I got up early this morning as I couldn't sleep. I spent most of the night tossing and turning while dreaming up some crazy things. I stayed in my room most of the day with Cazzy, just playing with her. She really is cute. It seems that recently she is finding her voice, even if she can't actually speak. She keeps squealing and trying to make a noise which I guess resembles a 'woof woof,' in some way, but sounds more like 'uhf uhf.' Still, she made me laugh with it. I'm just curious as to where she has herd a dog bark, seen as we have no pets. Maybe she saw one on the T.V.
Mom came in my room about 1 in the afternoon looking worse for wear. She and Zack had been arguing for almost an hour before she came in. They scared Cazzy, as the shouts had her crying her eyes out hugging me as though if she held on tight enough the noise would stop. Mom had big puffy red eyes and a trembling voice when she finally came in. That combined with Carols tears, and I couldn't help but feel angry at Zack for upsetting her, even though I don't have a clue what it was about. Dave hasn't been round since the other day when he and Zack were at each others throats, which is even stranger. I think I might go over and see him tomorrow, see if I can figure out exactly what is going on.
Mom just sat and talked with me for a while, asked if I had changed my mind about the letter. I told her I had been thinking about it properly and I'm positive I don't want to reply. She nodded and asked me for the letter. I don't know why I lied, but before I had even though about it I told her I had thrown it out in the trash last night. I still don't know why I lied but I was a little scared she would throw it out herself. I can't understand why I'm so bothered about this letter and the stranger that wrote it. Maybe because its some kind of proof that I actually have a father somewhere, and that he must care a little. Enough to write a letter....
....A letter that took him 15 years to write... No, I think that proves just the opposite, just how much he doesn't care. Maybe his wife gave him a guilt trip and put him up to it, maybe he's dying. I don't care. I read through it again once Mom went out, after making Carol promise not to tell mom I lied. I only got it out of its hiding place after she gave me a gargle which told me my secret was safe! I noticed it isn't in the envelope, so I don't know where about it was sent from. I wonder why mom took it from the envelope - maybe he lives near someone I know? Maybe he lives too far away to even consider getting to know him. Maybe she didn't even notice what she was doing, and I'm reading too much into this. I should just forget about the damn letter, and forget about him. At least Cazzy agrees with me!
Still, its another day wasted with thoughts of nothing. I've got to forget about it, or it will drive me crazy, and its not worth the annoyance it is causing.
Jack.