Anything in italics is a direct quote from Jedi Apprentice #1 The Rising Force.
Master Kaym – yeah, I don't like how Qui was acting in Obi-Wan's nightmare either! And Obi-Wan certainly doesn't! Thanks for the review!
Chapter 2
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and told himself that it was just a nightmare. He wasn't Qui-Gon's apprentice and Qui-Gon was not evil. Besides, he was safe in his own cabin on the Monument after landing it on some remote planet after the pirate attack. Qui-Gon was not going to hurt him. The man was injured. The man had also told him that he did not want him as an apprentice. Not even after all that had happened. But Obi-Wan couldn't blame him really; he hadn't handled the stolen thermocoms incident very well, nor the stolen dactyl and the confrontation with Jemba. But Qui-Gon had gently instructed and corrected him both times.
'Yeah, but he only doesn't punish you because you're not his apprentice' a small voice in the back of his head said, the part which was still clinging on to the nightmare as real. 'Imagine what it would be like if you were his apprentice, you'd be lucky if you could still walk!'
Obi-Wan left the small cabin and wandered aimlessly around, thinking hard. He was however, careful to stay away from the Offworld side of the ship. He didn't even want to imagine what Qui-Gon's reaction would be if he was caught on Offworld territory again! He ended up near the engine rooms, staring out at the wasteland of the unnamed planet.
Five moons, in shades of red and blue, hung like ripe fruits out over a silent ocean. A flight of draigons hovered high in the air, asleep on the wing. The island shore was nothing more than a treacherous bit of wave-carved rock. Farther inland, dark volcanic peaks vented steam and there draigons perched by the hundreds.
Staring out at the sight, Obi-Wan thought hard. Did he deserve to be a Jedi? Probably not. Did he really want to be Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice? If he was anything like in his nightmare, then no. But that question didn't really matter anymore. The Jedi Master was never going to take him on as an apprentice, and he had accepted this. In truth, he was, now, slightly relieved about the fact. Once his mission on Bandomeer was over, Qui-Gon would leave and he could never hurt Obi-Wan or make him cry with his overly harsh punishments.
The door opened and Si Treemba entered, telling Obi-Wan that he had been looking for him. Obi-Wan told him that he needed to think and shared his thoughts with Si Treemba. "Was it greed for him to want to become a Jedi Knight so much?" But now he wasn't so sure that he did want to become a Jedi Knight; he could still feel the pain as Qui-Gon held his head back by his hair. Unbidden, tears came to his eyes.
And then Si Treemba was telling him that it was not greed for him to want to do well and to spread good, which is what Jedi Knights did. Si Treemba brought him back to the present with the nightmare about Qui-Gon only a faint echo in the back of his mind. Talking to Si Treemba helped to clear his mind. Si Treemba had said that he would help him to control his anger and in his mind Obi-Wan knew that he wanted help with this not because he did still want to become a Jedi Knight and Jedi Knights had to be calm in the face of opponents, but more because he did not want to have to face Qui-Gon's reaction if he lost his temper because of Jemba again. Obi-Wan spoke to Si Treemba of many things and told him that he had come to realise that Qui-Gon would never take him on as an apprentice and how it felt that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He spoke nothing of the nightmare though, and concluded to Si Treemba that being a good person was more important than being a Jedi Knight. And now in his mind, safer and less painful, because becoming a Jedi Knight meant becoming Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice. Obi-Wan ended the conversation by promising to Si Treemba that he would help him in return and that he would not leave him to die because of a lack of dactyl.
The next morning things got worse, they had to abandon ship and go and hide in the caves because there was a chance of it flooding. 'What was Qui-Gon going to say?! Why hadn't he tried to land the ship further inland?' Obi-Wan panicked. After a restless night, Obi-Wan had arose, very glad of the fact that he was not Qui-Gon Jinn's Jedi apprentice and that the man would not punish him for his blunder.
Sat in a dank cave with Si Treemba, Obi-wan was glad of the fact that the man had gone off by himself, yet as glad as he was that he did not have to spend time alone with the man, part of him wished that the man had asked for his help, just this once, even if he was never going to be the man's Jedi apprentice. Obi-Wan knew that a large part of him still wanted to become a Jedi Knight more than anything else, even if it meant that he had to become Qui-Gon Jinn's Jedi apprentice to be able to accomplish it.
Sat in a dark cave surrounded by dying Arconan's, Obi-Wan was scared, the same fear he had felt in his nightmare was back. Where was Qui-Gon? Was he just going to abandon them all to death? Was he as cruel as Obi-wan had envisioned in his nightmare? The nightmare... Obi-Wan still shuddered to think about it. Never again would he cross Qui-Gon Jinn. The man was cold and ruthless, he could see that now, even if he was one of the best Jedi in the order. The man was going to leave him here, powerless to help Si Treemba, his friend, and the rest of the Arconan's as they slowly died in a dank cave of some wasteland of a planet. Was this his punishment for disobeying the man? He would never do it again, that Obi-Wan was certain of. Not if this was the price he had to pay. It was as bad as in his nightmare and now Obi-Wan knew. He knew that the Qui-Gon in his nightmare was what the man was truly like.
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