A/N: Yeah. This was an AMAZINGLY long update. Like, six months. I wasn't planning on continuing this story, but you know, after some angry reviews, I felt it was time.
Truly, I'm sorry. I'll try to be good. Until then, I hope this brings some compensation to my readers, if you know, you're still reading this ;)
AS TO BOOK 6- since this fanfic was started after the 5th book, and before the 6th, I'm not going to change it accommodate the changes in the sixth. Certain people who may have perished tear in that one are still alive here. Speaking of which, who loved this last book? I thought it was amazing, especially after the emo-ness of the 5th one… sigh.
On with my own sad interpretation of the world of J.K. Rowling!
Chapter 9- I Can't Get My Head Around You
Hermione waited impatiently as Draco ordered his coffee… ahem, coffees. She took the time to look out the window at the quaint street that ran just out of view. And oh- what was that? A bookstore? Completely forgetting Draco, Hermione flew out of Starbucks running full speed to Bumble Bee's Bookstore. Foaming at the mouth, Hermione pushed the door wide open breathing in the sweet aroma of… books. Without a second thought, Hermione ran to the closest section and pulled down an assortment of books ranging from Great Expectations to Confessions of a Shopaholic. Oh the horror of decision making! Sitting down, Hermione pulled each book onto her lap for a 'quick' skim, before a rather unpleasant thought occurred to her. She looked down at her own meager sum of muggle money lent from her Aunt with remorse, but concluded the only solution would be to steal Draco's lunch money as well. After taking the time to fill out an application and spend some time getting to know the shopkeeper, Hermione looked at the watch Harry gave her for her last birthday and promptly tore out of the store. Blood pounding in her ears, Hermione's only thought was to get to Draco.
Exiting Starbucks with a sadistic smirk, Draco formulated a plan to get back at the bad, evil, Hermione.
"Thank God I found you, Draco. I need your lunch money," Draco looked at Hermione incredulously. "Oh, is that coffee for me? Wow that was really sweet of you, Draco!" Eyes widened in horror, Malfoy watched with trepidation as Hermione extended her hand for the coffee… further… further…
"I WILL NEVER SUCCUMB TO YOUR WICKEDNESS!" Draco shouted in a half-neurotic state as his teeth sank into Hermione's hand.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Hermione screamed as she pulled her hand sharply away from Draco's coffee, tears brimming in her eyes. Draco blinked. "You bit me!" Hermione screeched again.
"Mine." Draco cradled his coffee protectively.
"Are you on drugs?" Hermione suddenly looked anxious.
"Drugs…?"
"Never mind," Hermione snapped as she started reaching in Draco's pockets.
"Whoa Hermione! Watch the package!" Draco smirked, before his amusement vanished with a disturbing thought. "Oh my God Hermione you can not feel me up in the middle of the street! Not only will everyone see, but it will be embarrassing and they will all then know I'm contaminated with your muggleness!"
"I am not feeling you up Draco Malfoy!" Hermione shouted, her face turning an unnatural shade of red. "I am trying to find the money my Aunt lent you for lunch so that I can buy my book!"
"That's what all the girls say, Hermione," Draco said exasperatedly while rolling his eyes, suddenly feeling like a tool for forgetting Evy's money.
"Alright, thanks Draco!" Finding the object of her interest, Hermione took off in a dash back to the bookstore, running over several pedestrians in her way.
Draco was extremely unhappy. He had his lunch money stolen by mean old Hermione. Come on. Who steals lunch money anyway? Draco pouted, shocked at the reverse of roles. First she strands me in a muggle store while I'm under the assumption that I have no money for a book, then she steals the formerly assumed absent money to buy said book. She chooses a book over my own well being! Well, I'll just have to show her that Draco Malfoy is not second best!
Hermione pondered over the colossal decision that she had to make. Dickens or Shopaholic? The severity of it was overwhelming. Heart pounding with trepidation, Hermione ran her hand over the cover of the Dickens book before gently opening it with the uttermost carefulness. Finally opening Dickens, Hermione's eyes widened in shock at first glance of the page. A picture, a moving photo that took up the whole page. An expansive, disgusting, perverted picture of Filtch and McGonagall putting to use Filtch's whips and chains. Hermione screamed. Draco Malfoy is going to DIE, Hermione's mind screamed over and over as she was escorted out of her new favorite store for causing a scene. Death, pain, torture, needles, screwdrivers, ava kadavra, crucio, chainsaws, hair… Hermione's face morphed from its angry contortion to a serene, happy smile.
"DRACO MALFOY!" Hermione screamed, cornering Draco at the bottom of the street where she found him cackling at his ingeniousness.
"Yes, Hermione?" Draco's cackles halted abruptly at one look at Hermione's murderous face.
"I just thought that I'd tell you that your hair looks absolutely terrible," Hermione said sweetly, as she shoved an ice cream cone on the top of Draco's head. Silence ensured.
"You… you… where did you get ice cream god dammit!"
"The stand over there," Hermione replied with a smile.
"You… you… die… now…" half-dazed, Draco advanced on Hermione. Smirking, Hermione took off for the car.
"HERMIONE GRANGER!" Draco quickly followed.
"How the hell did you use magic, you conceited bastard!" Hermione screamed over her shoulder, running into the car and turning the key as Draco ran after her.
"I bought the charm from Zonkos and stuck it on you; it makes you see your true desire in what you love the most!" Draco cacked, gasping for breaths as he pulled open the car door.
"WHAT!" Hermione screamed, pushing Draco out of the car. "That was… that's not… I don't desire THAT!" Draco smirked from the ground, finding himself in an uncomfortable heap.
"That's obviously not what your inner psyche is trying to tell you, Granger!" he jibed as chocolate trickled down the side of his face.
"You should really apply to work in that ice cream store, ice cream goes well on you," Hermione snapped, stepping out of the car as she realized she had yet to apply to a single place. Scowling, Draco jumped up beside her, wiping off most of his ice cream on Hermione's back.
And so they went into six different stores, ice cream covered and bickering, trying to present themselves as perfect candidates for and shop keeper. After stopping at the bookstore Noble Pages, which didn't have very good results after Hermione's screaming fits, Starbucks where Hermione ended up dragging Draco from some slut much to his great amusement, to the ice cream store, the pizza parlor, the drug store and the supermarket, Hermione was quite hungry. Sitting down at a small table outside of a small restaurant, she tried her hardest NOT to look at Draco's disheveled, sticky self sitting across from her.
"What's my number, Granger?" asked Draco, after the waitress had taken their orders and left with a wink.
"What number- what are you talking about, Malfoy?" Hermione growled, angrily stabbing the table with her fork in her aggravation of having to wait for her meal.
"My number, Hermione. Some muggle girl asked for my number, but when I told her my lucky number was 666, she just laughed at me. What is this muggle number, that she so desired?" Draco asked with an ever widening smile as Hermione's face contorted in anger.
"Next time some girl asks for your number just tell them you don't swing that way, Malfoy," she snapped, color rising to her cheeks at the prospect of Draco being hit on before her.
"Ohh, so my number is something that makes Hermione jealous is it?" Draco asked with a strange glint in his eye.
"No! It's just muggle speak of a girl saying, 'I'm a sexually deprived slut! Oops!'" Hermione argued, her voice rising to a ridiculous pitch in her imitation.
"I like sluts…" Draco murmured, stroking his chin in mock contemplation. Hermione kicked him under the table.
"Here you go!" said the waitress, returning with two plates of food as Draco winced in pain. "Let me know if it's too hot for you, alright babe?" she asked, looking solely at Draco. Hermione fumed. Of course, she thought, out of this entire country, we end up in the Malfoy-obsessed sluts town! Seeming to know Hermione's trail of thought, Draco ate his food with a much happier outlook on the whole trip than he had experienced prior.
Hermione fumed. The book, the biting, the girls, it was just becoming too much. Draco Malfoy was about to get a taste of his own medicine… smiling, her spirits improved as the meal progressed as well- for completely different reasons, of course.
A/N: Please bring on that motivation:D