"So occasionally they get attacked by a mob of angry lesbians. That's the price you have to pay."
Jeta teaches the Slayers not to attack her while she's out socializing. Dru tells Elektra how she can defeat Rona and Vi. Angel and Spike start to regress, while Harmony just keeps getting better and better.
Finally, a place to relax and have some fun. After being chased out of the German-speaking parts of Europe, Jeta lets loose in a lesbian bar in Geneva, dancing jubilantly to French techno. Most of the women stand back and watch the long-haired dark beauty whirl around in her long, bright blue skirt and yellow sleeveless blouse. Jeta stands moving towards a very tall, thin woman in a black, low-cut pants suit with short black hair and bright green eyes, seducing her as she moves closer and closer. When finally the woman can take the teasing no more and tries to kiss her, Jeta playfully moves back, then takes the woman's hands and starts dancing with her, spinning the larger woman over her head, flipping her around, sliding her under her legs, and performing all sorts of thrilling moves a woman of Jeta's size simply should not have the strength to pull off. The song ends, the breathless woman collapses in Jeta's arms, and the crowd goes wild. Jeta and her new girl sit down at the back of the room as a mellow ambient piece wafts over the speakers. Jeta puts her left arm around the woman's shoulders and her right hand on her right thigh. They talk in French. Jeta apologizes for her shaky command of the language, but her date doesn't mind. She just smiles and gazes into Jeta's dark eyes, utterly captivated. They start kissing. Jeta strokes the woman's hair with her left hand and moves her right hand onto the her right breast, unbuttoning the top button of her suit. She can feel the green eyed woman's heart pounding with anticipation. Jeta leans in and kisses her neck, causing the woman to moan lightly. But out of her right eye, Jeta can see two Teutonic-looking blonde girls enter the club, the scowls on their faces showing they mean business. The one in front pulls out a crossbow and fires. Jeta spins to her right, and the arrow hits the upholstery between the vampire and her new girlfriend. Several gasps are heard, and the music stops.
"Yetta!," the second Slayer yells, grabbing a cue stick and breaking off the end. Jeta stands up.
"Fascistos," Jeta responds, confusing the two Slayers. The one with the cue stick attacks, hitting Jeta in the face with the back end, kicking her in the chin and going for the stake, causing many women to gasp and Jeta's wannabe lover to scream. Jeta grabs the stick, rips it free and breaks it over the Slayer's head. The second girl lands a left jab and a right hook before tossing Jeta through the air into the wall near the tall green-eyed woman, who looks on in horror. The two Slayers now gang up on Jeta, pounding her mercilessly. One the them takes out her stake, confident they'll have this pesky vampire slayed in seconds.
"Murderer!," one of the women yells in French.
"Nazis!," any yells, throwing her glass at the back of one Slayer's head. Another woman tosses a beer bottle. Then six more women toss beer bottles. The Slayers are grabbed from behind and pulled away from Jeta. The green eyed woman grabs her date, who was obviously the victim of a vicious hate crime, and holds the vampire in her arms. Jeta kisses her passionately then whispers in the woman's ear, asking where she lived. The woman whispered her address.
"Can I come over?"
"Of course!" Jeta kisses her again and disappears into the melee. Her new girlfriend anxiously looks around, but figures Jeta had no choice but to leave to escape the anti-Gypsy lynching. Or maybe these neo-Nazi girls hated homosexuals. Or perhaps it was a combination of the two bigotries. None of this had occurred to the Slayers before they entered the club. In their minds, they are trying to save lives, including the lives of every woman in that building. Getting attacked by an angry mob was the last thing they expected to happen. They plead for the crowd to come to their senses and scream for calm, but it doesn't stop the pummelling. One Slayer gets her left cheek deeply slashed by a broken beer bottle. The other takes a billiard ball to the mouth, knocking several of her teeth loose. The Slayers are finally able to push several women away and reluctantly punch a few more, creating space between them and the mob, which settles down now that the homophobic racist attackers appear too badly beaten to be a threat. One woman holds up a crossbow she grabbed off a Slayer's back and looks confused. Who did they think they were, William Tell? The bruised, bleeding and bewildered Slayers limp out of the bar and fall to the ground outside.
"What would Kennedy say?," one girl jokes to the other as she coughs up blood. She responds by swearing in German about how stupid those women were. A raven perches atop a nearby roof, and starts to crow. It sounds like its laughing. Jeta then flies away. Hopefully, when she returns to human form and pays her new lover a visit, her wounds will not have healed that much. She looks forward to being pampered and treated like a brave victim of senseless oppression.
"I still can't believe that happened," Buffy says at the dinner table the next evening with Xander, Dawn, Giles and Gretchen. "When did victims start defending people who want to kill them and hurting people who want to protect them?"
"Obviously they didn't feel they needed protection," Gretchen responds.
"So they're idiots?," Buffy asks.
"No, Frieda and Erma were naive," she responds, implying that Buffy's naive, which deeply irritates Buffy. Gretchen has a habit of pointing out how naive Buffy is about the wider world, as if she were some backward provincial rather than a legendary Slayer. For the record, Gretchen believes Buffy is both.
"How is trying to stop a killer naive?" Gretchen laughs condescendingly.
"It's naive to assume that you can walk into a social establishment and use deadly force without people getting upset. Your entire line of questioning assumes these women knew Yetta was a vampire." Buffy thinks about this and relates it to how she acted at the Bronze back in the day.
"You're right," she concedes. "They should have waited for an attack. Or until she left the place." Giles smiles. This is why he thinks Gretchen's such a good influence on Buffy — she makes Buffy question her own assumptions.
"In Erma's and Frieda's defense, they were dealing with a vampire who can fly away once she's out in the open," Giles points out. "It was correct of them to enter and try to trap Yetta. But they should forced Yetta to make the first move."
"But, like most of the girls we've put in the field, they don't understand restraint," Gretchen adds. She worries about the arrogance these new Slayers feel once they're put together in teams, even though these teams are far more efficient and prolific when it comes to slaying.
"Better an aggressive Slayer than a cautious one," Xander argues. "Nine times out of ten, they dust the bad guy and save a lot of lives. So occasionally they get attacked by a mob of angry lesbians. That's the price you have to pay." Xander thinks about this. "No. On second thought, that should never happen."
"A group of angry, sexist men I could understand," Buffy replies. "But women? It makes no sense."
"I thought lesbians liked Slayers," Xander adds.
"They also like Yetta," Dawn points out. "I've been doing some research on her. She's very popular. Not just among lesbians. It's said that she can seduce most straight women. And the funny part is, she only kills the people who turn her down. Okay, that's not so funny. But if all these woman liked her, she wouldn't ever kill any of them, so they'd have no way of knowing she was evil. Which might explain why they went all Amazon on the Slayers." Dawn knows how conceited most Slayers are, and part of her relishes the idea of two of them getting thrashed by a bunch of normals.
"So, if, say, this vampire ever hit on me, I should sleep with her?," Xander asks.
"Yes," Dawn replies, to Buffy's and Rupert's disapproval. At last, a sexy demon Xander needn't fear.
"Except that would never happen because she's a lesbian," Buffy adds, slightly dismayed by the whole concept of Xander willingly fornicating with the enemy.
"Yetta goes both ways," Dawn clarifies. "Mostly the girl way, but not all the time. She's seduced men. And then killed their wives and children. But that counts as bisexual, right?" Dawn hasn't come across any information about Jeta's time with Spike.
"On a more appetizing note, I am delighted to report that the Akakawa clan has been annihilated," Giles announces. Buffy smiles and looks pleasantly surprised.
"All of them?"
"Yes. Aneko, Haru and Yumiko made a bold attack that took the entire clan completely by surprise."
"So this gang was especially bad?," Xander asks.
"That's an understatement," Gretchen replies.
"The three leading members of the clan have between them killed four Slayers," Giles explains, referring to Slayers before the post-Willow proliferation. "Which was the entirety of Japanese Slayers in the past two centuries. This is an enormous triumph."
"Were they is Osaka?," Dawn asks.
"I believe so. Why?"
"No reason." Dawn had predicted they'd be there since it's their clan's place of origin. "Are the other vampire leaders in Tokyo?" With its vastness, Tokyo would have been a far better place to hide.
"I believe so," Giles replies. "But with the Akakawa out of the way, there's no one to provide leadership. The girls should be able to take them in detail with relative ease."
"Hoshiko, Goro and Manzo are much tougher than the two vampires you fear Rona and Vi might face," Gretchen says to Buffy.
"And Aneko, Haru and Yumiko are far less experienced," Giles concurs.
"I guess you're right," Buffy concedes. "I was wigging cause of Kendra. But they'll be fine. As long as they stick together."
"Your hair must be fixed," Dru says to Elektra in response for her plea for help. "And your clothes. I found a gown that would look perfect on you." Dru has a habit of dressing Leks up as if she were a life-sized version of one of Dru's dolls.
"It won't look perfect if I'm dust!," Leks responds, freaking Dru out. "These Slayers are everywhere. I can't beat them on my own. I need you, mum." Drusilla looks concerned and puts her right hand to Elektra's face. They both smile and share a tender moment.
"You need family."
"I know. And you're all I got." Dru turns around and walks away, looking cross at the reference of Spike. When she's twenty feet away, at the edge of the stairs, she turns around.
"No I'm naught." She quickly claps her hands twice. "Come deary." Elektra obeys her mother and follows her upstairs, where two older women do their hair and get them into expensive gowns. Throughout the whole mother-daughter makeover, Elektra thinks about what her mother said. When they're done, her hair is a mountain of curls, and Dru's is curled much like it was when she met William. She wears a shimmering red gown, while Leks wears a dark blue gown. Dru is blown away by her daughter's splendid appearance.
"Miss Edith couldn't compare to you on her best day."
"You're beautiful, mummy." They hold hands and spin around and laugh. When they separate, Dru dances around on her own. "Do you like it?," Leks asks, knowing the answer, but wanting the validation.
"On you? Every stitch." She takes her daughter and starts waltzing with her. "The Prince won't take his eyes off you at the ball."
"Except to pay you a look."
"Nonsense, deary. He knows I've saved all my dances for the duke." Elektra has plenty of experience playing along with her mom's flights of fancy. Suddenly, Dru gets upset, backs away from Leks and starts shaking her arms. "These hands. These hands. All wrong. I can't abide them." Leks rushes over and gently hugs her mom, then grabs her wrists.
"It's okay. It's okay, mummy. We forgot the gloves." She walks over and picks up a part of long white gloves. "See." She puts them on. Dru smiles.
"You'll awlways be by sweet." She kisses Elektra on the nose. Leks beams with pride. Now that the outfits are complete, Dru runs downstairs and watches Elektra slowly glide down the stairs like a mother watching her daughter go off to the prom. Once she's at the bottom, Elektra twirls several times, to the delight of Drusilla. She even executes a pirouette. Dru claps. Leks curtsies. Her mother eats it up.
"I think we're all ready for the ball," Elektra, a Jersey girl who's never been to a ball but has been to hundreds of discos, jokes to mummy.
"You'd be the prettiest doll there. The boys would crawl to you for a mere touch of your finger."
"They'd better," Leks responds with a growl. Dru starts humming a song and gliding across the great hall. Elektra's had fun playing dress-up, but wants to get down to business. "When you said my family would help, did you mean Devlin?" Dru stops dancing and walks over, putting a gloved hand under her daughter's chin.
"He is your brave knight," she responds, referring to Devlin's old role as Elektra's protector.
"Yeah well, now he's someone else's knight," Leks comments bitterly.
"He was born to kill Slayers. He was born from one," she notes, referring to the connection between Dev's siring and Nikki's death.
"Dev's already done that. Now he's fucking one." Dru looks cross and slaps Elektra with the back of her gloved right hand. Elektra's lip bleeds.
"Bad baby. Using language like that." Leks licks up the blood.
"My point is, he can't do both at the same time."
"He won't have to."
"You know something I don't? Course you do. You're YOU. What is it?" Dru leans in so her face is six inches from her daughter's.
"He is the one. This is his toim. Bring him back, deary." She mulls this over.
"You mean I should kill that Slayer he's with? Wouldn't that make him mad?" Drusilla laughs. Her daughter says the most adorable things.
"Come here, darling." Elektra hugs her. Drusilla sits down, strokes her daughter's hair and rest Elektra's head on her bosom. "Listen to my heart," she says wit her usual nonsense. "It says, Moi babies will make me proud.' You and your big brother are one." Leks recalls the previous week when they worked together and she kneecapped Angel, and she smiles. She knows it's best not to tell mummy of this, since thinking of Angelus will only distract her. Also Elektra doesn't like to be reminded that their family has roots beyond Drusilla. Then again, maybe mummy's read her thoughts and already knows.
"I'll try, mummy. I'll go, and I won't leave until I make him come. You'll be so proud."
"Oi awlready am, dear." Elektra smiles. Tears well up in her eyes and she sniffles.
"I love you mummy." They sit there in silence a little while longer, sharing this tender moment. Then Elektra hears footsteps to her left.
"Is this your daughter?," a man asks in a prim English voice. Elektra stands up. "She's lovely. What a vision!" Elektra glares at what to her looks like a taller, burlier version version of Tom Cruise's Lestat, with his black curls, frilly white shirt, tan waistcoat and brown pants. Drusilla stands up behind her daughter and starts to tremble.
"Go, go, go, go, go," she says over and over as he walks towards the two beautiful, resplendently dressed women.
"You look quite ravishing yourself, Drusilla darling." Dru starts her high-pitched moaning, like a tea kettle. Elektra goes bumpy and rips off part of the bannister while emitting a low growl. Realizing he's under attack, the man tries to run. Elektra leaps while screaming at the top of her lungs. She grabs his ankles, tackles him and gets on top.
"You are not my father! You are not my father!," Elektra screams as she lands ten left hooks, one with each word. Then she drives the stake in her right hand through his heart with such force that the point shatters against the hardwood floor. Elektra returns to her human face and stands up, calmy watching him writhe until he turns to dust.
"Tarquin!," Dru screams, rushing over. She grabs Elektra by her right ear and drags the naughty girl outside, where the weather is quite overcast. "Bad, bad, bad, bad girl."
"He didn't deserve you!" Dru tosses Elektra into Lake Erie, then wades in herself. They're both still wearing their gowns.
"What chance did you give him?," Dru asks before dunking Elektra's head into the water. After struggling for ten seconds, Elektra stops and looks up calmy at her mother through the water with her big blue eyes. Dru keeps her under and starts to shake her, still under the delusion that she's drowning the girl. After a minute, she gives up.
"Whew! That was scary. Not!" Dru puts her hands around Elektra's throat and chokes her.
"Whoi can't I be happy!" She lets go, and Elektra stumbles back and falls on her butt before getting up.
"That thing could never make you happy, mummy. Okay, he wasn't as barf-inducing as some of the other things' I've caught you with. But come on! Anything I can kill isn't good enough for you." Elektra is very, very particular when it comes to what she sees as stepfathers. And like all spoiled children, she lashes out and throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. Dru doesn't like punishing Elektra and tries to mollify her daughter. She walks over to her. They stand there up to their waists in water.
"You miss your father." A sulking Elektra nods. "I miss him too." Elektra hugs her mommy. They both start to cry.
"I'll make her pay," Elektra vows in between sniffles. "I'll make Buffy pay for taking him away from us." Dru smiles and kisses her daughter's forehead.
"I know you will." She wipes away Elektra's tears. Elektra takes her mother's left hand in her right hand and they walk towards the shore. "Would you loik to have a tea party?" Elektra makes a big smile and nods enthusiastically.
"You have a people cellar?" When her mother says "tea party," it's a euphemism for a genteel, well-behaved massacre. "Of course you do. This house is in the middle of the fucking boonies." Dru slaps Elektra's wrist.
"Wut did I tell you about your mouth?"
"Sorry."
"Just for that, you only get one boy to eat."
"But mo-om!," she whines.
"Okay. Three."
"Yaaay!" When she's alone, Leks has to be an adult. But when she's with her parents, she can indulge her childish side to the fullest.
Spike and Angel walk into Fred's lab on Saturday afternoon, where she's hanging out with Wesley. Angel's holding a folder. "Were you in charge of Champion's Awards?," Angel asks.
"I believe Gunn handled that," Wes responds.
"Couldn't you come up with a better name?," Spike wonders as Angel pages Gunn.
"What are you doing here on a weekend?," Fred asks Spike. She assumed he'd still be sleeping off whatever he did the night before.
"Just thought I'd check in after catching The Passion'."
"Oh, you mean your date with Angel." Both vampires scowl. "How was the movie?"
"He didn't suffer enough," Angel replies, stunning Fred and Wes.
"That has to be a first," Wesley notes.
"One bloody afternoon and he gets to go to Heaven," Spike gripes. "A few hours of pain. That's all. Cum on! He's supposed to be the bloody Messiah!"
"So there wasn't enough blood and gore?," Fred asks facetiously.
"There was. Matter of fact, it made me hungry," Spike confesses.
"At least we managed to kill three vampires," Angel reports.
"There were at the theater?," Wes wonders.
"Cheering," Angel replies.
"I told you we'd catch a few," Spike brags.
"No, I told you," Angel counters. "It was my idea."
"No it wusn't."
"Yes it was." Fred rolls her eyes at how immature these two can get. Just then, Gunn walks in.
"You sent for me?"
"Yes," Angel replies. "I looked over your list of honorees for this Tuesday."
"Is something wrong?"
"No, no. But this Deborah Owen from Laguna Hills wouldn't happened to be Debbie the Vampire Slayer from Laguna Hills?"
"I thought you'd notice that. She's clearly earned it."
"Yes, the O.C. is nearly vampire-free," Wesley notes.
"Please don't call it that," Fred comments about Wesley's use of the cliched abbreviation which sounds very wrong coming out of his mouth.
"She's not the only one to thank," Spike says with a smile since he knows any allusion to Devlin will upset Angel. "By the way, aren't there enough awards shows in this town?," he jokes.
"Not for people who make the world a better place to live," Angel responds.
"So you give them a plaque or a piece of paper. What does that change?"
"Actually, we're giving money to volunteer organizations and college scholarships to kids who improve their community. I'm taking Wolfram & Hart's money and giving it to the forces of good. If that doesn't put a smile on your face, well, you just don't have a soul. Or you do, and you're not using it." Now Spike's the one scowling. Fred groans.
"Now I know what it's like to have two older brothers."
Down in the security office, Harmony's putting forth her plan. "Bottom of the harbor. Big freakin' castle. I mean, you can't miss it."
"How can you be sure we'll face no resistance?"
"If I'm wrong, you can stake me. If you're still alive. Which you will be, because the vampires are dead. And if one or two sneaks aboard, can't you take 'em down with all your tough guy gadgets? I thought you were, like, commandos or something." The insult to his manhood does the trick, and he makes a lame excuse.
"I was worried about it being booby-trapped. Maybe with some I.E.D.'s, like they use in Iraq. It's only a matter of time before vampires catch on to that."
"Especially with all those Slayers breathing down our necks." Harmony smiles. She doesn't know what I.E.D.'s are, but the thought of Buffy being brought down by some deadly new weapon warms her cold heart.
"We'll move at 2200. Make sure any friendlies are gone by then." Harmony appears confused. "Ten pm."
"Oh. No problem. The boat, or barge, or, whatever it is, will be yours."
"This is a real smart idea," the man says with a smile. "You could have a future at this firm."
"Thanks. And, by the way, if you're saying nice things to try to get in my pants, you're gonna have to try a lot harder." She walks out of the room, and literally bumps into Spike, who's walking in.
"What are you doing here on a weekend?," he asks.
"What am I doing here? I actually work here. Do you even, technically, have a job? Or are you just Angel's lackey?" She walks away. Spike grimaces with pain and pleasure.
"Someone's growing an attitude."
The night before, Devlin had taken Debbie's friends on a tour of the Excalibur so they could celebrate their string of victories. Sidney and Diego, Paul and Melanie, and Luiz and Danielle went straight for three of the dozens of rooms aboard, while Dev methodically searched the rest of the vessel for valuables he could fence. "So much for the glamor of vampire slaying," Debbie jokes.
"Nothing's free, babe."
"I thought you had plenty of money."
"I do. But I can always use more. The goal is to make more than you spend."
"And with all that moolah you gave to Harmony - "
"I'm going to make it back and then some. People paid to get on this ship. Those vampires had to store the money somewhere. Plus, there's a big generator on board lighting up this room and all the others. And there's the sound system in the ballroom. I can strip this baby good." Debbie doesn't like this side of Devlin. Ironically, neither did Spike.
"Everything's got dollar signs for you."
"Oh really. I'm losing money on you, Deb."
"Even with the occasional plunder?"
"There's the apartment for Sid and the gang. The walking around money I give your friends to compensate them for risking their lives. Not to mention all the dough I could make if I was out in the world - "
"Being evil?"
"I was going to say mercenary."
"So how much am I worth to you?," she half-jokes.
"Every penny."
"Then why the salvage job?"
"It's not like we'd be doing anything more fun."
"Is that all you think about?"
"Clearly not. I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Like I'd ever let you get away from me," she replies, affectionate and threatening at the same time. She grabs his chest from behind. Dev spins around.
"You think I'd leave? Deb, I'd die without you." They start to kiss, but Debbie pulls away.
"You've already died."
"I mean for good."
"Oh. Okay then." They start kissing again and find it hard to stop. This past week of abstinence has been difficult for the both of them. "But what about your job?," she asks. "Shouldn't you be stripping? The boat."
"It's not going anywhere." They resume kissing.
"Dinner was de-lish," Leks says to Dru. "And they say there's no good Canadian food."
"Pity I'll have no one to share awl this with."
"Take my slaves," Leks offers, pointing to the two hunks.
"They're for you." Elektra smiles and jumps up and down.
"You mean I can keep them?" Dru nods.
"You're the best mom in the whole universe." She runs over and hugs Dru. Then they kiss each other on each cheek.
"Now go, deary. You don't wont to miss your aeroplane."
"Time to bring back your boy," Elektra says with determination.
"Tell Dev oi said hoi. That should get his blood running." Leks smiles.
"The Hellmouth will be yours, mummy." Dru puts her right hand to Elektra's left cheek and smiles tenderly.
"Moi baby's awl grown up." Elektra smiles back and almost starts to cry. "Now hurry along. You don't have much toim." Elektra runs off, then turns round at the door.
"Luv you, mum. Thanks again for the slaves." Elektra rushes off into the early night. One of Dru's servant vamps pilots the boat back to Cleveland while Elektra has sadistic fun with her beefy supplicants. After three hours of this fun, they limp out of the boat with scratches and blisters under their clothes while Elektra glides down the dock, thoroughly refreshed. Mummy always knew how to cheer her up. Elektra quickly disappoints her boy toys by telling them to get lost, handing them a wad of cash and ordering them to find a nice place for her to live, warning there would be dire consequences if it's not up to her standards. She skips away, buoyed by the thrill of ordering others around. Elektra races across a six-lane street, dodging traffic, then sprints to the nearest parking lot. She waits a few minutes for the first man to emerge, snaps his neck when he's about to open his car door, takes his keys and zooms off to the airport to buy a first-class ticket for the red-eye to Los Angeles. It was time to make Devlin an offer he couldn't refuse.