A parody of Inuyasha, Spider-Man, Batman, and Superman.
Chapter 1: The Scent of Crime
Sesshoumaru stood high atop a cliff jutting out from the mountains, his honey-gold eyes surveying the human village sprawled in the valley beneath him. Something in the air was not quite right.
"My lord?"
His diminutive servant Jaken scuttled up to stand beside him. "Enjoying the sunset?"
"Fool," replied Sesshoumaru coldly. "I don't waste my time enjoying sunsets."
Jaken looked crushed. "My apologies, Master Sesshoumaru. Then may I ask what you are doing?"
"You may not."
Chastened, Jaken slunk off to join Ah-Un the dragon steed. Plopping himself down next to Rin, who was taking a nap, he heaved a sigh.
The fiery twilight glow outlined Sesshoumaru's statuesque form against the vast expanse of orange sky. What was it that gave him this uneasy sense of foreboding?
Trouble was brewing, he knew it.
"Jaken. Get my costume out."
"Y-Yes, my lord!" Jaken nearly tripped over himself in his eagerness to obey.
With much difficulty, the little servant pulled one of the saddlebags off of Ah-Un. He opened it and extracted several items. Folding everything neatly, he presented the "costume" to his master.
Sesshoumaru took the items. "And the spare arm?"
"Ah! Of course, my lord." Jaken opened another saddlebag and fished out the severed arm of a powerful demon like Sesshoumaru, and handed it to him. The arm had been put under a spell to preserve its state.
The demon lord walked away from the cliff and his companions, and found a convenient little clearing nearby. Quickly and efficiently, Sesshoumaru removed his armour and swords and laid them on the ground. He shed his rich, lordly clothes and carefully attached the severed arm to his body. Thanks to that fool Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru only had one arm, and it doesn't look very pleasant to lack an arm when wearing tight-fitting clothing like his costume.
He pulled on the red and white full-body suit, made of a strong elastic material that hugged his slender but muscular frame. The mark of the crescent moon on his pale forehead was concealed behind a thin black headband, and his silver hair was gathered into a high ponytail. A long cape was fastened around his neck, and a red silk handkerchief covered his nose and mouth ninja-style.
The transformation was complete. He was no longer the cold-hearted, dignified, human-hating Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands, but a famed superhero whose name was well-known throughout the land: Fluffy-Man.
Fluffy-Man had never been quite satisfied with his alias, but much as he tried to rid himself of it, it stuck to him like peanut butter. He could still remember that fateful night when he was given the name…the night he decided to dedicate his life to fighting crime and injustice.
- - -
It had been a midsummer night, surprisingly cold, though of course Sesshoumaru was unaffected. He was strolling through the forest, Jaken tagging at his heels. Rin was taking a nap on Ah-Un.
There lay an injured young woman just ahead, sprawled in the middle of the forest path. Sesshoumaru would have walked right past her without giving her so much as a second glance, but she weakly raised a hand to stop him.
"Please…my lord…" she breathed hoarsely. She clasped something tightly in her hand, and offered it up to him. "Please take this…to the nearest village…my brother lives there…his name is—"
A human's pleas weren't worth listening to. Sesshoumaru abruptly walked on.
"Please! My lord! Please…"
"Shut your mouth, wench," spat Jaken. "Are you expecting Lord Sesshoumaru to do favours for you? I hope not!"
To both Sesshoumaru's and Jaken's surprise, the woman mustered the last of her strength and grasped the end of Sesshoumaru's sleeve. He tried to pull free, but she made it clear that she wasn't going to let go. Annoyed, Sesshoumaru lifted his hand to kill her.
"Wait! Please…just spare a moment…to listen!" the woman begged. "I was attacked…by a thief…a demon thief…he took everything…but this." She motioned weakly towards the thing that she clutched in her other hand. She was about to continue talking, but Sesshoumaru decapitated her with his energy whip.
He walked on tranquilly as if nothing strange had happened. Jaken led Ah-Un by the leash, blabbering incessantly.
"Really, Master Sesshoumaru, that wench sure was stupid. Ha, can you imagine? She actually asked my lord for a favour! Who did she think she was, that stupid—"
"Jaken, shut up."
The servant was about to reply, "Yes, my lord," but wisely closed his mouth.
That night, they camped under a large maple tree. Rin hadn't woken up, and continued slumbering on Ah-Un's back. Jaken was snoring in a bed of lush grasses not far from them. Sesshoumaru leaned against the maple, dozing.
The thief struck then. He worked so stealthily that even Sesshoumaru, one of the most powerful demons to walk the land, failed to notice what had happened until he woke up—to find his Fluffy gone!
Shocked into alertness, Sesshoumaru stood up fast as lightning. He checked everywhere, in all the saddlebags, even in a hole in the tree trunk—such was his desperation.
But no Fluffy was to be found.
"FLUFFY!" he roared into the night. But since Fluffy wasn't a living organism, it wasn't as if it could come flying back to him.
Jaken and Rin were sitting up, rubbing their eyes. "Lord Sesshoumaru, what's the matter?" Rin asked curiously.
Sesshoumaru was too distraught to reply. He gazed forlornly up at the star-splattered sky, quietly murmuring to himself. "Fluffy…my Fluffy…"
"'Fluffy'?" Jaken got up. "What are you talking about, my lord and master?"
His "lord and master" turned a teary eye in his direction. "Didn't I tell you about Fluffy, Jaken?"
"No…not that I remember, anyway."
Before Jaken's slow-paced brain could react, Sesshoumaru had drawn Toukijin and touched the tip to his servant's throat. Rin hastily yelled, "Lord Sesshoumaru, Lord Jaken didn't mean any harm!"
The demon lord's voice was trembling with rage. "How…could you…forget…about Fluffy!"
Jaken squawked in fear. "Ah! Fluffy! I remember now! Adorable little Fluffy!" Of course, he didn't really remember, but lying through his teeth often came in handy.
Calming down, Sesshoumaru put his sword back into its sheath. Both Rin and Jaken sighed in relief.
"This crime…I cannot tolerate it!" Sesshoumaru bellowed. "Who could have done such a thing? Thief—I will find you!"
With that, they sprang into action. Jaken took Rin on Ah-Un to fly over the area and try to locate possible suspects—after all, Fluffy wasn't hard to see in the dark. Sesshoumaru sped through the forest, using his keen demon senses to find the scent of his Fluffy.
In a little over an hour, he had the culprit begging for mercy at sword point. Rin and Jaken landed not far from him. "Oh! You found him, Lord Sesshoumaru!" applauded Rin.
"That's right," snarled Sesshoumaru, his eyes turning a demonic red. His Fluffy, looking slightly worse for wear, was back on his shoulder. "And he's going to pay dearly for what he did to me."
Sesshoumaru effortlessly slid the edge of his sword into the culprit's neck. But he did not take a clean swipe through the man's neck. Instead, he carefully moved his sword back and forth, using it like a saw to sever the culprit's head from his body, millimetre by millimetre. Enjoy the thief's agonized screams, Sesshoumaru made the suffering as prolonged as he could.
Jaken's expression plainly said, "I'm glad I'm not that guy right there," and Rin simply watched on in wide-eyed horror. Sesshoumaru usually preferred not to expose her to R-rated violence, but this time he hardly cared.
Finally, Sesshoumaru made the final cut. The guilty party died quickly and very gratefully. Satisfied, the demon lord wiped his sword on the culprit's clothing and sheathed it. Then he walked on in the direction of his destination. Rin went back to sleep on Ah-Un.
As he travelled, Sesshoumaru thought about what he had done. I effected justice, he noted with some satisfaction. It was fun, something he'd never done before. And it left him with the pleasant feeling that his father would be proud of him.
They met another human lying in the middle of the path. A man this time, his wounds deep and obvious. He reached out a haggard hand towards Sesshoumaru. "Please…my lord…"
"Not another one," Jaken muttered, rolling his eyes. "Let's continue, Lord—agh!"
Sesshoumaru had knocked him to the ground, and was leaning over the man. "How may I help you, sir? It is my wish to fight crime and promote justice in the world."
Jaken couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't believe his ears either. "My—my lord?" Even little Rin had woken up and was staring shamelessly.
The human smiled gratefully. "What a fair demon," he sighed. Then he weakly offered an object clutched in his hand. "Please…please take this to the nearest human village…my wife lives there. I was travelling…but a thief attacked me…and he took everything…but this." The man placed a strange looking piece of wood into Sesshoumaru's outstretched hand. "Take it to her…please."
Nobly, Sesshoumaru accepted the request and tucked the item into the folds of his clothing. "I will do this for you. In return, you must go in peace."
Rin gagged and Jaken's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
The dying human smiled. "Thank you, my lord…I will fulfill that request."
The man died, Rin went back to sleep, and they continued on their way. Sesshoumaru met about sixteen more of the thief's victims, all asking for favours. The requests ranged from "Please take this to my cousin…" to "Please avenge my father…he was killed by a strange demon with five eyes and three arms, living somewhere on the other side of Japan…"
That night Sesshoumaru, feeling the thrill of justice, accepted all the favours, and decided that he would have a dual identity from then on. When there was trouble, he would help out the needy. But in front of demons of his rank he would have to maintain his usual icy manner as the ruthless demon lord, otherwise there would be no order in his lands.
When he entered one of the human villages to perform a task for some dying victim or other, he found the village in an uproar, thanks to a thick-sculled demon that wanted world domination or something. Sesshoumaru easily killed him—and he just happened to have done it using his Fluffy.
The young village girls squealed with delight at this dashing young demon lord, using such a cuddly weapon to strangle that horrible monster. One girl shouted, "EEE! You're so cool, Fluffy-Man!"
And so, everyone began to know him as "Fluffy-Man". The news of this astonishing and beautiful hero spread through the land. Sesshoumaru's father's friends questioned him, wondering if he was turning onto the same path as his human-loving father, but Sesshoumaru assured them that he was not the one who did it. Thanks to his cold-hearted reputation, most people believed that lie without hesitation.
So Sesshoumaru had commissioned a tailor to create a costume for him, complete with a beautiful red-and-white cherry blossom pattern that matched the one on his usual clothing. Sesshoumaru's splendid alter ego, Fluffy-Man, became well known among humans and demons alike, while his true identity was feared by most.
He had ordered Jaken to be his faithful sidekick, and of course Jaken was only too happy to comply. And so, thus began the tale of Fluffy-Man and Toad-Boy.
- - -
Fluffy-Man walked back to the cliff, his red cape sweeping out majestically behind him. Rin had not woken up from her nap.
His sidekick had changed as well. Toad-Boy did not have the luxury of owning a full-fledged superhero costume. All he had was a black cloak, obviously made for someone of higher stature than him, so the hood effectively covered his face and the hem of the cloak was cut short for him. He, like Fluffy-Man, also had a red handkerchief covering his nose and mouth, so that only his buggy yellow eyes were visible, peering out from underneath the large hood.
"Toad-Boy, get my Fluffysteed ready. Rin must wait here."
"Yes, my lord!"
As he led the Fluffysteed (Ah-Un) to Fluffy-Man, Jaken took a risk and asked: "Fluffy-Man, are you sensing trouble approaching? Is that why we're getting ready?"
By way of reply, Fluffy-Man nodded curtly. "It's best to be armed and ready."
As it turned out, Fluffy-Man's intuition proved to be trustworthy. Twenty seconds later, the quite human village below them broke out in screams.