Let us go with a great big shout.
We'll pass through the town and across the hills
Let us go with a great big shout.
We'll pass through the woods and cross rivers, too
With our puppy friends and our kitty friends, too
We'll make a joyful noise and say, "Hey, hey, hey.."
I sang this song as I waited for him to return. It was a song I used to sing before my mother died, before my world started to crumble. I remembered this innocence and felt it like a jewel in my hand. I opened my fingers but I knew, even though I could feel it, it was gone.
Being alone taught me many things. The greatest lesson was of fear.
I was always afraid, but I never showed it. Not that I had anyone to show it to. There was only the reflection in the mirror every morning but I knew my face well enough to hate it. And there were the ghostly silhouettes of people I used to know but were now gone. At times I wondered if they ever existed. I had been in solitude for so long… maybe I... maybe I was the one who disappeared.
Being alone caused me to forget as well.
I forgot how to show expressions, how to be surprised or even angry. I forgot the sounds of voices and people laughing. My memories were turned to black and white and I wondered if they were just all part of an old film I had seen. None of this was real. Slowly, I felt I was forgetting how to live. I was deteriorating from within.
My life was a routine that would slowly kill me and yet, I did not dare change my actions. I took the train to school every morning. I went to class and studied alone. After dismissal, I'd practice archery again and again. I never missed the target and I doubted I ever would.
Because nothing changed around here. Not even me.
I longed for any type of change, but I was stuck in a world frozen in time. I was out of place. I didn't try to feel emotions anymore. I stayed unfeeling and that was fine if I was to be stuck here for all eternity.
Then there was that fated day.
I was staring at the floor of the train station, waiting at the usual time and headed for the usual destination. I felt the wind of the approaching train on my face and I looked up, only to see a boy staring back at me with as much surprise in his eyes as there were in mine.
At that moment, my heart stopped. I wanted to call out to him but I had not used my voice in so long. I was afraid. But my thoughts were racing a mile a minute.
He is real.
Real, a word I had not believed in so long. It rang in my ears like a melody.
But the train stopped in front of me and I couldn't see him any longer.
Just that day, I would not attend school. I ran from the train station and down the neighboring streets of my home, desperate to be greeted by a smiling face or loud voices, or anything that would prove to me that I was not alone. I didn't want to be alone anymore.
There was nothing.
But I knew he was real. I knew… I had to find him. Somehow.
He was my only hope.
