Interlude
Acepilot
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I
don't have to look up to know its her that's walked in. I just know
it.
"Won't they be missing you at the party?" I ask, but it's only half-hearted.
"I could say the same thing about you." The tears she was crying only minutes ago still taint her beautiful voice, and I know not to look up.
I won't be able to control myself if I do.
I've never been able to resist her when she cries.
"Yeah, well." Seems to be the only thing to say, really.
"I think I fell in love with you a long time ago, Phil."
I can't help but smile at that. "I fell in love with you, too. But it's all different now, it's too late."
"What if I said that I'd leave him? I'd leave him to be with you?"
For an instant, I have this picture perfect vision - her and me, sitting around in years to come, kids playing at our feet, sharing memories and joy, highs and lows, praise and perils.
"No."
She looks puzzled.
"What if I said no? Would you stay with him?"
She stares at me. "Uh -"
"Do you love me enough to admit that you shouldn't be married to him, Kim? Do you love me so much that you won't settle for someone else?"
"I..." and for the second time tonight, she looks down, seemingly ashamed or something similar. "I don't know."
I nod. "Then no." I sigh. "Look, I know this must be huge for you. God knows it's huge for me - this has all happened so quickly. But if you can't decide yet, then I don't want you making promises you can't keep."
Her eyes are welling up again. "Phil, I want you - I need you."
I struggle to keep my face as emotionless as possible, the tracks of the tears that I've already cried this evening say everything anyway. "But do you love me?"
She doesn't answer.
"If you ever come to your decision - and I don't expect you too - then I'll be waiting." I sigh, and the pain really starts to eat away at me.
"But now I think you need to go."
And for once, she just goes, and I collapse against the front door. I've done the right thing, but it just feels so wrong.
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