an: ok...I'm gonna be breif (for once). this is chapter 13...the marvy marv chapter 13 (sorry, I'm really hyper). All I'm gonna say is that most of you have been waiting quite a bit for this chap, so I hope you like it.

to my reviewers...:

emuerz: i'm glad you like that article...I honestly did think it was all that great :) thanks for your review as always.
katie: awww...did you mean that? I'm so touched. i think i might cry. its been 10 days...I hope thats soon enough for you
rockpaperscissor: heh...sorry if I came off a bit strong...i just thought that i had valid reasons for what i wrote, and thought that you should know. but, just so you also know, most of what you have said I have taken to heart and tried to better this because of it
circle and teresa (i spelled that right...right?): you both replied in person, but replied nonetheless, so i thought i should say summin to you two...

disclaimer: ...still not jo, alright? i'm just takin everyone for a test drive

enjoi

The night was growing late, and Lily sat on the couch in the living room, curled up with a book. She was staring at the page more than she was actually reading, but she gave the appearance of actually doing something with her time. The last month of James's prison sentence was pretty much up and she expected him home any day now. Her anticipation to make sure that he was alright had kept her rather distracted . She wasn't the only one either. Sirius was constantly looking for things to do around the house in attempts to keep his mind off of James. His attention span had been rather short and often found himself starting one activity, then stopping, and starting another fifteen minutes later. Jared dropped by every couple of days and he and Sirius developed the habit of hibernating in James's study, searching through his books. When Jared had found out that James was arrested while trying to find ways to get Sirius back to the living world, he decided that he might as well help out while James was unable to. The only problem with this was that neither Jared nor Sirius were all that familiar with the study and had trouble finding the needed materials, not to mention that around half of the books were not written in English, including the scrolls Sirius brought back from the Department of Mysteries.

Lily turned back to her book, trying to focus on what she was reading. Every so often she would stop and look out the window, as if she expected James to be standing outside, watching her from the window. After reading the same paragraph about ten times, she decided to give up. She stood up and stretched and put her book on the coffee table. She took a deep sigh and headed towards the kitchen for a bite to eat. She changed direction, however, when she heard the front door open.

She turned into the front hall, and had she been carrying anything at the time, she would have dropped it. Before her stood her beloved husband. He did not, however, look as well as she would have liked. He had lost a good deal of weight, and James had never been a very built man to begin with. His skin was pale and he grey shadows under his eyes as if he had not had a good nights rest in weeks. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as though he felt out of place where he was. Without saying a word, she closed the gap between them and pulled her husband into a loving embrace. She didn't realize at the time that she was crying.

James wasted no time in returning her hug. He was overjoyed to have his wife back in his arms. She looked altogether unharmed and James was led to the conclusion that Actaeon had lied about what he had done to her. The knowledge that she was safe only led him to pull her closer. "I love you," he whispered softly in her ear. "I love you so much."

"I love you to, James. More than you could ever imagine," she whispered back.

James leaned forward and planted a passionate kiss on her lips, then smiled. "I doubt that," he said with a weak grin.

Lily smiled, albeit tearfully, back. "Oh really?" She leaned back in and returned his kiss. Once they were done exchanging kisses, they stood in the foyer, neither making any movement to move away. Lily loved the way she felt so protected in his arms and she felt convinced that she would be happy to be in his arms for the rest of eternity.

"Lily?" a voice called from upstairs, calling the couple back to reality. "Did I hear the door open, or am I hearing things now?"

Without waiting for an answer, Sirius started coming down the stairs; he stopped halfway down when he realized who Lily was hugging in the foyer. Sirius looked at the affectionate couple. He was always amazed at how much James and Lily loved each other. He was rather reluctant to break up the touching scene. "Hey, James," he said casually, bringing Mr. and Mrs. Potter back down to Earth. "How're you feeling?"

"Better than I was a week ago," James said. Sirius noticed how raspy his voice sounded, but knew from experience that that, as well as the other physical marks of Azkaban James wore, would fade with time.

Lily pulled herself, reluctantly but surely, away from James. She looked up at Sirius and the two seemed to have a silent conversation with each other without James's knowledge. Lily knew that Sirius wanted to talk with James and she knew that Sirius was really the only one who could understand what James had just lived through for the past two months. Lily wanted to understand, to help the way Sirius could, but she knew she couldn't. Sirius would help James in ways she couldn't. She would be there for him, she would subtly remind him of wonderful she thought he was and help him to move on, but she couldn't discuss the horrors of Azkaban with him, simply because she couldn't understand how terrible it really was. She understood that she couldn't understand, and she would silently stand aside and let Sirius help her husband. She looked up at James and affectionately ran her hand through his already disheveled hair. "James, honey," she said. "I'm going to go get you something to eat. I doubt if you've eaten much lately and you need to." Giving James one last peck on the cheek, she turned and headed to the kitchen, allowing Sirius and James to be alone.

Sirius finished coming down the stairs and took the time to look James over. He, like Lily, noticed how much weight James had lost and how pale he looked. He noticed the bags under his eyes and the tell-tale signs of sleep deprivation. His heart panged with sorrow as he thought of all the reasons why James wouldn't have been sleeping well.

James knew Sirius was giving him a silent inspection, and it made him feel uncomfortable. "That damn rubber ducky," he said, trying to get Sirius to stop staring at him. "I knew I should have blown it up when I had the chance."

Sirius looked up into James's face and noticed that he was smiling weakly and Sirius followed the suit. James sighed and headed over towards the living room where he sank down onto the couch. "I forgot how wonderful this couch is," he muttered under his breath, watching as Sirius entered the room just like he knew he would.

Sirius sank into one of the armchairs across from the couch. "So," he said, "how are you really feeling?"

James looked up from the couch. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this was coming. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I'm absolutely thrilled to be out. To be able to feel happy again, but, I don't know," he repeated, trying to find the words. "I can't...I can't..."

"Shake the feeling off?" Sirius supplied.

"Yeah. I don't think I had ever felt as great as when I was holding Lily just now, but at the same time I feel...terrified that I'm going to lose her. That this is all just an illusion that my mind came up with."

Sirius nodded. He understood all too well what James meant. "Azkaban can make you paranoid," he said. "Anyone who's been there can tell you so. You get so caught up in the terrible aspects of life that you forget all the good. And then, when you get it back, you're not sure if it's real or not. You're convinced that it's temporary."

His tone had changed, James noticed, as well as the look in his eyes. It became more apparent than ever how much Sirius had ben changed by his long stay in Azkaban. The dead and haunted look in his eyes were even more pronounced and his voice had a hollow ring to it. "How did you manage it?" James asked. "You were there for twelve years, and let's face it, you've dealt with worse things in life than I have. I was only there for two months and I barely managed to hold up."

Sirius sat for a moment, trying to find the right response. "I honestly don't know," he said slowly, staring at James, hoping that he would understand more by the look on his face rather than the words coming out of his mouth. "Maybe I was too stubborn to give in. I wasn't going to accept my imprisonment, yet there was nothing I could do about it. I nearly cracked more than once. I just didn't want to give up."

"Stubbornness does account for it, I think," James said, his voice still low and raspy. "Stubbornness can save your sanity, for the most part, but it can't keep the horrors at bay. I still can't forget everything that I saw. I was so worried about Lily and you the whole time. I was convinced that something terrible was going to happen to one or both of you and that I wouldn't be able to stop it. I felt so...so alone. I kept remembering times when I was at odds with you or Lily. That fight, the one we had in our sixth year, I kept remembering that. I still can't believe how I could say things like that to you. I forgot that we got back on speaking terms with each other, I forgot that I had ever apologized for being such an ass. I did apologize, didn't I?"

"You have nothing to apologize for. I was stupid. I deserved what I got then," Sirius said. He remembered that argument as well. And, just like it had done with James, it had tormented him often during his years in Azkaban. "But I know what you mean about being lonely. You can't escape your own mind to realize that you're not alone. Although, in reality, at that point in time, I was alone. Everyone that mattered to me was dead or thought I was responsible for murder. You had people who love you while you were locked away. I guess you might have missed that feeling a bit more than I did."

"And then when you get out," James continued, his mind on the same page as Sirius's, "you still feel alone. When you realize that people still do care, there's...distance between you. They can't understand. They can't imagine to the extent that it hurts. Lily, I love her and she means all the world to me, but she can't understand what it's like, and she knows it. She'd like to, I know she would, so she could help me, but she can't. And I don't want her to. I never want her to have to go through that. I would do anything to spare her from that pain."

"But she does feel some of your pain, James," Sirius said, trying to let James know that no matter how much Lily didn't understand the experience in its entirety, she still did understand the distance and the feeling of loneliness. "Because she loves you, she feels that pain, and she wants so much to stop it. And when she finds that she can't, it does nothing but cause her more pain. She, just like you James, would do anything to spare you from that misery, but she can't."

James looked at Sirius. "You know we would do the same for you, don't you?" he asked, searching Sirius's face for the answer. "When I found out that you were being blamed for Lily's and my death, and that you were being blamed for killing Peter when Peter never died, I went ballistic. If I had known how, I would have bloody raised myself from the dead to clear your name, just to keep you out of Azkaban. You never deserved to go through that, and the fact that everyone who mattered to you thought you were guilty only made it worse. For crying out loud, I would have done anything to keep you out of Azkaban."

"I know you would have, James," Sirius said.

Neither one of them could think of anything to say, so they sat in silence, each one pondering over what the other had said. Lily heard the silence from the kitchen and decided to call James into the kitchen where she had a nice warm bowl of soup waiting for him. James came in and sat down at the table

As James ate, Lily and Sirius carried on light conversation, trying to keep the mood as light as they could manage. Eventually, they got onto the topic of the scrolls that Sirius had brought back, which were now laying in James's study collecting dust. James, who had been eating in silence until this point, jumped into the conversation.

"Did you look at the scrolls, Sirius?" he asked. "Do they have anything noteworthy in them?"

Sirius smiled. "Well, I looked at them. I looked at them for quite a bit, actually," he said wryly. "There was only one slight problem: I couldn't read them."

"What do you mean, you couldn't read them?"

"They're not in English, James. Surely you realized that when you found them," Sirius said.

"Oh, right. I forgot about that. I guess I'll read them sometime later," he replied. "Did you by any chance find anything else that might help us get you back?"

"Nope, and trust me, I looked," Sirius said. "Jared helped to and we couldn't find anything, mate. Not mention half the stuff in your study isn't in English either."

"You do realize that I have notes in one of my drawers on all of the books that are in a foreign language, don't you?" James asked, feeling slightly amused at the idea of his best friend and his brother searching through his study without finding his notes on those books.

Sirius just stared at him dumbfounded. "You had notes? On all of those bloody books?" he asked incredulously. "Well, that was one month of searching for nothing."

Both Lily and Sirius were delighted to see James smile, albeit weakly, at this comment. Lily was thrilled to see her husband reacting better than he normally did when he returned from Azkaban previously. She wasn't sure whether it was the talk Sirius had had with him about an hour ago, or if it were merely Sirius's presence here, or the fact that he had something to occupy his mind with, instead of thinking about the horrors he endured in Azkaban, or a combination of the three that was having an effect on James, but she was glad for it nonetheless. She had been so worried James might come back as an empty shell almost, after being in Azkaban so long. Still, she knew in her heart, that it would be quite some time till James returned to his normal self.

Absently, she rubbed his shoulders gently as he continued to talk to Sirius, not really paying attention to what they were saying, but basking in his presence all the same. She was pulled out of her wandering thoughts when she felt James try and stand up while she was still rubbing his shoulders. Immediately, she pushed him back into his chair. "Where do you think you're going?" she asked sternly.

"I was going to go take a look at those scrolls," he said, trying to stand up again only to be pushed down once more.

"I don't think so," she said. "You look exhausted, James. You need to get some rest."

"You don't need to mother me, Lily," he said, not bothering to try and stay up again. He didn't want to admit it, but Lily was right (as usual). He had been exhausted when he arrived at home, and now that he had actually eaten a nice, warm meal, he felt even more tired.

"I think I do need to mother you, James, my dear," she said. "Seeing as how you're doing next to nothing to take care of yourself. You need to get some sleep."

James sighed, not ready to admit defeat yet. "Lily–" he began, but Sirius cut him off.

"James, you know it's pointless to argue," he said. "You know better than I do how obstinate your dear wife is."

Lily beamed at Sirius. "Thank you," she said brightly to him, glad that he was taking her side. She tried to stifle a grin as she watched James yawn widely, only proving her point. "You see, love, you are tired," she said. "Now go upstairs and get some sleep." her tone was gentle and caring, but left no room for argument.

James finally admitted defeat and stood up. He turned and embraced Lily, holding her in his arms a little longer than was normal. He said goodnight to both her and Sirius, and Lily promised that she would be up in a little while. Sirius watched the whole scene quietly, glad that his best friend had married someone who cared about him so much. Sirius waited until he was sure James was safely upstairs and out of earshot, before he turned to Lily. With a wry grin on his faced he asked, "So, how badly did you drug his soup?"

Lily pretended not to know what he was talking about. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Sirius."

"Oh, come off it, Lily. You weren't going to risk him not being able to get a good night's rest. You drugged his soup with something. I know you did," Sirius said.

"It was just a little sleeping potion," she admitted. "Nothing with any lasting effects. He probably didn't even notice it was in there."

Sirius chuckled. "I would have done the same thing," he said. "You're just taking care of him. Just like he takes care of you."

Lily leaned back against the counter. "Do you think those scrolls have what you need in them?" she asked.

"They bloody well have," he said. "I won't have James getting arrested for something completely useless. Besides, James seems pretty confident that they're what we need."

Lily nodded in agreement. "It'll keep his mind off of things for a good while, least ways,' she said. "Even if they do turn out to be pretty useless."

She and Sirius continued to talk for a half hour or so, until Lily decided that she was going to turn in for the night. She went upstairs into the bedroom she shared with James. James, it appeared, was already asleep. He laid on his side, slightly curled, under several blankets. He looked so peaceful and serene that Lily was glad the potion she had spiked his dinner with was working so well. She quietly changed into her pajamas, being careful not to disturb James. She climbed into the bed and curled up next to James. She draped her arm around his torso, pulling him close to her. She let her leg intertwine with his, silently telling him that she was there, even if he wasn't awake to realize it. James, subconsciously or not, Lily was not sure, reached over and gripped the arm she had around him gently. Lily sighed with contentment, once again feeling positively thrilled to have James back home. After professing her love to him one last time, the two fell asleep together for the first time in two months.

final an: you know how that first an was really short? thats b/c I have some stuff to explain down here. ok, I was sitting around thinking yesterday (yes, I can think), and I realized, I have about 4 or 5 more planned chapters left. thats if anything goes smoothly. So, I think I'll be posting with in every 10 days, from now on, because I'm trying to get this done by the time HBP comes out (51 days, y'all). Now, keep in mind, I'm going to be travelling a lot over th summer, so I'm just hoping to get it all out by then...but nothing is going to change after HBP comes out and this isn't done yet. Also, my marauder era fic (which is still under heavy, heavy construction and still needs a title) will most deffs be coming out after HBP. I'm afraid that there'll be a bunch of stuff about james and lily and all them that i might want to know before I post anything that'll be in HBP, so I'll be reading that first and adapting what I have to fit it.

Anyway, thank you for reading and putting up with my typos ( i tried to get rid of them, honestly). thanks to circle for pre-reading some of this again...it means a lot, mate...later (expect to hear from me again in ten days)

Delano