Harry (Potty Poop as he prefer to be referred to) careened across the barley fields with his pillow arsenol under his arm gave chase to the beacon that was Ron.
Harry: 'Return that boob thou hast called RONNYKINS!' bawled Harry at the entranced, innocent and wholey adorable poodle that lay in Ronnykins' arms.
Ron: 'Ya can nae' stop me now Harry' gurgled Ron through milkshakes readily made by poodlle Poosh Pringle (PPP). 'Our time is ancient history, by, bygone, closed, completed, concluded, done, done with, ended, finished, gone, past, settled, OVER!' Ronnykins wailed over a plate of ready made asparagus.'
Harry stopped in his tracks and stared at Ronnykins, who proceeded to knaw on his aspargus shoots. Harry's galsses were askew and were soon brimmnig with tears. He collapsed to his knees.
Harry: 'I thought we had something special man, love, a hankering if you will. Ronnykins? To be completely honest I gots the hots for you the moment you stepped into my carriage on the train boy. My fondness is best explained by looking at your beacon like hair, those ginger locks, that fluffy tuft of gold upon your angelic features. Re-enter my life Ronnykins, make me feel special, immortal and individual baby' Harry cackled now hysterical with sobs and tears.
Harry lay in the grass wimpering, ejaculating awful phrases and words at Ronnykins and Poodle now and then.Ron stood awkwardly shuffling his burlesque hooves from side to side. Ron wiped the milshake from his hair and spat the remainding shoots of asparagus from his mouth, so benevolently that Harry proceeded to stop wimpering.
Ron: 'Hawwy? My pumpkin? It's sob too late pumpkin, during your captivating speech me and Poodle here, well we've agreed to be lets say….affiliated? Bound in holy matramony. I mean she makes a barabarous milkshake. And man your asparagus, is shite to my lips in comparison to her "Crème de la crème de la Poodle". Not anything can adjust my feelings for Poodle here. I'm so sorry pumpkin chin…'
And with that, Harry turned on his hooves and tramped away down the hills, the little animals of the forest spitting and giggling on the half man as he was to be known as from now on. Harry pulled his hand from his pocket holding his wand.
Harry: 'I deduce that this must be the climax, afterpiece, blow-off, button, cessation, chaser, climax, close, closer, conclusion, consummation, crowning glory, culmination, denouement, end, end piece, epilogue, finis, finish, last act of Potty Poop's long and pathetic life.' Harry drew his wand and put it between his eyes. 'I'm sorry Dumbledore' Harry pronounced to the merriment and delight of the onlooking trees and animals. 'Hey I'm trying to make a speech guys so just shut the fuck up guys' Harry meowed at the trees and animals. They shut the fuck up. 'Now where was I dickwads, oh yeah Dumbledore I'm so sowwy' Harry sobbed.
One particula squirrel looked as if he was having particualr difficulty in shuting the fuck up, he guffawed and chortled, and soon the whole forest was chuckling and sniggering at Potty Poop the greatest fiasco of the wizarding world. Harry was once again on the floor kicking and screaming in complete hysterics while the forest frezied over his shrivelled body……..TO BE CONTINUED…….