an: Alas...here it is. The last official chapter of Shadowed Veil. All 14 pages of it...lol. This one is a doozy (is that how you spell doozy? I don't know...). It's all ready for you to read and enjoy, I'm pretty sure. I haven't proofed it since Staurday, and I might have missed something. I would like to thank you all for coming along for the ride, and I'm glad that you have enjoyed it. I'm assuming that if you made it to Chapter 18, then you enjoyed it, of course. If not, well, thanks for reading anyways. I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say about it...
reviewer responses (ah...I can't say it enough, you guys are all awesome):
luna: congrats...you are the 100th reviewer...i think you deserve some vurtual chocolate or something...thanks for reviewing
Dante Lewis: your idea about have a prequel in a sequel is a really good idea. I was planning on my next ff to be centered around the Memoirs to begin with, so you'll get to find out its contents. But, as I've been thinking about it, I'm not sure i'd be able to pull off the whole sequelprequel thing off. i've seen it done before, but i'm not sure it will work with what i have planned.
Dweem-angel: thanks for your review...yes,it is rather sad that Sirius and James are going to be sperated again, but dear old Sirius is going back where he needs to be.
forestofgreenjello: ah, school exams...I understand. lol. it is a wonder to me that parents and teachers push you to be in classes that you have no interest in, seeing as how they'll never do you any real good. My biology teacher kept trying to get my to take advanced chemistry next year...I thought he was crazy, seeing as how i hate science...lol. i'm glad you enjoyed Sirius beating up Actaeon...the bloody git had it coming, after all
legolasfanxoxo: i'm glad you liked the Marauder Memoirs (tee hee...I'm quite fond of the idea myself). I'm pretty sure my next fic will be based around them, so you'll be able to enjoy...lol. anyway, if i don't get yur review, I'll print you out a copy...see you on Thursday morning
katie: yeah, you did review twice, but it was probably some glitch with the computer system, because they were pretty much carbon copies of each other. Thanks for reviewing pretty much every chapter...it means a lot to me.
disclaimer: you all have got the point by now, right? I'm not Jo, and I don't own anyone, or anyting, that you recognize from the books
this is the last official chapter, so enjoi
Harry turned around, hearing his name called over the mild roar the customers of Three Broomsticks were making. He was supposed to meet Athena and Lupin here and was hoping that it was one of them who had called his name. Sure enough, he saw Athena waving over to him. He grinned and headed over; it had been months since he had seen either of them, and he missed the tranquil atmosphere they created. It was different, he had realized earlier in the school year, hanging around people his own age and hanging around people older than himself. Being around older people, he often found he saw things differently than he would have if he were with Ron or Hermione.
"Harry, come on," Athena said as Harry neared. "We have a private parlor in the back."
"A private parlor?" Harry asked. "What for?"
"I don't know. It was Remus's idea," she said, shrugging. "He has a headache and claims it will only get worse with the noise this crowd is making. Besides, he seems to think that it will be easier to talk without all this noise."
Harry shrugged as well. He could see the logic behind this and didn't feel like pushing the matter any further. Harry and Athena made their way into the back were one of the three private parlors were located. Athena pushed the door to the left one open and walked inside; Harry followed.
"Hey, Harry," Remus said from the opposite end of the room. "How're you doing?"
"I'm fine," he said. "You?"
"I've felt worse," he said simply.
Harry and Athena both sat down and they all started to talk. It was simply about mindless ordinary things at first. They actually started talking about the weather, of all things, which lead into an in depth discussion about quidditch. Harry was back in the team even though Umbridge had given him a life-time ban the previous year, and the game helped Harry not over think things too much. After quidditch, they started talking about current news, and things that were going on in the community. Now that Voldemort had returned to power, it was evident just by looking at the papers that everyone was in the midst of a war. Slowly, however, the conversation turned into a conversation about Sirius, though no one was quite sure how this had happened. Remus was convinced, though, that this made everything easier on his part. If everyone was thinking of Sirius, he had reasoned, when he started casting the spell, it would probably make everything go a bit smoother.
Harry looked up from the butterbeer in his hand. "What do you miss most about him?" he asked suddenly. "About Sirius, I mean."
The question took both Athena and Remus back a bit, for neither of them had been expecting it. "I don't know," Athena answered first. "Everything, I think. I really can't think of anything I don't miss. I really miss the little things about him though. You know, things like . . . his laugh. And how he was more like a dog– loyal, trustworthy, adorable– than he ever was a person. How he could make you feel that you were the only one he cared about when you needed it. Just little things like that."
Remus nodded. "You don't really realize how much things like that matter until you don't have them anymore," he told Harry. "I, for one, miss his personality. How he could be all over the place, acting like a teenager one moment, and then suddenly come back to earth and be serious when you needed him to. His spontaneity, I kind of miss that. Sometimes he was a bit too spontaneous, but most of the time . . . it just kept you on your toes. Kept your mind running."
Harry continued to ask questions about Sirius. One of the things he regretted about Sirius's death was how little he actually knew about his godfather. He wanted to know more. As he and Athena were talking about Sirius still, a small voice in the back of Remus's mind reminded him that he probably should start the spell now, while the other two were preoccupied, but still had Sirius on their minds. A benign grin came over Remus's face as he muttered the start of the first incantation.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Sirius, James, and Lily were sitting in the kitchen around the table, talking. It was nearing the time when Sirius was going to be leaving them, and they all intended to enjoy every last minute of each others company. Sirius had the two letters, the Memoirs, and the mirror in various pockets of his robes; he was, in short, ready to leave. They were reminiscing about Lily and James's first date (which had been a double date, so Sirius and Athena had been attendance at the time) in their seventh year, when Sirius felt a sharp jolt and quick flash of light went off in the room.
James looked at Sirius. "Remus started the spell," he said.
Sirius smirked. "I noticed."
"This is goodbye, mate," he said.
"We already went over this, remember?" Sirius reminded him.
"Right, just making sure," James replied.
Sirius felt a second jolt surge through his body. "Ow," he said. "This is rather painful."
"Sorry," James said. "It's a side effect. Was that the first or second?"
"Second."
"Okay. Remember the incantation?" James asked.
"Of course I remember. On three?"
James nodded. "One. Two. Three," they said together. They then said the required incantation.
There was a brief moment, then Sirius felt a third and more powerful jolt surge through his body. He yelped, and then, in a moment, he was gone.
James turned to Lily, and stepped closer to her. He slid his arms around her waist. "He's gone," he said.
"Yes, he is," Lily replied, putting her arms around her husbands neck, allowing him to hold her closely to him.
"This isn't fair."
"What isn't?"
"Sirius has been gone for what? Half a minute?" James said with a sort of disheartened tone in his voice. "And I already miss him."
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Remus finished the final incantation, and . . . nothing. Nothing happened. He wasn't sure if this was supposed to happen, or if the spell was malfunctioning, but tried not to worry about it. He was rather disappointed when Athena stood up, claiming she had to visit the bathroom and get more drinks for all of them. He didn't want Sirius to show up and have Athena not be there for it.
Harry and Remus continued talking. Remus was giving Harry a detailed account of Pork Day, seeing as how he never heard the story before. Suddenly, there was a faint pop in the opposite corner of the room. Remus looked up and saw a disheveled looking Sirius standing there.
Sirius had a look of awe on his face, and Remus had a look that was rather similar. Harry had his back to Sirius, and, wherefore, had not seen Sirius appear. He did, however, notice the strange look that had come over Lupin's face.
"Professor?" he asked when Lupin didn't say anything for half a minute. Lupin still wore a strange look and it slowly shifted into a wide, disbelieving grin. Harry noticed that his vision seemed to be focused on a singular point behind him. Harry turned to see what his former professor was staring at. When he did, his jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what he saw.
He slowly stood up, his emerald eyes wide. He swallowed several times. "Sirius?" he asked quietly. His voice had trembled ever so slightly.
"Harry," Sirius breathed, nodding senselessly. Harry seemed to be stuck where he was standing, so Sirius made the first move by walking over to his godson and wrapping him in an embrace. Harry tried to say something else, but his words seemed to get caught in his throat, and he was left with a small choking sound. Sirius was real. He was tangible. This wasn't some dream he was having, as he had feared it might have been when he first saw his godfather. Sirius was here, physically, and his arms were wrapped around him. Harry threw his arms around him as well. Neither of them actually said anything, but they were content just to be with each other again. Remus watched from the chair he was sitting on. He had been expecting Sirius to come, so he wasn't as shocked as Harry was, but this whole thing did leave him a little flabbergasted. It was a rather touching scene to see them reunited.
The door on the other side of the room opened, and Athena, who as looking at the ground at the time, walked in, holding several bottles of butterbeer. She looked up after she shut the door, and blew the hair out of her eyes. It took her a moment to realize what she was looking at. She saw Remus, grinning like a lunatic, sitting in the chair where she had left him. Harry, however, was standing and he had his arms around a dark-haired man whose face she could not see. She did not, at first, recognize the man, but then a wild though struck her. For some absurd reason, the back of the other man's head seemed to look extraordinarily like the back of Sirius's head. She shook her head. What was she thinking? Sirius was dead. He could not possibly be standing the room, hugging Harry. Even yet, however, something didn't quite fit with that. She looked at Remus with an inquisitive look on her face. Remus seemed to know what she was thinking and nodded.
"It's Sirius," he mouthed to her silently.
She still didn't quite believe it. Her hands were shaking slightly. She needed proof. Harry and the Sirius-look-a-like broke apart. The Sirius-look-a-like put his hands on Harry's shoulders.
"Let me get a good look at you," he said quietly.
It was then that Athena knew. She could recognize Sirius's voice anywhere, at any time. Her hands started to shake harder, and, as tears started to well in her eyes, she dropped the bottles of butterbeer in her hands. Hearing the crash the falling bottle made, Sirius turned around. He saw an awestruck Athena staring back at him, her eyes full of tears, both hands clasped to her mouth. He seemed to freeze. He wasn't quite sure what he should do; he was flooded with feelings he hadn't felt since before his term in Azkaban.
"Athena," he said quietly, unsure of himself.
"Oh, glory," she said just as quiet. She stepped forward and Sirius turned all the way around. She kept walking until there was only a foot between her and Sirius. She lifted one of her hands and rested it against his face, as though she were making sure he was real. "Oh, glory," she repeated. She, without any warning, flung her arms around Sirius and pulled herself closer to him.
Sirius was taken back. He hadn't expected her to be here, and he most certainly had not expected this reaction from her. The last thing he had really known about Athena was what Remus had told him after he had spoken to her a few summers ago. Remus told him that Athena no longer hated him, as she had after Lily and James's death, but was not quite sure if she wanted to see him. He had never expected to see her here, as one of the three people James had indicated needed to feel love towards him. After hesitating for a few moments, he wrapped his own arms around her. He missed how nice it felt to hold her in his arms. After a moment, Athena pushed away. Being a few inches shorter than Sirius, she looked up into his face. Then, with a rather stern look on her face, she placed both hands on Sirius's chest and pushed him backwards.
Sirius stumbled and his mind ran. Had he done something wrong? What had he done? The other two males in the room were wondering quite the same thing. Women truly were bamboozling. "What was that for?" Sirius asked.
Athena, still looking very stern, replied, "Don't you ever do that to me again, Sirius Orion Black. I thought I lost you. It wasn't nice."
Sirius gave a discreet sigh of relief. She was simply upset because she had thought he was dead. Understandable. Harry probably had similar feelings. "Sorry," he said, with a rather sheepish grin.
"It's okay," she said, waving an impatient hand. "You're here now. That's what matters. Sit down. Have a drink."
Sirius sat down next to Remus. Harry took the seat next to him, and Athena sat across from Sirius. "I don't understand," Harry said when they were all seated. "I saw you go through the Veil. How . . . how can you be here? Now? It doesn't make sense."
"You're right," Sirius responded. "It doesn't make any sense. Now, I can try and explain, but you'll probably all think I'm mental."
"We already knew you were mental," Remus said dismissively. "Tell us what happened."
"True," Sirius said, grinning. "Very true. All right, when I went through the Veil, I passed into a, I don't know exactly what it was. It was sort of like a world of . . . of dead people. Let me explain. When people die, apparently, they have the option of staying in this world before moving onto heaven or hell, or whatever awaits them. Apparently, the Veil leads you there. So when I passed through, that's where I went.
"I was unconscious at the time (I was stunned, remember?). But when I woke up, I wasn't in the Department of Mysteries, as one would think, but I was in your parents' home, Harry. It was just how I remembered it before Voldemort's attack there."
"You . . . you where with Lily and James?" Athena asked in quiet disbelief.
Sirius nodded. "They were just as I remembered them," he said. "Apparently, they had been in the Department of Mysteries when I fell through and found me there. I never got a straight answer from either of them what they were doing down there in the first place. I've been with them this whole time. James explained to me that I, for some unknown reason, was not dead, even though I should have died when I passed through the Veil. That never really made sense to me either."
"So, you never died?" Harry commented. "Why couldn't you have just come back, then? Why didn't you just walk back through the Veil, or something? Shouldn't that have worked?"
"I thought the same thing," Sirius said. "Your dad had some reason why that wouldn't work, though. He's read all sorts of things about the Veil while he's been dead. He was the expert, so I just took his word for it. Anyway, after awhile, we decide that I really need to be back here. So, after the course of a few months, which were spent digging through ancient books, we, that is to say James, figured out a way to get me back here.
"We used the two-way mirrors to communicate with Remus here to help us out, and here I am now," Sirius said brightly.
"How did you use the mirrors?" Harry asked. "I broke mine after you die– er, passed through the Veil."
"You left it in your room at Grimmuald Place," Remus said. "I found the shards and repaired them. Coincidently, Sirius had just discovered his own mirror in his pocket, and was going to have a chat with you, only to find I had the mirror, not you."
"But, how come you didn't answer me when I called you after you left?" Harry asked.
Sirius blinked. "You called for me?" he asked.
"Yeah, I did."
"Um, I don't think I was wearing the robes in which I had there mirror in at the time you called, then," he said with an apologetic tone. "I had completely forgotten about it until I found it in my pocket that one night. Harry, I swear, if I had known you were trying to call me, I would have been there in a heartbeat. I never would have left you hanging like that."
Harry nodded. "I know you wouldn't have. You've never intentionally kept me waiting before."
"So," Athena asked. "What do we do from here?"
"She's got a point, mate," Remus said. "Everyone thinks you're dead. It would hardly do you any good to just walk outside right now."
That reminded Sirius suddenly of the items he carried in his pockets. He had been reminded about James wanting Sirius to be able to clear his name, which led him to think of the Memoirs, and the two letters for Harry. "Oh," he said suddenly, "before I forget." He pulled the letters out of his left pocket and handed them to Harry. "These are for you," he explained. "They're from your parents. They wanted to impart some words of wisdom to you." Harry didn't open the letters, but merely stared at them. These were letters from his deceased parents. These letters were possibly the only actual advice he would ever receive from his parents.
"And this," Sirius said, pulling The Marauder Memoirs from his other pocket, and passed it to Remus. "Is for you. Courtesy of James."
Remus looked down at the book. "Oh my gosh," he said. "Our memoirs. I forgot they had been destroyed when during Voldemort's attack."
Sirius grinned. "Look at the last entry," he said.
Remus flipped to the back. And read aloud: " 'James. October 29, 1981. . . .Lily and I have officially been in hiding with Harry for three days now. I think. I'm not really liking this. I want to be doing something, you know, be making myself useful. Lily told me that I was being useful. I'm helping protect Harry, who has just started to call me Daddy, instead of Sirius. (Just so you know, Padfoot, I know you have something to do with the reason why he has been calling you Daddy this whole time. I will seek revenge...mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha). I do feel I need to get something down on paper, just in case something goes awry. Dumbledore told us about two weeks ago that it looked like Voldemort was going to make a definite attack on us. He told Lily and me that our best chance at protecting ourselves and our son would be the use of a Fidelius Charm. If any of you don't know what that is, too bad. I feel too lazy to describe it all.'
"'Anyway, Dumbledore was pushing very hard for us to choose him as our Secret-Keeper. He knew that Voldemort would have no chance of ever finding us if he was our Secret-Keeper. I wanted Sirius, however. I don't care what anyone else says. Sirius would die himself before he would betray me. However, Sirius is not our Secret-Keeper, nor is Dumbledore. Sirius came up with the idea of using Peter as our Secret-Keeper. "It will be a perfect decoy," he assured me. He knows that Voldemort will never suspect Peter. I had my doubts, and Lily most definitely has hers. She was all for Dumbledore right from the get go. She trusts Sirius, but not to the extent that I do. When Sirius proposed that idea of using Pete instead, oh, I thought she was going to kill us all on the spot. She can be vicious when she wants to. It's terrifying. All four of us talked it over, and we eventually decided to use Peter, even though Lily was very reluctant to agree.'
"'No one but the four of us know that we're using Pete instead of Sirius. Dumbledore thinks we're using Sirius, as does Remus. Sirius wants to let Athena know, but he hasn't had the chance to tell her yet. I'm worried, though. Actually, I'm scared. If Voldemort somehow figures out that Peter is our S-K (that's Secret-Keeper, for those of us slow on the uptake...ha ha ha), I have my doubts about how long Peter will be able to withhold the information. And if Voldemort does manage to crack Peter, and attacks before we have a chance to inform Dumbledore (or anyone else for that matter), we'll probably die. Sirius will be blamed for it, too. Everyone thinks Sirius is our S-K. I'm just worried something terrible is going to happen, and no one will know the truth. Oh, and by the way, Remus, if you're reading this: I'm sorry we haven't told you anything about this. I'm sure we'll tell you soon enough.'"
"Sirius," Athena said. "This will clear your name!"
"Yes it will," he said, grinning. "James wanted me to take it with me so my name would be cleared. He seemed to be under the impression that I wouldn't be of much use if everyone thought of me as a mass-murderer."
"Well," Remus said. "There's one thing. Not everyone thinks of you as a mass-murderer, anymore. Back in September or October Athena went to the Daily Prophet with the truth. We had no proof though, so currently there has been an on going investigation on the matter. A lot of people who knew you at school seem to think of the truth as a reasonable explanation. They all of a sudden seem convinced that it was against your nature to do any of that, even though they believed it for the past 15 years."
Athena nodded. "We've been trying to find solid evidence of your innocence, and this looks like exactly what we were searching for. What is it, anyway?"
Remus and Sirius laughed. "You never told her about the Memoirs?" Remus asked.
"I guess it never came up in conversation. These are The Marauder Memoirs," he told Athena and Harry. "We've had it since our third year. It was a kind of group journal for all of us."
Harry, who had been uncharacteristically quiet through all of this, and Athena nodded. Athena, Remus, and Sirius continued to talk, and Harry only half-listened to what they were saying. This was all so bizarre to him. Sirius, who was supposed to be dead for the past five or so months, was all of a sudden back. With him, he had brought letters from Harry's deceased parents. It was all too much. Harry looked at Sirius as he talked, joked, and laughed with his old friends. He seemed to look much younger then he had when he passed through the Veil. He really resembled the man he had always seen in his parents' wedding picture. Obviously, being with Lily and James for a few months had done Sirius a whole world of good.
"You know what," Remus said, bringing Harry out of his reverie. "We really need to tell Dumbledore about this. It seems like the type of thing we should tell him about."
"That would probably be wise," Sirius said.
"Well," Athena said, "I have to get back to headquarters, so I don't think I can go along with you."
"Alright, then," Remus said. "We'll– me, Harry, and Sirius, that is– head on up to the castle, then, and sort all this out."
They all stood up; Athena said goodbye to everyone and disapparated. Sirius turned to Harry. "You ready to go?" he asked. Harry nodded numbly, for he was still trying to make sense of all this. "Okay. Let's go, then," Sirius said, smiling broadly. Remus and Harry grabbed their cloaks, and Sirius transformed into a great black dog, and they headed out of the Three Broomsticks together.
Remus turned to Harry as they walked out into the crisp, cold winter air, Sirius walking in front of them. "You're very confused, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yeah," Harry said in response. "None of this makes any sense."
"I know," Remus said. "And I doubt it ever will. I took part in what just happened, and it still doesn't make any sense."
"I guess we just don't have enough information to make sense of this," Harry mused.
"Precisely," Remus said brightly. "We're just going to have to accept this, and move on."
They continued to make their way through Hogsmeade, thoroughly enjoying themselves. Especially Sirius. He was gamboling around, snapping playfully at people's heels as they walked past, chasing squirrels, occasionally chasing his tail. Every so often, someone Harry knew would stop them and talk to him for a bit, and almost all of them reached down, almost subconsciously, to pet Sirius, causing his tail to wag gleefully. Other than that, no one paid much attention to Sirius, until Hermione, Ron, and Ginny walked out of Honeydukes together.
Hermione stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Harry, Professor Lupin, and a great black dog walk down the street together. Ron and Ginny did likewise when they spotted what she had been staring at. The dog walking with Harry and Lupin looked exactly like Sirius's animagus form. It was uncanny how similar they looked. Harry spotted them and waved them over.
"Harry," Hermione said as they caught up. "This dog looks a lot–"
"What do you mean 'a lot'?" Ron asked. "It looks exactly like Sirius."
Ginny was on her knees, petting the dog. "If I didn't know better," she said, looking up at Harry and Lupin, scratching the dog behind the ear, "I'd say it was Sirius."
"He, uh, well," Harry mumbled trying to find the right words. "He is Sirius."
Everyone seemed to freeze. Hermione was the first to speak, "Harry, this can't be Sirius. Sirius is dead."
Lupin smiled at Hermione. "It can't be Sirius," he said. "But it is. It's a long and complicated story, but I'm sure Harry will be more than glad to explain it to you later. Right now, however, we need to speak with Professor Dumbledore. We'll see you all later."
Harry grinned at his friends' dumbfounded faces. "I'll see you guys in a bit," he said, heading towards the castle with Lupin and Sirius. "I'll explain it all then."
When they reached the castle, the hallways were mercifully empty. Harry couldn't have imagined what they would say if they met someone in the halls. How do you explain having a great black dog and a former teacher walking with you down the corridors? They reached the gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office with no one seeing them. "Chocolate frog," Remus said when they got there.
The gargoyle sprang to life and moved aside, and the stone wall behind it split open, revealing a moving staircase. As soon as they were on the staircase, Sirius adopted his human form again. The ascended the staircase and came to the hardwood door to Dumbledore's office. Remus knocked, and the door opened and revealed Dumbledore pacing around his office. He turned to see who had knocked at his door. The look on Dumbledore's face was the closest thing to shock that any of the three had ever seen. However, he quickly recovered from it.
"Sirius," he said calmly. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"Probably," was the answer.
Dumbledore studied Sirius for quite sometime, before saying "I think I need to hear what happened." He made direct eye contact with Sirius, then with Harry. "Harry, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step out of my office while we discuss this. You can talk with Sirius afterwards," he said in his calm and wise manner.
Harry was disappointed, but nodded and left the office. He wasn't sure how long it would take Sirius, Lupin, and Dumbledore to talk, and he didn't know where Sirius would look for him after they were done, so he just sat on the staircase. If he 'accidently' heard anything they were discussing, then it wasn't his fault, he reasoned. He dug his hand in his pocket, and pulled out the two letters written by his parents. He looked at them for a few minutes, before decidedly opening the one from his mother first and reading it.
My Dearest, Darlingest, Harry,
You know, I've always liked the name Harry. I was the one who chose it. Your dear godfather wanted us to name you something like Jaleel. And, for some absurd reason, your father seemed to be okay with it all. I always knew they were both half-crazy. Speaking of Sirius, he and I were talking while he was here. He mentioned that you had a, er, run-in with some memories of a 15 year old Severus Snape at the end of our fifth year. He said that you made a comment asking why I ever married James, because it seemed by the memory that I hated him. Let me explain, because I would hate for you to run away with false impressions of your father. He is, really, an extraordinary person.
I never hated James, Harry (although I did say that I did once or twice, but that's besides the point). I can't really say that I was all that fond of him, though, when we were teenagers. When we first met, you father was very much a typical (and at the same time very atypical) 11 year old boy, who just wanted to have fun and enjoy himself (which he did). And, of course, being in the same House and the same year, we saw quite a lot of each other. My first impression of him was that he was an immature little jerk, and first impressions are often hard to get rid of. But, you see, Harry, I have this very annoying (or, at least, it's annoying for me) of seeing good qualities in everyone, even when they couldn't see it themselves, or when I didn't want to. There have been very few people whom I could outright dislike because I could always see something good about them. With James, however, I was determined not to pick out his good qualities, and because I was determined I managed to succeed for a while. I was so stuck on my first impression of him, that nothing I saw could really change it. Granted, until he was older, he didn't do much to change that.
Anyway, around my third or fourth year, I did start to see the good in him. You'll find that if you dislike someone enough, you start paying more and more attention to them, and eventually you'll find something you like about them. I actually found several that I was rather envious of, namely the way he could make mistakes and just move on. He could even laugh at his mistakes. I was a bit of a perfectionist as a teenager. Making mistakes was never something that easy for me to do. But that's not the point; I'm getting off topic. I realized that if I paid attention to the things about James that I liked, then I would start liking him. And if I started to like him, then I could possibly fall in love with him. And I didn't want that. I was afraid to like him. There were just too many things about him that just didn't sit well with me. This may or may not make much sense to you. I've explained it all to James on many occasions, and he remains convinced that it makes no sense. He said that out of all the women he had ever met, my mind was the hardest to make sense of. I took it as a compliment.
James also tried too hard. He was always trying to impress me, always trying to showoff, and it never worked. I just thought it made him look stupid and arrogant. Let that be a lesson to you. Never try too hard to impress a girl, Harry. If you try too hard, you end up looking like a fool, and you'll probably be worse off than when you started. If the girl really matters, and really cares about you, you'll impress them without ever trying to.
So, I went on despising your father. He kept acting arrogant, and idiotic, and annoying, so I kept turning him down. Then, after our sixth year, when we left Hogwarts for the summer, I could tell he left with something on his mind. Something to mull over. And we came back as seventh years. I was Head Girl and shocked to find that James Potter was Head Boy. James was different. He seemed to mature several years in just one summer. He no longer tried to impress me, but when we were around each other, he was always very polite and sincere to me, and yet, it was obvious that he still liked me. I liked the change he had made, and I was starting to like him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not.
Around late October, my best friend (who was dating Sirius at the time) convinced me to let James take me out on a date. A casual thing. She even said that I could insist on making it a double date (which I did) and have her and Sirius tag along. I agreed. So we all went out on a Hogsmeade weekend. Your father was so adorable. He wanted everything to be perfect, and tried very hard to make sure that everything was perfect. It was very obvious that he fancied me like there was no tomorrow, and that he wanted me to like him as well. He was so sincere, and yet, very affectionate. I remain convinced that it was that night he stole my heart. I told him that once, and he replied by saying it took him months before he realized he had my heart, but once he did, he held onto it for dear life and beat anyone else who was after it off with a stick. Your father really is a peculiar man, Harry, but I love him all the same. I never would have married him if I didn't. Just know that I loved James with all my heart. I still do, in fact.
Now, a few quick life lessons for you. One: always have your heart open, ready to love anyone who needs it. Love is probably the greatest power in existence. You never know what impact your love will have on others. Love can save lives, can heal wounds, and open worlds to you that you never knew existed. Don't let the fear of a broken heart prevent you from loving. Two: learn from the world's mistakes. You're going to see things go awry quite often. Don't you want to change it? This is your time, Harry. Take advantage of it. Learn from the world's mistakes by realizing there's a right way to do things. Three: be the type of person who can laugh at themselves. Harry, you're going to screw up occasionally. And, when you do, there is probably going to be someone there who is going to ridicule you because of it. Don't let it bother you. Don't be afraid to look at it, and laugh and say "Wow. I really butchered that, didn't I?" People will respect you for it. Don't be too hard on yourself, and learn to move on. I would give you more advice, but nothing else is really coming to my mind at the moment.
I would like to apologize for (or perhaps, sympathize with) a few things. Now, this is going to sound really stupid to you, most likely, but I'm sorry you have James's hair. When I was pregnant with you, and found out that you were a boy, James told me right away that you were going to have his hair. He claims that every man in his family for ages has had that same untidy, jet black hair. I never exactly liked that hair, and I told James that you wouldn't have his hair if there was I anything I could do to help it, but you did anyway. James, on the other hand, is practically in love with his hair. (As far as I know, though, he is the only one who does like that hair. His brother hates it). If you like your hair, good for you. You're one of the few in the family who does. If you don't, I'm sorry. I would have changed it if I could. I'm also very sorry that you've had to live with Petunia for all these years. She can be vile; I think she likes being vile, actually. And that cow-like man she married hates magic even more than she does. I can't imagine that their son has turned out much better, either. If anyone understands how terrible Petunia can be, it would be me. But, even still, she is my sister. I'm sure we love each other deep, deep, deep down. She can be rather understanding when she has her mind on it. I never had any intention of you living with her, dear.
Oh, Harry, even though I'm dead, I love you more than you could possibly imagine. Your father does, as well. I'm so proud of what you've done and who you are turning out to be. Always have faith that things will work out in the end, even in the darkest of times. I want you to live a long and happy life. I know James wants you to live longer than he did (he is so odd about that. He remains convinced that there was some sort of curse on his generation of Potters, because all of them have died young. He and his brother both died in their twenties, and most of their cousins died young, as well. He wants you to be able to carry on the family name). I want you to fall in love with a beautiful young woman and marry her, and have beautiful children that Sirius can spoil for me. Then, at the ripe age of– oh, I don't know– 105, you can die peacefully in your sleep, and James and I will be waiting here for you with open arms.
Live life to the fullest,
With all my love,
Lily
Harry read over the letter several times, taking in as much of it as he possibly could, before turning to the next letter. This one (of course) was written by his father, a man who Harry had yet to figure out. From what he had seen in the pensieve, his father was an arrogant bully, just like Snape had always told him. From what almost everyone but Snape told him, his father was a good, honorable man, who could, at times, be a bit peculiar. He wasn't quite sure who he was supposed to believe. He looked down at the envelope. Across the front it read: To My Son (Wow. That sounds really cool. Son. Son. Sonsonsonsonsonsonsonson. Son. Ha ha...I can't say that enough. Son. You are my son. Son. Son. Son. Sorry. You must think I'm off my rocker, now.) Without hesitation, he opened the letter and read his father's words for him.
My Beloved Son (I really don't get to say the enough),
I really hope Sirius remembers to give this to you. He has a rather annoying tendency to forget things like this. He'll probably get caught up in the moment of being alive, forget about this letter, and wash his robes; the letter would be destroyed, and then where would we be? Well, this is all pointless speculation, seeing as how you'll either be reading this letter, knowing that Sirius did not forget, or you'll not and you'll never know that this letter ever existed. Besides, Sirius will remember this if I ask him to. He's never let me down before.
Anyway, Harry, seeing as how we've never really been able to talk, for obvious reasons, I thought I would seize this chance to pass on some gems of wisdom to you (although, I'm sure if you ask your mother, she'll tell you I don't have any gems of wisdom . . . I love her so much. Honestly, I've been married to the most fabulous woman ever for nearly twenty years, and she is still the same smart, spunky, gorgeous woman I fell in love with . . . Sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I?). So, back to the gems of wisdom. What you do with my advice is your choice, as is everything in life, Harry. You can choose what you with none,some, or all of this letter.
So, onto the gems.
First of all, before I really get to the gems, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. Harry, you have faced more adversity in just 16 years than I probably did in my entire life. You have already escaped death by Voldemort's hand 5 times, which is more than I can attest to; I only managed to get away 3 times. In your third year, you discovered the truth that set my best friend, my brother, free . . . sort of. I mean, everyone else still thought he was a mad mass murder, but you knew the truth and saved him from a terrible fate. And, on top of all this, you are generally a better person than I was at your age. I'll be the first to admit that I was an idiot as a teenager. I was immature, arrogant, a bit self-righteous . . . well, not all of the time, but for a good chunk of it, at least. I'm sure you'll find later in life that many teenagers act like that. Most of them don't have the experience to make them mature until they're older (ha ha . . . for some reason, I nearly wrote ugly instead of older). You've dealt with things others could not possibly imagine, and you still manage to be and extraordinary person, according to Sirius. In short, just know that I am proud of the person you are turning out to be.
All right, onto the gems of wisdom . . . for real this time.
First, and most importantly, I want you to know that life is all about the choices you make. You decide whom you become and what you do. People can advise you to move in certain directions, but it is ultimately you who decides what happens to you. My old friends, I think, are prime examples of this. Sirius, for instance, comes from a family of Dark Wizards, as I'm sure you know. They (his parents, really) were always pushing, or trying to push, at least, him towards the Dark Side, but Sirius always hated it. Everything about it. It was his choice to become the person he is today. He could have easily just gone along with what his family always told him. He could have ended up just like his cousins, or his younger brother. Heck, it would have made his home life easier. He could have, but he didn't, because he chose not too. Remus is the same way, only different. I mean, you try being a werewolf. It's not easy. He could have quite easily just given up and become a hard and bitter person. There are people who, in the face of great trials and suffering, will just give up. They will harden their hearts and turn away from the world. I can tell you now that there were times when Remus did feel like doing exactly that, but he always chose to keep going.
I am going to give you the advice my older brother, your uncle, Jared gave me a few months before he died. He told me that I would often be offered choices in my life. And sometimes, but not all of the time, there would be two distinct options: One right, and one easy. Harry, you've already been faced with such choices, and they've been hard to make. Easy is often very tempting. Never choose the easy, Harry, because it will never bring you happiness. I'm telling you this because these choices are only going to get harder. I give you my word that if you always choose what you know to be right, you will never have any regrets on how you lived your life. You will be able to die in the end with your head held high, knowing that you did the right thing.
Onto gem number two: Have hope and enjoy the little things in life. The world is entering dark times, as it often is. Things are going to look bleak and the newspapers are going to make everything look hopeless. Don't let it get to you, Harry. Always have hope. It may get crushed, occasionally, but it will help pull you through the darkest of times in your life. The world will bounce back, you just have to give it a chance. Right along with hope is knowing how to enjoy the little things that bring you joy. That make you laugh. Have something, no matter how stupid or silly it may seem, that you look forward to. It could be as simple as playing a game of chess with you friends. It could be the stupidest and most pointless thing you could possibly think of, but if it makes you happy, go for it. I have things like that in my own life . . . er, death . . . er, afterlife (?). For instance, I look forward to any occasion in which you dear, sweet mother has an excuse to make her chocolate cake. I would kill for the stuff. Having enjoyable tings in your life, Harry, can enrich your life, and brighten your outlook on it. Seize them, and hold onto them as if nothing else mattered.
Now, onto what I think might be my last piece of advice for now. Harry, not matter what happens, I want you to have trust and faith in your friends. They want you to succeed, so let them help you. Good friends are probably the most miraculous gift you could ever be given. According to Sirius, you have found a few good ones for yourself. Don't be afraid to open up to you friends. They often have amazing insight to your problems. They will gladly and willingly do anything for you, simply because that's what friends do. They'll tell you the truth, no matter how painful, if you ask them to. They are on your side, no matter what. They will try and help, but they won't know how to unless you let them know what the problem is. Don't shut them out. It will hurt you as well as them. I can recall quite clearly a time when two, out of my three best friends, closed me, and what seemed to be the rest of the world, out. Granted, for one of them, part of it was my fault for being an inconsiderate little berk, but that's besides the point. The two of them wouldn't talk to each other, and neither of them would talk to me. I could tell, though, that they were both trying to figure things out, but were getting more confused as they did so. It just about killed me to see this all, because I couldn't do anything to help, because they wouldn't let me. It took us a while, but eventually we all swallowed our pride, and we managed to work through it. Don't let that happen to you. Don't let your friends close you out, either. Let them help you, and help them in return. That's what friendship means.
Those are my gems of wisdom for you, son (have I mentioned how cool I think that sounds? Son. I don't get to say it very often). I do, however, have a few more things for you to keep in mind. First of all, am sending Sirius back to you even though you thought he was gone. Please consider this birthday and Christmas gifts for the last 15 years that I missed. Merlin knows I don't expect you ever got much from Lily's family. They're horrid people, aren't they? I met them once, and I can honestly say I never want to see them again. I want you to keep in mind, however, that I'm not going to be able to do this every time someone close to you snuffs it. By some fluke, or luck, or fate, or whatever, Sirius was never actually dead, and wherefore, we could send him back. It was a once in a lifetime situation. It won't happen again. I also want you to know that I only have one regret about my death. I would never in a million years regret dying while trying to give you and your mother a chance to escape. If I went through that same night for all eternity, I would always do it the same way. The one thing I regret us not being able to watch you grow up. I was really looking forward to raising you. I regret not being able to do it. Actually, before you were born, I had a whole list of things I wanted to teach you, things I wanted to do with you. Your mum thought I was insane, but she's thought that for awhile now. And, finally, a little tip for you concerning Sirius. You see, there are going to be times when Sirius will have answers to questions that you desperately want the answers too, but he, in the attempt of being responsible, will refuse to tell you. This might have happened before, I'm not sure. If it has, then you know that Sirius can be astonishingly stubborn when he wants to. Now, there are two ways to get him to give in. First, try calling him "Uncle Padfoot" or "Uncle Sirius". It's stupid, I know, but he taught you how to call him that while you were learning to talk. It's some sort of term of endearment, I'm pretty sure. Calling him that will make his heart melt and he'll answer any question you have for him. I don't suggest using this in a public setting . . . it might make you look rather foolish. If that doesn't work (mind, Sirius will probably murder me for telling you this), when you're having a conversation with him, and you're trying to coax information out of him, work the words "Serious" and "Seriously" into conversation as much as you can possibly manage. It works best when you fix it in close to his name. It'll drive him nuts, and he'll eventually crack just to get you to stop. I figured that might help you out in the future days. Sirius, as much as I love him, can be a bit pig headed at times. Keep in mind what I've told you, enjoy life, stay safe, and remember that Lily and I love you.
Your loving father (wow, that sound cool too),
James
Harry had read through James's letter several times, and his mother's once more, before the door to Dumbledore's office opened again. He turned around to Sirius step out and close the door behind him. Sirius smiled at him. "Remus and Dumbledore are still talking, but I'm free to go. Do you know somewhere where we can talk privately?" he asked.
"I know just the place," Harry said, standing up, folding the letters and putting them in his pocket.
They walked down the stairs, and, after Sirius had transformed, Harry led Sirius to the Room of Requirement on the seventh floor. After pacing past the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy three times, concentrating on a room where he could to talk to Sirius privately, a door appeared. Harry opened the door, and Sirius followed. The room wasn't as large as it was for the D.A. meetings last year, and all the Dark Detectors were gone, as were the tall bookshelves filled with books on defensive against the dark arts. Instead, there were two large, and very comfortable-looking arm chairs, a clock on the wall, a table on which several bottles of butterbeer stood, and a fireplace with a blazing fire. The room felt very homey and comfortable.
Sirius transformed back after Harry closed the door. He looked around in awe. Before sinking down into one of the arm chairs. "What is this place?" he asked Harry, still looking around the room. "I think we marked this room down as a closet on the map."
"It's called the Room of Requirement," he answered, flopping down on the chair across from Sirius. "It basically creates a room with anything, and everything that you need in it, when you need it. We used it for the D.A. last year"
Sirius nodded. "Impressive," he said. "Like I said, we always thought this was some sort of closet. Every time we stumbled across it, it was a closet. It always popped up when we were trying to hide. It was very useful. "
"So, how does it feel to be back?" Harry asked.
"It feels better than you can possibly imagine, Harry. It feels so . . . I don't know. Refreshing. It's wonderful," Sirius commented, smiling broadly. "So, did you read the lettes from your parents yet?"
"Yeah," Harry replied. He then thought of his mother's letter. "Did you really want to name me Jaleel?" he asked.
"What?" Harry pulled out his mother's letter and indicated that Sirius should read the first paragraph. Sirius scanned the paragraph and turned back to Harry. "I never wanted them to name you Jaleel. I'm not that crazy. I was pulling for the name Gerrard. Remus, I believe, thought it would be hilarious if they named you Sirius-James, you know, just one name. He kept suggesting that. So, what else did the letters say? They wouldn't let me read them."
"Just some advice they wanted to give me," Harry said, not wanting to go into full detail, even with Sirius. They were rather sentimental. "Things they wanted to tell me, or let me know. They both told me that they were proud of me, and that they loved me. You know, just things like that."
"That's good," Sirius said. "James and Lily both told me that they regretted not being able to talk to you, give you help when you needed it, like parents are supposed to. James told me that's why he wanted me back here, even though I'm sure he was thoroughly enjoying my company." He grinned. "He wanted me here so I could help you in his stead."
Harry nodded. "Well, to say I'm glad to have you back would be the biggest understatement of the century. What did you and Dumbledore talk about?"
Sirius shrugged. "A lot of things. I told him what happened after I passed through the Veil. We talked about what we should do now, seeing as how people think I'm dead."
"What'd you decide?" Harry asked.
"Well, I'm going to lay low for a while. Meanwhile, someone's going to come forth with the Memoirs to clear my name. Sometime after that, I can come back, alive and well. I have to pretend I have no idea what happened after I passed through the Veil, but that should be easy enough."
"Where are you going to lie low?" Harry asked. "Back at Grimmuald Place?'
Sirius let out a bark laugh. "Hell no!" he said. "I'm not going back there until I absolutely have to. Dumbledore said I could go anywhere, so long as no one'll recognize me. I was thinking of going to a beach. You know, get some sun, a nice tan. I was also thinking of taking Athena along with me; we have some things we need to talk about. I don't know if anyone told you, but Athena and I were engaged before your parents died. What d'you think?"
"Yeah, Lupin told me before school started," Harry said. "The beach sounds great. How long will you be gone?"
"No longer than a couple of weeks, I think. And it's not like we can't write or anything like that," Sirius said. "In fact, while I'm gone, I'm going to expect a letter every few days from you. If I don't get them, I'm coming back to see what's wrong."
Harry laughed. "All right. Same goes for you, though. What're you planning on doing when you get back?"
"Well, I'm going to have to stand trial for being an illegal animagus, it looks like. But, I can't really see them doing anything about it, seeing as how I've already spent 12 years in Azkaban for nothing. It'll sort of balance itself out, you know? After that, though, I'm thinking of getting myself a house in the country. Some place nice and calm, where I can enjoy myself when I want to. I was also looking forward to doing something useful for the Order. I was kind of getting sick of being cooped up in Grimmuald Place."
Harry glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing time for dinner; Ron and Hermione would be coming back from Hogsmeade in a little while, wanting answers to the questions they had. Sirius recognized the look Harry wore. He had to leave. "You've got to go, don't you?" Sirius asked. Harry nodded. "All right. I'll see you in a couple of weeks then. And I'll hear from you in a few days, I expect." He stood up, and Harry did likewise.
They embraced one last time, and Harry dais, quite distinctly, "Good to have back, Sirius. It's good to have you back."
The End
final an: do you have any idea how satisfying writing "The End" is...its a marvelous feeling. Anyways, even though this is the last chapter, I'm looking forward to all your reviews. If you have any questions, I'll answer them when I post a preview of sorts for my next fic in a few weeks. Thank you for all your support in my endeavor to write this fic. It means a lot too me
thanks to everyone who has ever reviewed. I would list you all, but I seem to be a bit short on time...I'll list you all later, I think, and give out some more virtual sweets.
till next time
Delano