he believed me, I have never been good at lying.
"I could give you a ride home...."
"No, that's alright" I interrupted. I didn't want to leave. "I'll just walk home. I could use the fresh air" I finished.
"Are you sure? It's no trouble..really..." I didn't listen to the rest of what he said I suddenly had to leave I couldn't stand there another minute. I was looking so deep into his eyes, I was drowning. If I didn't leave I was going to break down and cry again. I couldn't afford to do that.
"I have to go Mamoru-san. I'll see you..."I said as I turned and left. I barely made it out of his apartment building before I had to sit down on a bench to cry. I had to see Usagi, I had to try to explain it to her. I didn't know what was going on. How was I supposed to try to explain it? Thoughts of running back into the building and throwing my arms around Mamoru went through my head. It was wrong to even think it and I knew that. "Why am I so confused?"I asked out loud, wondering if I'd even like to know the answer. I couldn't bring myself to start walking home yet. I had to clear my mind. Finally, I stood up and headed for the park.
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