A/N: Sorry I took awhile after all my promises of quick updates with the coming summer- I didn't know I would be working 2 jobs however. And I don't have a computer at my beach house… anyway… here it its… thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I was so excited; I sent this chapter to my beta as soon as I could. ;) Thanks for reading!
Funness- Ha ha, yes well I read through it and changed it for you. Thanks for reviewing, and let me know if you spot any more stupid contradictions! ;)
Queenbee- freaky?
CrystalDragonfly- Thanks so much! You rock x100. cookies all around, or perhaps coffee would be better suited :)
LeggomyLegolas40- I will if you keep reviewing… ;)
PrincessFaye- Sadly, I only realized that after you pointed it out.
Coca-Cola-Baby- You rock! Thanks so much, I was hoping they weren't too OOC…
Paprika90- Here's the next chapter. Thanks for reviewing!
Hermione Granger10- What's a trip?
Usagigreenleaf657- is interesting bad?
PinkTribeChick- Thanks so much! Of course Draco would rub off on Hermione... too damn sexy for his own good… heh. Sorry. Back. ;)
Miss Raynbow- Thanks for reviewing!
Chapter 4- life after death is life after you
"Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!" Draco rolled on his side, glaring at his 'talking' alarm clock innocently perched upon his nightstand. Evil. Evil. Evil. He squeezed his eyes shut. The incessant order continued, steadily growing louder. Draco shoved his pillow angrily over his head, pressing it tightly to his ears while burying his face in his bed. He had no idea how to turn off the horrible muggle contraption, and he could still hear it. The clock was a new present from his mother. She sent it yesterday with his regular assortment of sweets. Kind woman. The clock must die. No one tells a Malfoy what to do, he thought, a strange glint in his unfocused eyes as the clock bellowed WAKE UP! Throwing his pillow violently at it, Draco managed to knock an assortment of things surrounding it over. It was still yelling. The next thing Draco knew Hermione had burst into his room, her hair as usual in all directions and her eyes wide with shock.
"Malfoy! We have Charms in 10 minutes! What the hell are you doing in here? What is with that racket?" Draco looked down by his feet. His brand new alarm clock was lying in a crumpled heap on his soft green carpet. Draco looked back up and scowled at Hermione.
"It was mocking me," he whined. Hermione stared at him in amazement and she threw her hands in the air as she stormed out of his room, yelling rude profanities over her shoulder. Draco's gaze slid back down to the ground as he glared at the evil alarm clock. It was still squeaking a faint command. Draco kicked it against the wall and went back to bed.
Hermione had mastered the Deletrius charm and was leaning back in her chair, idly disintegrating the replacement buttons Professor Flitwick had provided Harry and Ron after they set theirs in flames. Suddenly the classroom door burst open. Everyone in the class jumped with surprise except Hermione, who jolted back to proper posture. Malfoy had finally decided to make his grand appearance. Waltzing in, he gave Flitwick some poor excuse for his tardiness before slumping down in a seat diagonal from Hermione. Even though his robes were in disarray from his late start, his hair was impeccably gelled around his face. Glaring at him, Hermione threw the last button at the back of his head.
"Who threw that?" Malfoy bellowed, jumping from his seat and hastily re-adjusting his hair. His eyes settled on Hermione who smiled at him. "Granger…" he growled, approaching her table with clenched fists. "Was there something I could help you with?" he sneered. Hermione smiled even more brightly.
"You remember that oh-so-special woman who was… can I say, somewhat on the older side? The one you had your rendezvous with last night? The really kinky one that you said you couldn't stop thinking about? She simply begged me to give this to you…" Hermione replied, slowly reaching within her bag and pulling out a small scroll of paper. "…I think it's a love letter," she concluded in a seductive whisper, while trying to bite back her laughter. His eyes narrowed, Draco snatched the piece of parchment from Hermione's clenched grip. His eyes scanned it swiftly. By now the whole class had abandoned any work they had been attempting to watch Malfoy. Even Professor Flitwick tried not to look interested as he watched them over the rim of his textbook. The note read:
Your detention will take place at ten o'clock tonight. Meet me in the entrance hall. Signed- Professor M. McGonagall.
"You are an evil, evil girl, Granger," Draco said, crumpling the paper into a small ball, "…and I will get you back for that."
"Is that a threat, Malfoy?"
"It's a promise," he sneered, without a trace of jest in his eyes. Hermione snorted.
"How about instead you go bounce around a hallway or something, it would be much more productive," Hermione suggested, returning to her work. 10 points to Miss Granger… she thought, smugly. Draco turned pink, then red, then purple before slamming himself back into his seat next to Blaise.
"Cheating on me, Draco darling?" Blaise joked as she traced a hand slowly up his arm, not even bothering to pretend she hadn't been shamelessly eavesdropping.
"I'll get back at her," Draco assured Blaise, his brows furrowed as Hermione grabbed her wand and headed to the front of the classroom, her nose high in the air and a smug smile across her face.
"Whatever you say," Blaise agreed, distracted suddenly as her button burst into flames, much like Harry's and Ron's had. "Now how did that happen?" she asked no one in particular. Malfoy shrugged. Who cared? It was seventh year, and they were all leaving in two months anyway.
"Did you need any help, Zabini?" Hermione had apparently returned, much to Draco's displeasure. It was rather pathetic how excited she looked, all over a button.
"No we don't need to give you an opportunity to show off, Mudblood," Draco snarled cutting off whatever Blaise was going to say. Why is she always trying into butt in everyone's business? Blaise shoved Malfoy in the stomach. Ahhh, they're all against me! Abuse!
"Actually Granger, I do need some help. I just can't seem to get this to disintegrate- the button just burst into flames!" Draco gaped. So did Harry and Ron. Flitwick joined in. The whole class quickly decided to stop what they were doing to gape at Hermione and Blaise. This proved ill for Neville since his book had caught fire instead of the button, which then traveled up the sleeve of Neville's robe. Yet the class continued to gape as Hermione helped Blaise until the bell rang ten minutes later. Neville left rather quickly to the Hospital Wing. Draco was practically comatose.
"What the hell Blaise?" Draco snarled, trying to pull himself together and intimidate Zabini at the same time. This was rather difficult since he had just had a near death experience moments before. Picking up her books, Blaise slowly pushed some of her long black hair over her shoulder while looking at Draco with distaste.
"Stop being an ass, Malfoy. I asked the girl for help, not to be my best friend. Chill out." Blaise glared at Draco through her smoky lashes, daring him to say anything back. Personally she had thought Draco had been extremely rude to Granger. Of course it's fun to harass people when provoked, but not just because they happened to be friends with Harry Potter. Plus Blaise didn't appreciate him butting into her conversations, so she had decided to accept Granger's offer. Blaise was thoroughly convinced she had just made history. Stories and songs would be made about this event. It was a turning point in the century. She noticed Draco was still glaring at her. He looked like she had just tried to Avada him. Sighing to herself, Blaise turned and left Draco alone in the charms room to stare at the wall or do whatever he needed to comfort himself.
Hermione trudged up the stairs behind Harry and Ron, heading to her first lesson of Defense Against the Dark Arts with Ravenclaw. Why did Blaise let me help her? Hermione thought, reflecting on the unusual Charms class. Harry and Ron had immediately bombarded Hermione with questions as soon as the lesson had ended, wrenching her away from the Slytherin girl as quickly as they could. Hermione had shrugged them off. Blaise had been fairly pleasant to her as Hermione had corrected her pronunciation for the spell, and she even had thanked her afterwards. Too bad some other Slytherins weren't as agreeable.
"Hermione!" Ron turned, realizing that she had started to lag behind and that he had been talking to himself for quite a while now. "Hermione I forgot to ask you… what note did you give Malfoy?" Hermione snorted, a mischievous light in her eyes.
"Lets just say that Malfoy really enjoys Professor McGonagall's company, and leave it at that, shall we?" Ron stared at Hermione. Harry stopped dead in his track.
"Bad visuals, bad visuals, very bad visuals!" Harry started yelling, squeezing his eyes shut and jamming his fingers into his ears, humming a tune. Ron went white.
"Are you saying that Malfoy and McGonagall…" he gasped. Hermione burst out in laughter.
"Ask him yourself why don't you? We're going to be late…" Hermione grumbled, grabbing her wide-eyed friends and dragging them to the entrance of Defense Against the Dark Arts. "Stop!" she hissed, as Ron started to twitch. Taking a deep breath, Hermione stepped into the classroom nervously. Normally she was not one to be intimidated by teachers, but as this professor had been absent from the start-of-term feast and absent from every dinner since Hermione was not quite sure what to expect. She was surprised to find a rather young man with neat, dark hair and deep brown eyes sitting behind the teacher's desk. She froze like a deer caught in a car's headlights as the man stared directly at her. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He did not look very happy.
"Names please?" he said silkily, raising an eyebrow as Harry and Ron shoved past Hermione. Harry and Ron stopped in their tracks. The whole class was already assembled, and this man who couldn't be much older than them was staring down with a look of disgust. Hermione was about to start hyperventilating at the prospect of making a bad first impression on a new teacher.
"I'm sorry sir-" Harry said, stepping forward after an awkward moment of silence. "I'm Harry sir, Harry Potter. And these are my friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley." A new expression came over the strange man's face.
"My name is Professor Hook, and I will be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Are you really Harry Potter?" Hermione looked from Hook to Harry, and back to Hook again.
"Yes…" Harry replied, uncertainly. Hook's face lit up and split into a wide grin.
"Can I have your autograph?" he asked with short gasps of air a little too anxiously. Ron breathed a sigh of relief. Hermione glared at him, dragging Ron to two open seats in the last row, leaving Harry alone with Professor Hook, who was now going on about his little sister and his mom and how sweet they were and how much they would so love to meet him. Harry looked very nervous as Professor Hook ushered him to an available seat in the front row, situated right in front of his desk. Harry sat down reluctantly, shooting dark looks to the corner Hermione and Ron had grabbed. Hermione grinned cheekily back.
"We have now met the President of the 'Harry Potter fan club'." Ron laughed at Harry's expense, while giving Harry thumbs up. Harry made a rude gesture back. Hermione chuckled, pulling some books out of her bag.
"I know… imagine what Malfoy would think if he was here!" Hermione continued to laugh. Ron observed her with stony silence.
"What made you think of Malfoy so quick, Hermione?" he asked, accusingly. Hermione stopped laughing and looked at him, startled.
"What are you talking about, Ron?"
"Why was Malfoy the first thing that came to your mind?" Ron snarled. Hermione glared, anger boiling within her. What was his deal?
"Whatever you are implying Ronald Weasley, you better make sure your facts are straight or you wont have any friends to worry about." Ron looked startled, and then suddenly guilty.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I didn't mean it like that… you just seem to bring him up a lot more now…"
"Yeah, so? I see him more than I see either you or Harry now. That doesn't mean anything. So why don't you stop acting like a prat and let me know when you've finally decided to act your age. I'll be the one who's not sitting near you." Hermione huffed and picked up her books, only to slam them down on a desk a row up. Professor Hook looked up from his continued 'conversation' with Harry at the noise, but dismissed it as he finally realized it was time to start the lesson. Hermione drummed her fingers against her book, waiting for class to end. It's no wonder Ron can't keep a girlfriend!
When the bell finally rang Hermione stood and rushed out of the classroom. Professor Hook held Harry back for a more detailed description of each of Hook's past and present pets, and Hermione wasn't talking to Ron. Hermione decided to forfeit her lunch, feeling the need for some quality time with the library.
"Malfoy! Is it true?" Pansy squealed, plopping herself down in the seat next to Draco before he could stop her. Draco had been peacefully staring at his coffee at dinner, completely oblivious to the whispers that surrounded him.
"Is what true, Pansy?" Malfoy inquired, not really caring in the least bit. His whole attention was now concentrated on the sweet coffee in his hands.
"What people are saying about you and Professor McGonagall, of course!" Pansy screeched in a high voice. Why does every single person have to screech in my presence? It took a moment for Draco to understand what Pansy was implying. Draco spit out his coffee in shock.
"People are saying what?" Draco growled, lowering his voice while praying Pansy would get the hint and lower her voice. She didn't.
"Oh they're saying all sorts of things… but of you, the newest of the news is that you and McGonagall have been having some sort of sordid affair for months that you admitted to in Charms today at 9:21 a.m." Most of the Slytherins near enough to hear the conversation turned away in disgust. Draco merely stared at her. No one knew who that note was from in Charms… unless…
"She must have told them!" Draco snarled, suddenly slamming a fist on the table. By now all the surrounding Slytherins had run for cover. Granger must have let Weasley and Potter in on their little joke… "I'm going to kill her!" Draco muttered. Oh he was so going to get back at her.
Pansy looked at Draco in amazement. She had never heard him speak so passionately about a woman… it was so sweet. It was pretty gross that he had hit it off with an 80-year-old Gryffindor or whatever, but the look in his eyes when he found out! Pansy burst into tears. The next thing he knew, Draco had a sobbing Pansy wrapping her arms around him.
"Er- Pansy- what are you doing?" Pansy sniffed, and looked up at Draco bleary eyed, a ghost of a smile on her face.
"I'm just so happy that you found love, Draco!" she wailed, much to Draco's horror. First of all, Draco hated people crying. Second, he hated girls crying. And lastly, he hated girls crying on him. Especially when the Great Hall is dead silent… oh crap. Draco thought. The Great Hall is very quiet… and everyone's looking at me… Pansy's going on about who knows what… Pansy seemed to have come to some sense and jumped from the table. She blew Draco a quick kiss and went running top speed, bawling out of the Great Hall. Draco was utterly bemused and oddly pleased. As long as she's not crying on me… he thought, looking down at his now tear-stained robes. God I hate stupid people!
"You!" Draco yelled at Hermione, disturbing the entire library. Luckily for him, Madame Pince was nowhere to be seen. Hermione jumped in her seat, cursing at Draco under her breath.
"What the hell do you want, Malfoy?" she hissed, realizing that all eyes in the library were on them.
"You evil, conniving… gossiper!" Draco accused. Hermione's eyes widened. No one had ever called her a gossiper before! How dare he… "You told Potter and Weasley that I was screwing around with McGonagall!" Oh yeah… Hermione smiled. "Now the whole school thinks it's true!" Hermione was surprised. She didn't think Harry and Ron would tell anyone, although she was thankful they did, since Malfoy's expression was priceless.
"I'm sorry Malfoy," Hermione said, sarcastically. "I guess you totally didn't deserve it at all. You've done absolutely nothing to me since we came to Hogwarts." Draco stared. Hermione was actually admitting that she was acting out of line! I don't know why she's had it in for me… first she abuses me in third year, and now she's spreading rumors about me! Well, if she's really sorry…
"It's ok, Granger. I forgive you," he said solemnly. Hermione stared at him.
"I think you have selective memory issues, Malfoy." Draco blinked.
"Yeah, don't start using all your muggle mumbo-jumbo on me, I'm on to you Granger. I know your dirty little secret." Hermione sighed. Talking to Malfoy was like talking to a wall.
"Shut up, Malfoy. I think we have to head down to the entrance hall now, anyway. Our detention starts soon." Draco looked startled. He had completely forgotten about his impending detention with the kink ball. Shaking, he waited for Hermione to collect all of her books, which she was determined to do very slowly.
"Speed it up, Granger!" he yelped, shifting uneasily. Hermione looked up and was startled to find Draco looking extremely nervous.
"What's wrong with you?" she snapped, finally throwing her bag over her shoulder. Draco glared at her.
"First, think of who we're going to see. Now think whom we're going to see, knowing that she's probably heard the rumors and thinks I'm having some… I don't know, old people fetish thing or something." Hermione burst into laughter.
"You know you should show Professor McGonagall some more respect… she is a teacher after all." Hermione reminded Draco, after controlling herself. Draco glared at her, however before he could retort, they had reached the entrance hall to find McGonagall waiting for them.
"Hello Miss Granger, Malfoy. You two will be cleaning the trophy room tonight with Filch. You may leave at midnight."
"Why do we have to clean the trophy room? It's not like anyone even goes in there!" Draco whined. Hermione cringed. McGonagall swelled up.
"Mister Malfoy! Thirty points from Slytherin for your insolence! Now off you go!" Grumbling, Draco reluctantly followed Hermione out of the room.
"I can't believe that bitch took 500 points from Slytherin!" Draco complained, kicking a suit of armor that dared to laugh at him. Hermione goggled at him.
"Selective memory," she muttered, wondering what medication she could possibly put him on. Reaching the trophy room, they found Filch waiting for them at the door, looking ever so pleasant as always.
"Get in here, you troublemakers! Don't know what's good for you, eh? Think you can get away with anything… well take a good look around, because if I see one speck of dirt in this entire room you two will be spending the rest of the year hanging from your wrists from the ceilings! Oh yes, I can just feel it- this is going to be the year! Dumbledore will crack! Then you two will be at my liberty, still got the chains in my office and everything… well get on now, you know what to do, no magic, hand over your wands you'll get them back when your done. Everything you need is in the closet, I'll return for you at midnight." Cackling, Filch locked the door behind him, leaving Hermione and Draco alone in the Trophy room.
"You know… Filch seems just as lonely as McGonagall," Hermione said slowly as she shuffled through the closet, bringing out some rags and mops.
"I think we should lock them in Filch's office with all his whips and chains." Draco agreed, nodding vigorously. Hermione stopped in her tracks, closing her eyes against the visuals.
"Why do you always do that!" she screeched. Draco snorted.
"You brought it up," he pointed out. Huffing, Hermione pushed a broom in Draco's hands and grabbed a rag and some polish for herself.
"You sweep and mop, I'll polish," she instructed. Draco pouted.
"Why do I have to do two things and you only one?"
"Fine, go ahead and polish instead." Hermione grinned, switching materials with Draco and quickly starting on a corner of the room. Draco looked down at what Hermione had just placed in his hands at a loss.
"Granger…" he whined. Hermione threw a duster at him.
"You push the nozzle up and squeeze the bottle to get some polish onto the rag, then you rub it into the trophies. Then take another rag and wipe them dry." Draco's face fell at the multiple instructions. Hermione amused herself watching him tentatively pour some of the cleaner on the rag and end up getting it all over his shirt.
"You have to do it like this," Hermione ordered, crossing the room. She took the rag and cleaner and demonstrated how to clean the trophies. Draco looked at the broom in her hands.
"Want to switch?" he suggested, smiling brilliantly. Heaving an exasperated sigh, Hermione shoved the broom in Draco's hands. He experimentally pushed it back and forth.
"Hey! This is easy! I knew it Granger! You were trying to stick me with all the hard chores!" Not exactly remembering it the same way, Hermione shook her head sadly, and started cleaning each of the stupid trophies.
"Hey look- I found Harry and Ron's!" Hermione exclaimed a while later, coming across their Special Awards for Services to the School that Harry and Ron had received in their second year. Draco looked up from his mopping.
"Ha ha… how ironic! You probably figured everything out, and then got petrified so they got all the credit! And now you have to clean their trophies! Ha ha!" Hermione stared at Draco. She had never thought of it that way. But now that she thought about it… Hermione shook her head. Malfoy was just trying to rattle her.
"Shut up, Malfoy." She moved on to the next trophy.
"Hey, no one tells a Malfoy what to do!" Draco exclaimed.
"Wow, I just did," Hermione gasped loudly. Draco caught on to the sarcasm this time and glared at her. Hermione smiled. It wasn't everyday you got to see high and regal Draco Malfoy glare at you while covered in dirt and grime and his hair in disarray.
A/N: heh. It's almost sad how easily I can amuse myself. This chapter was a bitch to write. I wanted to elaborate more on the detention, but umm yeah at the rate It's going to be like chapter 4392741 by the time they get to the muggle home. However there's still more to come before they're off! Evil cackle ahem. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!