A/N: Tada! A new chapter ^^ HUGE thanks to the reviews from last chapter (namely, Borath, molten-amber, shadow-demon18b, Tamara Raymond, innominate, Yueh Kitsune, Cyberkat, animerose1, and angel_soul03)! The Duel Camp chapter *is* in the making, but I need to download the original commercial-series for it off of a site so I can include a few of the actual "Yami trademark moves", and I have to find that site again to do that... I haven't forgotten, and *pokes animerose1/aka Duel Camp Counselor no. 1* requests for cameos there are still open. I mean, I really dislike coming up with names for new characters, so I'm happy to include people who want to be included.
The idea for this particular update came from Innominate ^^ *huggles Innominate/Kimmie*
Innominate: ...Sorry if you or anyone you know is or has been a telemarketer. Normally I try to be polite, but it's not like I was even rude, I just hung up before he did. *facepalms* Guy's going to be bitter very soon if he keeps that job. I swear I will owe you SO MUCH if you will parody him for me.
Me: Tada! I had fun coming up with a way to set it all up, too ^^ Plus, at work, we keep getting these telemarketers... At home we don't have to deal with them for the most part anymore. We have a Telezapper which hangs up automatically on anything that's listed as a telemarketer; just in case anyone's wondering what that gadget does.
Innominate: Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a Malik on top?
Me: LoL! ^^ Ah, my ultimate weakness...You *really* know how to get me to do things! *purrrrrrs over the idea of Malik...* ^^ I'll have you know that the *entire* time I wrote this, all I could picture was Malik...and whipped cream and a cherry... *happy sigh* I think you could tell me to jam my toes in a light socket and I'd do it happily if you tempted me with Malik ~.^
Yami Yugi Moves Out!
October 4:
So Yugi came over, finally. He brought The Gang.
The whole time I was getting punch ready (Edith's idea; she also made cookies for us) my hands were shaking and sloshing sugarry water all over the counters. Yugi might not seem the type to bear a grudge, but he is the type to make you feel guilty. Forever.
Plus, I have lots to feel guilty for, now. I mean, I stole his car. I stole his ID. There's a new commercial campaign about that; about identity theft. It's a conspiracy to make people like me feel guilty or something. I haven't been watching much TV lately because of it.
Edith kept patting my head and telling me not to worry. Also kept adding that I should lock up Bobbie. Am still uneasy around him, but figured being in the darkness all the time is more likely to make him go mad than it is to break his spirit, so I keep him in the hall with lights on him all the time.
Anyway, when I heard Joey's car come up (you can always tell if it's his car; it pops and bangs and sometimes honks as it goes around corners), I abandoned the punch. Like strawberry Kool-Aid is so important when Yugi's about to sentence me to a life of remorse.
Went and peeked out of the curtains (which are the only part we really got around to re-modeling so far; they're orange-and-brown striped. Am not fond of it, but agreed the living room is Edith's choice and the halls are mine).
Saw Yugi, smiling, get out of Joey's car. Saw his smile fade when his Car Radar kicked in and he looked at his "stolen" car sitting in slot 144; the same number as my apartment. Saw him get his "angry" look.
Really, the 'confrontation' wasn't too bad. He was mad, but he forgave me. After I gave him back his license and car keys, anyway. Didn't tell him about how I had to drug Tristan to get them. Also didn't tell him about my Back Up Plan (i.e., the camel I'm now going to ride to work). He doesn't like camels that much. When we went to Egypt last summer he kept saying they were spitting in his shoes. Like a camel would *plan* to spit in someone's shoes. He's such a conspiracy theorist. ...Must be where I get it from.
After that, and after Yugi said sometime he'd help me get my own driver's license, we sat down and everyone got along well. Joey wanted to pet Bobbie, but couldn't get the chains off the lid, so had to settle for watching the evil scorpion hunt crickets. I swear the boy's insane. Or at least a masochist.
After they went home, it seemed really quiet, so Edith turned on the TV while we cleaned up. She likes to watch the news at 10:16 every night anyway. The news starts at 10, but she says the happy stories come on after the depressing ones, and she'd take a story about the world's oldest dog's 130th birthday party over pictures of car accidents any day.
Well, turns out, the camel is going to be missed. The zookeepers count them every morning or something. They couldn't figure out why someone would only take *one* camel, so I don't think they're on to me. Apparently the last time a cage got broken into, it was by a group who wanted all the animals to be free, and so the zoo also couldn't figure out why I closed the gate again.
But one thing was clear by the end of that. I can't just go to work on a camel, when the police are looking for it. I'll get thrown in jail. I'll lose my job. And let's face it, my reputation as a crazy Game King was hard enough to turn to my advantage the *first* time around, I don't need my good name tarnished by people thinking I've gone to prison and gotten tattoos and re-named myself Snake.
I have the barn covered with Shadow Magic. Now it looks dangerous, like the bottom of the big pit the barn is in is a poisonous lake. I did that so that no one would be tempted to steal my camel. Had lots of problems with camel thieves when I was Pharaoh. Actually had lots of problems with thieves of all kinds towards the end, when I was busy with Shadow Games. Stupid Bakura.
I couldn't figure out how to disguise the camel, though. I decided to make it look like a car, or rather, make everyone see a car when they looked at it, but I know almost nothing about things on wheels. So had Edith suggest a car.
She was really eager, actually. Showed me a photograph of what she said is a "Lambourghini". Was a photograph that belonged to one of her men friends; he died last week, and so she kept his wallet photo album. Wondered who got the car; she said it was sold to the state. Guess I'm out of luck for that.
But on the bright side, my camel now appears to people like a really bright red sports car.
October 6:
Phones are funny things. Very modern. Very odd.
You know how some things are just...so *normal* to you that you forget they even exist? Like Yugi. He forgets that he's wearing socks. He's even taken showers in them without realizing it until his feet were all soggy and linty.
Phones must be so normal to Edith that she forgot they need to be payed for.
Do I sound annoyed? I guess I shouldn't be. She pays the phone bill, except on the cell phone I have, so really, isn't the home phone hers?
But still. Grandpa called my cell (at work. While I was going into the details of mummification; my class was about turning green from all the detail I was telling them, and then out of nowhere, 'La Cucuracha' starts playing and completely kills the mood.) He was all in a panic, asking if I'd moved away or been evicted or something because the phone at the apartment had been disconnected, and did I need money to pay for the bills, was that what this was about?
So that got *me* into a panic. You know, privately. In my own head.
...It's not like I knew disconnected phones aren't life threatening. Yugi took me to see action films; every time the phone's busy or broken, it's because someone's getting murdered. So I left 'ObiWanGirl' in charge and raced home. As fast as my camel would take me, anyway. Which isn't saying much. I can make him look like a sports car, but he won't run like one. Even Shadow Magic has its limits.
Edith was at her shop (we passed by it slowly enough that I not only read all of her upcoming sales pitches, but saw that she was chatting to someone at her desk.) I ran in, checked for villains in need of vanquishing, threatened the customer with a glare, etc.
"Oh, dear," Edith said when she finally got out of me what was wrong. "Yes, I was looking at the bill just now. I got it sorted out, but I'm afraid we won't have an answering machine anymore, or the Caller ID..."
I hadn't even known we had that.
"...or the Telezapper."
Still don't have any idea what that is. So I nodded, satisfied we had the phone back and she wasn't about to be tortured to death, and went back to work. Which didn't turn out so well because no one was in the class room.
Lena left a note on the board, "Hey Mr. Yami we went to get cappuccinos see you Friday~Lena", and Borath lit my pencils on fire. 'ObiWanGirl' put a bright orange sticker on my teacher's manual, but not before someone doodled on all the pages. Really need to find a better way to keep my notes and schemes for my classes together.
They're *all* going to groom the camel for this, by the way.
Later that day, at home:
The phone has been ringing non-stop. Edith's still at work, so I'm left alone to deal with all of it. And I can't just "let the machine" get it anymore, because we don't have one. The phone looks so...alone without all the extra gadgets around it.
Well, it may *look* alone, but it's not. We've had twelve calls in thirty minutes, plenty of people trying to keep it company. We used to get maybe five calls per *day*.
I let one of them ring for three minutes. When they didn't seem to want to hang up, I picked up and, very grudgingly, asked, "Hello?"
At first there was no answer. So I tried again. "Hello?"
Finally, I heard something click and a tinny voice, complete with Fake Cheer, said, "Hello, I'm Robert from Payco Cutlery. We would like to offer you some..."
"I don't think so, we can barely afford our phones right now..."
The *whole* time I was talking, he didn't stop. Was like he didn't even hear me. Just kept going on and on about his special deals.
And then I realized; it was a recording. Not a ransom recording, either. What sort of sick person does that? Why would you send a recording to someone and not have it be about the dangers their loved ones are in? Even Pegasus understood that. I thought it was a basic rule of life, but no.
I hung up, considering hunting this person down and teaching him a thing or two about life and how dangerous it is to confuse someone wielding Shadow Magic. Before I could, the phone rang again.
I picked up again, somehow knowing I shouldn't. "Hello?"
"Hello, this is Robert. From Payco." This time he didn't sound tinny.
"Oh. Hello, *Robert*."
"Hello," he said again, ignoring the dark tilt I used when I said his name. "I'd like to offer you some special deals..."
"Like I was saying to your *sick* joke of a sales pitch, I'm-"
And just like his recording, he was still talking, even though now I knew he was real. "...So you see, it's really a great offer, and since you seem to have an interest in..."
"-No, I'm really not interested in *anything* that takes money right now-"
"...which I think is great. In fact, I think it's perfect, for you. All it is..."
"-Are you listening to me?" Obviously he wasn't. I shrugged to myself and hung up again. He shouldn't have been that surprised; I hung up on his stupid recording, after all.
But he called back right after that anyway. As if I didn't give him a firm enough hint. Plus, he spoke before *I* did. Before I could even say *hello*.
"This is Robert. ...One hundred and thirty dollars will..."
"Are you even going to wait to see if you got the right number? You twisted little sea weasel!"
That got his attention. "I don't think there's any call for insults," he said, icily.
"Oh," My voice went right past "icy" to "Arctic". "Believe me, there's call for it. Do you know what I thought when you called? I thought, 'Maybe it's the police, maybe they found me. Or maybe it's Yugi, maybe he's sick, or maybe he wants to make me feel not-so-guilty with a strawberry milkshake.' And do you know what I thought when I heard your recording? Do you?"
He tried to talk so I cut him off, just like he did to me. "I thought, 'Dear Ra, it's a recording, it has to be Malik or Pegasus or some other psycho out for my blood again. They must have Yugi; maybe they're torturing him, maybe they've killed Ryou Bakura again, maybe Grandpa's been turned into a dishwasher.' Do you know what that feels like, *Robert*?"
Silence. I took a deep breath and finished with, "Oh, and...I tried your product. You know, I ordered it off the television. They broke when I used them on a padlock. But I still have the paring knife. Thanks anyway." I dropped my voice back to a growl. "But don't ever call here again."
I hung up again. The phone rang right away. Edith this time, asking me to see if one of her shows was on, and if it was, was it a rerun?
After that was sorted out, Grandpa called. He kept me on the phone for an hour and a half, and I still don't know what he was talking about. Think he just wanted to talk to someone and was tired of the houseplant Yugi gave him.
He's really lonely I think. Told Edith and she offered to take him out with some of her friends on Friday. So Yugi and Grandpa and I are going shopping Thursday. Have seen Grandpa's "party clothes", and they won't jive with Edith's group.
Grandpa has party clothes that are identical to Yugi's, which I guess were identical to mine too, until I moved out. Now I have to educate him on royal blue wool suits and celluloid collars and how fashion faux pas are really grand if you want Myrtle to like you. Myrtle is the group's fashion expert, and we all say that only to her face. When we're with Myrtle we get molasses crinkles and pink lemonade and brown-eyed Susan cake, but in return we all have to dress like...well, like her or her husband, God Rest His Soul.
P.S., "God Rest His Soul" was not her husband's name; she just says that every time she mentions him. It kind of grows on you. Anyway, have to go get brushes for my camel-more importantly, for my class's punishment.
October 7:**
Today was supposed to be a holiday. Meaning, schools closed, post office shut down, etc. Which is really inconvenient, but I managed to track down my students anyway. Couldn't think of a way to convince them that they needed to comb out the knots from the paint of a sports car, so I just let them see my camel as it is.
Then I wiped their minds and made them think they waxed my car to avoid confusion and possibly the police. I'm not taking any chances.
Anyway, while they were doing that on the lawn of the apartment, who should come along but... No, not Yugi. Not even Kaiba.
Mr. Ragged-Hair, Jagged Eye-Liner, Gold-Spray-Painted Jewelry himself, Malik Ishtar. Okay, so his jewelry's real gold. I should know. He only got *all* his belongings from my Non-Tomb (being the Nameless Pharaoh, I didn't technically get a tomb. Got put in a Puzzle as consolation prize for saving the world, and the grave keepers got to live with all of my favorite possessions, instead.) Wouldn't be so bitter to him if it weren't for *Robert* making me think someone was giving me a ransom message. Probably. I mean, Malik might be my "loyal" servant now, but every now and then I think he gets this hankering for my title. And to torture me. But that could just be paranoia....
Anyway, my students were all soaked and covered with wet camel fur, and I was sitting on the porch drinking rhubarb juice. Or is it called "Rhubarb-ade?" Hm. And then Malik comes up, does a double take, stops his motorcycle. As if he's never seen a camel before. As if he's never *washed* a camel before.
"Wh...what is that?" He sounded like he was trying not to laugh. Or maybe like he was about to sneeze; maybe he's allergic to camels.
"It's..." I figured he probably wasn't seeing a car on the lawn. "...my camel."
He started to roll his eyes a little, but caught himself. "I know *that*. I'm not blind. What is it doing here? It's a little cold for camels."
Noticed that he was shivering a little. I haven't lived here any longer than *he* has, but at least I know the use in having a coat handy. Or if I simply *must* wear something sleeveless, at least I have the sense to wear leather. It's much thicker than those silk shirts he wears.
I sighed, feeling like a long-suffering ruler. Again. "Yugi took his car away, and Robert sold me some knives, and I decided I needed some way to get to work and this was the only thing I could think of. It's not like I have a birth certificate, which I need to get my licens--" And then, Bam! I realized. *Malik* doesn't have a birth certificate, either. But he did have a *motorcycle*, right there at my curb.
Considered ordering him to give it to me, but dismissed the idea. Don't know how to ride it for one thing. Plus it looks like it was designed for him...he's a little bit taller than me, so my legs wouldn't fit as comfortably. Might look ridiculous besides.
So I interrogated him. Found out he just forged one. Offered to let him touch the Millennium Rod if he'd forge me one, too, and just got a strange look from him. He did agree to do it in the end, though, so I'll be getting a license sooner or later. Hopefully.
**: What kind of a holiday is on October 7th, you ask? ...Not a clue We'll just say it was someone's birthday, and that someone did something famous, and so Domino made it a holiday.
As to the whole Oct. 7th
scene...well, that was mainly for my benefit. Y'know, a warm-up
for the other Diary, when I get around to doing the bits where
Yami and "Marik" meet. So, don't let it ever be said
that Pachelbel *can't* turn sarcasm on her Blond Egyptian Idol.
Now we can say honestly that this Yami is snarky to everyone,
even the author's favorite character. *pets Malik*