Author: PhoebeOtaku
Title: Betrayal, Chapter Four: The tracks of my tears
Disclaimer: once again, I reiterate.... Redundantly..... that Sailormoon is not mine....
Author's Notes: okay....we made 'warm fuzzies' in a meeting tonight so I thought that I would provide at least this much of a 'warm fuzzy' to the wonderful people who seem to like my writing....sadly this part four is waaay short and hence unfinished...but half is better than nothing, ne? Things of note: I didn't realize how much of a cliffhanger I ended on cause this has been sitting on my comp forever and I thought I had posted it....not that it's much better of a cliffhanger (but it's a Different one, at least) I know what happens for the rest of the story, I just need to write it!!! AHHH... Also of note: I confess that I haven't seen ANY sailormoon in YEARS (though I did just watch Pretear....which I would recommend to sailormoon fans in search of a shorter anime..lol) but this story has been burned into my mind for all this time, so I WILL FINISH IT DARN IT!
Author's notes part II: wai wai! I was inspired and wrote the rest of part FOUR! Banzai!! Okay, I'm stopping with the cheering. Originally more stuff was supposed to happen in part four BUT this is getting pretty long already so that stuff has been moved to part five....geez, this is a long fic! But I love the way this chapter ends, is soo 'kawaii!"
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'The mist settling over the moon kingdom is so beautiful', I thought as I walked around the fountains admiring. Something about the mist seemed strange though, it occurred to me that I should ask someone if this happened frequently. Despite a strong friendship with the moon princess, I had not spent as much time here as many of the others in the court.
Moon princess? Suddenly, the thought no longer made sense ... I felt the smallest recognition at the name but then, that was gone as well. Something was shifting in my mind as though something was twisting, was disappearing. I shook my head to clear it, but suddenly could not remember why. I looked up to a balcony above the fountain and saw Queen Serenity and some of the Elders watching. The Queen looked sadly down at me, then turned and strode back into the palace. The Elders still stood there, intent on something. I looked down quickly when I realized that they were looking at me, they were advisors to the queen... Why...?
The question died in my mind, forgetting their presence quickly as the beautiful mist curled in tendrils around the base of the fountain... I was so intent on the shifting colors of the mist that I very nearly did not see him sitting on the edge of the fountain... Endymion...the name drifted through my memory slowly. I had never really been introduced to him, but.... Who? ... someone had told me about him, at least I thought that someone had... he looked up and smiled at me, a warm smile.
"Good evening..." He said, standing suddenly and moving to take my hand. I had noticed before how handsome he was, but... I could not bring to mind why I had not spent more time with him....
We had moved, walking along through the mist. Perhaps it was because he was from earth, my parents would never approve of him...maybe that explained why we had never spoken at length before. But we spoke now as if to make up for the neglect of it in the past, looking into his eyes was like falling into a pool...we talked for hours, of earth, of my home, of each other... the darkness had crept around us with the mist. When he kissed me, I felt the briefest hesitation... something tugged at my memory... then it was gone, there was nothing but him and the mist as his arms closed around me...
"MAKO-CHAN!" Haruka's voice brought me back to the present harshly, only then did I realize I had fainted. The dream had been only that, a dream... but it felt more real than a dream. I had been avoiding sleep lately to escape these dreams that felt so like reality.
"Are you alright?" Michiru asked from my other side. They had knelt on either side of me on the pavement. I looked around quickly before I realized that we must have been far enough away from the group of my school mates that we did not attract their notice when I fainted...
"I'm okay...." I began before Haruka interrupted with the question of whether or not I had eaten that day. "No..." I answered hesitantly after I remembered that I had passed the lunch hour crying. In truth I hadn't eaten in days, I didn't feel like eating at all.
"Well that's probably why you fainted..." she said knowingly "Mako-chan, are you feeling okay?" It suddenly occurred to me that this was going very well, it was too good to be true.
"Sure. Why?" I asked, hesitating.
"Because you look sick. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Michiru interrogated. They didn't know, the others hadn't told them. I opened my mouth to tell them the whole story but couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted just a few more moments of being Mako-chan again, a friend that people cared about.
"I do feel pretty tired..." I said instead.
"Well, we'll give you a ride home..." Michiru answered, Haruka nodded in agreement.
"Thanks" I said and smiled. I wouldn't tell them, I couldn't. I would just ride home with them and enjoy the peace for a while.
**************
"Bye!" I said as I climbed out of the car, taking me home had turned into taking me out for ice cream then spending a good part of the afternoon together. I hadn't told them, I had realized that they would hate me as soon as they knew. Nothing I could do would change that, but I would have this afternoon to remember.
The dread that I had felt all that day crashed home as I mounted the steps to my door. In my happiness that afternoon I had managed to forget the meeting with the counselor, Usagi-chan helping me in the hall and seeing what I wished she hadn't, and finally the test that seemed to be burning a hole in my bag. That in itself was enough to hold my attention. Everything else seemed to be insignificant compared to that, and what it might mean for me.
"Mako-chan, how was your day at school?" crooned the woman from the apartment above me, sidling up to my door.
"Fine..." I said without really paying attention. Was it really possible, could I be? I hadn't even considered that before, with everything else that was screaming for my attention. Sudden fear snapped me back to where I was...
"Mako-chan, are you paying attention to me? I said, I phoned the school about you, it really seems that you aren't doing well..." she continued.
"Thank you for your concern," I said abruptly, immediately in an amazing hurry. "But I have things to do, excuse me." I pushed past her into my house and locked the door behind me. 'It is possible' I thought as I slid to the floor. And an amazing fear gripped me. I had been mentally counting weeks while 'The Snitch' blocked my door.
So many things I hadn't thought of, so many things I would never have dreamed possible. I was frozen with fear, and with need. Need of someone's support. I lay down on the floor and tried not to think. I was late, by two full weeks, and I couldn't call anyone to hold my hand or comfort me. I desperately needed someone to hold me, to take away my fear, but I wouldn't get it. Nor could I bring myself to actually take the test yet. Instead I lay there in my front hall, and cried myself into a deep sleep.
"I love you." Whispered Endymion, wrapping his arms around me as we lay in my bed. I blushed, he had said that before, but now it was more than just wonderful words. He kissed me and I did not know if I would ever stop blushing. He had made love to me, and it had been like nothing I had ever imagined, and now I felt so warm, loved, and protected in his arms.
**********
"Mako-chan." A voice seemed to call from a great distance, I voice I trusted even if I didn't understand. Something deep in the core of my being recognized the name and, though sleep battled with me, I struggled to open my eyes.
"Mako-chan! Please wake up!" Full of concern the voice grew louder and pulled me from my slumber. I opened my eyes to look into startling blue depths of another set of eyes very close to mine.
"Endym...Mamoru-san." I said as I returned fully to reality. Mamoru was kneeling next to me on the floor in the front hallway of my apartment. "How...why...?" I asked hesitantly.
"I was so worried, I saw you like that on the floor and then you wouldn't wake up..." He cut off pulling me into an almost fierce hug. It was all I could do to cling to him as he spoke, being held was so wonderful. Tears of what I could only describe as joy clung to the corners of my eyes. Since my parents had died, no one had held me like this. People had been kind to me, but never had I felt this safe. His embrace had fierceness and love, the kind that promised to protect something precious from the rest of the world. I knew it was not what some dark selfish part of me wanted it to be, it was not the same kind of love that we shared in my dreams. But this depth of caring, this much...it already seemed infinite.
He didn't love me the same way that he loved Usagi, or the way I loved him for that matter. But, he did love me. He cared about me this much and it comforted me, making my pain less sharp.
"I've been so worried about you Mako-chan, but I didn't know what to do or if you would want to see me...it's just been so confusing..."
"I wanted to see you...so much" I whispered not turning my face from his shoulder. The tears fell slowly and silently. "Why did you decide to come now?"
"I've been fighting with myself over it for a while. I hurt Usa-ko so much, I couldn't think of much else. And then, I didn't want to cause you anymore pain, Mako-chan..." he shrugged off my protest before I could make more than a small sound. "Today I ran into Haruka-san and at first I thought she was going to kill me." He let out a small laugh that really didn't have any mirth in it. "But, she's been out of town so she doesn't know anything about...what happened."
He pulled back from me to look down at my face and seeing my tears started to gently wipe them away. "She told me about what happened earlier and that she was worried about you. I think it was then that I realized how much worse this must be for you than I could have imagined...I'm so sorry, Mako- chan." He whispered the last, his eyes full of sympathy and pain.
"This was not your fault." I told him firmly, clinging to him. He opened his mouth to protest, but I didn't let him speak. "You wouldn't hurt me; you especially would not hurt Usagi-chan this way. I don't claim to know what caused us to forget that night, but I do know that neither of us would have wanted to hurt Usagi-chan, or each other... like this. We were both a part of it, we both can't remember any of what happened, we are either equally at fault or neither of us is to blame. Stop making yourself the only Villain"
"Mako-chan..." He tightened his arms around me for a moment before I pushed away to try to stand up. Instead of making it to my feet, I swayed when a wave of dizziness hit me and Mamoru caught me. "Mako-chan, Haruka said you were dizzy because you hadn't eaten, did you have anything since then?"
"No," I answered weakly "Just a little ice cream. Mamoru-san, I'm really sorry. I just feel really weak and dizzy."
"It's nothing to be sorry for..." he said as he picked me up and carried me toward my room. "You just rest for a little while and I'll find you something for dinner."
"Thank you, Mamoru-san." I said as he gently put me down on my bed and turned to head back to the kitchen.
"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you Mako-chan." He said smiling back at me over his shoulder.
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oh, there is soooooo much more...just you WAIT! Please review or feel free to email me about the story or characters or whatever.
Btw: something funny to do while taking a class in east asian history and studying japan. Watch samuri deeper kyo while studying the appropriate time period (ie. Beginning of tokugawa shogunate) then Kenshin ova (or samuri X) when studying the bakumatsu (end of tokugawa/restoration of the emperor) then rurouni kenshin for the beginning of the meiji era... is a head trip... Is also fun to understand the random Japanese that the prof. uses in lecture based solely on what you've learned from watching anime....lol
Not that any of those have anything to do with sailormoon...
Please be patient with me, I know I've used this excuse before, but school is evil (but now it is so much more evil due to the fact that it's college.) and I'm totally overbooked with activities too! I'm shocked that I could make free time to write this much in an afternoon...
Title: Betrayal, Chapter Four: The tracks of my tears
Disclaimer: once again, I reiterate.... Redundantly..... that Sailormoon is not mine....
Author's Notes: okay....we made 'warm fuzzies' in a meeting tonight so I thought that I would provide at least this much of a 'warm fuzzy' to the wonderful people who seem to like my writing....sadly this part four is waaay short and hence unfinished...but half is better than nothing, ne? Things of note: I didn't realize how much of a cliffhanger I ended on cause this has been sitting on my comp forever and I thought I had posted it....not that it's much better of a cliffhanger (but it's a Different one, at least) I know what happens for the rest of the story, I just need to write it!!! AHHH... Also of note: I confess that I haven't seen ANY sailormoon in YEARS (though I did just watch Pretear....which I would recommend to sailormoon fans in search of a shorter anime..lol) but this story has been burned into my mind for all this time, so I WILL FINISH IT DARN IT!
Author's notes part II: wai wai! I was inspired and wrote the rest of part FOUR! Banzai!! Okay, I'm stopping with the cheering. Originally more stuff was supposed to happen in part four BUT this is getting pretty long already so that stuff has been moved to part five....geez, this is a long fic! But I love the way this chapter ends, is soo 'kawaii!"
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'The mist settling over the moon kingdom is so beautiful', I thought as I walked around the fountains admiring. Something about the mist seemed strange though, it occurred to me that I should ask someone if this happened frequently. Despite a strong friendship with the moon princess, I had not spent as much time here as many of the others in the court.
Moon princess? Suddenly, the thought no longer made sense ... I felt the smallest recognition at the name but then, that was gone as well. Something was shifting in my mind as though something was twisting, was disappearing. I shook my head to clear it, but suddenly could not remember why. I looked up to a balcony above the fountain and saw Queen Serenity and some of the Elders watching. The Queen looked sadly down at me, then turned and strode back into the palace. The Elders still stood there, intent on something. I looked down quickly when I realized that they were looking at me, they were advisors to the queen... Why...?
The question died in my mind, forgetting their presence quickly as the beautiful mist curled in tendrils around the base of the fountain... I was so intent on the shifting colors of the mist that I very nearly did not see him sitting on the edge of the fountain... Endymion...the name drifted through my memory slowly. I had never really been introduced to him, but.... Who? ... someone had told me about him, at least I thought that someone had... he looked up and smiled at me, a warm smile.
"Good evening..." He said, standing suddenly and moving to take my hand. I had noticed before how handsome he was, but... I could not bring to mind why I had not spent more time with him....
We had moved, walking along through the mist. Perhaps it was because he was from earth, my parents would never approve of him...maybe that explained why we had never spoken at length before. But we spoke now as if to make up for the neglect of it in the past, looking into his eyes was like falling into a pool...we talked for hours, of earth, of my home, of each other... the darkness had crept around us with the mist. When he kissed me, I felt the briefest hesitation... something tugged at my memory... then it was gone, there was nothing but him and the mist as his arms closed around me...
"MAKO-CHAN!" Haruka's voice brought me back to the present harshly, only then did I realize I had fainted. The dream had been only that, a dream... but it felt more real than a dream. I had been avoiding sleep lately to escape these dreams that felt so like reality.
"Are you alright?" Michiru asked from my other side. They had knelt on either side of me on the pavement. I looked around quickly before I realized that we must have been far enough away from the group of my school mates that we did not attract their notice when I fainted...
"I'm okay...." I began before Haruka interrupted with the question of whether or not I had eaten that day. "No..." I answered hesitantly after I remembered that I had passed the lunch hour crying. In truth I hadn't eaten in days, I didn't feel like eating at all.
"Well that's probably why you fainted..." she said knowingly "Mako-chan, are you feeling okay?" It suddenly occurred to me that this was going very well, it was too good to be true.
"Sure. Why?" I asked, hesitating.
"Because you look sick. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Michiru interrogated. They didn't know, the others hadn't told them. I opened my mouth to tell them the whole story but couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted just a few more moments of being Mako-chan again, a friend that people cared about.
"I do feel pretty tired..." I said instead.
"Well, we'll give you a ride home..." Michiru answered, Haruka nodded in agreement.
"Thanks" I said and smiled. I wouldn't tell them, I couldn't. I would just ride home with them and enjoy the peace for a while.
**************
"Bye!" I said as I climbed out of the car, taking me home had turned into taking me out for ice cream then spending a good part of the afternoon together. I hadn't told them, I had realized that they would hate me as soon as they knew. Nothing I could do would change that, but I would have this afternoon to remember.
The dread that I had felt all that day crashed home as I mounted the steps to my door. In my happiness that afternoon I had managed to forget the meeting with the counselor, Usagi-chan helping me in the hall and seeing what I wished she hadn't, and finally the test that seemed to be burning a hole in my bag. That in itself was enough to hold my attention. Everything else seemed to be insignificant compared to that, and what it might mean for me.
"Mako-chan, how was your day at school?" crooned the woman from the apartment above me, sidling up to my door.
"Fine..." I said without really paying attention. Was it really possible, could I be? I hadn't even considered that before, with everything else that was screaming for my attention. Sudden fear snapped me back to where I was...
"Mako-chan, are you paying attention to me? I said, I phoned the school about you, it really seems that you aren't doing well..." she continued.
"Thank you for your concern," I said abruptly, immediately in an amazing hurry. "But I have things to do, excuse me." I pushed past her into my house and locked the door behind me. 'It is possible' I thought as I slid to the floor. And an amazing fear gripped me. I had been mentally counting weeks while 'The Snitch' blocked my door.
So many things I hadn't thought of, so many things I would never have dreamed possible. I was frozen with fear, and with need. Need of someone's support. I lay down on the floor and tried not to think. I was late, by two full weeks, and I couldn't call anyone to hold my hand or comfort me. I desperately needed someone to hold me, to take away my fear, but I wouldn't get it. Nor could I bring myself to actually take the test yet. Instead I lay there in my front hall, and cried myself into a deep sleep.
"I love you." Whispered Endymion, wrapping his arms around me as we lay in my bed. I blushed, he had said that before, but now it was more than just wonderful words. He kissed me and I did not know if I would ever stop blushing. He had made love to me, and it had been like nothing I had ever imagined, and now I felt so warm, loved, and protected in his arms.
**********
"Mako-chan." A voice seemed to call from a great distance, I voice I trusted even if I didn't understand. Something deep in the core of my being recognized the name and, though sleep battled with me, I struggled to open my eyes.
"Mako-chan! Please wake up!" Full of concern the voice grew louder and pulled me from my slumber. I opened my eyes to look into startling blue depths of another set of eyes very close to mine.
"Endym...Mamoru-san." I said as I returned fully to reality. Mamoru was kneeling next to me on the floor in the front hallway of my apartment. "How...why...?" I asked hesitantly.
"I was so worried, I saw you like that on the floor and then you wouldn't wake up..." He cut off pulling me into an almost fierce hug. It was all I could do to cling to him as he spoke, being held was so wonderful. Tears of what I could only describe as joy clung to the corners of my eyes. Since my parents had died, no one had held me like this. People had been kind to me, but never had I felt this safe. His embrace had fierceness and love, the kind that promised to protect something precious from the rest of the world. I knew it was not what some dark selfish part of me wanted it to be, it was not the same kind of love that we shared in my dreams. But this depth of caring, this much...it already seemed infinite.
He didn't love me the same way that he loved Usagi, or the way I loved him for that matter. But, he did love me. He cared about me this much and it comforted me, making my pain less sharp.
"I've been so worried about you Mako-chan, but I didn't know what to do or if you would want to see me...it's just been so confusing..."
"I wanted to see you...so much" I whispered not turning my face from his shoulder. The tears fell slowly and silently. "Why did you decide to come now?"
"I've been fighting with myself over it for a while. I hurt Usa-ko so much, I couldn't think of much else. And then, I didn't want to cause you anymore pain, Mako-chan..." he shrugged off my protest before I could make more than a small sound. "Today I ran into Haruka-san and at first I thought she was going to kill me." He let out a small laugh that really didn't have any mirth in it. "But, she's been out of town so she doesn't know anything about...what happened."
He pulled back from me to look down at my face and seeing my tears started to gently wipe them away. "She told me about what happened earlier and that she was worried about you. I think it was then that I realized how much worse this must be for you than I could have imagined...I'm so sorry, Mako- chan." He whispered the last, his eyes full of sympathy and pain.
"This was not your fault." I told him firmly, clinging to him. He opened his mouth to protest, but I didn't let him speak. "You wouldn't hurt me; you especially would not hurt Usagi-chan this way. I don't claim to know what caused us to forget that night, but I do know that neither of us would have wanted to hurt Usagi-chan, or each other... like this. We were both a part of it, we both can't remember any of what happened, we are either equally at fault or neither of us is to blame. Stop making yourself the only Villain"
"Mako-chan..." He tightened his arms around me for a moment before I pushed away to try to stand up. Instead of making it to my feet, I swayed when a wave of dizziness hit me and Mamoru caught me. "Mako-chan, Haruka said you were dizzy because you hadn't eaten, did you have anything since then?"
"No," I answered weakly "Just a little ice cream. Mamoru-san, I'm really sorry. I just feel really weak and dizzy."
"It's nothing to be sorry for..." he said as he picked me up and carried me toward my room. "You just rest for a little while and I'll find you something for dinner."
"Thank you, Mamoru-san." I said as he gently put me down on my bed and turned to head back to the kitchen.
"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you Mako-chan." He said smiling back at me over his shoulder.
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oh, there is soooooo much more...just you WAIT! Please review or feel free to email me about the story or characters or whatever.
Btw: something funny to do while taking a class in east asian history and studying japan. Watch samuri deeper kyo while studying the appropriate time period (ie. Beginning of tokugawa shogunate) then Kenshin ova (or samuri X) when studying the bakumatsu (end of tokugawa/restoration of the emperor) then rurouni kenshin for the beginning of the meiji era... is a head trip... Is also fun to understand the random Japanese that the prof. uses in lecture based solely on what you've learned from watching anime....lol
Not that any of those have anything to do with sailormoon...
Please be patient with me, I know I've used this excuse before, but school is evil (but now it is so much more evil due to the fact that it's college.) and I'm totally overbooked with activities too! I'm shocked that I could make free time to write this much in an afternoon...