Author: Phoebe_Otaku
Title: Betrayal, Chapter Two: Tears of a Soldier
Disclaimer: not mine, not mine, NOT MINE!!!!! *Cries big salty tears* Are you satisfied now? I own nothing, except for my imagination... Hence, plot is MINE and because of the fact that I possess so very little I am very VERY possessive of that.
Author's notes: You know what's really sad... I'm in a really good mood and by the time I'm done with this I will be walking around like a zombie...
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
I wandered in the park for hours. As though looking at the trees might, somehow, make me forget that morning. I avoided the people in the park. I couldn't bear face people, even strangers. I didn't have the right to show my face, to see their smiles. I sat alone on the rocks next to the lake and watched the water, looking for answers. They didn't come. I started to cry again. I hoped that no one would hear me and find me down on the rocks. Stifling my sobs was difficult, until the fit of sadness and hopelessness passed. Finally, I stopped crying. It seemed like the tranquil water was finally having an effect on me. The wind made tiny ripples carrying my eyes across the surface of the pool below me. I looked across the lake again, hoping my mind was clearing. In the middle of the lake a couple was sitting in a rowboat, laughing. I had always wanted to do that. The couple looked so happy together.
"It's just not fair." I said to myself as my thoughts turned to Mamoru. I didn't understand why I couldn't keep my thoughts straight. I was angry with myself for this especially. It was almost like someone had taken my heart and thrown it into the blender, stirring it up along with any rational thoughts I had ever had.
The breeze dried the few tears that were still on my face. I had to get home before I broke down again. It wasn't like me to cry. I was usually so strong, I hardly ever cried.
I stood up and left the park. Walking through the city almost made my forget my problems. There was so much to distract me. The lights, the people all busy all moving through their own lives. I concentrated on anything that wouldn't make me think of Mamoru and what had happened. It was impossible.
As I walked past the arcade I thought of Usagi. I thought that I should try to talk to her. Maybe she would believe me after all. It was not likely, but I had to try. I took a deep breath and stepped into the familiar setting.
"Mako-chan!" said Motoki, he seemed surprised to see me.
"Hi Motoki-san. Have you seen Usagi-chan today?" I asked him.
"No she hasn't been here." he answered, his eyes full of questions.
"Oh. . . Okay, I'll try to find her at home." I said and turned to leave.
"Hey, Mako-chan, are you okay?" he asked. When I realized how I must look my hand rose toward my face and hair unbidden. I forced it to my side and tried to look cheerful, and normal.
"Yes, I'm fine." I said. I have never been very good at lying.
"Look, Mako-chan, I . . . Mamoru-kun called me this morning, he told me what happened.... Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again. My jaw should have dropped but, I could already feel the blush rising in my cheeks. I should have know he would find someone to talk to. I needed someone to talk to, but who? "Mako-chan?" he asked. I had been staring blankly at him and my eyes had misted over. I knew I was going to cry again. I shook my head to clear it.
"Yes, I'm fine..." I said again, with as much conviction as I could. The lie sounded loud in my ears. " I have to go home now....Goodbye." with that I left as fast as I could and ran down the sidewalk toward my apartment. I barely heard Motoki as he yelled after me.
*****
I leaned against my door and tried to catch my breath. I had never run that far that fast in my life. I knelt on the doorstep to look for my spare key, dark spots swimming across my vision. I needed someone to talk to, but I couldn't confide in Motoki. The rest of my friends had probably already heard the story from Usagi, if they had it was almost sure that they wouldn't speak to me. Where had I left the key?
"Where have you been Kino-chan?" asked my overbearing, snoop of an upstairs neighbor. Smoothing the hair in the tight gray bun at the back of her head, she continued. "You weren't here late last night and when I brought your mail to you this morning... you weren't in.." she said, her overly sugar sweet voice implying intrigue.
"Since when do you bring up my mail?" was my answer. It shocked me that I was being rude to her, I had never done that before.
"I was just trying to be neighborly and look after the little girl down stairs... You know it really is sad that you have no parents to look after you." I seriously considered just breaking down the door as she went on. "It's really wrong that a young girl should live alone without any supervision. So I take it upon myself to look after you... Where were you last night?"
I considered just telling the truth 'I was screwing around with my best friend's boyfriend. Only, I don't remember any of it.' and confirming the sinister witch's suspicion that I was a little druggie slut. That seemed to be her impression of every teenage girl. But, before I could get that angry, I found my spare key taped to the back of the lamp next to my door.
"I'm sorry that's none of you business, I can take care of myself, and I can get my own mail, Thank you." with that I stepped inside and slammed the door.
I leaned against the door. The woman upstairs was called 'The Snitch' and could never keep her nose out of other people's business. Up until that point I had simply shrugged her off and ignored whatever she said. She never stopped talking about my lack of supervision and the 'never-ending stream of young men that always came to call' to put it in her exact words. Ken, Mamoru, and I thought I should count Haruka because 'the Snitch' thought that she was a boy. That was hardly a 'never ending stream'. Under the circumstances she really frustrated me. I wondered what sort of twisted rumor she was going to start about me.
After a few moments my anger at the woman upstairs faded. I couldn't really blame her for guessing at the truth, in this case at least. And I deserved whatever I got. I sank down to the floor as I let the wave of pain overtake me. Of all the things for her to be right about, did it have to be this one. This one thing I would never have done. I had wanted my first time to be something special, and I couldn't even remember what had happened. That was almost as painful as the fact that I had hurt Usagi in the same act.
*****
The warm water from the shower mixed with the salty tears on my face. I sighed as I turned off the facet. The warm water had helped me to relax, but it had hardly solved my problems. I dried off, put on my flannel pants and sweatshirt and sat down on my bed to call Usagi. I had to try even if she wouldn't talk to me. I took a deep breath and dialed her number.
"Hello?" it was Usagi's mother
"Hi. Is Usagi there?" I asked. I was definitely losing my nerve
"No she went out this morning and hasn't come back yet. Would you like me to take a message?" she answered
"Just tell her that Makoto called." With that I put the phone back on to the hook. My hands where shaking. I had to try to talk to someone. I waited for my heart to stop pounding before I picked up the phone again.
And frowned as I heard an answering machine
"Huh? Oh, hi!! *giggle* This is Minako. I'm not here, but I hope I'll be back soon. Talk to you later! BEEP!"
"Oh this is Makoto. I need to talk to someone...I'll call you back later." I said defeated. A moment later I tried again.
"Hello?" Rei was home.
"Rei-chan, it's Makoto...." CLICK. I sat and I stared at the phone. I didn't have any doubt that she had already heard the story from Usagi.
"Hello?" answered Ami when I dialed her number
"Ami-chan!! It's Makoto..."
"I really can't believe you could be so cold and calculating Mako-chan!" she interrupted, annunciating every syllable. Then I heard the inevitable click as she also left me holding a dead phone.
Finally, I picked up the phone again, dialing Haruka's number.
"Hey, it's Haruka. Chances are I'm out or..............otherwise occupied." There was a sudden giggle in the background, it sounded like Michiru. "Leave me a message and I'll try to get back to you. BEEP!" I hung up without leaving a message I couldn't break down and cry to a machine. Especially one with that message.
I curled up on my bed and pulled the covers over my head. It seemed I had lost every thing in twenty-four hours. My virginity, my friends, my self respect, and my ability to think clearly.
*****
I had sunk into a near-sleep trance when suddenly my doorbell rang. I considered just pretending that I wasn't home. But, the persistent knocking and ringing finally got me out of bed. I leaned against the doorframe and opened the door. If it was the woman from upstairs, I wasn't sure what I would do.
"Rei-chan!" I exclaimed when I saw my unexpected visitor. She pushed in through the door.
"What the hell where you thinking, you psychotic bitch??" she demanded. "Do you know how much you hurt Usagi-chan?"
"Yes, I do...."I whispered.
"What?" yelled Rei with an expression that would have melted iron.
"Nothing..." I said and looked away
"So why, did you call me??" she demanded, crossing her arms.
"I...I wanted to talk to you...." I answered.
"Really, well this better be good." She had pushed me so far into my apartment that I stepped through the door to my room and sat down on my bed.
"Well I...." I started gathering my breath to try to tell it without crying.
"Oh my God!!!" Rei suddenly exclaimed.
"What? What??" I exclaimed in return, her anger had contorted her face.
"So, you little slut, how long has this thing with you and Mamoru-san been going on?" she accused.
"I don't know what you're....." I was so confused. I couldn't even begin to guess at what had set her off.
"I guess pretty long if he keeps some of his clothes here..." she said gesturing to the shirt and pants folded on my dresser. She continued, coming to her own conclusions. "Oh my god, is he here??" she asked.
"No, Rei-chan, you don't understand, it's not..." I tried to explain but was stopped short as her hand cracked across my face. I held my cheek and stared at her.
"You know what? I never would have guessed that you would do something like this, Mako-chan, you were always acting so loyal to Usagi chan. I guess that makes it even worse" With that she turned and left. I was too shocked to follow her. I sank back to my bed and sat there and stared at the floor. I hadn't thought that it could get any worse.
*****
At four o'clock the sailor scouts had planned to have a study meeting. I hoped they hadn't changed it. I walked up to the temple. Before I could reach the other scouts, I could hear their voices
"I really can't believe it." I heard Minako's voice first. "I mean it just doesn't seem like Mako-chan to do something like that.... Mamoru-san either"
"Well, it must have been going on for a while now..." it was Rei.
"What do you mean?" asked Usagi.
"I'm sorry, Usagi-chan, but I think Mamoru-san has been cheating on you with that bitch for...well, a long time" Rei added. It wasn't hard to hear Usagi's sobs of frustration and sadness. My heart wrenched, why was all this happening?
" I won't believe it..." she said "It can't be true.... Mamo-chan...." she added weakly.
"Sorry to burst your bubble, Usagi-chan, but while I was over there, trying to see what the story was, I saw some of his clothes on her dresser." Rei said with conviction
"Really, Rei-chan, you didn't need to tell her that way.." said Ami softly.
"Why not?" asked Rei. "It's better for her to know all of it now, so she can get over that creep." I could imagine the look on Rei's face as she said the last few words even though I couldn't see her from where I was leaning against the wall.
"What more proof would she need?" asked Minako. "I'm sure it was bad enough for her, when she walked in on them..."
"Is there something wrong with me...?" asked Usagi in an uncertain voice "Why doesn't he want me anymore...?" she added, barely audible.
"Usagi-chan, there's nothing wrong with you....."
"But, I thought he loved me" she interrupted as Minako tried to comfort her.
"Well obviously not..."
"Not to mention that bitch Mako-chan" Ami and Rei said in quick succession. I had been walking slowly toward them, but as they said this I stopped. I didn't know what to say to them or even if they would listen to me. I had just become visible to them as they finished their last remarks.
"Mako-chan!" Usagi said, she was the first to see me.
"Usagi-chan... I" I nearly choked on the tears that rose into my eyes when I saw her. Her eyes were as red as though she had been crying since that morning. I didn't need a mirror to tell me that my face looked just as hers did.
"Well, the slut finally shows her face." said Rei her words cutting straight to my heart. I looked at her trying not to let my tears show.
"I think I should simply tell you that you're not welcome." said Ami "Since hints don't seem to be enough."
"Usagi-chan...?.... Please..I"
"Don't talk to me!!" she yelled suddenly and turned away. "I don't want to speak to you or see you EVER! Now leave!!" Those words got me to leave as much as the icy stares from the other three senshi did. They wouldn't believe me even if I _could_ get them to listen.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
End notes: Well, hello all! I have the next part written. But.... it needs another round of editing, so please be patient with me...it should be up soon.
Oh...Thanks for the answering machine messages, Alexa! I needed some comic relief.