Chapter Two:
January 18, 2005.
I don't want to do this anymore. I'm thinking of dropping this church case. Go to San Francisco then and sit on that old blue chair watching the waves. I got that chair when my friends and I went partying and we sat there. The chair stayed and got dubbed the old blue chair. What do you know, years later, Kenny Chesney writes this song 'Old Blue Chair' which describes that chair of mine.
I look at the ocean and it's endless. I had a lot of things happen to me in that Old blue chair. I fell in love in that old blue chair, I cried in that old blue chair, I dreamed in that old blue chair, I lived in that old blue chair, and I thrived in that old blue chair. Now I'm sitting in the break room at work in the back in a plastic crappy black chair. Yeah I'm just sitting back relaxing and making sure no one is gonna come over and snoop. Greg and Grissom are talking about our case together and I'm just relaxing here, as well as I can.
I miss that old blue chair. I miss the beach. I miss Jesse. I miss Jason. I miss that bliss you have, where you don't dream about anything, even if I only had that when my mom or dad knocked me out. I'd say it's almost worth it. Every time I sleep it's nightmares. That's how it's always been. There's another Kenny Chesney song that fits that. "Being drunk's a lot like loving you". Kenny said to describe that song 'If you go and drink a lot and wake up with a killer hangover, you swear you're never going to drink again cos the pain in your head never seems to go away. The same seems to apply with love, or losing someone you love. When you get your heart broken, the pain in your gut and heart seems to be never ending, so you swear you're never going to love again.' It's weird I remember that all. I remember how I learned that. Andy was a good friend of mine in San Francisco. We were out driving one night, when our car was hit. Andy died, me and Jessica survived. So I was with Jessica when we wrote what she was going to say at the funeral. Jessica quoted that, and said the most beautiful ending of her own. "I don't know if I can ever go though losing someone like Andy again. It feels like a part of your heart has been torn away with the most painful tear, and it's never going to heal. Andy wouldn't want me to feel that way, he wouldn't want any of us to. It's going to be hard to move on from this hangover death gave us, but I know Andy is going to be rooting us on, just like if it were one of those hangovers from one of our crazy parties."
I miss Jessica. She's in San Francisco and we email and talk so often it's ridiculous. You'd think we're sisters or something. When I go to my beach house she stays over and it's like a sleepover almost. She's funny. She got married to our friend Alexander. They're expecting a baby boy in a couple months. We already decided, not caring about what Alex might say, that this kid is going to be named Andy and he's going to like it. Okay, we were sitting in front of the fireplace with some Ben and Jerry's talking about depressing things with country playing. Of course Andy came up and it was decided. Alex has no say because this kid is gonna be a mini Andy. That kid is going to be spoiled, and loved beyond belief. He deserves it.
You know the more I write in this thing the more I think I need to get a vacation. That old blue chair is calling to me. So are some nice margaritas but I'm not even going to start that shit up again. Anyways this whole thing is really depressing. Greg and Grissom need to talk to me about that damn case. Crap. Just when I'm reminiscing about that beautiful beach and chair. I'm coming god damn it. Grr.
Sara Sidle