Musical Mints Chapter 8: Pieces of Ice, a holes fanfic

Author's Notes: Hello my darlings! Well, it's nearly midnight on a Tuesday (actually, it's nearly Wednesday) and here I am, sitting in the darkness of my computer room, typing these very words for your precious eyes. Why, you may ask? Well, I had...a creative surge of energy, to put it in words and felt like updating. Being unable to attain possession of the computer throughout the course of the day, and then being kicked off my ever-so-loving father, I have no choice but to sit in the darkness, illuminated by the light of the computer, listening to Billie Joe Armstrong singing "TROUBLED TIIIIIIIMES, YOU KNOW I CANNOT LIIIIIIIIIIE, I'M OFF THE WAGON AND I'M HIIIITCHIIIIIN A RIIIIIDE!"

Well. That was long and I'm sure you found it amusing. Thank you ever so much for my dear reviewers, even though there was much less of you than usual. Did everyone else faithfully reviewing my story unexpectedly die or something?

Oh, obviously none of you are big Green Day fans, considering nobody knew that "to smash the silence with the brick of self control" came from the song "She". ARE YOU LOCKED UP IN A WORLD THAT'S BEEEEEEEN PLANNED OUT FOR YOU! ARE YOU FEELING LIKE A SOCIAL TOOOOL WITHOUT A UUUSE! SCREAM AT ME UNTIL MY EEARS BLEED! I'M TAKIN' HEED JUST FOR YOUUUUU! That song seriously has like the best chorus ever.

Chapter Numero Ocho

---

"I think that was the worst breakfast I've ever eaten in my entire life."

"That's what you said a couple weeks ago about the, erm, "pancakes", Pit."

"No. This surely tops it. I really didn't think there could be anything worse to eat."

"Ah, shut up, Pit. You know you'll eat anything."

"I'll eat it but I won't necessarily like it," Armpit snapped as the boys headed out towards their holes. "Now my soul is depressed."

The boys howled with laughter. Even Zero cracked a smile.

"Your soul is depressed?" Magnet gasped through fits of laughter.

"Uh huh," Armpit replied. "See, one time I was reading this self-help book, and it said something like terrible food or music could depress your soul, where you may not be depressed on the outside, but your inner workings are emotionally wounded."

This just set off more laughter, but Armpit continued. "There's a good way to relieve it, though. Uplifting music helps. So, sing me something uplifting."

After the laughter had died down, Zigzag replied. "Okay," he said. "I know exactly what'll help."

"The sun'll come ouuut...tomorooooow! Bet your bottom dollarrrr that tomorowwwwww! They'll be sunnnnnn! Take it, X!"

"Just thinking abouuuuut! Tomorrow! Clears away the cobwebs and the sorroooooooow! Go, Magnet!"

"Till there's noooooone," Magnet continued. "Everybody!"

"When I'm stuck with a daaaaaaaay! That's graaaaaay! And loooone-lyyy! I just stick out my chiiiiiin! And griiiiin! And saaaaaaaay!" everyone aside from Zero and Armpit belted.

"TOOOOOO-MORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YA, TOMORROW, YOU'RE ALWAYS A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" The boys finished dramatically.

"What did ya think, Pit?" X-Ray asked.

"I think y'all just killed my ears, that's what I think," Armpit said laughing. By this time, even Zero was smiling.

---

Unfortunately, as the day wore on, the euphoria of the singing had faded. Like all days at Camp Green Lake, it was extremely hot out.

However, this was extremer than extreme heat. It was the kind of day you sat around in front of the air conditioning in your underwear because it was too hot and humid to step foot outside. It was the kind of day where it was so hot; you were sweating off calories just lifting the TV remote. It was so hot that all you could stand to heat were ice pops, and even though you had to wolf them down so they didn't melt in a sticky mess all over your hands. It was like everyone and everything was in slow motion and it the heat waves made figures look blurry.

Those kinds of days were extreme in regular places. But add about twenty degrees, fifty percent humidity, no air conditioning or ice pops, and a five-foot hole, and you have Stanley's predicament.

Luckily, the Warden knew she couldn't have campers passing out. Every boy was shirtless, and his pant legs were rolled up. The water truck stopped by more frequently; Pendanski even gave the boys some sun block for their faces.

Of course, they acted like they didn't want any to his face, but they were secretly thankful. Not even juvenile delinquents want a painful, lobster colored face (which may result in odd tan lines later).

"Ugh," Squid moaned. "It's-so-HOT!" Squid moaned.

"Don't talk," X-Ray whispered hoarsely. His face was shiny with sweat, and his nose was so slippery, his glasses kept falling down. "Save your breath."

"I feel like I'm in an oven," Magnet complained, ignoring X-Ray's advice.

Armpit swore loudly, as if swearing at the heat would scare it away.

"What did we do to make Mother Nature so mad?" Zigzag wondered aloud. "Why does she hate us so?"

Stanley felt something start to turn gooey in his pocket. He felt around for a while, and pulled out a chocolate mint. Even Frizzle's formula can't stand the heat, he thought and ate it.

"Try not to think of the heat," Stanley gasped. "Think of ice cream. Think of an igloo. Think of...uh, penguins. Think of...ice," he said. And that's when it began.

Ice Ice Baby
Ice Ice Baby

All right stop
Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow that a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo—I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.

Dance
Bum rush the speaker that booms
I'm killin your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a dope melody
Anything less that the best is a felony
Love it or leave it
You better gain way
You better hit bull's eye
The kid I play
If there was a problem
Yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)

Everyone's minds seemed to be off of the heat for a little bit, considering all eyes were on Stanley and they were staring at him intensely.

Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in, the Vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point, to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if they're not quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin in my 5.0
With my ragtop down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby
Waving just to say HI
Did you stop?

No--I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block
That block was dead

Yo--so I continued to A1A Beachfront Ave.
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The Chumps are acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots ranged out like a bell
I grabbed my nine--
All I heard were shells
Fallin on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas

Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed
I'm tryin' to get away before the jackers jacke
Police on the scene
You know what I mean
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends
If there was a problem
Yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)

Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town, that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade, slice it like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast
Other DJ's say, "Damn"
If my rhyme was a drug
I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem
Yo--I'll solve it!
Check out the hook while Deshay revolves it.

Stanley couldn't tell if the smiles on everyone's faces were because they had their minds off the heat or because Stanley sounded like a complete idiot. Probably the latter, but hey, it never hurt to dream.

Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)

Yo man--let's get out of here!
Word to your mother!

Ice Ice baby (Too Cold)
Ice Ice baby (Too Cold Too cold)

"Well, that worked," Magnet said. "I can definitely say I wasn't thinking about the heat during that."

Everyone laughed and continued sweating and digging. But mostly sweating.

----

It was of course, a relief to finish the hole for today, and absolute heaven for four minutes, but then, everyone was just stuck in the wreck room. It was just too hot to do anything. NO one was really playing pool. No one played bottle bowling. No one was even fighting.

"Hey," Thlump said lazily to some other kid. "Get out of my way." It was a lazy attempt to sound tough, but everyone knew it was just too scorching to bother.

"Ok," the boy replied, moving slightly faster than a slug out of Thlump's way. Thlump shrugged and sat on a nearby chair.

At this time, Pendanski thought this would be the perfect time to call for D-Tent.

"Since none of you appear to be engaged in any particular activity, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to have a little bonding meeting!" Pendanski glanced around at the faces, expecting them to be excited. What he just were looks of exhaustion, skeptism, and disgust.

"So...would anybody like to rant about anything?" Pendanski asked. "What's on your mind?"

Nobody answered, so Pendanski continued on his own.

"Zero," he said. "You are always quiet. What's on your mind?"

Zero said nothing.

"What bothers you the most?"

Zero merely glared at Pendanski.

"Anything you really hate?"

Nothing again.

"No? Nothing you can't stand? Nothing you wish people knew about you?"

Zero just chomped angrily on a mint.

"Fine, who's next? How bout you, -"

But Pendanski was interrupted by yes, a song.

I tried to be perfect;
But nothing was worth it;
I don't believe it makes me real.
I thought it'd be easy;
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it's in my soul;
I'd say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

Everyone certainly looked shocked. Zero had never been so personal, or said so much at one time.

This place is so empty;
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don't know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it's so crazy;
That nothing can save me,

But it's the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul;
I'd say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

Zero knew what he was doing. He didn't need anybody. He had survived without talking to anyone for years. Stanley was a great friend. But he didn't need anyone else. Zero just doesn't operate that way.

I tried to be perfect;
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It's hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.

If you believe it's in my soul;
I'd say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

----

"I didn't know you could do that, man," Stanley said to Zero after some pile of mush called "dinner."

"Stanley, I wouldn't have done that normally. You know that," Zero said seriously.

"Well-" Stanley said, then hesitated. He agreed that normally Zero wouldn't have done such behavior, but knew where Zero was heading.

"It was the heat." Stanley settled. "Heat can make you do strange things." So it wasn't the best excuse, but he didn't even want to go into Zero's mint theory.

"Ugh!" Zero said, not even wanting to argue.

"Goodnight," Stanley said firmly, and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the warm pillow.

----

There you have it. Chapter 8. It's now 1:30, and I'm too tired to think of anything witty or amusing to write.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, Pieces by Sum 41, or Holes by Louis Sachar. I love Ice Ice Baby. The nineties are the coolest decade ever.