"You love me despite your worst instincts, and I love you despite my best instincts."
"Slayers are built to die. We're built to live forever."
"They look afraid," Dev notes as he walks around the room, checking out the thirty-odd people who remain. "I don't understand. No, I do." He returns to his human face. Sid, Paul and Luiz quickly follow suit. Harmony goes along a few seconds later, not wanting to be the odd one out. "You came to be wooed. Your suitors would tell you to close your eyes' right before the big moment. That's how it went at the more genteel clubs I've come across. Used to date a girl who worked in one. I'm not pretty or exotic enough for this type of work. Which might also explain your obvious lack of enthusiasm for me. Sidney, I'm sure plenty of these guys would gladly give you their necks." She smiles appreciatively. "Luiz, you're getting a few looks. But Paul, alas, you're too waspish. Experience leads me to believe these women want someone exotic and dangerous-looking. Now Harmony. What man wouldn't gladly give you a meal?" She beams at the rare compliment thrown her way. "Okay, I see one guy raising his hand. But I bet he's gay. People, whichever one of us you may want, sorry. We'll have to pass. The boats that brought you here will bring ya back. Good night." A brave woman steps forward.
"We paid good money to come here." Devlin's eyes light up with dollar signs.
"And I'm glad Ramon collected up front." He starts guessing where they hid the money.
"Why the hell did you kill them if it wasn't to take their business?" If they didn't come to kill the people, this seemed the only logical explanation.
"Debbie the Vampire Slayer." He gestures in her direction. "Don't be shy, Deb. Step on up. Look at this magnificent woman. As powerful as she is beautiful, which if taken literally means she can probably put her fist through a steel I-beam. Her job title requires hostility to all vampires except those who pledge her complete and utter fealty. Which, I assure you, is a lot more fun than it sounds. I hope you enjoyed our brief, entertaining fight, because that's a wrap. You can't make us bite you, though it would be hilarious to watch you try. Sorry to force you to leave with all your blood still inside of your body. Let's see, seven boats, about five to a boat, Sid, Lou, Paul, Cynth, Theo, Mel, Danielle, you each take one. Bring 'em back empty." The people appear unwilling to be herded away. Diego and Theo exchange a few words and decide to pick up their weapons. Everyone else does the same, and this moves things along quite rapidly. "Strange," Devlin comments. "They're convinced we won't bite them, yet believe we might kill them." He walks over to Debbie. "You were fantastic."
"Couldn't have done it without you. Actually, I could've, but it would have been a lot less fun." She hugs him. "Your speech wasn't bad."
"I had to wing it," he jokes.
"You like those long-winded speeches."
"Sometimes I need an audience."
"You know, you were selling yourself short in the looks department."
"That's nice of you to say." He runs his fingers through her hair and looks down at Deb. They almost kiss. "Can't hold a candle to you, though. You make me wish I could paint. You deserve to be a work of art. By Titian, or Botticelli."
"Can someone hand me my money?," Harmony asks. They're the only three people left on the boat. "Or maybe a stake, so I don't have to hear this lover-dubby crap?" Devlin laughs and looks in her direction.
"It's back on land, in my car."
"I counted ten vampires tonight. Plus six last night. You owe me sixteen thousand dollars." Debbie gasps.
"You can't pay her that much. She did nothing!"
"I led you to the vampires! Oh yeah, and I also killed the leader."
"A deal's a deal. However, I wasn't expecting so many. I only have ten grand in my car."
"Ten thousand?," Debbie asks. "What if someone breaks in?"
"You are so whipped," Harm says to Dev.
"You've got me confused with my mother. She likes that sort of thing." Debbie's weirded out by her boyfriend referring to a vampire as his mother. Harmony doesn't like people bringing up Dru. "I don't have any other cash on me."
"How am I going to buy food tomorrow?," Debbie wonders.
"Use one of my credit cards. Harm, don't worry, I'll pay you the balance in diamonds."
"Excuse me?," she murmurs after a few seconds.
"You have diamonds?," Debbie asks.
"They're universally accepted. Extremely portable. Perfect if you're ever in a pinch. I hope that's acceptable, Harmony." She's too shocked to respond.
"You've never given me diamonds," Debbie points out.
"They're blood diamonds, Deb. Literally. People died to get these stones. And most of them weren't even killed by me. I know your conscience would object. But Harmony doesn't have a conscience."
"Do you mean jewelry? Rings? Maybe a nice necklace."
"Just the stones. Do with them what you want."
"We can kill her," Debbie notes, alarming Harmony. "We can make her accept a couple grand in exchange for, you know, not turning her to dust. That's enough for two night's work."
"Four night's work."
"It's not just about sixteen dead vampires," Dev says to Deb. "It's about advertising. Harmony, popular and gregarious as she is, will spread the word that we lavishly reward vampires who turn against their own kind. You will, right Harm?"
"For diamonds? I'll shout it from rooftops."
"Pretty soon, no vampire who feeds off humans will feel safe in Southern California."
"What will your precious girlfriend do then?," Harmony asks.
"I think I'll find ways to keep busy," Debbie responds, looking at Dev and smiling.
"There's a couple dozen rooms on this boat," Dev announces, putting his hands on her hips. Harmony pretends to gag herself. Slayer-vampire love is by far the most disgusting, unnatural kind of love in her book. Before Deb and Dev can flirt Harm to death, Cynthia and Theo return.
"Where are the others?," Debbie asks.
"Checking this place out," Cynthia responds.
"Is it really ours?," Theo asks.
"Legally no," Dev responds. "But for the time being, we do have the run of the place. Deb, can you get everyone back here? Before they start anything you wouldn't want to interrupt." She heads off. "Harmony, will you walk with me?"
"Where? We're on water."
"Just to the end of the room." He puts his right arm around her waist. "There's something I'd like you to do that will make you very popular within your company. It's complicated. But I believe you can make it work." That's what Harmony likes best about Devlin. He's always coming up with ideas that involve her.
"I can feel it," Nina says to Oz down in a cell in the dungeon.
"You're getting better each night. Last night, you held it off for three hours."
"You should go. I don't want to hurt you."
"I'll be okay. And so will you."
"It's happening."
"Relax."
"Easy for you to say, Captain Calm." He takes her hands. They're both sitting on the floor.
"Do what we practiced. I know how hard it can be at first. But stay with me, and we'll make it."
"Oz, I can't do this."
"Look at me. Do what I'm doing." She gets up and turns around.
"Maybe next month." Oz stands up.
"I, see, thing is, I don't know if I'll be here. But you can do it on your own. That's how I learned."
"You're leaving?"
"Or Angel could help."
"Of course." Nina looks at the wall. "What's happening to me?"
"Nothing. Good news." She turns around and looks down at him.
"I wasn't talking about that."
"Oh." Oz feels nervous standing so close to her, and walks to the other side of the cell. It wasn't his intention to get close to Angel's girl so he could steal her.
"Let's get back to the meditating."
"Sure. At least one of us should be calm," he jokes, clearly flustered by her comments. After all, she wouldn't be acting so nervous if she didn't feel something for him.
Harmony, Deb and Dev are back in Deb's house. "I can't believe I invited her in," Deb says to Dev.
"Excuse me, I'm standing right over here," Harmony notes with annoyance.
"Where are these diamonds?" He opens a drawer in the kitchen and pulls out a cigarette pack. Then he walks into the living room and empties dozens of stones onto the glass coffee table. Harmony nearly faints as they plop down in front of her. "Holy shit!," Deb exclaims. "Are these real!?"
"Hit 'em with a hammer if you want. But not on this table, of course."
"Remember when I threw you through the last coffee table?," Deb asks. They both smile. Harmony's too busy staring at all that ice to notice the grossness of their banter.
"You've got more bling than Nelly and P Diddy put together."
"Possibly. But most of these are rough stones. I'm sure all theirs are polished and extra sparkly." Harmony reaches down. Dev slaps her hand. "No touching." He leans down and picks up three medium-sized stones, placing them in Harmony's right hand. Her knees buckle slightly. "These are worth a lot more than six grand. You can go to a jeweler, sell him like half of each stone to pay for the other half to be cut into some nice jewelry. Or I can try to wire you six grand tomorrow, if you still want the cash."
"No. No. This is fine." She picks up and examines each stone.
"Then you'll be leaving," Debbie prompts.
"Guess all Slayers are rude." Harmony leaves, gets back in her car, opens her purse, looks at the ten thousand in cash and looks at the diamonds. Then she starts screaming for joy. She'd never seen such riches. And they were hers. All hers.
Sidney falls on top of Diego as he puts his arms around her and gasps happily for breath. "That was great," Sid tells her boyfriend. "Dev's right. Fucking's best after a kickass fight."
"Thanks. I, I guess. Did you want to bite those people?"
"Yeah. Important thing is I didn't."
"Why didn't you?"
"Cause Deb would've killed me."
"Not if they wanted to be bit. Not if you didn't kill them. Not if you took just a little from all those guys who wanted you."
"I wanted you more."
"To bite me?" Sidney laughs.
"I respect you. I don't respect the people I bite. Especially those who want it. What losers!"
"If I wasn't there, if my friends weren't there, so I would never find out, would you have done it?"
Sidney thinks about this and decides to be honest. After all, how upset can he get when she's lying naked on top of him? "If you'd never find out, of course I would bite them. But if there was a chance you would, then no. I wouldn't want to disappoint you. I know you believe I'm good. I'm not, but I like that you think it. I like that someone believes I really matter."
Devlin calmly puts the diamonds back in the empty cigarette pack one by one. "Where does a guy get his hands on so much bling?," Debbie asks.
"Namibia, Sierra Leone, Liberia, the Congo. There's a large market for vampires who can shoot straight."
"So you were a mercenary?"
"Something like that. But I did have my standards: I'd never work for Taylor or Sankoh or Mobutu. Ya know, the evil ones." Debbie laughs.
"You'd just kill for the lesser evil ones."
"I'm a killer by nature. Might as well get paid for it."
"Just what a girl likes to hear."
"Come on, Deb. Isn't this what you want — a relationship with no illusions?"
"I want to see all your sides. The good, the bad, the sick. Cause you've seen all of mine, and, well, you shouldn't hide things from those you love."
"You're in love with a guy who's killed thousands of people and doesn't feel the least bit sorry for any of them. Well, a couple times I wish I'd chosen better who to kill and who to spare."
"I'm not asking for your autobiography. Just a peek into what you're thinking. The past is past."
"Except when it involves me doing horrible things to a Slayer. I know you feel a link to her, like you're all connected or something."
"That's why I've worked so hard to stay out of the Sisterhood Brigade," she retorts. "You've met two Slayers. One you chose to help. The other you chose to kill. I can't help thinking that if you liked blondes, I'd be the dead one and she'd be the one sharing a bed with you."
"You make it sound so arbitrary."
"Well isn't it?"
"No!," he yells angrily. "I seek out and I kill. That's what I've always done. Hilda was routine. What I did when I met you, I've never done that before. You were special. Not cause you're a Slayer. That's what made me want to kill you. But the rest of you overrode that initial urge. Okay, that didn't come out as well as I'd hoped."
"That's okay. I get your point. You love me despite your worst instincts, and I love you despite my best instincts."
"With all this thinking about why I didn't kill you, I think you're in danger killing our relationship."
"Something always dies. Best when it's other vampires."
"So that's what keeps up together," he says with a chuckle.
"It was great out there with you tonight. When we're fighting, it's like you're an extension of me."
"I know some other times you felt that way," he says, resting his forehead against hers as they sit on the couch. Both of them smile.
"Nice try, loverboy." Devlin leans back away from Debbie.
"Worth a shot." She surprises him by cuddling up on top of him.
"They're not gonna break us up."
"Who?"
"Angel. Buffy. Everyone. I won't let them. You mean more to me than the rest of the world put together."
"How selfish of you," he quips.
"I don't literally mean if I had to choose between killing you and killing the rest of humanity, I'd choose you. Anyway, I don't see how it could ever come to that."
"And if it did, I'd kill myself in an appropriately heroic way. Perhaps, like Spike, I'd get to come back." Debbie yawns, showing that she's tired and disinterested in Spike.
"It's really late. I got school tomorrow."
"Say no more." She stands up and walks towards her room, then turns around.
"You coming?"
"I thought you said you were tired?," he asks back with a dirty smirk. She rolls her eyes.
"We can sleep in the same bed without fucking."
"In theory," he responds, taking off his shirt and walking over to her, hoping to weaken Deb's defenses.
"I almost forgot what a great body you had. Did you have it when you were sired?"
"Not completely. I did a lot of pushups and situps afterwards."
"So your body can change?"
"You can put on muscle. But you can't take off fat. Not with exercise. And the muscle you put on doesn't make you any stronger. It's purely cosmetic."
"So you, umm, just did it to get the girls?"
"I think you know what lengths I'll go to get the girl." This reminds Debbie of her doubts regarding the sincerity of Dev's conversion to goodness.
"Sometimes it works better when you just shut up." He leans in to kiss her. She pushes him onto the bed. "You never give up."
"Cause I always win in the end."
"I said shut up, Dev." She climbs under the covers and puts her arms around him, resting her head on his chest.
"So, what am I now, like, a big teddy bear?"
"Without any fur." She thinks about that and finds it disturbing. "I said shut up." Debbie smiles and goes to sleep. Dev spends the next few hours watching her breathe.
Back at her apartment, Harmony's too excited to sleep. She just keeps counting the huge pile of money Devlin gave her and looking over her new diamonds. But it was more than the fact that a guy gave her precious stones and she didn't even have to sleep with him. She was an essential part of something. She found the bad guys, snuck the good guys in, and then killed the leader herself. She'd never felt so powerful.
Neither had Elektra. After all, she was taking on, and hopefully taking down, two Slayers on the Hellmouth, something even her exalted parents never managed to achieve. Elektra was stoked about making mummy proud, daddy guilty, and her brother jealous. On Sunday night, she turns Veruca Salt's "Seether" all the way up on her car radio with the windows down, climbs atop the slag heap, and waits for the noise to draw the vampires out. Pretty soon, all eleven file out to see what the racket is. Leks has her high beams on, and they're pointing in her direction. "Let's get this party started!," she yells, leaping down and lowering the volume of the music.
"We gonna kill 'em tonight?," a male vampire asks.
"Not until we're good and ready."
"When's that gonna be?"
"Tomorrow night," Leks glibly declares. "I checked out your Slayers last night. Had some fun with them. Bit a few cute boys."
"Were you the naked girl they talked about on the news?," a girl asks contemptuously. Elektra still has to cultivate her female followers.
"I made the news? Cool!" The boys smile. "Any pictures?"
"No," a guy says with disappointment.
"I could check on the internet," another one offered.
"With what kind of connection, dipshit?," she witheringly responds. "You're living inside a fucking rock! Which is all gonna change tonight."
"How ya gonna handle The Ax?," a female vampire asks.
"I dunno, duck?," Elektra jokes. "You know where they're swinging. It ain't rocket science."
"This one's special."
"Yeah, it's also got a stake." Elektra imagines a standard fireman's ax with the end of the shaft whittled to a point.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of their stupid ax. Now remember one thing, people: Slayers are built to die." Spike had taught her this. Of course, it was no longer applicable now that one Slayer needn't perish for another to rise. "We're built to live forever." Her mix tape starts playing Oasis's "Supersonic." A few of the vampires look confused.
"I think you cued the wrong song," a guy offers.
"No, I like this one better." She takes off her brand new black leather jacket (Leks is a bit of a shopoholic/kleptomaniac) to show a pink spaghetti strap top over black Prada pants, with worn-out black converse sneakers for irony's sake, and to show she's not a fashion snob. "Okay boys. I want all of you to jump me. Or at least try. Pretend I'm a Slayer and kick my ass. Eight-against-one. Oh, and to make it worth your while, I'll suck the dick of whichever one of you knocks me down first. The men rush towards her. The women murmur about what a Paris Hilton-like uber-whore Elektra is. She calmly gets to work with a straight right kick, right roundhouse kick and left hook kick, knocking down three men before doing a back flip over two others. The puts one of them down with a straight left kick, ducks the other's left hook kick and nails him with a left hook, right uppercut, left jab and right cross. Once he falls, she leaps over two more men and hits the third in the chest with a leaping right kick. Then she turns, knocks one down with a right cross-left roundhouse punch combination, hits the other with a leaping right hook kick, grabs his arm when he tries a right cross, picks him up and throws him face-first into the rocks. She walks over to the women. "I'm a girl of my word," she jokes. The woman realize Leks is more of a tease than a slut. The men groan and slowly stand up. "If I was a Slayer you'd all be dead by now. Except for one of you who I'd take home to fuck because, well, I'm a Slayer." The girls laugh. "But I'm not, thank God." Elektra rolls her eyes at the thought. "Take your shirts off," she tells the men. "Go on. Don't be shy."
"What's this for?," a girl whispers to Leks.
"Cause I feel like it. Don't you?" The women like the feeling of power Elektra gives them by degrading the boys. "I'm only gonna need six of you to kill those two. These three girls — cause girls are just better — and three of you boys. Now I want you to pair off an fight. No let me do that." She walks over and matches them up. "Remember, only the victors get to share in the glory." She steps back onto a rock pile with the other women. "Begin! I said kick each other's ass! Isn't this cool?," she asks the girls.
"How'd you do that?," the youngest, who's sixteen in human years and three in vampire years, asks. She's never seen anything like Elektra's brazen displays of power and control.
"Men are like dogs. You hit them enough, they slobber on your face and do anything you say." For Leks, this is dark lesson because of Buffy's "domestication" of her hero Spike.
Speaking of which, Spike gets a knock at his door at six am. Then a few more knocks. "Coming Angel. Bloody hell, this better be important." He opens the door. "Claire?"
"Darn, you're only half-naked," she half-jokes. "And your hair's all frizzy." She laughs and touches it. "Guess I'm not the only one in this relationship who uses conditioner."
"I thought you were an artist? Artists sleep late."
"I was up all night developing film at school, and I thought I'd see you before heading home. Or, maybe crash here. I got a class at two, and it'll save me about an hour round-trip. Plus - " She bites her lower lip, smiles and puts her hands on his chest and stomach. Spike backs up as she pushes him towards the bed.
"I'm not some bloody robot you can turn on whenever you like."
"Eww. Who'd wanna fuck a robot?" Spike looks ashamed.
"My point is, love, it's early, I'm tired, and - " She takes off her shirt. "This isn't gonna work." She takes off her bra. Then her shoes and pants. "You're wasting your time." She takes off her panties and tosses them on Spike's head.
"Don't make me dance."
"You . . . dance?," Spike asks with a small, curious smile. He notices she's completely naked, except for a cross around her neck. She walks towards him and he backs up against the brick wall. "Funny how the one thing you left on was that - "
"You can't be too careful. Especially in this town." She undoes his pants as the cross dangles just inches from his chest. "You're more nervous than usual," she notes with a wicked grin. Spike can't help but observe that she's gotten much more forward since they met. "Performance issues?"
"Depends on where you put that thing."
"Well, that depends on whether you keep resisting me." It's almost as if Claire's come to the wacky conclusion that Spike is turned-on by aggressive women who threaten him with bodily harm.
"Well, Claire, pet, it's hard for me to get close to you while you have that bloody thing on."
"Get on the bed." She grabs the cross and moves it towards his chest. Spike growls, grabs her shoulders and throws Claire on the bed. She laughs. He gets on top, but she puts him on his back and kneels over top of him. She leans down a few times, bringing the bottom of the cross even closer to his skin than before. She takes it off, holds it in her right hand, drops it but catches it with her left hand. "I saw you flinch."
"I trust you."
"Really." She puts her body against his and they start kissing. Then she grabs his right hand with her left, putting the cross in between. He cries out while she kisses his neck, but quickly lets the cross fall to the floor after a few seconds. He puts his smoking hand to her left cheek and smiles. She kisses the inside of his wrist. He pulls her head down towards his.
"I didn't know you liked it like that."
"I knew you did."
Elektra couldn't wait to get the fight started. She was finally a war leader, like her parents and brother. She went t the Hellmouth less than an hour after sunset to get her fighters-slash-fodder. Her standards were somewhat selfish. She didn't want to get anyone killed she would consider sleeping with. But this list was short, consisting of only two guys. So she took the three girls and the three best fighters among the six eligible guys. They packed into her car, two girls in front, a girl and two boys in back. This left one boy out. Elektra suggested he sit on one of the boys' laps. Or in the trunk. He objected, not understanding why he couldn't sit on one of the girls' laps. Of course, that would have upset the gender dominance which Lex had established.
Being inexperienced and impatient, drove over to Robin Wood's house and threw a rock through a window with a note attached. Little did Elektra know this was Harmony's first tactic when she wanted to kill Buffy. He was in the kitchen washing dishes when the rock entered his living room. He heard the noise and rushed over to check it out. "Rona. Vi. Come down, please." Knowing Wood's penchant for understatement, they rushed down in case it was a crisis. "Come out, or more people will die'?," he reads.
"It's that stupid girl," Rona guesses.
"I'll get the Scythe," Vi says.
"You got to use it last time," Rona protests. "It's my turn." They both look at Robin.
"She's right. It's her turn."
"You always take her side."
"No I don't." As Vi runs upstairs, Rona gets out a stake and Wood loads a crossbow.
"This could be a trap," he warns.
"A little late for that. They got no one left to bum-rush us with."
"It won't matter if she's got a gun. Remember what happened in California."
"What if we take the car? Maybe try to run her down."
"It'll provide some protection." Vi comes down. She hands Rona the Scythe, who smiles and hands Vi a stake.
"What's the hold up?," Vi asks.
"He thinks she might be packing."
"Packing? You mean like a gun?"
"I've talked this over with Rupert, and we both agree the best tactic to guard against bullets is surprise: close with the enemy before they can spot you, aim and fire. She's waiting for us. So we've lost that."
"Cause only a stupid vampire would come to our neighborhood and challenge us to a fight fair," Rona retorts.
"Or a rash one," Vi adds. "And this girl's definitely rash."
"I wonder if she has clothes on?," Rona asks. They both laugh.
"This is serious," Wood reminds them.
"I know," Rona responds. "We gotta get out their and dust her before she bites anyone."
Outside, two blocks away, Elektra stands on the roof of her car as the vampires mill around in front. "Maybe we should torch the house," a male vampire suggests.
"They'll be here," Leks assures them.