Sunrise over the tango factory: This may be my last update for a while...exams...meh! So this chapter is a little longer than usual. I'd like to give a huge HUGE thank you to Smegginitlarge and Raging Tree Trunk: for without them, this chapter would still be only 3 lines long...And also, thanks to everyone who reviewed!
There are few things a person can do to console themselves whilst tied to a chair, facing imminent torture.
All Lister could do was panic, wish he wasn't in this situation and think bitterly 'I bet Rimmer's really enjoying this!'
In the shadows, something moved, Lister's breathe caught in his throat as a figure emerged from the darkness.
The silver haired female G.E.L.F grinned at him.
Lister said the first thing that popped into his head; unfortunately it wasn't the most intelligent or witty thing to say in the current circumstances: "You!"
She flicked her fringe out of her eyes and walked towards him "I trust you know why you're here." she said stiffly
"I'm about to be tortured…. but, on the plus side it's gonna be performed by someone who's a bit of a dish…so I should die happy!"
"Before we get down to 'business' purred the G.E.L.F "I need you to answer some questions first…"
"Okay" Lister nodded "I like eatin' curries, drinkin' lager, sleepin'" before he added as an afterthought "oh and sex!"
The G.E.L.F smirked slightly "Not those type of questions" she paused "Is what the hologram said true?"
"If it's that he's a nice, honourable, likeable, decent, well rounded member of society then no…far from it!" said Lister
The G.E.L.F choose to ignore this "About there being no war"
Lister shifted uncomfortably in his chair "I don't answer any questions without my attorney!"
"Who is your attorney?"
"Kryten…if you undo the ropes I'll go get him, we'll have a chat and erm…we'll see if we can erm, come to some…some...sort of…" words failed him as the G.E.L.F sauntered towards him,
'If she comes any closer' he thought 'i'm gonna get turned on'
She slid onto his lap and draped herself across his shoulders; she leant close to him so their bodies touched, and her eyes were centimetres away from his.
'Too late!'
She smiled. It was a smile Lister hadn't seen before: it was warm, inviting, and sexy!
"You were saying…"
"I can't remember," he mumbled, staring at her.
"Good" she laughed "Now, perhaps you can answer my question…is there a war going on or not?"
"No" replied Lister confidently.
For a brief second the G.E.L.F delighted, but it was quickly masked by a cold glare, "Then why did you break into our ship?" she demanded, leaving his lap.
"We thought it was empty.," replied Lister quickly; in the hope she'd decide to get back on again "I'm sorry if we offended you, we didn't mean any harm!"
The G.E.L.F sighed and Lister jumped to the conclusion he and the others were going to be freed, "We can proceed with the torture then-" she said simply.
"Hang on," objected Lister, struggling with the ropes that bound him "we said we didn't mean any harm! I've said sorry…are you seriously sayin' after all that, you'd still torture me!"
"Yes!" the G.E.L.F replied, "I've been looking forward to it!"
Lister closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. Kryten was right…this G.E.L.F didn't care about apologies, she was built to carry out her job and to never mind if she hurt anyone in the process.
He was suddenly aware that the female G.E.L.F was coming closer, he braced himself forwhatever method of torture she's chosen.
He felt her breath tickle his neck as she leant towards him.
Lister jumped in surprise as her lips touched his in a soft kiss, her hand slid down his back as she began to undo the ropes that tied him to the chair. Confusion was plastered on Lister's face, he opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped his words with a kiss.
Leaning down near Lister's ear she licked his neck and whispered huskily, "I. Also. Enjoy. Sex."
Straddling Lister's hips whilst he was in the chair, the G.E.L.F began nipping at his neck, "My name's Toni."
Lister gasped as Toni tore the shirt down the front ripping the buttons off in one swift moment and running a hand down his stomach before reaching the top of his pants
"What would you do if I happened to- accidentally- slip my hand" she leaned in her breasts pressing against Lister's chest, "...lower."
Gulping, Lister closed his eyes, "Li-like, how do you m-mean?"
Toni pouted, "Oh like this." She said before slipping her hands down the top of his pants,
Lister yelped, "Jesus! Mary and JOSEPH!"
Toni giggled, "so poetic" she teased, tugging him onto the floor, "I've liked you ever since I knocked you to the floor…I need you…I need you right here and right now!"
Lister moaned audibly as Toni pulled his shirt off completely and kissed his neck, nails digging into his back before placing his hands on her shirt before telling him to "take it off... take it all off."
Not wanting to upset the lady, Lister tugged Toni's shirt off, "Good Boy" she purred, "Now…TAKE ME!"
"Poor Mr Lister" fretted Kryten back in the cell "I can only imagine what horrific, painful, cruel, twisted down right evil methods of gruesome torture he's having to endure…."
Outside the torture room, G.E.L.F one raised his head and listened carefully.
"Can you hear screams?" he asked his companion,
G.E.L.F two titled his head and listened, "Yeah" he said eventually "But it's okay…they're coming from the torture room."
"Good" replied G.E.L.F one "For a moment there it sounded as if someone was having sex…"
"I'd best you get you back…before someone gets suspicious" Toni said, detangling herself from Lister's arms,
"Can't you torture me a bit longer?" begged Lister,
"No, sorry" she replied, tossing Lister his clothes. He began to get dressed, looking thoroughly miserable.
"But-" said Toni "You are booked in for another torture session next week…or if you want, I could reschedule it for in 2 days time ?"
Lister grinned at her whilst he buttoned up what remained of his shirt, "I need to ask you a question…don't get me wrong, what just happened was...well smeggin' fantastic…but did you really mean it about liking me?"
"Yes" sighed Toni, slipping her arms round Lister's waist "I could hardly ignore all the looks you've been giving me, could I?" she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, "Now, when you go back I don't want you to tell anyone about this…" she paused briefly "I'm not meant to sleep with prisoners…and if I were to be found out…I'd be killed"
Lister nodded mutely,
Toni gave him a small smile "When you return to your cell, I want you to make it seem like a really did torture you…use your imagination, say whatever you like!"
"Sure thing, babe" said Lister, as he took hold of his arm and led him outside.
Kryten was worrying. Had he been built with fingernails, he would have chewed them down to the stumps by now. Mr Lister had been dragged off for torture some two and a half hours ago and had not yet returned.
"Suppose I was wrong" wailed Kryten to the Cat and Rimmer "Suppose these G.E.L.F's had broke their programming, and were capable of killing…oh Mr Lister would have died ill-informed and-"
"Hang on a sec" interrupted Rimmer "are you saying there's a possibility that Lister could be dead?"
The mechanoid whimpered at the severity of Rimmer's questions and nodded.
"Excellent!" whopped Rimmer "Finally, things are looking up!"
"Mr Rimmer!" gasped Kryten, disgusted "I am…well not shocked, that's the sort of comment I've come to expect from you…I'm disgusted, how can you sit there and happily say you 'hope' Mr Lister is dead?"
"Kryten" sneered Rimmer "I just did!"
The sound of the door opening made everyone stop. Kryten nearly exploded with joy as Mr Lister was walked down the steps by the same two G.E.L.F's who'd taken him earlier.
"Mr Lister" gushed Kryten, racing to meet him "How are you?"
"Pretty good for a guy who's just been tortured…" he muttered, limping over to his bunk (he might as well make it look realistic).
"Listy" asked Rimmer excitedly "How was it? Was it bad? How bad? Did it hurt? How much? Can I watch next time?"
Lister took note of the wide smile on the holograms face "pretty bad" he said quietly as Cat and Kryten gathered round him,
"What did they do to you buddy?"
"Summat terrible…" replied Lister, throwing a shudder in for good measure.
Cat's jaw dropped open "They made you listen to Rimmer's entire collection of Hammond Organ music!"
"Sir, as indescribably painful that experience is" said Kryten "It doesn't count as a form of torture…at least not officially!"
"What's wrong with Hammond organ music?" demanded Rimmer
"Nothing" hissed the Cat "If you're as deaf as a post!"