The Best I Ever Had

Gutter and Grace

I have had many possessions in my life.

That statement may seem a little odd coming from me, a follower of Buddhism. One of the teachings says to give up worldly possessions. But it is true. Being that my father is well paid for all his diplomatic work and the fact that we travel quite often, I have acquired many things in this short life of mine. But the most odd thing of all, or perhaps the least odd of all, was the best thing I ever had was no thing at all. Well in a way it was, but it wasn't something I could touch. I could feel it, but never touch it. Sure I could touch who it was directed if I was ever near enough to again or the symbol of it now in my hand, but I could never touch it.

It was love. My love for Parker Haynes to be exact.

She wasn't the one I had planed on falling for, or even the one I dreamed I would feel this way for. She is everything to me. Every little thing she does, from the rainbow colored pens that she even used on her last letter to me, to the whole thing with her Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper obsession, is so cute and perfect it is almost like she is an angel, with oddities of course, who cares for me when I don't deserve it. Every moment I spent with her was like I had finally reached enlightenment, even if it was just for a moment.

But I guess being this far for so long makes it so that even those moments can't help me now.

Those moments were the only times I didn't want to do it. The only times that voice in my mind left. The only times I didn't drag the knife across my arm from sheer loneliness.

I can still see the picture she sent me in that letter last week, the one with the rainbow colored writing. She doesn't look any different, even though it has been over two years. Same caramel and chocolate colored hair with eyes of the same shades of warm brown. She has on her crazy eye shadow, this time in purple that matches her shirt. Pretty good for a school picture. I look down at the small object in my hands.

It was also the same color as the stone in the ring.

I was supposed to actually be there to see her today. It is her seventeenth birthday. Too bad my father needed me here, to impress some 'friends' of his. He thought that maybe I might like to have a life of my own, not just one where he ignores me while flirting with any woman that could help his position unless he needs me to impress someone, mostly the aforementioned women. You think he might have let me go see the one I loved.

He didn't.

I hope she doesn't hate me for what I'm doing. For more lines, jagged and ugly, going across the inner part of my right arm. The ones ever getting closer to the veins.

It is time.

I hope she really doesn't hate me, but I can't keep doing this. These last ones I won't live to see heal, to turn into scars like all the rest. I lost count of how many I have, somewhere over seventy I think. All in a space less than a foot long, but not quite at the wrist. Now they will be, on both my wrists. I get the knife out of the top drawer of my desk. Only two lines.

The first on the left, the last on the right.

Please don't let her hate me. I should have called her, to say goodbye. Or at least written a note to give her. No time for that. My vision is fading. I just hope she understands. Even though she wasn't the property of anyone, she was still the best thing I ever had. I'm still holding the ring. I was going to propose today, even though she just turned seventeen and I am still sixteen. I had her parent's permission. My father wouldn't give his, just so I would stay here. Well I hope his 'friends' are impressed now. I hope she gets the ring anyway, as a remind her to never forget me. Her dream ring, white gold with a small marquise cut amethyst. It was my mother's, she was so much like my Parks. But now it held an inscription.

"To Parker Reilly Haynes, The Best I Ever Had."

A/N: Ok, this is a companion piece to Haunted and mentions things talked about in Cherry Vanilla Kiss. Read alone or with these other stories of mine. I am not putting in the lyrics to the song 'You're the Best I Ever Had' by Gary Allen because of the rule about them. If you do want to see it with them, I'll post it on my own site with my other works shortly. If you can, please listen to the song. It was my inspiration for this story. Thanks to all who reviewed my other stories. They are as follows:

Haunted:

Ana, Morei Sky, jump5fan, GREENDAZE, Allie-Dee, Elsewhere405, Crizzy4RFR, and serenity1128

Cherry Vanilla Kiss:

Dubleohsev, Ana, GREENDAZE, Allie-Dee, and Crizzy4RFR

Well now I figured out where the word haunted came from and why it was stuck in my head and inspired the story with the same name. This song, even if it really doesn't go with the story all that well I guess…