Chapter six of Choking.
Koushari is yummy, as long as there's not too much cumin. Now how Isis
wound up stirring cumin in, I don't know. Poor planning on my part.
I hate that duel. I can't wait till I can stop writing about it... It'll be a while.
Oh, this is a disclaimer! (I remembered, whoa) I don't own YGO or make money off of writing this. I write this for fun, because I like writing depressing stuff. Don't know why.
When the Ishtars reached their hotel room, Malik quickly got a book out of his suitcase and began to read. Sensing that he wanted to be alone, Isis and Rishid began making dinner together. They were about halfway done making koushari (Malik's favorite dish) when Isis said, "You were going to explain that duel to me?"
Rishid sighed. "Yes," he said softly. "The Anchor Death Match…"
"Death Match?" Isis repeated in disbelief.
"It was just before the Battle City finals. Using the Millennium Rod, Malik-sama brainwashed Jonouchi into hating Yuugi and set up a duel between them. Malik-sama also attached both of them to an anchor that would fall when one player's life points reached zero. The winner of the duel would have been given a key with which to escape, while the loser would have been dragged into the ocean."
Isis listened silently. She could feel blood draining from her face, and her heart was pounding. My little brother set up that murderous duel?
She had known, vaguely, what kind of actions Malik had taken to further his revenge. But hearing such a reminder, especially now, was… uncomfortable.
Despite the repulsion Isis felt, though, the only response she gave was a quiet, controlled, "I see. So that was the dock they passed?"
Rishid nodded. He paused, and then asked gently, "Are you shocked by it, Isis-sama?"
"N-no!" Isis was quick to stutter. "I mean, I certainly don't support those actions, but I'm not…" She trailed off, meeting Rishid's eyes and knowing that he could see the truth. In a whisper, she confessed, "Yes… I am. I don't want to believe… that Malik would do such a terrible thing." There was a few moments' silence. Isis lowered her eyes. "How can I say that about my own brother?" she mumbled, mostly to herself.
To her surprise, Rishid smiled slightly. "You are very similar to him, Isis-sama."
"…What do you mean?"
"Both you and Malik-sama try very hard to display the sort of face that you think others want to see. You put… undue stress on yourselves to do so."
Slightly abashed, Isis stirred cumin into the koushari as she defended herself, "But sometimes it's better to do that, even if it's hard, because then people trust you more, and they aren't hurt… right?"
"Yes," Rishid agreed with a thoughtful expression. "Malik-sama has said that as well."
Isis looked at Rishid, but he didn't return her glance. They finished making the koushari in silence, focused on their own thoughts.
Malik kept his eyes down all through dinner. Even the koushari didn't seem to cheer him up. He kept moving it around on the plate, chin resting in his other hand.
Rishid was really starting to worry about his master. He was already aware of how ashamed Malik was of the death match; even before Malik had stopped talking altogether, he had become strangely silent whenever that duel was mentioned. But now it seemed that the guilt Malik felt had intensified—and Rishid was concerned.
"Malik-sama," he said finally, "may I ask you about what happened today?"
Malik shot an uncertain glance at Isis, then met Rishid's eyes.
"I already told her about the duel," Rishid told him gently.
Malik lowered his eyes and turned his head slightly, looking away from Isis.
"May I ask you, Malik-sama?" Rishid repeated.
There was no response. Malik avoided the both his siblings' gazes.
Isis watched Malik for a while, and then gave a small sigh. "I… I have to do something for the exhibit," she lied softly, "so I'll just… go to the lobby and work there for a bit."
She calmly fetched the briefcase she had brought without looking at Malik. Just as she was about to leave, Malik opened his mouth as though he was going to call her back. But then he bit his lip, staring at the table. Isis left, quietly closing the door behind her.
Malik looked at Rishid, regret on his face.
"Are you worried that you hurt her feelings, Malik-sama?"
The boy nodded.
"There is no need to worry. I am sure Isis-sama understands." Rishid let silence hang in the air for a few seconds, and then asked, "What happened when you passed the dock, Malik-sama?"
Malik shut his eyes and hung his head.
"Malik-sama…?"
After a moment's pause, Malik placed his hand near his stomach and made a fist, clenching his hand tighter and tighter.
Rishid understood. "A tight pit in your stomach… "
Malik nodded shakily. Then his hand moved towards his heart, hovering there for a second and dropping limply to his lap as he sighed. His eyes opened and met Rishid's.
Malik's eyes were… haunted. They looked as if they saw nothing in front of them, instead seeing only the horrible past.
Rishid sighed and touched Malik's shoulder. "You still feel a great amount of guilt for that duel, don't you?" he asked. Malik closed his eyes again, nodding. "Malik-sama, you must try to forgive yourself for what you did during Battle City. Your actions were cruel, but they are no longer a part of you. They are in the past; you must let them remain there. If you keep bringing them back to torture yourself, they will devour you."
Sharply, almost defiantly, Malik looked away.
"Malik-sama." Malik reluctantly met Rishid's eyes once more. "Malik-sama, I know you are angry with yourself for what you did, but you must move beyond those feelings. Leave the hatred in the past."
Suddenly, unexpectedly, Malik turned his face away from Rishid and stood. He grabbed the book he'd been reading before and headed for the door.
"Malik-sama…!"
Malik wouldn't let Rishid see his face.
"If I said something to offend you, please forgive me, Malik-sama."
Finally, standing at the door, Malik looked at Rishid. Self-disgust was visible in Malik's face for a brief moment. Then the boy pulled the door open and left.
Malik wished he had some fire.
He was, at the moment, sitting at the top of the hotel's stairs. His book was a cover-up; he was far too upset to read right now. What he wanted and needed to do was write down what he felt, as he had become used to doing, to relieve some of the stifling pressure.
But he knew all too well that he would need to destroy what he wrote. He had grown used to that, too. Malik's fear of Isis or Rishid finding out what he felt was still strong, and now it was accompanied by the terrifying idea that one of Yuugi's friends should find out.
If that happened… Malik shuddered. He couldn't even bear to think of that.
Malik slid a hand over his mouth. All of his emotions were so built up inside of him. It seemed that if he took another breath they would come rushing out and he would scream and scream and keep screaming until absolutely nothing was left of him.
This was what he needed to write down, what he needed to release. But he would need to erase it, too—would need to burn it—and he had no fire to burn it with.
So Malik closed his eyes, leaned his forehead on his hands, and held the scream inside of him.
First of all, I want to thank everyone on behalf of Malik for all the sympathy he's received this past chapter. I say that because every single review contained the words "poor Malik." So, thank you XD.
Trinn: I know, I feel so sorry for Malik too. But that's what makes him lovable.
Chaos: You'll find out what's wrong with him eventually And I agree that you can't fix a problem until you know what it is. I also feel that things generally get worse before they can get better… but perhaps I've said too much. .…
Kotori-chan: Here you are! Thank you for reviewing!
Ketaglass: Oh, that was actually a joke—the no reviews thing. 'Cause I submitted them within, like, three minutes of each other And keep thinking, 'cause it'll still be a little while until the great secret is revealed…! But until then, thank you for reading!