A/N: I'm using the United States' phone codes; meaning, 7 digit phone numbers arranged like this: 123-4567. I've made the switch from WordPerfect to Microsoft Word. Hm. As my best friend Alison has basically turned me against anything Bill Gates-related, we'll see how this works out.
PACHELBEL'S Q&A: (Noticed that many people have been asking questions. If you ask a question in a review, it'll be answered here.)
LENA: "Where do you get your Ancient Egyptian facts?"
ME: From Winston, from a couple of my friends, and from a nifty book I found when I got kidnapped to the library. Except I returned it last week, and can't remember the title. (Also, welcome the Yami's 4th period. *grin* 2nd period makes its debut next chapter, for all those who enrolled in Yami's 'good' class.)
WATERGODDESS: Did you know Set was the god of homosexuality?
ME: Nope! But it makes sense, now that I think about it. Of course, that would make him bisexual, since he…well, yer. Never mind. LoL, something to tell Ali when she gets here!
BORATH: "Can Yami get a pet?"
ME: I know that was probably a rhetorical question, but the idea's too good to pass up. 'Demonic Angel' is about him raising a kitten, but I think I'll give him something much more interesting here…*snickers evilly*
Yami Yugi Moves Out!
Chapter 7 (already? Huh…wow.)
SEPTEMBER 20Was bored during 4th hour today. Studied my cell phone….a lot. Discovered the buttons have a little alphabet on them. Is mind boggling, but I think I've figured out what it does. Have also realized biggest advantage of cell-phone ownership. I can call stores about various decorations (have decided to sneak into Interior Design class between my own classes), or order a pizza, or prank call Yugi, all from the safety of my classroom.
As I was pondering this, a new idea dawned on me. Yugi isn't the only other person with a telephone. Heck, he may not even be the only other person with a cell phone! But, to be sure, have decided to test my theory on my arch nemesis.
First attempt: S-E-T-O - K-A-I-B-A. Got some strange she-man saying, "Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please-" At which point I hung up.
"Mr. Yami?" Lena asked. Was startled out of my brief panic. "You look…uhm…confused."
"I was trying to call someone," I said, glaring at my baffling phone.
"We can see that, you fool!" Weevil said, spitting like that Sylvester Cat thing from one of Yugi's Saturday cartoons. "But you dialed too many numbers! You can't dial nine at a time; only seven, unless it's a 1-800 number, or long distance!"
Kaiba is (unfortunately) not long distance. Oh, how I wish he was. Then I wouldn't be constantly reminded that he exists…
Anyway, after making Weevil hallucinate (a pleasant image where I cram 15 markers down his throat) I tried again with mysterious 1-800 number first. 1-800-S-E-T-O – K-A-I-B-A. Hmm…sounds like a number from one of those crappy late night infomercials.
Same person answered as before. "You lied, and now you will suffer, Weevil! I'm going to-"
"Uh, hey, wait," Lena said, before I could get to the Splattering-Weevil's-Blood-
On-The-Carpet part of my revenge. "Do you…ahm, know the exact phone number?
"Of course I do. Well…no…no, I don't."
Lena shrugged. "Why don't you call Information?" Then she saw that I was (slightly) daunted by the task of spelling out 'information' on tiny number pad. "Or you could just hit 'O' for Operator."
Well, for as smart as this Operator sounded, all I got for my trouble was an argument and learning that Kaiba has a secret "unlisted number". Which I must now figure out on my own.
So. If I had an ego the size of Tokyo, money to buy out Las Vegas, and weird trench coats, what would my phone number be?
1) I-M-A---D-I-C-K …No, that's not like him.
2) S-T-U-D---M-A-N Hmm…getting warmer.
3) R-I-C-H---M-A-N …uhm….
4) D-U-M-B---M-A-N …Ok, insults are getting petty now. Will keep it as it is funny.
5) B-I-G---B-R-O-1 …Getting much warmer now.
6) M-O-K-U-B-A-S …Ah. Boiling like a lobster in a tank.
Will call each of these. Not that I expect him to be numbers 1 or 4, but can laugh at the dope who actually does have those numbers.
SEPTEMBER 20Yugi and Joey think it odd that I call Seto Kaiba. And keep calling. Earlier conversation with those two is as follows:
"Hi, Yami!" (after Edith handed me the home phone.)
"Hello, Yugi. I can't talk now. I'll call you back later."
"Whaddaya mean? We just barely got a hold of you! Your cell phone's always busy!" Joey said.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm using it right now, so leave me alone. Go to a kegger." Was hoping Joey would tell me what a 'kegger' was, but he didn't.
"Who are you talking to, Yami?" Yugi asked. Apparently hoping I'd found a beautiful girlfriend (he's admitted to me he's a little worried that my room mate is a 60-ish widow.) (Much as I love Edith…ew. Yugi's mind is messed up.)
"I'm busy prank calling Seto Kaiba."
Joey busted up laughing. Yugi stammered, "S-Seto Kaiba? How did you get his number? I don't think he'd put it in the phone book."
"Just dial 'Big Bro 1'. It's his cell phone number. I haven't cracked his home number yet, but give it a day or two and my 2nd period will have it."
"Yami! You can't have your class find out Kaiba's phone number if it's unlist-"
At which point I hung up. Who needs his support for my entertainment, anyway? My other friends (i.e. Ruth, Edith, Judy, etc.) find my conversations with Kaiba quite hilarious. Would record one here, but must go continue search for decorations. Paint smell from Edith's half of the apartment is making me sick.
LATER:
Ok, have a spare moment at…3 in the morning, so will go into further detail of my calls to Kaiba.
"What?" (Kaiba, obviously. But logged away his style of answering the phone for future reference.)
"Hello, Kaiba. Just wanted to call and let you know that I've defeated your Blue Eyes White Dragons…twice." Then, I hung up.
Called again ten minutes later, and the instant I heard him start to speak, I said (in my best Kaiba-voice) "What?!" and hung up again.
Waited for about three hours before calling again. "Shut up, Kaiba," the instant he started talking. Hung up. (Didn't want to hear his voice anymore, as it was making my eye twitch.)
My last prank was at 2 in the morning. Had to call several times to get him to answer. At last, I got a gruff (and groggy), "Huhn?"
Made my voice crack and squeak like Yugi's does when he's nervous, "Yeah, I'd like a LARge pizza, extra SAUce, plenTY of MUSHrooms."
"Who the he-" Then I hung up. Laughing.
Now, time to go to sleep. Have work in the morning, after all. Well, technically it is morning, but must get up in 4 hours.
SEPTEMBER 21What is with these cheerleaders? Was swarmed by them just before my 2nd hour class. Ordinarily not a bad thing, but they have no concept of games, or war, or history, or revenge. Except for spreading nasty rumors, which is utterly pointless concerning me; if I notice what others say, I can always prove or disprove it.
And they end all their sentences in a question…even if what they say is a statement. "So, Professor Yami? You are, like, the greatest teacher here? And, my friend has your class, and he just loves it?"
Yeah. Right. And I'm growing broccoli in my socks.
With or without the students' opinions of me, there isn't a single one who 'loves' my class. Likes it, maybe, but love is…a sickness. It really is. A Greek general told me it was and then proved it; it's a sickness of the heart or something. (He wasn't all that fluent in Egyptian…or maybe I wasn't all that fluent in Greek, I don't remember.)
Either way, will not (not NOT) tolerate sickness in my class. Never know when it's contagious. And overheard Yugi saying to Joey, "Love doesn't fade." Must be wary.
LATER:
Asked Edith if she believes in 'love'. And if so, does it fade?
Edith laughed. Finished dishing out Triple Mocha Fudge ice cream (which really looks like frozen…gloop. Wait. Gloop is not a word; must expand vocabulary.) "Yami, love is…not what most people would have you think it is. Love is generosity; plain and simple."
Hm. Not sure generosity is considered a weakness in this day and age; haven't had much practice with it.
SEPTEMBER 22Is Saturday. Big Grandma's sister died. I guess that would have made her Big Great-Aunt… Oh well. Too late to give her a nickname now. Ruth/Big Grandma was very distraught; has been over here since she found out.
Got her a glass of prune juice, talked to her until Edith came home, then went off to record strange turn of events in my journal/diary/log.
"And…and….Bobby! Oh, what's Bobby going to do?" Ruth said.
"I…don't know," I admitted. Was thinking, 'Bobby must be the husband. Ex-husband…no, widower.'
"He can't live on his own! Who will take him?" Ok. Maybe not a husband/widower. Maybe a child. Handed Ruth a tissue. "I don't know what to do, Yami. She was so young!"
"You have no idea," I muttered. Was feeling old, since I had just remembered that today is the 5,049th anniversary of my birth, and currently 0 people know it. Except maybe Malik; he is rather obsessed with me, and that seems like something a stalker ought to know.
Edith came home then. Quickly filled her in, and she dished out more ice cream. It seems that chocolate solves these women's problems better than even a time machine would have, but I passed on it. Still haven't developed a taste for it.
"Ruth, Yami is very good with pets such as…ah, such as Bobby."
"Oh, he is?" Ruth suddenly remembered I was sitting in the armchair next to her. "You are?"
"Uhm…" I probably am. I'm good at taking care of things. But decided not to confirm or deny anything until I knew more about this mysterious Bobby creature.
"Of course he is! He's from Egypt, you know."
"You *are*?" Ruth exclaimed. "But you're so pale!"
"I know. I used to be much darker. It's Yugi's fault I'm not anymore; he's not Egyptian." They didn't understand significance of that, but I didn't have time to tell them the story. Maybe when we play Duel Monsters sometime; they're more willing to believe extravagant stories like mine when dueling.
"Of course he is! Say something in Egyptian, Yami."
"...Now isn't the time," I answered.
"Will you take him? Take Bobby?" Ruth looked at me. Am unaffected by sad, teary eyes, though.
"I don't think that would-" was about to tell her how pets and I don't mix. Remembering the trouble I had with cats back in Egypt…ick…litter boxes. And dogs, well, let's not go there.
"I challenge you, Yami Yugi! Keep Bobby alive!" Crap. This woman really knows how to get at me.
Found myself automatically responding, "I accept your challenge, Big Grandma, and in fact I will show you that I am more capable of caring for Bobby than your sister was!"
So now I'm searching for my shoes so I can go pick up 'Bobby'. Who is probably a chinchilla or ferret or something. Ugh. Hope it's not a dog or rattle snake.
Author's Notes: Now, ordinarily, I don't beg for reviews. (Yes, yes, that's a cue for Winston to snicker and say, sarcastically, "yeah, sure"). BUT, my disc went bad, and my dad went through hell and high water to get this 5-page update back. (Have I ever mentioned I'm not very computer-literate? Internet is a cinch, but otherwise I'm screwed. I'm just lucky my daddy loves me, LoL.)
So, PLEASE REVIEW!!! Even if it's "That was the worst update ever. Take your meds before you write anything else, PLEASE, Silver." If you leave nothing, I might just…do something drastic…like smash my disc with a hammer and never update again. Ever.