Disclaimer: I am lump of cheesy cheese, cheese cannot own things...

Attack of The Manic Snake Mongers/The Toilet Brush

'Harry Potter was lounging by the lake in the Sun with a pina colada, oblivious to Hogwarts burning down around him. Suddenly Cho Chang emerged from the burning wreckage of Hogwarts adorning a skimpy negligee brandishing a spangled umbrella. Harry suddenly leapt from his deck chair, discarding his pina coclada, throwing an abundance of pondweed and weasels at Cho Chang.

Cho, infuriated, retaliated by stabbing Harry with her spangled umbrella, marmalade spewed from the bubbling wound as Harry cackled, old skool (compliments of N*Sync)!'

Harry: HAHAHA DURING MY ORGY LAST NIGHT PIKACHU BESTOWED UPON ME THE GIFT OF CANNON PRINTERS!! THIS MAKES ME IMMORTAL!! RIP ME, BURN ME, YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME!!!!!! I'M MADE A PAPER, BITCH MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

'Cho Chang, so stunned by this, toppled forward, leapt on Harry and snogged his novelty Christmas socks off. Harry suddenly gained the power of flight and tore through the sky like an air-borne weasel. Cho Chang was left to boogy with the pixies she found in a hole.

Meanwhile, in the magical kingdom of Sussex, the evil monkey (who bit the author in an orgy in Gibraltar) was cackling with delight.'

E. Monkey: Soooooooon, Harry Potter, you shall be my wife.

'Back in the sky, Harry shivered involuntarily'

'Down in the bowlpits of Helleaven (it's not quite hell but it not quite heaven, but it comes with a lovely dobble of tartar sauce) Croo(k)shanks was running his super-cooooooooooooool (note the multiple Os) new both club. Crookshank's hair suddenly stood on end as the Godevil (he's not quite God and he's not quite the Devil but he owns a lovely little shop just outside of Paris, they serve great bagels) trod on him. Just at that moment, the doors of Crookshank's club were thrown open (sexy Aragorn style, by a sexy cat dog Aragorn lookiy likey thing, all wet and manly!) an on-looking girl died upon seeing his manliness [Author's note: this sexy manly Aragorn stuff is down to sister of Author, the famous and talented Kayochen]

Crookshanks: Wow!! It's my favourite Cat Dog Star, and no, I'm not talking about that annoying (and terminally retarded) cartoon!!

Sexy Cat Dog Aragorn Looky Liky, all wet and manly (SCDALLAWAM): I'm here to sex you up!!! Maaaaaaaaaaan!

'Crookshanks leapt out from behind a wall hissing.'

Crookshanks: Hey you're messin up my both club, mister!

'They argued long into the cheese, but, unbeknownst to Crookshanks, Steve Irwin was slowly making his way into the club.'

Steve Irwin: Wioooow! I've stumbled across the very rare both club, home to all kinds of smelly creatures. . . crikey! I've forgotten me protection goggle! It won't be long until my eyes are filled with all kinds of deadly discharge!

'Crookshanks, who was beating up Scdallawam, suddenly spotted Steve Irwin pooking happy club-going cats with pitch forks and hurling them into bags (the cats, not the pitch-forks). Crookshanks leaps into the air and two furry wings sprout from his furry buttocks!'

Steve Irwin: Crikey! Wiow! Juhooglums! These things are supposed to bve extinct! it's the lengeedary, wiow, mythologiical, magical, crikey, very rare flying platypus! Now, these creatures are very timid so we must use great care when approaching.

'Steve Irwin then sprints full throttle at Crookshanks whilst screaming Waltzing Matilda through a megaphone, he then impales him on a pitch-fork and does an ancient tribal cheese dance!'

Steve Irwin: Crikey! Looks like that li'l fella was a bit too frisky for his own good, now I'm gunna rehome him in a cage half his size in my evil layer in Japan, under sea, where evil scientists will experiment on him! MWAH HA HA HA CRIKEY HA HA HA HA!

'Steve merrily skips off slitting his wrists with a trusty pen-knife.'

'Meanwhile, Harry Potter, who was getting angry with the authors for not paying enough attention to him, was flying through the air (cue snowman song), happy as a chiwawa on caffene when he spotted something in the distance, as he looked harder and harder, his brain fell out.'

harry Potter: AAaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggggggh! Brain go bye-bye! Brain I need live!

'Hary Potter, with the few brain cells stuck to his skull, then stumbled through the air whilst trying to bite his brain'

harry Potter: Where be brain!?

'he cried as his brain floated 2 inches from his nose. Suddenly the gay monkey grabbed Harry Potters brain between his buttocks and did an Irish jig.'

harry Potter: Monkey funny! Harry eat monkey!

'And so Harry Potter ate the monkey, bit by bit until only his brain was left.'

Harry: Harry need brain! Oooohhh! Harry have no brain! Daddy, where brain go! Ah, there be brain!

'harry then grabbed the monkey's brain and popped it in his own brain.'

Harry with monkey's brain (HWMB): Mwah ha ha ha ha! I have infested Harry Potter's body, now I can marry myself, hmmmmmmm, I think I'll get naked!

'And with that HWMB fly naked as a bald siamese cat into the distance whilst Steve Irwin skipped light-headedly through Kenya with marmalade spewing form his nose.'

*********************************************************************

I replaced the other chapter coz i didn't like the ending. review like a monkey that has been told that if he doesn't review my god damn story the free world will well be errr NOT FREE!!! oh yeah and he will go to hell for charges of being a monkey that didn't review my story. U R IN THAT SITUATION NOW GO, GIVE ONE FOR THE TEAM!!! WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN ERRRR I MEAN REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!