Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, I would not be writing this. I would be busy doing inappropriate things to Fluffy-sama, Hentai-sama, Nary-chan, Kouga-san…
A/N: I do not own anything in this story. The Serenity Prayer is not mine, nor is the song 'If U C Jordan,' which is owned by Something Corporate. Um this chapter is...werid and pointless, very stupid and very badly written. Which is why I'm posting it now. Chapter 7 will be posted Monday, as per usual, and I'll get back into a regular updating pattern. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you all are awesome! Also, to Aamalie, could you really draw the Fluffster in some type of platypus outfit? I don't know if you were just joking, but you would be the coolest person ever if you actually did!
Miroku- (laughs at thought of the Fluff in a platypus suit) Errm, yes, please review this chapter, it makes the author happy when you do! You are all so kind!
Sesshomaru sighed heavily as he entered the room. Shaking his head, he neared the man who was sitting on his bed, staring angrily at the wall.
"Still brooding are you?" he questioned lazily as he sat on his own bed, reaching over on the side to pull a book from the night stand.
Taking a moment to glare at the silver haired man, he quickly returned back to his deed of burning holes into the walls with his eyes. "…no," he answered, his tone caught somewhere between anger, annoyance, and complete and utter confusion.
He just shook his head again and opened his book, flipping through the pages until he landed on an interesting looking passage. Glancing over at the other man, he silently wondered why he cared about he and the other woman anyway. 'I'm just a hopeless romantic damn it.'
"God," he began softly, his voice clear and smooth as usual. "Grant me the serenity, to accept the things I can not change…the courage to change the things I can…and the wisdom to know the difference."
A few moments of silence passed, neither of the men saying anything. With a heavy, almost annoyed sigh, Sesshomaru stood up. Taking a few long strides, he stopped at the foot of the others bed. When he did nothing, the silver haired man chucked the book at his head, inwardly pleased when the man yelped in pain and quickly turned around.
"Ow," he stated, narrowing his eyes.
"Do you know what that was?" he questioned, ignoring the look of anger passing over his face.
"Um…a book?" he replied sarcastically.
'Why is it I am always stuck with the stupid ones?' Rolling his eyes slightly, he said, "No."
Rubbing the back of his head, he tucked both legs underneath each other and lowered his head, quietly mumbling his response. "The Serenity Prayer."
"Yes," he said. "Do you know what it means?"
"Of course I do," he replied. "My mother used to recite it all the time. She had it plastered to the refrigerator and everything."
'To bad those damned meetings never did anything for.' Almost chucking at the bitter irony of it he shook his head. 'Just another example of the fact that society doesn't give a shit about anyone who can't stand on their own feet.'
"That's not what I asked. I asked if you knew what it meant."
He nodded his head, glaring at the sheets before he fell onto his back. "There are always things worth fighting for, you just have to have to be able to tell the difference between the things that will never change, and the things that you yourself can change."
"Your very perceptive," Sesshomaru stated, not moving from his place. "And very strong-willed. So, I wonder, what are you doing lying on your bed, doing nothing but wallowing in self pity?"
"Well gee, I was going to go out and stop world hunger, but I did that last week," he said sarcastically.
"Why did you turn her down?"
"Why the fuck do you care?" he questioned, his anger rising. 'Why is he interrogating me? He doesn't really seem like the type who's willing to help out a friend in a time of need.'
"Because, it's annoying when all you do is sigh heavily and mope around. It's distracting me from my reading. And," he added. "she really does mean well." He received no answer, only watched as he turned over on his side and buried his head into the pillows. "Listen, as you may have guessed, I don't care about many people. The people I do care about, however, are important to me, and I do not wish to see them in pain. She genuinely does care. I don't know why, but she does. And if for reasons unknown she has decided that she wishes to help you, you should be grateful."
"I don't want her pity," he said. "I don't want her help."
"It doesn't matter if you want it or not," Sesshomaru replied. "You need it. And you better accept while you have the chance. People who are willing to help pull you out of the mess that is your life are hard to come by. You'd have to be even stupider then I first thought not to see that."
He scowled into the pillow. Hearing the sound of the door being closed he turned back over on his side, glancing around the room to see that Sesshomaru had left his presence. 'That man is a conundrum.' He stared at the dresser for a few more moments, studying the cracking paint with his eyes. 'Am I really so pitiful that even the other patients are feeling sorry for me? Now that's a new low. Even for me.'
He frowned a little as he turned on his side. What would it hurt to give her a chance? He was going to have to get out of there soon. Sighing again, he realized he didn't have any idea how he was going to do that. 'Maybe she can help you. If you play nicely, maybe you can trick her into helping you get out.' He thought over this for a moment. He sat up and put his head in his hands, groaning as hundreds of contradicting thoughts poured into his mind. Could he really do that to someone who, at least at first, seemed honest and genuine? He scowled a bit, remembering the feelings that had over-whelmed him when she informed him she had asked about a 'special program'. She had no right, none, to think that his problems were any of her business.
He pushed himself out of bed and glanced at his reflection in the mirror, scowling darkly at the pathetic waste that had become himself. He exited the room and went in search of his new 'personal rehabilitater'.
---
"I just don't understand what I did wrong," she said softly. "I was only trying to help."
"You just have to except it," the blonde haired woman, Azana told her. "Some people don't your help."
"I know I just…I thought he might be different, you know?"
She shook her head, smiling at her friends naivety. "That's your problem. You've still got hope that the people in this world are going to try and change for the better."
She sighed, knowing that Azana was right. She didn't know why she'd expected this man to be any different. For some reason, her gut feeling had been telling her that he was the one; the one she could finally reach. She felt awful; guilt, anger, confusion swelling up inside of her, each emotion nagging until she felt the need to bang her head against the wall. Giving her a pat on the back, the blond stood up from the wooden table and began walking back inside of the center.
After asking a couple of oh-so-helpful people around, he finally managed to find himself outside in the garden, if it could be called that. Dead flowers surrounded the outside of the building. A few badly cut shrubs were hidden away in a corner, and a few half broken pots which were surrounded by spilled dirt lined the wall. There were about three wooden tables surrounding the area, some chars and a few benches, and a swing. It reminded him of the one he used to have on his porch at home, even if it was nearly falling off its hinges.
Scanning the area with his dark eyes, he finally saw her sitting at one of the tables, a defeated and somewhat annoyed look on her features. 'Great. Looks like she's just as broody as you are.' Ignoring his inner voices opinion, he began walking towards her. He took a seat across from her and cleared his throat, causing her to look up from the tree she'd been glaring at.
Her expression quickly changed from angry and disappointed to shocked. He stared at her, no real emotion on his face as she blinked her dark eyes in curiosity. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when she did the same. Shutting his mouth abruptly, he attempted once again to talk. Words began to rush out of both of their mouths. With a heavy sigh, the two again stopped, annoyance beginning to work it's way onto their features.
"You first," she said, gesturing for him to begin speaking.
"Listen, I just want you to know…" he began.
"I have a story, a bitter anthem for everyone to hear!
About this kid who don't like me and that's a solid fact!
They say he's hunting me and as you can tell I'm swelled up with fear!
Cause I can't get him off of my back!"
He stared blankly as a brown haired man dressed in black sauntered past them, singing at the top of his lungs. He turned his attention back to the woman, who only stared at him, waiting for him to begin speaking again.
"Um…who was that?" he questioned.
"That? Oh, that was just Jordan," she said nonchalantly.
"Uh…okay. What was he…doing?"
"He just likes to walk around and sing that song by Something Corporate. You know that 'If you C Jordan' song? He does it all the time. You'll get used to it." He merely blinked. "Anyways, what were you saying?"
"Oh yeah. Listen, I didn't mean to be a complete asshole to you early," he said, mentally reminding himself that he had to be as honest and genuine as possible, if he was going to get her help. "And I…"
"If you see Jordan!
If you see Jordan!
He makes me sick!
He makes me sick!
High school's over!
High school's over!
And you still won't quit!"
His left eye twitched as the man walked by them again, but he said nothing about it. "Well, I just thought I should apologize for that."
"No don't," she told him, a small smile gracing her lips. "You had every right to be angry."
He blinked at her, surprised she was agreeing with him. "I did?"
'She's not angry I blew up on her? But, why wouldn't she be? She was trying to do her best to help me, even if it was just to make herself feel better about everything.' The small doubt about his theory began nagging at him. Could she possibly help him? He shook his head, sighing softly to himself as she began to speak. 'It doesn't matter if she is serious; I'm beyond anybody's reach now anyway. I already sold my soul to the devil himself.'
She nodded. "Yeah, you did. It wasn't any of my business."
"No, it wasn't," he told her. He was nobody's business. He really wasn't worth the time, he knew that. He'd learned that to most of the people in these places, his kind weren't even worthy of being their little pet projects.
Apparently, he was good enough for her. Another scowl worked it's way onto his features. He knew that of course, he wasn't good enough, but she was acting as if he was. It surprised him, so much that he could really find it hard to stay angry at her for pitying him. "But you meant well, I understand that. I was just…"
"You say it's chivalry, well it's jealousy that led us to this song!
Won't play it often just at least until you're gone!
You'll stop at nothing but the real thing and everything up to that's pretend!
You tried to brainwash all of my friends!"
He clenched his teeth together. That guy was really, really beginning to get on his nerves. It was bad enough trying to keep all of his thoughts straight as it was. He had to try and appear calm and forgiving, when on the inside his thoughts were raging and he had no idea what to do. Could this woman be real? Even so, he was just a lost cause anyway.
"I know your still upset with me," she said softly. "I understand, I do. You probably just think that I don't even care, right? That I'm just doing so I can feel better about myself. I'm not. Look, I…I want you to trust me, because I think that maybe, if you'll let me, I can help you get through all this. I just, well, I need you to…"
"If you see Jordan!
If you see Jordan!
He makes me sick!
He makes me si-"
The brown haired man's song was cut off as he found himself being slammed into a tree. She only gasped, watching with wide eyes before jumping out of her seat and begin trying to pry the now psycho patient off of him.
"Let him go," she told him softly, wrapping her hands around his waist and trying to pull him back. "It's not worth it!"
"Just…make it…stop…singing," he said, his eye twitching again. Finally, she managed to pull him off of the other man.
Jordan took in a deep breath and narrowed his eyes at the other man. "That was so not cool," he declared. "I am not an it!" He turned on his heel and began stalking away, huffing and mumbling to himself.
He clenched his fists and took a few deep breaths. She stared at him for a few moments, standing a few feet away as she watched him try to calm himself. Cautiously, she walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder, patting his arm.
"You all right? I thought you were going to kill little Jordan there," she said, smiling a bit.
He turned to her, narrowing his purple eyes. "How can you stand that?" he questioned.
She shrugged. "I've just learned to live with it." She went back to sit down, motioning for him to join her. Glancing at the direction the annoying man had gone, he reluctantly went to sit by her.
"Does he even live here?"
"No," she replied. "He just likes to hang around and sing that song."
His mouth hung slightly ajar, but he shook his head. 'Weird crap like this is always happening around these centers.' Another reason he hated these places; they were creepy, and always had rather strange people hanging around.
"I didn't mean to offend you," she said.
He sighed, inwardly slapping himself. She sounded so genuine; he almost believed her, almost. "I know," he replied. "Maybe we could, start over or something."
She gave him a smile. "That would be great." She lifted her right hand, clasping it around his left and shaking it. "We can start with completely clean slates." He nodded and shook her hand back.
'I can do this. If I can just convince her that I'm getting better, I'm sure I'll find a way to use it to my advantage.' He met her gaze and felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he saw the honest gleam in her dark eyes. 'Don't wimp out now. I can't go feeling guilty now. She's using me exactly like I'm using her, she must be.' He looked away, unable to keep gazing into her eyes which shone with such pure intent. If he could just keep convincing himself that she was a horrible person, than using her to pay back Naraku would be so much easier. Lying to himself was the only way he could function anyway; it's the way he'd been living for years.
"So…" he began. "What do you want to do first?"
"Well, I thought maybe we could start with some trust exercises…"
"High school's over!
High school's over!
And I don't care if you dye your hair!
You'll always be a little redhead bitch!"
He twitched again. Before he could stand up, she quickly wrapped her arms around him to keep him from attacking.
"Let go!" he growled, pushing towards the still singing Jordan. "I'm not going to hurt him, I swear! I only want to…talk to him."
She rolled her eyes. 'What have I gotten myself into?' Suddenly he pushed out of her arms. Her eyes widened as he began chasing after the brown haired man.
"If you see Jordan, tell him he's dead meat!" he cried, chasing the man.
"That's not part of the song dude!" he yelled back, yelping as he was almost caught."Hey! Stop it this instance you two! I mean it! We're supposed to be doing trust exercises, not committing homicide!"
"You tried to fight me down at Tyler's Beach!
And man I think that's great!
You nearly cried and said to yell at you like I do at all the girls!"
"Shut up!"
"Trust exercises! What am I, invisible?! Stop it!"
Sesshomaru and Azana stared out the window, neither of their expressions wavering as they watched the scene outside.
"I see he took her up on the offer," Sesshomaru observed.
"Hai," Azana answered.
"I also see he's met Jordan."
"Hai."
"So what do you think about those two? I think there's chemistry."
"Hai."
"How long do you think it will take them to get together?"
She tilted her head, studying them. "More than two weeks, but less than a month and a half."
"I say a month."
"Care to wager, Fluffy?"
He narrowed his golden eyes, glaring at the man who continued to chase Jordan around in the garden. "I will kill him. One of these days, I will have my revenge."
Azana merely blinked at him, then turned her attention back to the three outside. She and Sesshomaru both watched impassively as the two men crashed into a tree, causing the woman to fall over in hysterical laughter. The two exchanged glances.
"Definitely a month," they both declared. With a sigh, the two turned and began walking towards the wreck room.
Stand there with your ball and chain
Bitch about what you've created
All caught up in the masquerade
You've already been paid and made it
So don't pretend to know what it's like
To feel the things that we must live through
You only see with your dying eyes
There's only one thing I will ask of you
Can you take this life
Can you make it right
Do you have the words to say to make it
All go away
You act so wise
And so refined
You can keep your lies cuz I'm
Never gonna go your way
Promises of a better life
But what's wrong with the one I'm leading
Everyone has a different fight
A different wound that keeps them bleeding
So what's wrong with a little fun
Everybody needs to find their something
Is this how your gonna treat your son
Fuck 'em up and give em nothing
Can you take this life
Can you make it right
Do you have the words to say to make it
All go away
You act so wise
And so refined
You can keep your lies cuz I'm
Never gonna go your way
Everybody needs to find their own way through life
Everybody needs to find their own way
Your Way: Smile Empty Soul (cough) again (cough)