Disclaimer: If you have read thirty-three chapters, and still think that these characters could possibly be mine, you're just insane. That's all there is to it. After all, you are on your thirty-third disclaimer. shrug Just food for thought.
Previously on 'Life Can Be Confusing…'
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Stop it, Hermione. You're just upset because he said it first. That's all. After all, you wouldn't be foolish enough to fall in love with Draco. Only a fool would fall in love with two guys at the same time. And you, Hermione Anne Granger, are not a fool.
And yet, a part of her heart whispered. Liar…
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Three weeks had gone by, and things were still awkward between Hermione and Draco. They still lived in the same flat, but hardly ever saw one another. One would eat at the flat, and the other would stop off at a restaurant and eat before coming back to the flat for some much needed rest. It was an impossible situation, a temporary fix, one that could not last.
Hermione had kept busy – lunches with just about anyone she could get her hands on. She visited the newly married couple shortly after their return from their honeymoon. She even went on a date with one of the guys she had danced with at the wedding. But for all her bustle, she wasn't happy. Oh, sure, a smile was pasted on her face, but her close friends could tell something was wrong.
The few times that she had seen Draco in the last couple of weeks showed her that something was wrong with him as well. He smiled less often and there were more lines on his face – worry lines that hadn't been there before their kiss. Or maybe they had been, but she had never seen then because he was generally smiling when he was around her.
She knew, as she was sure he knew, that they couldn't go on like this – that the strain on their friendship couldn't last. Something would have to be done. The only question was who would make the first move to fix the problem.
In the end, it was Draco who made the first move. Hermione returned to the flat one evening, not long into the fourth week of awkwardness, to a flat that smelled delicious. She wandered towards the kitchen, stopping at the door when she saw Draco standing with his back towards her, stirring something. She hesitated, wondering if she should intrude or simply go to her room.
Before she could make up her mind either way, Draco said (without looking up) "Please, don't go."
A little startled, she hesitantly stepped closer to him. "That smells good. What is it?"
"Oh, just a little something Mother taught me to cook. I was hoping you'd join me for dinner."
She moved even closer, trying to figure out what exactly he was making. "I didn't know you cooked." She said, almost absent-mindedly.
A half smile graced his face for a second. "As I said, mother taught me. Not much, because a Malfoy should never have to cook unless he wants to, but a little. In fact, this is really the only proper meal I know how to make. She said that you should always be prepared to startle a girl with a home-cooked meal. It would keep them guessing." He turned to look at her. "Mother has always known how to keep people guessing."
How would you respond to a statement like that? "Well, she was right, it certainly surprised me."
He continued to look at her for a minute; silver eyes appraising her, before turning back to his sauce. "Somehow, that's not exactly what I wanted…" He said quietly, so quietly that she almost didn't hear it, but she did.
In order to keep the situation from getting any more awkward, she busied herself with setting the table. However, the silence between them stretched on, until the air was so packed with tension that you could cut it with a knife. It was driving Hermione crazy. Nonetheless, she held her tongue until they were seated at the table, food in front of them. She figured that by then, Draco would say something.
She was right. Only two bites into the meal – an absolutely delicious meal that Hermione would have loved to simply savor in silence – Draco began to talk.
"Hermione…"
"Yes?" she replied.
"We can't go on like this."
"Like what, Draco?" She asked innocently. It's mean to play the fool, I know, but I don't really want to admit that there's a problem…
"Hermione, you know what I'm talking about – the casual I'm-simply-working-late, the Oh-I-already-ate-dinner-thanks, the avoidance of each other. If we keep going this way, we might as well admit that we're not friends, that we're on our way to becoming practically strangers to each other." He paused. "And I don't want to be strangers with you, 'Mione. I don't."
She sighed. "I can't help it, Draco. And don't act like you haven't been doing the same things, Mr.-I'm-just-on-my-way-out-thanks-anyway."
"I know, 'Mione. But I'm here now, willing to try and fix things between us." His stormy gray eyes seemed to beg her forgiveness.
"Draco… I want to forgive you, I want to pretend like we never kissed, and that there never was this insane tension between us. But I can't forget. So where does that put us?"
"Hermione, I don't expect you to forget those things, to pretend like it never happened…" He looked at the ground, apparently trying to gather courage from the carpet before continuing. "But you've fought with others, and moved on, forgiven them. Why is it so hard to forgive me?"
Hermione was astonished, to say the least. "Why is it so hard to forgive you? Draco, I've forgiven you for so much… I've forgiven you for all those heartless names you called me during school, for the comments that made me cry late into the night, for making me doubt myself… Draco, forgiving you for seven years of hurt and pain is not an easy thing to do, but I did it."
"Then why can't you forgive me this mistake?" He demanded harshly. "I know I was a prick in school, everyone knows it. I've had to fight that conception ever since, I know what I was then. Don't think I'm not amazed that you could forgive me all those things I called you, did to you during those years. But 'Mione…" he paused for a second before continuing, "If you can forgive all of that, why can't you forgive this?"
"You kissed me, Draco!" Hermione spat furiously. "I don't know of any other male friends of mine that have done that, so forgive me if I don't respond the way you expect me to!"
"Would you have responded the same way if Ron had kissed you?" demanded Draco.
Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but nothing came out. She shut her mouth, and sat there for a minute, thinking. Would I have responded the same way, if Ron had kissed me?
"Well? Would you?" Insisted Draco.
"I don't know…" she admitted quietly, studying the carpet intently.
"What do you mean you don't know?" He asked, irritated.
She bit her lip. Do I tell him the truth? "If he claimed it was a mistake, I'd probably react worse than I did with you." She said slowly, still not looking him in the eye. "I don't know if any girl likes to be told that being kissed by the man she's in love with was a mistake. But if he had kissed me and meant it, I would never have reacted like this." She smiled sadly. "I'd be too busy kissing him again."
She looked up to see Draco's reaction to what she had just revealed to him. His face was closed off to her, unreadable. She bit her lip again. He's retreated into his school-boy façade again…I doubt that's a good thing… "Draco?" She said quietly.
"You're in love with Ron?" He said quietly.
"I think so." She replied.
"How long?" He asked.
"How long what?" She asked, confused.
"How long do you think you've been in love with Ron?" Draco sneered.
"What's that tone for, Draco?" She asked, confused, and somewhat hurt. I didn't expect him to be thrilled about my loving Ron, but I didn't expect this either…
"What tone?" He said, harshly.
"That tone. Honestly, it's not like you're my father or anything. You have no right to use that tone when I tell you I'm in love with someone."
"How long, Hermione?" He demanded, leaning in towards her.
"Why are you so mad?" She replied. If he gets to ignore my question, I get to ignore his.
"Why am I mad? You and I… I mean, I thought… Damn it all to hell, Hermione! Answer the question!"
She hesitated for a moment before answering, "I honestly can't say – forever, it feels like."
"Are you sure?" Was his next question, his eyes blazing into hers so deeply that it almost physically hurt to continue to look him in the eyes, but she did anyway.
"Pretty sure."
His shoulders dropped after she made that statement. There was silence between them for a few minutes, before Draco sighed. "Then, I suppose it's time to tell you a few things."
A/N: Oh my… what do you think Draco has to tell Hermione?