A/N: The scary builders are still here…and worse, they're half naked due to the heat…I'm scarred for life…too much flab! Anyway, we're not here to talk about my mental health problems, mainly because we don't have time but also because I think you'd all like to know what's going to happen to Lister…it's not pretty. I've threatened mindless violence, but no matter how graphic and painfully painful I make this chapter…it will not match up to anything to Reddwarfaddict writes, she is the Princess of Pain, the Sister of Soreness! The Mistress of manglement (if that's even a word) In short, she rocks!

Here is my feeble attempts at inflicting pain on Lister, hope you enjoy. I watched my Bottom: 25 years of mindless violence DVD to get me in the mood for writing. If you've got a fairly strong stomach I suggest you watch it, if not you might not be thrilled at seeing Richie (played by the hilarious Rik Mayall) pierce his eye with a hilariously and precariously placed pointy tent pole…it might not be your cup of tea, I however can't get enough of it. It's comedies like Bottom and the Young Ones that have changed me into a ruthless, sadistic, unpredictably violent destruction machine (punches computer before setting it alight and jumping on it's ashes)…. but meh, whatcha gonna do? You are who you are!

Sunny

XXXX

Enjoy

Ohh and I'd just like to say, I really like Rimmer in this chapter, I've managed to give him some funny lines.

Again, my A/N has grown to become a mini novel…bad Sunrise!

Also, BIG BIG thanks to smegginitlarge and Raging Tree Trunk, for their constant help and support.

Lister could tell you the exact moment when he suddenly realized this wasn't one of his better ideas.

It was straight after saying he'd fight Geoffrey for Toni.

He found himself dragged along into a chamber, the other G.E.L.F's encircled Lister and Geoffrey, cheering and whooping at the prospect of some violence.

Geoffrey made a big show about undressing in preparation for the fight; he slowly unbuttoned the shirt of his uniform, revealing a six-pack Peter Andre would die for, and slid it down his muscular arms, before throwing to forcefully to one side.

"Has he ever considered a career as a male striptease?" Rimmer muttered to Kryten, as the G.E.L.F flexed his muscles "He'd make a small fortune on Hen nights!"

"I don't think you understand the severity of the situation, sir," replied Kryten, his worry chip whirring away at a vigorous speed, "oh, Mr Lister why must you do this?"

"I don't know what you two guys are fretting about," said the Cat "he'll be fine, how many bar room brawls has he won? If he could remember them, loads no doubt!"

"Yes" snapped Rimmer "but that's a bar room brawl, it's hardly a strenuous task to lay someone out is it? All you do is swing your arms about" he whirled his long arms about in the air like some lopsided windmill "and you've got an 80 per cent chance of hitting them…most of people involved in bar room brawls are semi unconscious anyway…" Rimmer looked across to Geoffrey, who was rolling back his enormous shoulders and limbering up.

Lister was stood at the edge of the ring, shaking from head to toe. Kryten gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder "It's not to late to say 'no' sir, and we can leave and we'll never mention this whole episode ever again…"

"Speak for yourself!" muttered Rimmer

Lister managed to shake his head "No.. I've…I've gotta do this" he didn't sound so certain though.

"Listy" said Rimmer quietly "It's not easy for me to say this but…you're going to get absolutely thrashed…have you wrote out your last will and testament or shall I make a note of it now?"

"Smeg off!" snapped Lister, before he added, "Have you got a pen?" before Rimmer could answer, Geoffrey's voice rang across the chamber "Not bailing out are we, human?" he asked, striding into the centre of the ring.

"No" laughed Lister "I'm game", he pulled his jacket off and handed it to Kryten, "wish me luck," he muttered under his breath,

"Good luck, Mr Lister" said the mechanoid as his worry chip kicked into overdrive.

Geoffrey was mildly surprised when Lister didn't chicken out of the fight. He cracked his knuckles (that were the size of apples) and sneered, "Are you ready for pain?"

Lister resisted the urge to laugh; this guy really took macho to the extreme. Glaring back at the G.E.L.F he got into the fighting stance, and held up his fists.

"Lister" shouted Rimmer "One last thing, what d'you want written on your tombstone?"

Lister turned to give Rimmer a mouthful but he was sent hurtling backwards by a blow to the side of this face. It was so powerful he stumbled backwards a few feet before falling straight through Rimmer and landing, rather painfully, on the floor.

"Ow" was all he could manage at that current moment in time.

"Mr Lister" fussed Kryten, helping him up "Are you okay?"

"I'm Fine" he hissed, holding a hand to his aching face "He just…caught me by surprise that's all!"

"Sounds more like a shock to me, Listy!" grinned Rimmer,

"You" replied Lister; pointing at him "Shut up or you're going to get me killed…" he walked back into the ring

"I'm pretty sure you can do that on your own!" Rimmer called after him,

Geoffrey smiled at him coldly "Are we going to fight…or are you going to carry on arguing with your girlfriend?" he asked, looking directly at Rimmer

"He's not my girlfriend" replied Lister harshly, gagging at the very thought

"I second that!" piped up Rimmer "C'mon, I have standards for Gods sake!"

Geoffrey ignored the holograms angry cries "I'll go easy on you" he said, "you can throw the next punch…" he threw his arms wide and stuck out his chest

Lister hesistated, wondering if this was some kind of trap, before bunching his hands up into fists, and ramming one into Geoffrey's washboard stomach. A scream tore it' self from his throat as pain wormed it's way through his hand.

He began laughing in dumb amazement, shaking his hand to try to get some life back into it "what are you, lead lined or something?" Lister asked, as he nursed his hand. He was sure he'd broken at least 2 fingers.

"That's it, Listy!" shouted Rimmer sarcastically "You give it to him!"

"Will you smeg off!" Lister hollered back He then held up his fists with grim determination. Geoffrey began laughing, before he dealt a neat jab, hitting Lister right between the eyes.

He swayed on the spot for a brief second before giving an idiotic grin and sinking to the floor, where he stayed still. The reason for that being was that he was temporarily unconscious.

Kryten grimaced "Oh poor Mr Lister!" he sobbed,

"Don't worry," reassured the Cat, patting him on the shoulder "I'm pretty sure that was tactical manoeuvre!"

"Well you're pretty wrong," sneered Rimmer "He's been knocked unconscious 3 minutes into a fight…lasted a lot longer then I expected him to!"

Lister groaned and struggled to open his eyes. For a second or two he forgot where he was. The only thing he was certain of was that he was in pain. His face ached, and he had double vision…and his double vision had it's own double vision!

He looked up to see Geoffrey glaring down at him, and a sudden rush of memories a clouded Lister's senses.

He was in a fight.

A fight to get Toni back.

Lister brushed some dust off his shirt and stood up, wobbling slightly. He clenched his fists for the third time, promising to himself that he was going to knock this guys block off…if his own wasn't knocked off first.

He decided that he was no longer going to be 'Mr Nice guy'; he shot Geoffrey his best intimidating glare before pointing behind the G.E.L.F "oh my GOD! Look at that!"

Sure enough Geoffrey turned round, giving Lister the chance he'd been waiting for. He threw all of his weight against the G.E.L.F's torso and knocked him to the floor. Because he hadn't been expecting Lister to pull a stunt like this, Geoffrey was shocked and if not a little embarrassed.

He went to sit up but Lister threw himself on top of him, pinning him to the floor.

"What on Io is he doing now!" squealed Rimmer "Lister, you're meant to be hurting him not giving him a smeggin' cuddle!"

Lister wasn't cuddling Geoffrey, far from it. He knelt on the G.E.L.F's chest and punched him as hard as he could, pouring every ounce of strength into his swing. To his horror, Geoffrey didn't even flinch "is that the best you've got?" he teased.

Lister made to run off but he was grabbed by the shirt and drew close to Geoffrey. Despite panic racing round his brain and roaring in his ears, Lister thought 'I hope he's not gonna kiss me'.

He didn't.

Thankfully.

Instead he head butted Lister before hurling him over his shoulder with very little difficulty.

The other Dwarfers winced, "Ouch" cringed Rimmer "I felt that…well actually I didn't because he felt it but-"

"Mr Rimmer, sir" interrupted Kryten "I think now is a most suitable time for me to tell you to 'shut the hell up'!"

Lister groaned and touched the bumps that had formed on his forehead. He could hear Geoffrey stomping towards him, but he couldn't be bothered to roll out of the way.

He screamed as the G.E.L.F delivered a vicious kick to his ribcage, and whimpered as the hot, searing pain spread through his body.

Geoffrey knelt close to Lister's form, he let his eyes wander across his work and a sick smile crossed his lips. "You can give up any time you want" he said, "Just say the word and you can leave…"

"Get stuffed" spat Lister,

The G.E.L.F growled angrily and thumped Lister hard in the stomach, making him double up in pain. This however wasn't enough for Geoffrey, who promptly stood up and dealt another powerful kick to Lister's torso.

The pain was becoming so intense that Lister prayed that he could fall into the blissful comfort of unconsciousness so he could avoid it.

But he didn't.

He suddenly noticed the lack of floor beneath him, his eyes snapped open and he gave a fearful sob as he realised Geoffrey was holding him high above his head.

Some 8 feet up in the air.

What made Lister even more fearful was how he would get down. He had an idea it was going to be quick, but anything but comfortable.

He closed his eyes as the G.E.L.F flung him far across the room where he landed head first on the cold metal floor,

Toni had managed to sidle up to Kryten's side without being seen "Stop him" she begged, "He'll be killed!"

"I'm afraid I can't, ma'am…this is Mr Lister's idea and he is determined to see it through to the end!"

Toni chewed her nails anxiously, wondering if the end involved Lister being in a coffin.

Lister wanted to die. There hadn't been many situations in his life when he'd have welcomed death. But this one was different.

He wasn't Dave Lister anymore, he was just pain.

He was made up entirely of pain. He was a walking, talking specimen of pain.

Every part of his body hurt, he ached in places he didn't know he had, but still he struggled to his feet, determined to carry on.

"You're made of tougher stuff then I thought, human!" laughed Geoffrey, striding towards him "I admire your courage…but it won't save you now!"

Lister stumbled forward and tried to punch Geoffrey. It was made difficult however by his wobbly vision, all he could do was try his best and hoped he aimed his punch at the real G.E.L.F and not the double vision ones.

His punch threw him off balance and he staggered sideways, missing Geoffrey by several feet.

The G.E.L.F threw another formidable punch hitting Lister just under his jaw. He spat a mixture of blood and salvia onto the floor and shuddered as something glistened back at him.

"It's okay," slurred Lister through a mixture of pain and concussion "I didn't much like that tooth!"

Geoffrey ignored his comment and simply rammed his clenched fist into Lister chest, crushing his lungs in the process.

He stood and choked for breath for a few minutes before he managed to wheeze "and I weren't particularly fond of that lung either…" he just had time to close his eyes as Geoffrey's fist came hurtling towards him.

The force of the hit damn near finished Lister off, he fell back the floor. He just about managed to roll onto his stomach before crying out in pain. He gritted his teeth and dragged himself forwards, one hand firmly clammed to his aching side.

He was giving up.

The G.E.L.F sneered in distaste and put a halt to Lister's escape by standing on his back and crushing him into the floor, "Not leaving are you?" he mocked, leaning heavily on Lister.

Upon receiving no reply, he pressed down as hard as he could. Lister could feel his lungs being crushed, every breath was being squeezed out of his body and he'd gone light-headed with the excruciating pain.

"Speak human" spat Geoffrey "Why put yourself through this?" he lifted his foot slightly so Lister could speak "Why allow yourself to be hurt so badly for a woman?"

Lister looked across at Toni, and momentarily forgot the pain. All this had been for her, all the pain, all the humiliation, and all the torment.

She meant that much to him.

"Why did you come here to fight for her?" asked Geoffrey "answer me!" he yelled

"Because I love her!" Lister managed to yell back, his breathing had become laboured, every breath he took sent fresh waves of pain through his body.

Geoffrey was startled into a silence. A death-like hush fell over the crowd of the G.E.L.F's; even the Dwarfers exchanged confused looks.

"I love her" said Lister in a quiet voice "She means the world to me…I can't bear the thought of losin' her, so please…I'm beggin' you, let her come back with me…let her be happy…."

Geoffrey frowned "She is to stay here" he said coldly

Lister gave a racking cough, causing him to wince before he said, "Please man…she wants to stay with me."

"You lost the fight" yelled the G.E.L.F "We had a deal and you lost. She stays here"

Not satisfied with the final verdict, Lister pulled himself onto his side "You're just one big control freak aren't you? You always have to be bossin' someone about, throwin' you're weight around…and lets face it you've a hell of a lot of it to throw!" he paused and bit his lip to stifle a scream, he looked directly into Geoffrey's cold eyes "You just can't bear the thought of someone bein' happy…with me she had a life, she had a future…she wasn't a name and number any more, she was a person!"

"Stop your whining, human" snarled the G.E.L.F, he was getting angry "she doesn't love you!"

"She does and I love her back!"

"You can't love her" screamed the G.E.L.F "because I love her!"

Cat, Kryten and Rimmer all looked towards Toni, who shrugged. Clearly she knew as much about this as they did.

"She's not coming with you because she's staying here, she's staying here with me!"

Lister mustered the strength to laugh and shake his head, "she'll be the judge of that"

"She will do what I tell her" yelled the G.E.L.F, his anger was rising, it bubbled and spat like a frying pan full of oil. By the look on Toni's face he could tell that she wanted to go back with the human.

Why would she want him?

It didn't make sense, he was different. By G.E.L.F standards he was a freak, not worthy of her affections.

Yet still he received them.

He let out an angry scream before kicking Lister in the chest, sending him flying backwards, where he was engulfed in the cold, lonely darkness of unconsciousness.