Sunrise over the tango factory: Ugh...this chapters been a little git to write. Anyway...a BIG BIG BIG thank you to the following: Jolinar of Malkshur, cazflibs, alex, Quaria, smegginitlarge(for help), reddwarfaddict (yes you may call me bex),boogle, Lyrith and Lar-ton (for being a big help).You are all stars!
Ta.
Sunrise

The footsteps of the unknown individual echoed off the walls of the vast cell.

The Dwarfers shuddered slightly as the noise got louder and louder and waited, with baited breath, when they abruptly stopped.

A long pause followed before:

"Gentlemen…welcome aboard"

A man emerged from the shadows. His eyes were as cold as a wall of steel covered in ice, his face dark and foreboding. He towered above each of the Dwarfers at nearly 7 foot high. He flashed them a smile that was anything but welcoming, before walking over to the cell.

His walk alone made Rimmer practically faint with fear

It was a powerful stride. It screamed strength and intimidation. He'd step forward slowly with his right leg, his heel touching the ground first before he allowed the rest of foot to fall, boots clanging on the metal floors. Before he'd stepped forward again he'd grind his heel into the floor, as if stubbing out a non-existent cigarette. His arms where folded neatly behind his back, making his already broad shoulders appear even wider. All the while, his eyes were locked on the inhabitants of the cell before him.

He had the aura of a vicious headmaster: quiet and calm on the outside, but you always knew he was going to strike at any given time.

"It is my duty to inform you that you are now all prisoners of war," said the man in a hushed whisper, looking at each of the Dwarfers in turn with the same look of contempt.

"War?" squealed Rimmer outraged "what war?"

The man turned on the hologram faster then a bullet being shot out of a gun. He lunged forward but rather than grabbing Rimmer; he grabbed the iron bar of the cell…his metal ring clanking against it as he did so.

He narrowed his eyes dangerously "Do not try to fool me," he hissed "I know what game you play…and I know the war of which you fight in!"

Rimmer gulped. It was such a loud, blatantly obvious gulp that Lister was pretty sure that if therewere people on earth, they'd hear it, raise their heads to listen and say 'he's a bit of a coward isn't he?'

"Oh that war" laughed Rimmer falsely, "Erm, yes, completely slipped my mind for a second there…you see I've been...erm…fighting f-for so long now, you do tend to loose track…of…well, yes-" he trailed off as the mans eyes bore deep into Rimmer's very soul.

"You will remain here as prisoners. You will be guarded 24 hours a day to limit your chances of escape, but if by some incredible chance you do escape…" he leant forward towards the bars, his eyes glowing dangerously before saying "we look forward to the hunt…" the man allowed himself a small chuckle before walking towards the steps, his associates in tow.

It was at that moment that Rimmer's nerves finally got the better of him, and he fainted with the teeniest of whimpers, but the troupe of people paid little or no attention.

The Dwarfers stood in complete silence, hardly daring to breathe, before Cat said sincerely

"He seemed nice!"

Amazingly, he was the only one who held this opinion...

If there was one thing Rimmer hated, it was things turning out fine.

He and the others had been kept as prisoners of war for over a week now, and he had to grudgingly admit it wasn't too bad.

Lister and Cat had meals brought to them 3 times a day. Rimmer was giving regular battery charges to save him the embarrassment of suddenly turning blue as the signal from the Dwarf weakened. Kryten was delighted at the prospect of scrubbing, cleaning, polishing and mopping the cell.

Even the Cat didn't complain that much.

At first he'd prowled the cell, wailing at the lack of wardrobe facilities, mourning over his clothes back on board Red Dwarf that lined Green Corridor 257 and hissing insults at the guards. Late at night he wept shamelessly at the thought of all those clothes he couldn't wear.

In the end the G.E.L.F's found some rolls of fabric and sowing supplies for him to vent his frustrations on, merely because the racket he was making could be heard all over the ship.

Lister was perhaps the only one of the Dwarfers who actually liked being a POW, for the simple reason of …her.

The girl who'd chased him caught him and dragged him, rather painfully, to the cell.

He didn't know her name yet, but of one thing he was certain…she was hot.

She was sexy.

She was desirable.

She was gorgeous.

And, she was most deffinatly shaggable.

Lister was currently lay on one of the cell bunks, eyes locked on the door at the top of the stairs, waiting. He'd figured out her shift times, her next due to start in 3 minutes time.

Checking his watch, he smiled in joyous anticipation.

The door clanged open, Lister's new favourite sound; he leapt off his bunk, nearly tripping over in the process as the girl picked her way down the steps.

The sudden movement caught Rimmer's eye, "look at him" he snarled at Lister leant casually against the bars and smiled at the girl expectantly. "He's worse then a dog at a kennel, as soon as it sees a prospective family, they're up against the glass, yapping and whining, trying to look it's cutest…. it's disgusting!"

The Cat nodded in agreement "Pathetic-"

Rimmer smiled, pleased that someone saw things just like him. He started when he saw it was Cat, "what are you doing here?"

Cat flashed a grin "looking gorgeous…what else?"

"I mean, why aren't you over there with Mr. 'Shag me, I'm desperate'? You're always longing to get your end away? I would have thought you'd have jumped right in there when you figured there was a pair of breasts attached to our guard…"

The Cat fixed Rimmer with an uncharacteristically serious look "there's an old cat saying" he said, "Never bed your enemy!"

It was Rimmer's turn to nod, "I think you'd better go over there and tell him that," he said, gesturing at Lister "because his saying is 'if it moves, bed it. If it doesn't, bed it anyway…just in case!'"

"She's nice and all" commented the Cat, "but her hair would clash with every single one of my outfits…how am I supposed to engage in a relationship with a girl who would not match with anything I own. Not even with my Royal blue silk tux with diamante tie and matching cufflinks? It's outrageous!"

Rimmer laughed "a relationship…how can you call something that lasts 5 minutes long a relationship?"

The Cat smiled pleasantly "Well how can you call something that lasts 12 minutes long a sexual experience?"

Rimmer's eyes bulged out of his head while his mouth released shocked, splutterly noises; before he stalked off to the other side of the cell…realising he'd met his match with that one.

Meanwhile, Lister was watching her. He felt his heart skip a beat as she talked to the guard, one hand on her hip, head turned to one side as she listened the her co-worker. He sighed longingly as she flicked her fringe out of her eyes and he swore that her gaze wandered over to him once or twice.

His happiness was short lived when she immediately made her way back up the stairs.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" protested Lister "where's she going? It's her shift…she should be working!"

"Night night boys" she cooed teasingly as she left the cell room.

"Come back!" begged Lister "WORK OVER TIME…I'll make it fun? Please, you're a great guard, loads better then this bald geezer-"

The guard growled angrily, before Lister added hastily "No offence man-" he then continued shouting after the female G.E.L.F "What about if I let you beat me up? How's that sound? I won't mind, honest…hello? SMEG!" he hit the cell bars in exasperation before turning to the others, who were watching him bemusedly, and asked, "did I sound too desperate?"

"No, not at all" grinned Rimmer