Chapter 19 - Regret

Asher sat in the back of the boat, a hand on the rudder, steering himself and his friends to their destination. He knew where they were going; he was also fully aware of what they were going to go through. Of course, there was no real need to tell them. If he told them what they were going to see, it would be harder for them to come out alive.

The beautiful blue ocean that they had seen in Elysium had metamorphosed into a different creature entirely. From almost the instant they had set sail, the clouds had rolled in, becoming more and more vicious as they drifted further and further along. Asher was not necessarily worried yet, but Lilka very obviously was. She was also very obviously sea-sick.

"I hate boats," moaned the Crest Sorceress, holding her stomach, her eyes closed.

Riku had a hand gripped around the mast of the boat, hoisting himself upright. He smiled slightly.

"Lilka's right. We should swim all the way to... wherever it is Asher's steering us," chuckled the platinum blonde. Dyne did not seem even remotely happy.

"Where are you steering us, Asher?" questioned Sora finally, looking to the back of the boat. Asher the Navigator. The Keybearer frowned, watching his black-and-red-haired friend. There was something exceptionally melancholy about him. "What's wrong?"

The raincoated navigator was staring blankly out the back of the boat, his eyes sad but his face expressionless.

"Asher!"

The wielder of the Heart Key jumped up at having his name called, and looked to Sora.

"Oh. Uh, didn't I tell you already?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Uh, alright. We're going to see the 'Moirae', whatever those are. They're in a dome not too far from here, a dome that floats in the ocean. The Moirae will either lead us to the door or know where the door is, I never got a clear answer on which."

"Well thank you, Asher. I'm glad you have control of the situation," muttered Dyne. "We all feel a lot better now."

"Lay off, Dyne. Asher's doing the best he can," snapped Sora. "Right, Asher?"

No response. Asher had returned to gazing out into the sea.

The Keybearer lifted himself up, carefully, and moved to the back of the boat. He was familiar with what it was like on a boat, so rocking the boat wasn't much of a problem. Sora sat close to Asher, careful not to touch him but letting him know he was there.

"What's wrong?"

Asher was silent for a long moment, and then spoke softly.

"I think I'm going crazy again. Do... you hear that? That man's voice. It sounds like my dad's voice..."

The Keybearer craned his neck, listening closely. The sound of the ocean and the clapping of distant thunder were the only things he heard.

"No, I don't hear any voices."

"He wasn't even my real father... it's kind of pathetic, isn't it? I guess maybe Kydran was the only 'father figure' I had. And then he leaves, and..."

"Where do you think Kydran went?"

"I don't know. He just... left," muttered Asher. Sora felt a turning in his stomach, and instinct told him not to make eye contact with his friend- but Asher was his friend. It was torturing Sora that he couldn't help him.

Dyne was smiling, though neither Asher nor Sora had noticed. Riku had begun to say something, though his words were blocked by a sharp glare from Dyne. Riku sensed something in the blonde-haired-kid's aura that rank of danger.

"Would it help if you... shared the memory with me?" asked Sora in a low tone. Asher didn't know if he was quiet because he did not want Dyne to hear or if he was just scared. The Heart Key wielder was silent, but Sora could tell he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"No," responded Asher shakily. "I wouldn't wish that memory on my worst enemy, and I certainly wouldn't give it to you. I could never do that."

(Because then, Dyne would be right, wouldn't he?)

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Just... be right where you are. It's good just to know you're there."

Sora nodded slowly, then sighed. There were few things as chafing to him as not being able to help a friend in need.

Lilka hung over the side of the boat.

"You gonna be okay?" asked the blindfolded unknown. "That's pretty unbecoming of a powerful Crest Sorceress."

"I think I'm okay," moaned the girl, lifting herself back into the boat. "And stop laughing, Dyne."

"I'm just glad you didn't fall in," chuckled the blonde haired kid. It wasn't exactly laughter, but Dyne did think Lilka's plight was pretty funny.

"I see it," spoke Asher, interrupting Lilka as she made to retaliate. "The dome is up ahead."

It was not a huge building, but it wasn't hard for the dome of the Moirae to grab attention. It rose about twenty feet out of the water, its hull gleaming a fiery red. Pure sunlight shone straight down on its flaming orichalcum surface, untouched by the raging waters around it. Immense waves crashed down toward it, but were held at bay by some sort of columnar force field. It was as if the very light of Memoria's sun kept it safe from the elements.

Asher got to his feet, as did everybody else. Dyne, Sora, and Lilka each stared at the dome in awe, Riku looking in that direction as well, hoping to see something. Asher, however, was looking at the rudder, though his neck was craned as though he were listening for some distant noise. An expression of shock came over his face as he looked into the water, and he went limp. The others only had time to hear him splash face-first into the water.

Sora whipped around, his eyes wide as he caught sight of the misty aftermath. He rushed immediately to the back of the boat, screaming Asher's name, his eyes wide.

"ASHER!" Sora called again, then looked back at the others.

"Oh, no!" gasped Lilka, her eyes falling on Sora. "Sora, don't!"

"I'm going after him," stated the Keybearer, stepping lightly onto the handle of the rudder and looking into the water. "I can't..."

"Can't what?" snorted Dyne. "Leave him alone? You'd be better off."

Sora only stared into the water, entranced by it. Mesmerized. He leaned a little further forward to look into the surface of the raging ocean, through it.

The Sea of Faces roiled and churned, growing more violent with each passing moment. Gargantuan waves were already rising and coming their way. One such wave rolled into the boat, over it, bore down on it. When Riku, Lilka, and Dyne realized they were still on the boat, they could all see that Sora was not. There was one more wave, what could only be considered a tidal wave, towering high above the three heroes.

"Our boat isn't going to survive that," Lilka shouted over the din of the ocean. "There's no way! I'm getting off this boat!"

Before either Dyne or Riku could protest, she was already overboard. Riku was immediately after her, not a second behind.

The blonde-haired unknown looked straight up at the colossal wave above his head. Dyne then groaned and leapt off of the boat.

Sora kicked his legs out, arms scooping to his sides. He slid through the darkness, propelling himself along as he had seen Ariel do. His eyes were open, and he peered into the depths, looking for his friend. He couldn't see Asher, but he would die trying to save him. There was something in the back of his mind, however, something that wouldn't let him alone, wouldn't let him fully focus on the rescue.

Kairi's face.

It wasn't only Kairi's face he was seeing; every now and then, a face would match up with a voice, faces and voices he had never seen but felt somehow connected to. They came in blurs, and while his eyes were seeing water, his mind was seeing faces.

(A Sea of Faces.)

Asher's voice scintillated into his mind, more of a tingling than a definite voice. Sora was beginning to respond somehow when he heard only a cry, the sound of a sob, and then nothing but for the voices already getting louder in his head.

You promised, Sora.

Sora stopped swimming and righted himself in the water. Releasing a small bubble of air, knowing he would have to come up to take a breath soon, he made a few more looks around. His head turned left, then right. When he looked ahead once more, there she was. Kairi stood before him.

The girl was 'suspended' in front of him, but he was (strangely enough) feeling ground solidify beneath his feet. Everything was black and blue about him, and it was only he and a strangely radiant, strangely injured-looking Kairi.

You broke me.

His love looked at him with eyes that made his heart ache because, deep inside, he felt he had done something to her. He had let Lilka replace her, even if it was only an illusion, even if Kairi was still at home alive and well and thinking that her Sora would come home to her one day. Because he had promised that he would.

Sora took a step forward, extended his hand to her, obeying the overwhelming urge to feel her, to know her to be real because he wanted to feel like he was home again. Kairi pulled away from him, stepped back, and glared at him.

You betrayed me, Sora, she seemed to say. You forgot about me and you're not going to keep your promise, either!

"No," Sora spoke, but his mouth filled with salt water. He struggled, flailed in the water, expelled his air. He struggled upward, fought to keep the panic down. He realized where he was, looked up at the surface of the water. He was so far down, so out of breath. He had betrayed Kairi, he had let all those people down by letting the Darkness swallow the worlds he let behind. Maybe he didn't even deserve to breathe anymore...

Lilka swam upward at the surface, struggled to keep the images of her sister out of her mind. She watched the model Crest Sorceress walk out the door, the last time Lilka would ever lay eyes on her again. Wasn't there something she could have said? Something she could have done?

Somehow, what was up became down and what was down became up. The young Crest Sorceress couldn't tell if she was swimming toward the surface or only going deeper, but she didn't care, either. Anything to get away from the guilt...

Am I really... that far out of line?

Dyne was suspended in the depths of the sea, his eyes shut as he struggled against himself. The dark coat he wore curled about him, his hair floated freely in the dark waters. What he was not physically seeing he was still forcing himself to deal with.

I have to protect Sora...

His brow furrowed. He released a little air from his lungs. The air bubble floated upward. Like Sora, he knew perfectly well how to swim. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he could guess.

Why? Why make yourself his slave? He said he doesn't need you.

The dual wielder felt himself sinking downward as this terrible half-truth bore into him. He knew what the connection between himself and Sora was; he even knew what the connection was between Sora and Asher. He had no envy for Asher's connection with Sora in any way except one- that Asher had been a separate entity long before he had ever even heard Sora's name. He had experienced a real birth. Dyne had never been born, was only separated from a whole he knew he would always be tied to, and thus he would never be truly his own.

And if he doesn't need you...

And what would happen if he were to rejoin with Sora? If Sora, being only Heart, were to rejoin with Body, what would happen to his own consciousness? His own heart? Was there room enough in Sora's complete form for both of them or would he simply... cease to exist?

It...

Dyne's eyes opened. Oddly enough, his lips tugged up into a small smile.

...it doesn't matter.

He came, then, to realize something. Something he had ignored, the little piece that made it all bearable and kept him from going out of control, that kept him from becoming a slave to the Darkness and having only memories he would want forgotten...

We're connected.

He existed to protect Sora. Protect him in any way necessary. He and Sora and Asher were all connected and until that moment, he had not consciously realized the primal reason Sora was so important. If Sora stopped existing, Dyne and Asher would stop existing. There was so much more, but ultimately it came down to that.

Maybe that's all the reason I need...

Dyne felt his body being tugged upward.

If the Light ceases to exist, we all cease to exist... Sora is going to keep that from happening.

He began to move faster and faster toward the surface.

I'll protect him at all costs... even if it means I have to stop existing.

Sora sank downward, further and further into the depths. He let himself fall, eyes shut, and he did this because it was so much easier to just give up and let go of it all than it was to keep fighting against what seemed so far away, always so far out of his reach...

He was falling down head-first and didn't care whether or not he hit the sea floor at a million miles an hour. Maybe then it would be over with, maybe then they could go find another Keyblade Master, somebody who was up to it, somebody who wasn't worthless...

The Keyblade Master opened his eyes and looked down, which would be toward the surface of the ocean now. There was an eerie glow about everything, though he couldn't see the surface. He was dizzy, knowing he was dangerously close to passing out, but something caught his eye.

A corner of a white piece of paper stuck out of the side of his pouch.

With a dulled sense of curiosity, he pulled it out of the pouch, opened it, and his eyes trailed across the words.

I love you. I'm still waiting.

In the last moment of nauseating vertigo, as he let go of the paper and watched as it became only a blur, he felt himself jogged and yanked, hard, as if there were some sort of wire attached to his spine with a torpedo attached to it. Then the Keyblade Master passed out.