A/N: Yup, well, the link didn't work, so just e-mail me if you want to see the Yami in a Suit picture.

Responses (to reviews which have questions):

Meredith T. Tasaki: Congrats on the arse-kicking of the college tests, Meredith! ^^ If you'd been in the bad class I'd have moved you! Hehe, celebration must ensue in Yami's (good) class on account of this.

BLUE SEPTEMBER: *points* I know you! We're on a yaoi list together! *cackles* (Well, there aren't that many other FF.N authors on that list, I'm entitled to a "Yay!".) And the wallet...good point...I forgot about it until you reviewed. Poor Yami.

ETHELFLAED: Here you go! Yami's feeding Bobbie and trying to get his wallet! ^^

DREAMING DRAGON: Thank you! Compliments like that make my day. And if you ever want to see me write a humorous yaoi fic, well, there's actually one in the making.

BORATH: You do realize you're the driving force behind most of my fics, don't you? And as for the request of pyro-mania in the class room: wish granted.

LLYXIUS: The other driving force! My fics just don't seem as "finished" until I get input from you! I cracked up at the image of Yami riding a camel! That's going to be fanart. Heck, that's going to be a chapter.

ASUKA02REDEVA: Yay! Have a favor to ask: would you please e-mail me, pretty please? Tis about your fanfics, incidentally!

BOO/JAH: Welcome to the bad class!



Yami Yugi Moves Out!

Chapter Nine!



SEPTEMBER 23: (at home)

Have bought a big sack of crickets. I hate crickets, I should mention, so this will be a sort of revenge. Trouble is, I don't want to open the closet door. Am currently sitting on the sofa staring at the closet, imagining Bobbie on the other side, and using diary as excuse not to open the door.

Edith came in a few minutes ago but I warned her away so she's safely perched in the kitchen. "Yami, if I wouldn't feel so guilty, I'd call the exterminator!" She calls, nervously laughing.

Can just picture Weevil Underwood laughing and spraying spit all over my classroom if this humiliation ever gets out. "You're afraid of a little bug? I *knew* it!"

...After that disturbing image I actually charged the closet door. From what Edith told me, I was screaming something in a foreign language (will have to teach her Egyptian at some point so we can sit around at the coffee house and make fun of modern fashions). Apparently I have a battle cry, I just don't know what it is.

Anyway, I accidentally blasted the doorknob off with Shadow Magic. But more to the point I saw my wallet, lying underneath that filthy scorpion; my foe and my missing moneybag illuminated in blinding light. Ra, I didn't realize I was so poetic. Must be due to the cheating-of-death. For the eighth time.

Right, so I stared at the scorpion. Bobbie stared back, twitching his tail and claws. I hesitated, counting off the seconds in which my heart would be beating if I were still alive. Then...

I tore off the lid of Bobbie's cage, ripped open the bag of crickets (a bit hastily; two of them ended up hopping down my shirt) and dumped as many of the wriggling locusts into the cage as possible.

Bobbie sprang off my wallet and started his brutal carnage. Er, he ate, I mean, and while impressively frightening, it was *messy*. I've seen barbarian delegates eat better. Will have to work on that if my scorpion is to be displayed....

While the focus was off of *my* life, I snatched up my wallet, slammed the lid down, and scrambled out of the closet.

Edith had recovered from the shock of seeing me blow up a part of our closet door and was laughing hysterically. Was a bit frightened she'd start cheering for me like Tea does for Yugi, but no, she just continued to laugh as she poured herself some fresh prune juice.



SEPTEMBER 25: (at work)

Fourteen minutes until my class starts. You know, the 'bad' class. No, wait, take off the quotations. They're all nuts.

Every one of them is late, every day. So I've set up a surprise for them. (I hope to one day be able to take Bobbie with me. Have him sitting on my shoulder, hissing and ready to attack at a moment's notice). But for today I've got "BIG TEST! HOPE YOU READ YOUR HISTORY BOOKS, KIDDIES!" on the blackboard. Naturally, if they'd paid attention in class they'd realize I never assign reading.

The first to enter is Renfield. He looks at the board and pales, then hastily takes a seat and starts rummaging through his bag. Hah.

Next up: Tilena. She just glances at the board and sits down. Then in waltzes Weevil, snickering to himself. I (valiantly) resist the temptation to trip him. Before I can think of something more subtle, a whole flock of them rush in (shortly after the bell rings; just as if they weren't paying me to teach them. Yeah, I heard Yugi and Grandpa arguing about 'tuition' before I moved out.)

We have: Borath, who's flicking a lighter. Flame goes on, flame goes out. Hence why I move my flammable sculptures under my desk before Fourth Period starts. Just behind her is Lena, talking easily with another girl...who, as far as I can remember (and I've searched through the homework papers) has only called herself 'ObiWan Girl'. I haven't got the slightest clue what an 'ObiWan' is....

So that's my class, after the weaklings from the start of the term dropped out. The fact that these people were willing to stick it out does earn them (some) respect. A little. Maybe. Well, not Weevil. He's here to spite me.

Hmm...Rob the Janitor is standing in my doorway. Have convinced him of my true, royal self, so he bows whenever he sees me. Is nice. He's brought guests with him, two girls, but they're not bowing, which can mean only one thing: they're students.

When I motion for Rob to rise, he says, "This is Hope and...ah, Jah. They're your new students."

So I've put them over by the window. In an attempt to get a handle on my fourth period, I'd moved them all as far from natural light as possible. They're oblivious to torture, however, and remain stubbornly insolent. Will have to taint their food supply somehow.

Once everyone's seated, I close my eyes, wait for that blessed silence of doom when the whole class realizes I've got an unscheduled test for them which they couldn't possibly have studied for.

Ah, there it is. I expect questions, but unlike in my Second Period, no hands go up. They just start talking. Despite threats of Ancient Egyptian policy, wherein I would have them tortured for their disregard of the rules. They didn't believe me...and when I actually read the laws regarding what a teacher can and can't do to their students, I saw why. Apparently murder/torture is illegal even for those of influence nowadays.

The reaction I got instead were like this:

"Not *another* test!"

"I can't read that writing...is it in hieroglyph thingies again?"

"Mr. Y, I never *got* a book."

"What are you talking about? He made us get rid of our books."

"What is this? You didn't say there was going to be a test!"

"I think my lighter's running out of fuel.... Dammit...."

And Renfield, hyperventilating, "Is this a joke? Egyptians celebrated April Fools? In September? Right? Huh? This isn't real?"

"I *knew* I should've skipped this class today...."

Then me. Standing up on my desk to get their attention. Being short does have some downfalls, even for me. "SILENCE!"

When they finally get quiet, I sit down right on my desk and smile. "Just kidding. No test. You all remember the poll I took last week, on how many of you have pets? After tallying the results, I decided to delete this term's final. Instead, we're going to mummify cats!"



SEPTEMBER 26: (at home, finally.)

Ruth's grandkids wanted to go to the zoo. Edith loves the zoo, so after packing a big red picnic box she convinced me to come. Maybe I can find a new leopard; I rather miss the one I used to have.



LATER:

We're eating lunch and enjoying the shade right now.

Edith talked me out of taking home a leopard kitten, since she said we wouldn't have enough money to feed it. When I pointed out that the landlord is a nuisance and the leopard could just eat *him* when it was all grown up, she reminded me about the murder issue. So after tramping along, I stumbled across something that could just eat the lawn out front.

They keep camels here!! I'm going to add a few more exclamation points because I was so excited (!!!!!!!!!!)

The trouble is, the camels are locked in a concrete cage, and the only way in is through a padlocked metal door. But Yugi has delinquent friends so if I remind them how many times I saved their lives, this should be no problem.

While I was inspecting the security measures around the poor, miserable-looking beasts, I was approached by a few guys in suits. One of them seemed vaguely familiar, and after a while I realized he worked for Pegasus at Duelist Kingdom.

I was all set to challenge him and send his soul to the gorrilla pen when his companion interrupted me with, "Yugioh? We're here to offer you a job. A short-term job, anyway. We want you to do a televised summer camp for up-and-coming duelists. We'd love to see a few of your trademark moves again."

...What's frightening is...I accepted.



Author's Notes: Yeah, I know, you probably don't want to read *more* notes from me. But I start school in August, and I'm takin' a Archeology class, so...more updates then when I'll likely have more inspiration! ^^