Oh my goodness! Sorry about the extremely long wait! I am incredibly sorry! I've got a pretty busy schedule, and I just have to play in the snow.
Yep, here's chapter 5!
Shoutouts
A Cute but Psycho Bunny: Yes, he totally does look like Aaron Carter! Hey, my friends agree :-) Aaron Carter's a twin. I read that in InStyle. But Liam and Kevin Clark are sooo totally mine hun ;-) Yes, the Dr. Pepper/ Mr. PiBB thing is from All American Girl, and I've never had Mr. PiBB either. I think that's what they have in the Midwest or something. Yes, shirtless squid is a nice mental picture but Liam or Kevin would be nice...or Usher, whoohee look at those abs...
loviedovie: Haha yes, South Park is the best show ever! Lol, and I'm half Jewish. Smart, cooking bacon with your shirt off. I saw that on the Fairly Oddparents. Aw, poor child, doing embarrassing dances, I could never do that, lol.
Whataboutneville: Glad you liked the chapter, but Tom Felton totally did look like Aaron Carter.
Squid Freak: ha, glad you like...Squid w/o a shirt does seem nice...but I'm so sorry about long updates! I'll try to update sooner in the future!
Da baddest chik: Poor freezing child. I was freezing in school and wearing my heavy coat, and my English teacher yelled at me...I think she had PMS.
ElementGirl1234: Glad you think its hilarious! Squid was on the "catwalk" (that's what it says in the song.) I remember He who laughs last...laughs best from an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie I had. I love those chipmunks. I was even Alvin for Halloween.
GinnyAndDracoForever: Hahahaha, your review made me laugh! I'm glad you think this is funny. I thought people were going to yell at me and be like this is pointless! Or whatever. I'm updating now, don't hurt me!
Ouchie: Again, I'm glad you think it's funny. If you ever remember the songs you had in mind, feel free to tell me, cuz I think I need a few more.
Chapter 5- 20 Years ago...
"Mo-o-o-om," Armpit moaned. "Stop eating my Oreo sundae mo-o-m."
X-Ray gave him a shake. "Stop talking in your sleep, Pit! Get up!"
"Tina, you fat lard! Eat the food! Gosh!" Armpit rolled over on his stomach.
"Caveman, give me your canteen," X-Ray ordered. Stanley handed it over right away. He did not want to cause any trouble.
"Thanks." X-Ray unscrewed the lid; he poured the water all over Armpit.
"Ahhhh!" Armpit screamed, flailing his arms. "Ahhhh! I'm drowning! I can't swim! Ahhhhhhh!" He looked up to find D-Tent laughing mirthlessly at him. He gave them the finger, and walked silently over to get his shovel.
The boys walked to their holes and dug, still having slight after-laughs. "Ahh..." Squid said in a high-pitched voice, imitating Armpit/ "I can't swim! Ahhhhh!"
This set off the boys (apart from Armpit and Zero) laughing again. They were still laughing when Pendanski pulled with lunch.
"What is so funny, boys?" he asked.
They all shrugged their shoulders or muttered "Nothing", and got to their place in line. Suddenly, Zigzag looked downright upset.
"What's wrong, Ricky?" asked Pendanski with a big smile.
"It's my birthday," Zigzag replied quietly, looking at his feet. "No one remembered my birthday."
"But Zigzag," X-Ray started, "you never told us when your birthday was. We can't read minds." This seemed a little odd, coming from someone named X-Ray.
"Yeah. Plus, how are we supposed to know what day it is?" Magnet asked.
Zigzag didn't reply. He still stared at his feet with the same sad expression.
Pendanski smiled. "Ricky, you sound like Molly Ringwald's character in Sixteen Candles," he said.
Zigzag's wild blond head shot up. "Who's Molly Ringwald?" he asked with a strange look on his face. The others shared a similar strange, puzzled look, all but Armpit, who put a mint into his mouth.
Pendanski opened his mouth to answer, but Armpit answered first. "Molly Ringwald. Hot teen actress in the 80's in many then-popular movies like Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink. Also, member of the Brat Pack, along with Pretty in Pink co-star Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, and others," he said.
The others gaped at him. "How do you know this?" Squid asked. Armpit shrugged. "I like the 80's," he said nonchalantly. "My mom always said..."
But they never did get to hear what his mom said, for Armpit had, yes, broken out in song.
Debbie just hit the wall!
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husband's a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty-four
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?
She was gonna be an actress!
She was gonna be a star!
She was gonna shake her ass!
On the hood of White Snake's car!
The others clapped their hands over their mouths to keep from cracking up. First the drowning, then this...great blackmail material, thought Squid.
Her yellow SUV
Is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing, has been
All right since
Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's un cool
'Cuz she's still pre-occupied
With 19, 19, 1985
Magnet let out a small giggle. Armpit sure was having a hilarious day.
She's seen all the classics
She knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink
Even Saint Elmo's fire
She rocked out to Wham
Not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she'd get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran
Where's the miniskirt
Made of snakeskin?
And who's the other guy
That's singing in Van Halen?
When did reality
Become TV?
Whatever happened to?
Sitcoms, game shows
(on the radio was)
A miniskirt made of snakeskin? That had to be one of the funniest things Stanley had heard. He let out a chuckle.
Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's un cool
'Cuz she's still pre-occupied
With 19, 19, 1985
She hates time
Make it stop
When did Motley Crew become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy
Become an actor?
Please make this
Stop,
Stop,
STOP!
And bring back
Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's un cool
'Cuz she's still pre-occupied
With 1985
Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's un cool
'Cuz she's still pre-occupied
With 19, 19
1985
"All right. Nothing to see here, keep digging," MR. Pendanski said, driving away with the truck.
X-Ray opened his mouth, but Armpit spoke first. "Not a word," he said.
"Wasn't gonna," muttered X-Ray.
---
"All right boys, come sit down! Make a big circle! Make sure everyone can fit!" Pendanski said. HE scooted over to make more room.
"Today we are going to have a special discussion..." he began.
"Please, Mom, I all ready got the birds and the bees talk," Magnet said. The boys started laughing.
Pendanski chuckled. "I'm glad you did Jose, but I wasn't planning to talk about that. I want to talk about role models providing a positive influence in our life. Who is your role model?"
Squid's hand shot up. "Yes, Alan?" Pendanski said. "Who is your role model?"
"50 Cent."
"Would you mind explaining?"
"All you have to do is get shot nine times, talk really fast to a beat about girls, and boom! You're rich!"
The boys laughed, but Pendanski frowned. "Alan, if you were going to talk about 50 Cent's determination and survival through nine bullets, he would be an appropriate role model. But you did not describe as a positive influence. How about you Stanley?"
Stanley didn't expect to be called on. "Um...uh...well..."
he stuttered. "It ain't my no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealin'-great-great-grandfather."
The boys howled with laughter. Pendanski frowned again. "Then who is?" he asked after the laughter died down.
"Um...I guess my dad," Stanley said.
"Much better. What makes your dad so special?"
Stanley shrugged. "He's just really determined. He's kinda...well, cursed...so his inventions never really work. But he keeps trying really hard." Stanley stuck his hands in his jumpsuit pockets for a little while, and pulled out a mint. He put it in his mouth.
What's a Dad for, Dad?
Tell me why I'm here, Dad
Whisper in my ear
That I'm growing up to be a better man, Dad
Everything is fine, Dad
Proud that you are my Dad
Cause I know I'm growing up to be a better man
Father, I will always be
That same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me
Now I'm older, I want to be the same as you
Stanley remembered a time when he was just three years old. His family had taken a 4-day trip to the beach in August, and it poured every single day.
"Daddy, Daddy, I wanna go swimming Daddy!" Stanley said, tugging on his dad's shirt.
"It's raining. We can't swim in the rain, honey," his dad said, smiling down at his little son.
"Can we go look at the beach! Pwetty pwetty pweeeeease Daddy!" Stanley said.
"We can go take a walk, but you have to stay far away from the shoreline," his dad said.
"Yaaaaay!" Stanley screamed.
What's a dad for, Dad?
Taught me how to stand, Dad
Took me by the hand, Dad
And showed me how to be a bigger man, Dad
Listened when you talked, Dad
Followed where you walked, Dad
And you know that I will always do the best I can, I can
"Daddy, is the water always so big and scawy?"
"Not, always. It's usually very beautiful. It's calm, and bright blue, and perfect for swimming."
"Then how come it looks rain-y and scawy?"
Stanley's dad sighed. "Because of your no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealin-great-great-grandfather."
"Piggy? Don't hot dogs come from piggys?"
Stanley's dad laughed. "Yes, honey, they do. Let's get back before your mother calls the cops to find us."
Father, I will always be (always be)
that same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me (over me)
Now I'm older I want to be the same as you
The same as you
Father, I will always be
that same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me
Now I'm older I want to be the same as you
Father, I will always be
that same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me
Now I'm older I want to be the same as you
Everyone stared at Stanley when he finished. He felt his cheeks burn red, with a hot flush. Fortunately, the dinner bell rang, and everyone got up to go to dinner.
"Hey Caveman," Squid said to Stanley in line for dinner.
Stanley thought something bad was coming He thought Squid was going to make fun of him or blackmail him or...
"I think it's pretty cool that you have a great dad like that. Mine wasn't very good. You're a pretty lucky kid Caveman, even with that grandfather or whatever. Don't take it for granted." Squid left him with that as he went to get a straw.
Stanley was shocked. He hadn't normally considered himself very lucky. He was overweight, he was unlucky, and he was poor. But he realized he could have been a lot worse off. He could have been like Squid, whose dad walked away and left him with a drunken mother. At least Stanley had a bed to sleep in each night, ever-loving parents and grandfather, and a roof over his head. Just then, it hit Stanley: He was lucky.
---
Yay, all done! I liked this chapter; it was fun for me to write. Leave a really cool review please!
Disclaimer: In no way, shape, or form do I own Holes and their characters, Bowling for Soup's "1985", Yellowcard's "Life of a Salesman", or the line "Tina you fat lard, eat the food! Gosh!" That line is from Napoleon Dynamite, an awesomely hilarious movie.
Both of those songs are really good, and if you haven't heard them go now before I spank you with a wet noodle!
Oh...before we go, I have a question to ask. What are lemons and limes (besides fruit)? Because I've seen people say 'no lemons or limes in stories!', or whatever. I have a feeling its something kinda gross though...so...yeah.
Well, that's all, folks!