Author's Notes:
Reno: Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiins...
Reeve: Stop. Just stop. What the hell are you doing?
Reno: Saying 'brains' because I desire them.
Reeve: Okay. I can see why. You don't have any, so you want some. I understand fully, Scarecrow.
Reno: No no, it's not like that. Y'see, it's because Tyramir originally intended the new enemy to be a pack of zombies or something.
Reeve: You're not serious, are you?
Reno: Yep! I think he's seen too many bad B movies.
Reeve: Me too. In any case, I'm glad he decided not to do that. That would have been as brainless as you.
Reno: I know. Wait... hey!
Reeve: In any case, Tyramir doesn't own the rights to Final Fantasy or any of its characters.
Reno: Wait. Where's Hojo? He's supposed to be my new side kick!
Chapter Sixteen
Skulking
When Yuffie had said that she had wanted to go home to Wutai, she hadn't been entirely lying. She did want to go home. A little. She missed Da Chao, and the shrine to Leviathan, and even teasing Gorki and Chekhov and everyone back at her place. She missed her own private stash of Materia, nestled safely in a little hidey hole that only she knew about. She ever missed her father. A little. Barely. On second thought, she didn't miss him at all. 'Be a good little girl and deliver this sword to a champion so you can get out of my hair.' Every time she thought of the dismissal, she got a little angry.
While she wanted to go home a little bit, she wanted to go to Junon most of all. Why? Because Junon was always fun. It was a seedy city with danger lurking in alleyways. Shinra soldiers routinely patrolled its streets to make sure outside influences like her wouldn't influence anyone. It had an evil tyrant, that lame ass poser, Rufus. It had all the makings of a city filled with adventure.
Especially the love interest.
Well, maybe love was a bit too strong. She didn't love Reno. That would be naive. No. She only thought he was cool. He did what he wanted, no matter what anyone told him. And he was a good fighter, and he was really cute. Yuffie bet that Reno's father never told him what to do.
So it was with all this in mind that Yuffie decided to forgo the boat to Junon and merely stood on the docks, waving to Barret, Red and Marlene as they sailed for their homes. Only Marlene waved back. Yuffie grunted. Barret and Red could be so rude sometimes. As if she weren't a member of their group or something. It was almost like they were embarrassed to know her. They should have felt honoured that the daughter of Lord Godo had been jumping up and down on the docks, swinging both arms in the air and yelling, "Goodbye, guys! I'll miss you! Bring back some Materia so I can steal it from you!"
Watching the boat leave, she wondered at what she was going to do in Junon. There was always a few ways to make some quick gil in this city, most of them illegal, and money was always nice. She never actually spent it, preferring just to steal what she needed, or wanted, but the actual having of money was a good feeling.
Or, she could just move on to the main course of what she was really there for.
A grin spreading across her face, Yuffie skipped away from the dock and began to head for the main Shinra office. Right away she encountered a stumbling block.
"What do you mean, 'you don't take bribes anymore?'" she demanded outrageously. This was ridiculous! Shinra guards, especially the ones working in Junon, were famous for taking money slipped under the table. Especially when it was something as harmless as letting someone into the building who didn't belong.
The guard shifted his weight, and said, "I'm sorry. Normally, I'd be glad to take in a little extra money, but... well, ever since President Rufus retook Shinra, he began changing policy. Especially when he saw a guard take a bribe on his way in. Used to be, you get caught, you got a slap on the wrist. Now, Rufus has you fired. And not just you. Your whole family. He makes sure anyone caught taking a bribe suffers. Now get out of here before I have to take you in for questioning."
"Take me in for questioning? Are you kidding?"
He sighed. "No. We're supposed to arrest any suspicious looking people who may be snooping around, especially... Hey, wait. Aren't you one of those chicks from Avalanche?"
"Uh... no. You must be thinking of that mega-babe Yuffie Kisaragi, though. People say I look a lot like her. I have to go now. Bye!" She waved her hand and darted away from the building and into the adjacent alleyway.
Well, this sucks. Stupid Rufus and his iron-fisted rule. Well, on to plan B then.
She wasn't entirely sure that she had a 'Plan B' until she saw a ventilation shaft wheeze out a small greenish-gray cloud of Mako vapor. She nearly gagged at the thought of entering the building through it, but resigned herself to it.
Walking over to the vent, she tried to pry it open and found she couldn't. She looked carefully at it, and saw that it wasn't just a regular vent. Or at least, it wasn't treated like a normal one. Locks held it in place on all sides, and, after a moment of careful searching, Yuffie spotted a small security device hooked to the outer edge. If anyone removed the cover, an alarm would go off.
Oh come on! When did Shinra get this kind of security? What the hell has Rufus done to this place?
Sighing, she pulled a Fire Materia from her weapon, Conformer, and began to melt the grill of the vent. Such unprofessional naivete. This was almost too easy.
If you're going to turn your corporation into an impenetrable fortress, you should do it right. This is almost a joke.
She finished carving a hole large enough for her to fit through into the grill, and then yanked the offending remains out of the way. She put her Fire Materia back, and pulled out an Ice in its place, casting a cooling spell on what was left of the grill. She gagged once as another puff of Make vapors wheezed out of the vent, then climbed in. Strapping Conformer to her back since it was too large to wield in the vent, she began to crawl through the endless tunnels inside Shinra's Junon office.
She took her time exploring, despite the awful Mako vapors and their disgusting smell, and made notes of where everything was she encountered. Eventually, she found an access panel that led her out of the ventilation system and into the air conditioning ducts. She began viewing offices through small grills, and as before, made careful notice of where things were located.
At one point, she heard something in the tunnels with her, but when she went to investigate, she saw nothing. Chalking it up to paranoia, she headed back the way she had been going, and kept peeking out of grills, looking for any sign of anything remotely interesting.
She did this for a few hours, becoming more bored as she went along. It wasn't nearly as fun as she had hoped, and after a while she decided to take a nap.
When she woke up, she looked down into an office and found it empty. Everyone must have gone home by now. Even Shinra let its employees keep nine to five hours. Kicking open the grill, she hopped down, then quickly cleaned up the evidence of her entry. She snooped around, playing on people's computers, looking for a map of the building. Not finding one, she resigned herself to wandering hallways and stairwells.
This is boring. That's it, I'm leaving.
She turned to do just that when something posted on the stairwell wall caught her attention. She looked at it and nearly smacked herself on the forehead. A building map. She had probably passed a dozen of them in her wanderings and never even noticed them.
She found the office for the Turks, but groaned when she realized that it was not only on the other side of the building, but eight floors down. She really didn't feel like walking it right now. Looking for something interesting closer to her, she saw the marking for the President's office, and grinned to herself. Messing up Rufus' stuff and snooping through any files he had might be fun.
She hopped up the three flights of stairs to get to it, and found that the door was locked by a key card. It was more than likely protected with a security device, too. Probably motion censors, heat detectors, everything that the President of Shinra could buy. She wasn't equipped to handle most of the stuff that would inevitably be protecting the room against intruders. So, she'd have to make this quick, retreat to the air ducts, and then wait out security.
Pulling a Lightning Materia out, a devilish look covered her face. The door blasted in with a blaze of electricity, and she quickly hopped inside. And just as quickly, something came down on the back of her head. The last thing she heard before she lost conciousness was Reno's taunting voice.
"Yeesh, took you long enough."
Author's Notes:
Ug... not my finest piece of work. That, and my hands are killing me from work. They're all stiff and locked up. Makes it hard to type. Sorry if that delays any future chapters.