Musical Mints Chapter 4: Sexy but Crazy, a holes fanfic

Woohoo! Chapter numero cuatro! Yeah, baby!

Hope y'all had a very merry (insert holiday choice here) and a happy new year!

I got awesome presents! A GUITAR! YES!!! Green Day and School of Rock soundtrack CD's, Spiderman 2 and Dodgeball on DVD, a portable DVD player, clothes I actually LIKE, and more! Happy me! Still no cell phone...dammit!

When I was writing Squid's little part of the last chapter, I was kind of thinking about the Outsiders. Like, how everyone hated the Greasers, even if they weren't bad. We had to read that for school. I thought it was going to suck, but I loved it. I cried during some of it...tear, tear.

And I accidentally put "It's only me" instead of "It's home to me." No one else seemed to notice but it bugged me. Just so y'all know.

Shoutouts

loviedovie: Yes indeed, Liam Aiken is hot and Green Day is awesome. Glad you like :-) And your iPod mix is almost exactly what would be on mine if I had one! We have like the exact same taste in music!

A Cute But Psycho Bunny: Hot child stars? Tom Felton, no way! He looks like Aaron Carter in the PoA movie! And Rupert Grint? Nuh-uh, his facial expressions are so...weird. My friend loooooves him though. But I hear ya on Daniel Radcliffe! His voice is so high pitched in the first movies; it cracks me up! Liam Aiken and Kevin Alexander Clark (who played the drummer, Freddy Jones, in School of Rock) are definitely the hottest childhood stars everrrr!

SquidFreak: Aww, thank you so much! It makes me happy when people say this is the bestest story :-)

whataboutneville: Yes I used Boulevard of Broken Dreams! I love that song so much, and apparently so do a lot of other people.

da baddest chik: Ah! I'm extremely sorry! See, what happened is I wrote the chapter and then got your review! So I forgot to go back and give you a shoutout! Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, even though by the time this is posted they will all be over. I saw the movie on the 18th too! How awesome! Yes I too love that Green Day song, it seems like everyone does. I love Green Day; they really are an amazing band. Yay I gave you a shoutout so you can't hurt me :-) And since you're so special, you get a bold shoutout.

sakurakasugano: Glad you like. What does your sn mean?

relytA: lol, Ms. Frizzle is awesome! So is the Magic School Bus! I have two episodes on video from when I was younger and in love with the Magic School Bus, Arthur, Mary-Kate and Ashley, and Power Rangers. Ah, the good old days. Um...in answer to your question...Zero came and was extremely smart and everyone loved his poofy hair, and Stanley came and was stupid. There. :-)

FetishFemale: I love Green Day and that song too! So does nearly everyone else who reviewed :-D Yes, Liam Aiken was Klaus in the movie...he's hot. He was also in Good Boy, but he looked a lot younger and less hot. Glad you like.

ChanelBabe202: Ah, my ideas come from a very twisted, sugar high mind of mine. Glad you like, but please don't die, dying makes me sad.

Chapter 4: Sexy but Crazy

---

"See, there used to be a million planets, one for every species. There was a planet of Asians, a planet of Jews, a planet of ferrets, etc. But then one day these alien species found an empty planet and took some of each country and put them on the planet. So they took this new planet, and called it "Earth." Which stood for 'Entertaining Aliens 'Round The Hemisphere.' So Earth was this big reality show for species everywhere who loved seeing us kill each other off in wars and fights and stuff. That's why I'm wearing this aluminum foil on my head so the aliens won't tap into my secret thoughts and use it as a sitcom or something," Zigzag explained to his fellow D-Tenters.

"Uh huh," Squid nodded. "So...these 'aliens' toke some Jews from the planet of Jews and some Nazis from the planet of Nazis, put them on one country and we had a big World War II, just for their entertainment?" he asked in a disbelieving voice.

"And...by wearing the aluminum foil on your head, the aliens can't tap into your brain and use your thoughts for some new soap opera?" X-Ray asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Exactly. That's my theory of life and how it came to be," Zigzag said proudly, beaming from underneath the aluminum foil.

"My theory is you got dropped on the head as a baby," Armpit muttered, and those who heard him laughed. Zigzag didn't seem to hear and was staring intensely at an ant on the ground.

"I have a theory too," Magnet piped up. "See, Dr. Pepper and Mr. PiBB are really the same, drink just with different labels."

"Yeah," Squid replied in a 'Y'all are so weird' voice.

While listening to Zigzag's "theory", the boys had been walking to their holes. By the time Magnet offered his theory, they had reached their designated digging spot.

"Hey Magnet, gonna sing again? What happened this time, your dad had an affair with the Tooth Fairy?" Squid laughed.

Magnet stuck his tongue out at Squid. "Ha ha. Very funny. Hey, I'm not the one who started randomly singing in the middle of the night last night. I was having a good dream too, but you woke me up with that awful singing voice of yours,"

"Come on guys, chillax. We need to save our energy for digging," X-Ray said, stepping in between the two boys. They stepped apart and went back to their holes.

---

"Hey, Stanley, it's lunch time," Zero said, peering into Stanley's hole.

"Oh. Right. Thanks," he said while Zero helped him out of his hole. They got in line, and Pendanski served their lunch. They sat silently and ate their sandwiches (stale), apple (stale), and cookie (not stale...just kidding).

The rest of the hole digging was average, everyday, normal. It was hot and Stanley's body hurt like hell. Zero finished first and headed to the wreck room. Soon, everyone else finished, leaving Stanley on his own. He finally finished and headed to the Wreck Room alone.

---

"Come cop a squat, Stanley!" Mr. Pendanski said, patting the empty floor next to him. Stanley reluctantly sat down.

"We're having a discussion, Stanley," Mr. Pendanski said. "Jose was just telling us about his love for animals. Is there anything you would like to add, Jose?"

"Nope. All done," Magnet said with a big fake smile. "Pick someone else to torture," he muttered to Armpit, who was sitting next to him. Armpit laughed, and Pendanski asked what was wrong. Magnet just told him to pick someone else to share their magnificent life story with.

"All right, I will," Pendanski replied. He looked at the group until his eyes stopped on a small boy with thick, dirty glasses. "Rex! You've been awful quiet! What was your life like before Camp Green Lake?"

X-Ray looked at him. "All right, do you wanna know what my life was like? Shit. My sister was anorexic and bulimic and constantly comparing herself to celebrities and popular girls. My brother was gay, and his boyfriend beat him. My dad was a cocaine and heroine addict. My mom was having an affair with the mailman, and was pregnant with his baby. My dog was physically retarded and kept banging his head against the wall," X-Ray said angrily.

Mr. Pendanski opened his mouth to say something, but X-Ray spoke before he could. "And you know what? All my life, they have labeled me. I couldn't be a good student because my brother failed ninth grade-twice. I wasn't expected to show up for classes because my sister skipped class everyday. I was a terrible athlete because my dad was on drugs, even though I was pretty decent at basketball. And since my mom cheated on my dad, I was a terrible boyfriend and even worse friend. I was judged all the time, all because of my screwed up family."

D-Tent had never seen X-Ray so angry. Usually, he was the peacemaker, breaking up the fights. His eyes were glowing with rage and he looked like he was in no mood to stop.

"My life was crazy. Home is supposed to be a place where you are loved, where there all people who care for you. Home is where you could go to bed feeling cozy at night while your mom kisses you goodnight! Home is where you can study geometry with your dad helping or go out in the yard and throw a football with your brother! Not what it was for me! Life is crazy...the world is crazy..." X-Ray ranted, popping a mint into his mouth furiously.

"And another thing," he began to add, but instead started singing.

Tell me what's wrong with society

When everywhere I look I see

Young girls dying to be on T.V.

They won't stop till they've reach their dreams

Diet pills, surgery

Photoshopped pictures in magazines

Telling them how they should be

It doesn't make sense to be

"Rex, you can stop anytime if you want to!" Mr. Pendanski said. "If it's too personal..." But X-Ray kept on singing.

Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be

There's no more normal families

Parents act like enemies

Making kids feel like it's World War III

X-Ray looked beyond angry now. He was downright furious. Even behind his dusty glasses, his eyes were glowing with pure hatred.

No one cares, no one's there

I guess we're all just too damn busy

And money's our first priority

It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong

"Rex, you don't need to continue! Why don't you all just go in the Wreck Room and hang out!" Mr. Pendanski said calmly.

Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society

When everywhere I look, I see

Rich guys driving big SUV's

While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares

No one likes to share

I guess life's unfair

X-Ray looked completely furious now. He jumped on a nearby table and sang, completely angry:

Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something

something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong

X-Ray jumped off the table and sat down quietly, as if nothing had ever happened. Pendanski opened his mouth to say something, but the dinner bell spared him.

"Dinner," X-Ray said nonchalantly. "Hey Zig, when does the supply truck come?"

"Three days," Zigzag replied. "Today's Monday. It'll come Thursday."

Stanley always wondered how Zigzag knew the days of the week. He lost track after the first two. It was hard to think at Camp Green Lake. You were always hot and sore, and had to be on the lookout for scorpions or yellow spotted lizards or cheesecake with fungus. If you weren't in good physical condition, you didn't have time to think. Stanley definitely had no time to think.

---

After dinner, Stanley and D-Tent went to the Wreck Room. B-Tent was already in there, singing to the Backstreet Boys. Squid walked over to the pool table and began a game with Armpit.

"If you you want it to be good, girl, get yourself a bad boy!" Thlump sang at the top of his lungs, annoying the hell out of Squid. "If you really want it good, girl, get yourself a bad boy!" He sounded like that weird kid in the frat house who was always drink and lived off coffee.

"Dammit! Shut the hell up!" Squid finally yelled, throwing his stick on the floor. Thlump gave him a menacing look. The room was silent except for the Backstreet Boys still singing their little boy band hearts out. "I'm sick of that damn song about getting a bad boy! You play it at least five times in a row every freaking day!" He walked over to the boom box, turned off the CD, and started messing with the radio dial.

"Squid, you know the radio doesn't come in here," Magnet pointed out.

"Yeah I know," he replied. I'd rather listen to fizz than that crap.

"Really," Thlump said with a huge Cheshire Cat-like grin on his face. "Why don't we make him create music of his own...?" he muttered to B-Tent. They all gave loud, hearty laughs. "Hey Squid, you want a mint?" Thlump offered him. He took it silently and continued browsing through the fizz.

He stopped for a second. "Damn it's hot in here," he said, taking off his shirt. "If you listen really closely, you can hear some guitar," he said. He leaned closer to the speaker, trying to figure out the song. Soon enough, another song filled the air.

I'm Too Sexy for My Love

Too Sexy For My Love

Love, Love Is Going To Leave

I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

Too Sexy For My Shirt

So Sexy It Hurts

And I'm Too Sexy For Milan

Too Sexy For Milan

New York And Japan

He walked over to here Thlump was, handed him his shirt, and wagged his index finger in a 'shame-on-you' manner.

I'm Too Sexy For Your Party

Too Sexy For Your Party

No Way I'm Disco Dancing

I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean

And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk

Yeah On The Catwalk

On The Catwalk Yeah

I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk

He was dancing around the room and acting even more drunk than Thlump. He seemed to enjoy it.

I'm Too Sexy For My Car

Too Sexy For My Car

Too Sexy By Far

(quick "And")I'm Too Sexy For My Hat

Too Sexy For My Hat

What Ya Think About That

I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean

And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk

Yeah On The Catwalk

On The Catwalk Yeah

I Shake My Little Tush On The Catwalk

He stood up on the pool table and walked on like a catwalk, exaggerating the moves.

Too Sexy For My

'cause

I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean

And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk

Yeah On The Catwalk

Yeah On The Catwalk Yeah

I Shake My Little Tush On The Catwalk

I'm Too Sexy For My Cat

Too Sexy For My Cat

Poor Pussy

Poor Pussy Cat

I'm Too Sexy For My Love

Too Sexy For My Love

Love's Going To Leave Me

And I'm Too Sexy For This Song

And with that, he stopped, grabbed his shirt from Thlump, and said, "Uh...I think it's time for bed.

---

Later that night, D-Tent was lying in bead but not yet sleeping. They were discussing what the rest of the camp had most likely been discussing...the singing.

"Man, these songs are getting funnier and funnier. I thought it was hilarious when that E-Tent German immigrant sang "American Idiot", but your performance had t top that, Squid," Armpit said laughing. The others joined in with him.

Squid gave him the finger. "Shut up Pit. I'd like to see what you sing. You know what they say..."

"Treat others the way you want to be treated?" Zigzag offered.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all?" Magnet said.

"Don't cook bacon with your shirt off?" Stanley asked.

"No," Squid said, glaring at all of them. "He who laughs last...laughs best.

---

Woohoo, how do you like it? Keep reviewing please!!!!

Oh yes in that beginning part with Zigzag's "theory," the Earth reality show thing is from South Park. But I thought of the "Entertaining Aliens Round the Hemisphere" and the whole wearing aluminum foil-so-my-brain-isn't-an-alien-soap-opera-thing.

When Pendanski says cop a squat, that's what my cheerleading coach says. I always thought it was cool. (Yes, I am a cheerleader :-)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Simple Plan song "Crazy" (which is a good song! Go listen to it!) or the one hit wonder "I'm Too Sexy" What a one-hit wonder...hahaha