A/N: Thanks to my wonderful reviewers!
Rae- I live to entertain all of you
Chamorro- I'm glad I wasn't around when that almost happened! keyword = almost
Paprika90- thanks a bunch ;) keep up with the reviews!
Zoltaire- your poor computer! Alright, put down the soda, and proceed to read =D
PinkTribeChick- thanks so much. My beta was like, cringing when she read the part that involved Filtch, McGonagall, and chains. And then she yelled at me about the rumor. ;) thanks for reading!
Chapter 5- You're so last summer
"Settle down class, settle down," a small voice commanded from the doorframe of the Muggle Studies classroom. All the seventh years were squashed into a rather small classroom, creating quite a bit of confusion and noise. Harry continued to complain to anyone who would listen about his inevitable absence from Quidditch. Ron tried to reverse the spell Seamus had cast on his hair. Poor Ron, Seamus had intended to only tone down his hair's flamboyant color, and instead had accidentally turned Ron blond.
"Ha Ha!" Malfoy managed to sneer through the confusion, jabbing people in the side and kicking others to reach Ron in all his blonde glory. "Sorry Weasley, I know you want to look just like me, but blonde just isn't your color!" Hermione pursed her lips, trying not to smile as she tried to help Ron change his hair back before Ron had a meltdown. A loud noise resounding through the room brought everyone's attention to Neville shooting up into the air and landing on Parvati Patil. Pansy smiled smugly, returning her wand inside her robes.
"Class…" their professor called from the doorframe again, attempting to push her way to the front. Ron's hair caught on fire. Harry screamed and fell off his chair. While putting out the fire Hermione accidentally shot some water at a passing Slytherin, who retaliated by shooting water back at Hermione. Of course Hermione was not one to start immature fights, but she had just fixed her hair! This was war…
"Class… please…" Professor Whatever-Her-Name-Is called, reaching the front of the class. A war had broken between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. Everyone was drenched and trying to get everyone else drenched. The Hufflepuffs were clustered in a corner trying to shield their eyes from the discord. Neville whimpered. The Ravenclaws decided to join with the Gryffindors against the Slytherins, outnumbering the Slytherins by about four to one. Malfoy shrieked and started stunning everyone in sight when water touched his impeccably gelled hair.
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the professor screamed, using the 'sonorous' charm that sent the class into shock. The silence was deafening. "Thank you. Now," she proceeded in a small voice, re-positioning her glasses. Her robes were a weary gray, matching her short frizzy hair perfectly. She had lipstick on her teeth and her eye lids were bright blue. She had large bags under her eyes and a lopsided smile that made everyone edge away from her. "My name is Professor Rabidstraw and I will be your Muggle Studies Professor until your trip in November." Each word was spoken very, very slowly. The noise started up again. "Now class," she pleaded. Malfoy switched from stunning fellow students to using the full body bind on them. Pansy and Neville were the first down. "Class…!" Ron continued to finger his burnt hair with horror. Hermione attempted to transfigure Draco into a ferret to stop him from harassing everyone, however only managed to give him white fur, ears, and a tail. Draco squeaked in horror. "Class…" Laughing at Draco, Harry managed to fall off his desk again, this time landing on Blaise Zabini.
"You don't have to move if you don't want to, you know." Blaise suggested, fluttering her lashes while provocatively rubbing her leg against Harry. Eyes wide, Harry managed to jump straight in the air, clutching Hermione for dear life only to find her hexed into a half-beaver.
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!" Professor Rabidstraw yelled, restoring the room to the previous dead silence. "Anyone with injuries may proceed to the infirmary, everyone else follow me into the Great Hall for more space- no Miss Brown, smeared make up does not count as an injury…" the rest of her words were drowned out as everyone tried to exit the room as quickly as possible. Neville was kicked in the head in his attempt to get up. Malfoy shoved his way violently through the throngs of people, trying to cover as much of his ferret side as possible. Hermione and Ron left Harry as they headed to the infirmary, followed by a number of other students as they were revived from the floor.
Madame Pomfrey's eyes widened as the group clustered outside her small office in the hospital wing, each ranging in a wide spectrum of ailments. She was glad to find that Dumbledore's plan was working out so well.
"Hermione?" Harry stepped up to Hermione's bed cautiously. Many of the students had been sent out of the infirmary after Madame Pomfrey had fixed them up. The only remaining students from the disastrous Muggle Studies class were Hermione, Malfoy, and Neville. Hermione had a tail and beaver teeth, while Madame Pomfrey had only been able to rid Draco of his fur, leaving him with ears and a tail. Neville had been sitting in a corner, twitching, not responding to anyone. Everyone was quite upset.
"Wha 'Airee?" Hermione tried to form her words around the unnaturally long teeth. Tears welled in her eyes. Not being able to talk… ahhh! Ron appeared behind Harry, looking none too pleasant himself. Since Madame Pomfrey didn't actually think of his hair as a problem and even insisted it looked better than before, he was stuck with burnt, blonde hair. And it looked like that was how it was going to remain, as Hermione couldn't even form sentences, never mind pull off some vanity spell. Ron pouted in a corner.
"Come over here Weasley and I'll fix your hair all up… heh… heh…" Draco wheezed from the corner. Hermione rolled her eyes, creating a very strange effect with her new beaver side. Harry stifled his laugh.
"So… erm… Hermione… how are you?" he jumped to the side, fearing her wrath. He had deducted from previous experience that Hermione could tend to be a bit unpredictable when suffering great bouts of stress.
"How you 'ink I am 'Airee!" Hermione was not happy. Not happy at all.
"Erm… well… we brought you the homework!" Harry tried hastily. Hermione smiled eerily with her buckteeth.
"Oh 'ank you 'Airee!" she squealed, grabbing at the book, "Electricity: How to use in Muggle Households." Chapter One: Why You Should Not Stick Your Fingers Or Wands In Electrical Sockets. Heh… Hermione thought evilly, if only I can get my hands on dear old Draco's copy… heh. Harry and Ron edged out of the infirmary. The look on Hermione's face was enough to send anyone running.
Hermione felt like screaming. Even though Madame Pomfrey had been able to remove her beaver side and Malfoy's ferret side, she still was keeping them in the infirmary over night just as a precaution against any side effects. So here she was, forced into the same room with the king of ferrets to spend the night glaring daggers at each other. Life was simply not fair.
"Ah, Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy. I hope to find you two recovering well?" Hermione's eyes widened and she nodded vigorously, shocked to find that the headmaster had come to a halt before her, so intently she had been glaring at Draco. "My business is anything but wonderful, I'm afraid. Never, and may I stress never, has there been such a dispute in a class, especially one where the Head students were forced into the infirmary. Did you two transfigure each other?" Hermione was a bit shocked by the bluntness of the question, but seeing the grave look in Dumbledore's eyes, she understood the seriousness. Hanging her head, she was just about to open her mouth to respond when Draco cut her off.
"Actually Professor, we were both hit by… stray curses! We were trying to put a stop the madness when we were both hit!" Draco nodded vigorously. Hermione sat there stunned. Just what was Malfoy playing at?
"Is this true Miss Granger?" Dumbledore turned his searching eyes upon Hermione. She was quite sure Dumbledore had a pretty good idea what was going on, however she found herself nodding.
"Yes Professor," she responded softly. Dumbledore gave her another long searching gaze before speaking again.
"May I remind you two that if an occurrence like this morning is repeated, the trip will have to be canceled? For the time being you both shall not have your positions taken away… yet. It's up to you to make sure the school is united by the end of the year. See to it." Dumbledore gave each a piercing glare before gliding out of the Hospital Wing. Hermione waited until his footsteps faded completely, before rounding on Malfoy.
"What the hell was that?" she sputtered.
"That was me saving both of our asses. I'll be waiting for your formal gushing letter of gratitude by owl." Hermione stared. Shrugging his shoulders, Draco shoved his covers off himself and quietly crept to the door.
"Where are you going?" Hermione hissed. Draco glared at her in annoyance from his crouched position on the floor.
"Getting my triple shot vendi French vanilla with mike and foam, genius. Now shut up!" he hissed, eyeing the light under Madame Pomfrey's door warily. Trying to work out what Draco had just said, Hermione scrambled out of bed.
"I'm coming!" she whispered fiercely.
"No you're bloody well not!" Draco sputtered, quite upset at Hermione sudden interest in stalking him. He heard a chair scrape across the floor in Pomfrey's office. Closing his eyes Draco tuned out Hermione's outburst of indignation. They would be caught before he would be able to curse her. Damn.
"Fine, you can come already! Just shut up!" he snarled, grabbing her hand to pull her out the door into the silent hall. Realizing he had touched her purposely, Draco dropped Hermione's hand as if it were poisonous and rushed down the next hall. Hermione watched his retreating back for a moment surprised, before following him quickly to the far away kitchens.
Hermione scanned the crowds in Hogsmeade, looking for signs of her best friends. Having been released from the infirmary past noon, Hermione had arrived at Hogsmeade later then her meeting time with Harry and Ron for lunch. The only good part of the ordeal was that Draco had opted to stay at Hogwarts for reasons unknown to Hermione. A Draco-free morning! Hermione felt like singing. Instead she decided to head to the bookstore before returning to the search for her friends.
"Excuse me, do you happen to have a revised copy of Hogwarts: A History?" Hermione asked a short, frail woman with greasy blonde hair behind the counter. She glared at Hermione.
"Of course not. That isn't released until next July," the woman snapped, turning to the next customer, muttering something about teenagers these days. Hermione felt her world crashing around her. Tears were brimming. There was no way Malfoy was going to get to lounge around with that book till next July! Hermione would be getting her hands on a copy, even if she had to hold Draco's Nimbus 2004 for ransom. Which would probably work. Hermione had heard some strange tales about Draco and his broom. Something about him polishing it every night. But that's beside the point.
I will get that book! she thought vehemently. Too angry to browse the rest of the bookstore, Hermione rushed out of the store and ran straight into… Ron. Who had his arm around Luna Lovegood. Hermione blanched.
"Oh, hi Hermione!" Ron exclaimed, letting go of Luna to steady Hermione. "What happened to you?"
"Oi- Ron! Come here and check out this new flavor of chocolate from Honeydukes!" Harry called from the other side of the street. Hermione took in the situation. Harry was walking over to Ron with his arm around Ginny. Ron was standing in front of her with his own arm looped through Luna Lovegood's. Luna was looking at Hermione with pity. Hermione's eyes narrowed. It was so nice to see that they had ditched her to go on some sketchy double date! And Ron… Oh my God. Hermione thought suddenly. I like Ron! Ron likes me! What the hell is going on? Harry finally noticed Hermione was standing in front of Ron. He suddenly looked really, really guilty.
"Hermione?" Harry probed, upset to find a glimpse of pain flash across her face before being masked again. How could he have forgotten about Hermione's crush on Ron! Hermione's eyes met Harry's bright green one's understandingly. "Hermione I'm sorry-"
"What are you sorry about, Harry? Wait, what's going on?" Ron asked, utterly bemused as he looked back and forth between Hermione and Harry. Luna for once remained silent. Hermione broke her gaze off from Harry.
"Absolutely nothing- Harry had asked me to meet up with you guys and I guess he had forgotten. It's no big deal!" Hermione emphasized this with a loud fake laugh. "I mean, you guys have other things to do, so, I'm just going to head back up to the school! I'll see you all later!" waving to the stunned group, Hermione kept the forced grin on her face until she had made her way to the street leading back to Hogwarts. Only then did she let a single tear fall. Brushing it aside hastily, Hermione set off at a brisk walk, deciding against taking the carriages back. So Ron was going out with Luna? When did this happen? Why hadn't anyone mentioned it to her? Especially Harry. Harry knew Hermione had feelings for Ron. She felt like she had been completely alienated from her best friends. Am I? She asked herself suddenly. Now that it's all over, Voldemort's reign and the Order, am I no longer needed? Since there aren't going to be anymore yearly adventures that they need my brains for? Are we only supposed to be friends to unite against Voldemort, and now they don't feel they need me anymore? Is it now Harry, Ginny, Ron and Luna? Anger boiled in Hermione. She wasn't about to take this! With a faltering step she realized that her heart wasn't breaking from Ron, but from their friendship. What was going on?
Hermione slammed the portrait door closed behind her. Ignoring the squeak of indignation from the annoyed portrait, Hermione made a beeline for Draco's dorm. She was not in a good mood, and she wanted that damn book!
"Granger," Draco acknowledged as Hermione burst into his bedroom. Hermione jaw dropped open. Draco was sitting in a plush green armchair with one of his feet in a basin of water that had steam rising from it. The other foot was propped on top of Blaise Zabini's lap, who was taking great care in filing each toenail. Hermione turned many shades of red.
"Oh my God!" Hermione finally managed to scream. Blaise looked up in annoyance.
"Do you mind keeping your voice down? It disturbs Draco from his thinking time, " she instructed in a soft voice. Hermione sputtered.
"Draco doesn't need 'thinking time', because Draco doesn't know how to think!" Hermione replied tartly. Draco looked at her in annoyance.
"Is there any particular reason you're here, Mudblood?" he sneered. Draco was quite surprised for Hermione looked like she was about to cry. What the hell is wrong with her?
"Actually yes," Hermione snarled back, striding forward to Draco's desk and snatching what she wanted from it, "I'm borrowing this. Deal." Draco's eyes narrowed as Hermione departed from the room with his new copy of Hogwarts: A History. There was most certainly something up with her. This would require further investigation.
"Draco, I think you need to switch feet now," Blaise instructed, breaking Draco's trail of thought. He silently complied.
Finding herself unable to remain in the school, Hermione had made her way outside, settling herself by the lake with Draco's book. Before she knew it she was deeply immersed in it. She was taking great pride with the chapter about house elves and their part in Hogwarts. Of course there was no mention of S.P.E.W., but that would be amended once Hermione sent her letter to the editor… Hermione's thoughts trailed off by the snapping of a twig. Looking up, Hermione saw Malfoy approaching her.
"Enjoy the book?" he asked casually as he sat down on the grass beside Hermione.
"Immensely. Enjoy your pedicure?" Hermione replied, twirling a blade of grass between her index finger and her thumb. Draco watched the blade with seemingly great interest.
"Immensely," he replied, now lying on the ground. Not quite sure what to make of the situation, Hermione followed his example. "So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to guess?" Draco said after a moment. "Was it Pothead or Weasel who dumped you?"
"It's none of your business, Malfoy." Hermione snapped, her eyes closed against the afternoon sun. Draco shrugged even though she couldn't see him. He didn't know what her problem was! He just wanted to know what was going on so he could see if he won the tiny little bet he and Zabini had set up. He had his money on the Weasel, although Blaise had argued that Hermione could have been the other woman, but Potter had finally told Hermione that he was seriously in love with Ginny… not just using her as a cover so Ron wouldn't go berserk. With a start Draco suddenly realized something very important. He had no life.
"Fine whatever. How's the book?" he tried again. Maybe if he could ease himself into the topic…
"You know how the book is, you've already read it genius. Now what are you up to?" Hermione snarled. God no wonder she's single! Draco thought in annoyance.
"You're going to turn out like McGonagall if you don't start being more pleasant, Mudblood." Draco laughed before he could stop himself. Hermione's eyes flew open and she looked ready to murder.
"Ok, ok I'm going," he held up his hands in defeat before Hermione could pull out his wand to curse him, again. "Just remember Filch with all his chains…" he added, turning his back on her.
"Oh shut up Draco!" Hermione screeched, throwing her shoe at the back of his head. Which hurt. Badly.
"You evil, conniving, mudblood, bookworm, beaver-" Draco ranted, rubbing his head where the shoe had landed, to find a hair out of place. A strange look came over his face.
"Die!" he screamed, grabbing Hermione around her waist and dumping her in the lake. Feeling quite satisfied with himself, Draco waited for Hermione to resurface so he could laugh in her face. He waited. And waited. And… crap. Hmm, I wonder if she can swim? Draco thought rather worried. It would not look good on his record if Draco Malfoy, the son of a well-know death eater had killed Hermione Granger, the best friend of Harry Potter. No, that wouldn't do.
"Granger…" he called, hoping Hermione would miraculously hear him and jump out of the water. Damn! Muggles probably don't know how to swim! They probably weren't smart enough! How the hell was he supposed to know that! Of course it probably would have helped if he had actually attended the Muggle Studies class… or did the homework… "Granger!" he called a little more urgently. Damn her! he thought, testing the water with his fingers. It was much too cold for his liking. Grimacing, he slowly removed his robes and shoes and waded into the water. Damn her!!!! He plunged into the water after a final goodbye to good hair. Getting quite panicked, he resurfaced for a gasp of breath to find… Hermione. Standing on the bank. Looking at him in the water.
"You- you wench! I thought you were still in the lake! Why you little-" Hermione grinned, enjoying the moment of seeing Draco Malfoy completely soaked with his hair disheveled. Which actually looked pretty hot. But that was probably just Ginny's influence on her.
"Lesson number one, Malfoy. Many Muggles live near water. Therefore, most Muggles can swim. I myself have been swimming since I was five, so next time you try and outsmart me, keep it in mind that you don't know jack about me." Smirking, Hermione left Draco screeching in the middle of the pond and headed to dinner. Leaving his book by his robes and shoes, Hermione walked back to the school wondering how on earth she was going to be able to escape Malfoy if all of her friends had coupled up.
A/N: Professor Rabidstraw was taken directly from Sister Mary Elephant. No joke. It's actually a really funny clip, and I think no one is actually going to laugh at this chapter unless they listen to it. So if you have any fun, illegal music downloading services, look up 'sister mary elephant' alrighty? I swear it will make this chapter x10000000000000000000000000000000 funnier.
Besides that… until next time. Leave me many many reviews, because it is what I thrive on.
I also don't actually feel motivated enough to write if I don't have any reviews. So ha.
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